I was staying over at a friend's house once, and I woke up in the early hours really needing a shit.
Being the awkward person that I am, I didn't get up to go to the bathroom until I actually could not hold it in any longer.
When I got to the bathroom, I took great pleasure in releasing the turdy monster that had been growing up inside me all night. It was the closest a man could come to giving birth.
I ripped off one piece of toilet paper to being wiping my ass, only to find out that it was the LAST FUCKING PIECE, and there were no other replacement rolls around.
Mfw I had to wipe my ass with the cardboard tube of the toilet roll.