Great Britain is best Britain
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32 Things British People
Have To Deal With In 2014
1. I met Rolf Harris when I was young and he
didn' t try anything. Now I think I was an
2. I' just had to tell I want porn.
3. I can' t go anywhere without being told to
Keep Calm and do something.
4. I made eye contact with a stranger on the
tube. We both looked away out of the
window, and our reflections made eye
5. Being unable to pay for something with the
exact change without saying "I think that' s
6. Briefly opening the window and letting in
fifty midges, twenty flies, seven bees, two
pigeons and a fox.
7. Running out ways to say thanks when a
succession doors are held tor you,
having already deployed 'cheers', 'ta' and
8. Waiting tor permission to leave after
paying for something with the exact
9. We have to opt in to view porn but we can' t
opt out of royal baby news.
10. I want to buy a cheap pair of tracksuit
bottoms for the gym but every pair I find is
expensive because chavs wear them as
11. Prince George is a year old and has already
visited half the countries I' always
12. I get more text messages from my local
Domino' s, than any of my friends.
13. I pay 29000 to go to this university and
they haven' t even put Dyson Airblasts in
14. I wish to feed myself at Heathrow but do
not want to go into debt.
15. I tuned at someone who pushed into the
queue, and they turned and looked at me.
16. My 64 year old father has only Just heard of
Benedict Cumberbatch and thinks his
name is so hilarious that he' s constantly
17. I got 5 minutes into one of Jamie' s 30
Minute Meals then realised I' d forgotten to
grow a herb garden in my kitchen
18. At 24. 89, a ham sandwich, bag of crisps
and bottle of water is neither a 'meal or a
19. I accidentally bought a bottle of Coke with
Richard" on it and now outworkers won' t
stop making jokes about a Dick in my
20. Tesco want . 50 for an empty jam jar.....
on the next aisle they are charging for
the same jar filled with pickled onions.....
21. charge you for a plastic bag
because they' re being "environmentally
conscious", then give you an entire tree' s
worth of receipts and discount vouchers.
22. We ran out Yorkshire Tea bags at work
so now I have to drink Tetley like some
kind of animal.
23. If "Googie Fiber" comes to the UK I worry
they won' t spell Fibre correctly.
24. The Canadians have stolen our stereotype
of being polite, but we' re too polite to
make a fuss over it.
25. Every pub meal is now served on a f** king
26. I told my friend to "pop round whenever"
and she actually turned up unannounced.
27. Not knowing whether to search for
United Kingdom", "Great Britain" or
England" on drop down boxes.
28. Scientists have slaved for years to produce
a sheet of material one atom thick.
Unfortunately tor them the makers of my
bin bags beat them to it.
29. I always say "excuse me" when what I
really mean is "Get the Wk out of my way
you retarded c** t! What made you think
that was a sensible place to stand you
30. The three second jingle tor BBC One on
the iplayer is significantly louder than the
31. Lorries travelling at 56. that feel a
desperate urge to overtake other lorries
that are travelling at 55. 9981 mph on the
only stretch of dual carriageway for the
next 20 miles.
32. I want the London look, but my front