Dear Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr. & Westboro Baptist Church,
Merry Christmas! I hope your holiday season is going well so far, what with all the picketing you've got going on and everything. You don't know me but aside from wishing you my season's greeting I also wanted to say that I am a soldier in the United States Army National Guard whose unit will be deploying this coming year. If I happen to die while I'm over there AND if there is an after life AND if I see you picketing my funeral, I will, without a doubt haunt every single one of you and no form of exorcism will ever get rid of me. I will make sure that every member of your cult will fear even thinking about picking up another sign because I will go full-blown demonic possession on each and every one of you.