Christmas Comp #2. Here it is. PM ideas for a part III if you want one, I'm running out. -S. Christmas Comp #2 According to data from Facebook, two weeks before
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Christmas Comp #2

Here it is. PM ideas for a part III if you want one, I'm running out. -S

Tags: Christmas
Christmas Comp #2
According to data from Facebook, two weeks before Christmas
is the most popular time of year where couples break up. Christmas
day, on the other hand, is the least favorite day of breakups.
Norwegian scientists have hypothesized that Rudolph': red nose is
probably the result of a parasitic infection of his respiratory
system.
SPEEDS HIE ' llf IT
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According to the United Nations Children' s Fund (UNICEF), there are
2, 106 million children under age 18 in the world. If there are on
average 2. 5 children per household, Santa would have to make 842
million stops on Christmas Eve, traveling 221 million miles. To reach all
842 million stops, Santa would need to travel between houses in
2/ 10, 000 second, which means he would need to accelerate million
miles (20. 5 billion meters) per second on each stop. The force of this
acceleration would reduce Santa to "chunky salsa."
The earliest known Christmas tree decorations were apples. At
Christmastime, medieval actors would use apples to decorate paradise
trees (usually fir trees) during "Paradise Plays," which were plays
depicting Adam and Eve' s creation and fall
President Teddy Roosevelt, an environmentalist, banned Christmas
trees from the White House in 1912.
Early illustrations of St. Nicholas depict him as stern, commanding. and
holding a birch rod. He was more in symbol of discipline and punishment
than the jolly, overweight elf children know today.
Each year there are approximately 20, 000 ''" across the
United States. "" usually undergo seasonal training on
how to maintain a jolly attitude under' pressure from the public. They
also receive practical advice, such as not accepting money from
parents while children are looking and avoiding garlic, onions, or beans
for lunch.
Spelling or saying Christmas as "Xmas" to some Christian' s will make them
have a regions shitstorm because it takes the word "cheast" out of
Christmas".
December 26th. the day after Christmas is known to many a “Boxing boy",
29, the day where you robox and return all the shitty presents you don' t
want,
some American schools (and school districts) have and still do ban
Christmas songs from their schools, mostly because of the religious
backgrounds behind some songs. Christmas songs and their legality brings
into question the first Amendment with the statement "Congress shall not
pass no law respecting an establishment of religion”.
There are 240 Christmas tree related fires every year in the United
States.
for a third and
final Christmas comp
100% ZONE
...
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Views: 43610
Favorited: 44
Submitted: 12/16/2013
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Comments(174):

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#51 - ofmiceandmen (12/16/2013) [+] (6 replies)
2,106 million.

Just say 2 billion God damnit.
User avatar #1 - falleone (12/16/2013) [+] (3 replies)
The X-mas one is funny because it shows ignorance to your own religion. Christmas comes from two words one latin and one greek. The X is the chi symbol in greek which is the first letter of the greek word Christ (completely untypable because of non english characters) and has been associated to the word Christ.
#50 - lordpsycho (12/16/2013) [-]
"2,106 million children"
#28 - anonymous (12/16/2013) [-]
Santa doesn't have to travel at 12 million megafucks per second or whatever.

He's magic you stupid fuck.
#83 - anonymous (12/17/2013) [-]
oh boy i hope it's an xbox
User avatar #13 - feistyoneyouare (12/16/2013) [+] (4 replies)
Boxing Day is the day following Christmas Day, when servants and tradesmen would receive gifts from their bosses or employers, known as a "Christmas box".

do people actually think it means the re-boxing gifts thing?
#72 - coustify (12/17/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Break-ups are so common 2 weeks before Christmas because people realize that they cant bring their fake girlfriends to a family gathering.
Break-ups are so common 2 weeks before Christmas because people realize that they cant bring their fake girlfriends to a family gathering.
User avatar #49 - temporalguardian (12/16/2013) [+] (7 replies)
I'm an atheist. I celebrate xmas. I dont even care.
#53 to #49 - xcoreyx (12/17/2013) [-]
Well I'm an atheist and I celebrate Christmas
User avatar #45 - tenaciousjon (12/16/2013) [-]
W-Wait... 2.5 children..?

Oh God.
User avatar #97 - halotalim (12/17/2013) [+] (4 replies)
And now for your Christian fact of the day.

In early Christianity, openly being a Christian could get you executed so CHristians had to meet in Private. The symbol they used to represent thier faith in secret? A fish. How is fish spelt in greek, the langage much of the orginal scripture was in? IXΘφE. Each letter makes an acronyme for Jesus Christ, Son of God, Savior.

Notice what the X stands for in the acronym

Christ
Christ=X

It was not removed, Some Christians just don't understand their own history.
#31 - kiberz (12/16/2013) [+] (3 replies)
If I ever have children I don't think I plan on telling them about Santa. To this day I still feel like an idiot for ever believing in him, and I think Christmas can still be just as joyful even if my kids know who's really buying the gifts. But I wouldn't want them to ruin it for anyone's kids who do believe because that's their choice.
User avatar #33 to #31 - sedativechunk (12/16/2013) [-]
I know Santa and thing sounds cheesy and stupid when you're an adult but there's more to it than that. If you actually have kids someday you will want them to enjoy their childhood. Part of being a kid is having an imagination and believing in things like Santa Claus. Didn't you believe in Santa when you were a kid? Maybe not, but I did when I was under 10. I used to be really excited Christmas time thinking this magical figure would come into the house to deliver presents. And my local hometown used to make it really cool, a Santa guy would parachute down from an airplane and it was really fun to get to see him. Besides that he's just part of the Christmas spirit.

Also, you gotta realize kids, even into their teens, they really don't appreciate gifts from their parents. They're just dumb kids, they don't know how the world works yet that their parents work hard for money to buy them toys. They also don't have the mental capacity to hold a secret like knowing Santa isn't real (trust me). A Santa gives it a different meaning. They think they really earned something for being good people when they get a gift from Santa for being on the nice list.

I don't have any kids of my own (and probably never will because life shits on me when it comes to women) but I work with kids every week and have a couple nieces both under 8. If you have your own kids someday your attitude will probably change towards Santa and other things like the Easter bunny. And if you get married, your spouse will probably want your kids to have fun believing in Santa as well.
User avatar #81 - smokedmeatlog (12/17/2013) [-]
Santa doesn't have to deliver to that many houses, only the Christian ones.
User avatar #133 - melontwilight (12/17/2013) [+] (12 replies)
**melontwilight rolls 666** Who needs christmas when you have the dark lord satan on your side?
User avatar #152 to #150 - melontwilight (12/17/2013) [-]
I have no idea what you're talking about sir.
#93 - theaflackduck (12/17/2013) [-]
Funny, my girlfriend and I just broke up today. What a coincidence...
Funny, my girlfriend and I just broke up today. What a coincidence...
#74 - buellertar (12/17/2013) [-]
My thoughts on the third one:    
   
Santa would really only need to visit the households that celebrate Christmas, and even though that is a lot, the number is different. With the following calculations:    
   
math math numbers numbers    
   
The real speed would be  incredibly difficult to calculate
My thoughts on the third one:

Santa would really only need to visit the households that celebrate Christmas, and even though that is a lot, the number is different. With the following calculations:

math math numbers numbers

The real speed would be incredibly difficult to calculate
#96 - gamechap (12/17/2013) [-]
Swapping angry break up texts with my girlfriend right now
Swapping angry break up texts with my girlfriend right now
#36 - graknab (12/16/2013) [+] (8 replies)
In regards to number 3

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

he payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
#64 - Ulmer (12/17/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Spelling X-mas is not a lazy way to write Christmas, it is one of the more proper ways. It is merely a shortening of the Greek word for Christmas, Χριστούγεννα, or Xristoueva.
#46 - anonymous (12/16/2013) [-]
"Congress shall not pass no law respecting an establishment of religion."

Nice job there Buck-Tooth-Jim
User avatar #22 - partialexposure (12/16/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Broke up with my girlfriend just over 2 weeks before christmas, damn truth
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