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Six Word Stories #2

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Six Word Stories #2. The more I write of these the more I'm enjoying them. I hope you all like them as much. As always I encourage feedback as a way to improve.

The more I write of these the more I'm enjoying them. I hope you all like them as much. As always I encourage feedback as a way to improve.
Remember I'm hosting a monthly writing contest on my website that ends this weekend. If you haven't entered please consider it here: www.btschweitzer.com/contests/contestdecember2015/


(Enlarge)
Six Word Stories #2. The more I write of these the more I'm enjoying them. I hope you all like them as much. As always I encourage feedback as a way to improve.
(Enlarge)
Six Word Stories #2. The more I write of these the more I'm enjoying them. I hope you all like them as much. As always I encourage feedback as a way to improve.
(Enlarge)
Six Word Stories #2. The more I write of these the more I'm enjoying them. I hope you all like them as much. As always I encourage feedback as a way to improve.
(Enlarge)
Six Word Stories #2. The more I write of these the more I'm enjoying them. I hope you all like them as much. As always I encourage feedback as a way to improve.
(Enlarge)
Six Word Stories #2. The more I write of these the more I'm enjoying them. I hope you all like them as much. As always I encourage feedback as a way to improve.

+50 Keep Going or -25 Write even SHORTER Fiction

Six Word Stories #1: /channel/morbid-channel/Six+word+stories +1/gbhfLto/
Six Word Stories #2: This one!
Six Word Stories #3: Friday, 12/18

My other comp series Two Sentence Stories is currently on #25: /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+25/jbhfLwo/ with #26 coming out Wednesday!

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Views: 15632
Favorited: 19
Submitted: 12/14/2015
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+34
User avatar #4 - glacerose (12/14/2015) [-]
Goodbye mission control, thanks for trying.
Reply
0
#39 to #4 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Another classic.
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+1
User avatar #13 to #4 - cubicalpayload (12/15/2015) [-]
"I guess we'll have to postpone the flight."
Reply
+7
#18 to #4 - homestuckxplain ONLINE (12/15/2015) [-]
Click to show spoiler
This was it. The maneuver hadn't worked, some micro-fraction in one of the hundreds of calculations had been off and his ship had careered off-course, crippled and flung into the abyss of space.

Perhaps he would cry? Tom knew that, whatever time he had left, this would have to be the worst of it all. The realization he was about to die, alone, never to see Earth again as it faded to a tiny blue pearl behind him, should surely have brought some reaction in him... No... He was just tired. Too tired to cry.

"Goodbye mission control, thanks for trying."

His ship was veering, another consequence of the faulty equation, and soon the relay would lose alignment with the earth, and even that tenuous connection with humanity would be lost. Condemned to a tiny world of cold metal and empty static. He had so much to say, so many friends and loved ones, a wife and child he had wanted to speak with, but they only had about a few seconds left...

"We've got a fro-"

Static.

Tom clasped his head in his hands, fighting the wave of despair that washed over him. Surely they had things they would have wanted him to do? Perhaps he could leave a message, for those in the distant future who might recover his empty ship? No, he had no means to do so.

Floating listlessly, Tom found himself vacantly opening the Control Panel before him. This was the ships innards, marred by a black scorch where some minute dust particle had caused a short circuit, irreparably damaging a vital component. With no replacement, and no way to enact repairs on such a small part of his vessel, Tom had relied on ground control to perform the calculations before him, but their mistake had cost him his life.

He wasn't angry, of course. He knew they had done all they could, and knowing that filled him with peace.

The stars were beautiful, slowly turning as his ship crawled further into the inky blackness. Tom watched them for what seemed ages, until a tiny blue star caught his attention. It flickered, growing brighter with each passing minute. Before he could react, it had surged forward, and only then did he realize it was no star, but another ship, following him! With a tiny bump the two collided, his ship halting the other entirely. A frog, clutching a replacement part in it's wide mouth, blinked at him passively. Blue balloons fluttered behind it, both them and their cargo seemingly unaware of the vacuum of space.

Tom, mouth agape, heard the static shift. Something faint could be heard through it...

♫ This is Ground Control to Major Tom ♪
Reply
+17
#1 - biater (12/14/2015) [-]
Strangers, Friends, Best Friends, Lovers, Strangers I didn't write it, but it touched me
Reply
+1
#35 to #1 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
It's a classic.
Reply
+9
User avatar #6 to #1 - ColeTheUber (12/15/2015) [-]
Touched me.
Two ways.
Lifelong therapy.
Reply
0
#36 to #6 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Nice avatar. And hey you know what I always say - Art is anything you can get away with.
Reply
+10
#17 - inuyuru ONLINE (12/15/2015) [-]
Thought of some:

Slept in bed, woke up underground.

"I couldn't save you. I'm sorry. "

Son said 'Dad!', then said nothing.

Recently bitten. Infection taking over, soon.

Gas filling room, slowly filling lungs.

Killed a man. I felt nothing.

Car radio stolen. Alone with myself.

Seeing less humans, seeing more monsters.

Snarls getting louder. Footsteps getting closer.

"The surgery failed. I'm so sorry."

One room, no food, two men.

Wedding dress today, mourning gown tomorrow.

I love her. She hates me.

Never again will I drive drunk.

Ok, that's all I got.



Reply
+1
User avatar #23 to #17 - xoyv (12/15/2015) [-]
"we will not survive the winter"?
Reply
-1
User avatar #27 to #23 - hwaraam (12/15/2015) [-]
neither will the hobos
Reply
+1
#45 to #17 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
I really like most of these. Feels like you have a good grasp on the medium and the rules of it as a lot of them are effective. I will say some need some polish for subtly but that will come with writing a few hundred of these. Keep it up and hope to see your work soon!
Reply
+1
User avatar #46 to #45 - inuyuru ONLINE (12/16/2015) [-]
danke
Reply
0
#47 to #46 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Bitte schon.
Reply
+2
#21 to #17 - motherfuckingkenji (12/15/2015) [-]
GIF
That last story was only five words.
You have failed me.
Reply
+1
#24 to #21 - anon (12/15/2015) [-]
Ok, that is all I got
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+10
#2 - emperorwatergate (12/14/2015) [-]
That second-last one tho.
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+2
#38 to #2 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Too soon.
Reply
+7
User avatar #12 - crlmsonhazard (12/15/2015) [-]
Poured bowl of cereal. No milk.
Reply
0
#28 to #12 - purdon (12/15/2015) [-]
I wish I had some god damn milk,
My cheerios don't taste the same,
I wish I had some god damn milk,
Too bad the milkman never came!
Reply
+4
#25 - Bluemistake (12/15/2015) [-]
AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA
Reply
0
#30 to #25 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
I'm only surprised this doesn't have more upvotes.
Reply
+6
#5 - vorarephilia (12/15/2015) [-]
you were so close.

"perfect story but only seven words long"
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+3
User avatar #9 to #5 - sinonyx ONLINE (12/15/2015) [-]
i'm not sure if you're correcting grammar or missed the joke
Reply
+3
#10 to #9 - vorarephilia (12/15/2015) [-]
the joke was it was six words long wasn't it.

one day I'll remember to not be retarded.
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+1
#40 to #10 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
No worries, we all have off days.
Reply
+3
User avatar #22 - motherfuckingkenji (12/15/2015) [-]
"Removed her pants. Not a "She""
Reply
0
#31 to #22 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
I actually wrote one like this. Released it today over social media. You guys will get it soon-ish lmao.
Reply
+3
User avatar #11 - assrocket (12/15/2015) [-]
Has cancer cure. Blind. Mute. Deaf.
Reply
0
#42 to #11 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
That brings up an actually fascinating point - whether or not knowledge is gained or intrinsic. I would personally argue it's gained so an individual with these severe handicaps and the inability to communicate in spite of them would likely lack the necessary academic background to cure cancer. But I could be both philosophically and hilariously wrong.
Reply
+4
#8 - izaya ONLINE (12/15/2015) [-]
**** , did the skeleton war start already?
Reply
+1
#41 to #8 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Just ages ago - where have you been?
Reply
+2
#26 - anon (12/15/2015) [-]
I did all that I could.
Reply
0
#29 to #26 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Think I've seen one that was fairly close to this actually...
Reply
+1
User avatar #20 - jasonvgrace (12/15/2015) [-]
Stuck in chamber, clawing, tallest dropping It's about dem Jews and da gass!
Reply
0
#32 to #20 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
I believe Zyklon-B is actually heavier than air so most victims suffocated to death with the shortest individuals dying first.........
Reply
+1
#15 - irishlawyer (12/15/2015) [-]
A variation on that last one: "Dinner for two. Leftovers for one."
Also: "Baby clothes. For sale. Never worn."
Reply
0
#44 to #15 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
I've actually seen what you wrote almost verbatim before. Truth is we are limited in what we can construct in six words or less but good on you for crafting it still a compelling story.
Reply
+1
#19 to #15 - anon (12/15/2015) [-]
The second one is actually one created by Ernest Hemingway on a bet, only it was "For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn."
Reply
0
#34 to #19 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Yup, he more or less created this medium of writing.
Reply
+1
User avatar #14 - assrocket (12/15/2015) [-]
My cold feet. Her cold body.
Reply
+1
#43 to #14 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
It's not bad BUT I would suggest a small change: "My warm embrace. Her cold body." I feel that better plays up the necrophilia angle.
Reply
+1
User avatar #48 to #43 - assrocket (12/16/2015) [-]
It was meant to be an "I ditched the wedding so she killed herself" deal, but I like yours better.
Reply
+1
#49 to #48 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Oddly enough now that you've explained it it works really well. I like the idea but I'm not sure the story reflects it very well. Hammer it out because it sincerely IS a good idea.
Reply
0
User avatar #50 to #49 - assrocket (12/16/2015) [-]
Thanks. I'll work on it a bit (and bug you by posting it here)
Reply
+1
User avatar #3 - angelious (12/14/2015) [-]
these were actually pretty good.
Reply
0
#37 to #3 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
Thanks! Another of these comps is going live on Friday with a Two Sentence Story comp tomorrow.
Reply
0
#16 - bronywiseman ONLINE (12/15/2015) [-]
"You nut, but she still suckin'"
Reply
0
#33 to #16 - btschweitzer [OP](12/16/2015) [-]
I don't know what I expected.
Reply
-1
#7 - anon (12/15/2015) [-]
These suck. A lot
 
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