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#2
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sherlockbatman (01/05/2016) [-] **sherlockbatman used "*roll picture*"**
**sherlockbatman rolled image**
that kinda didn't go anywhere
big plothole. you acknowledged it, but that doesn't excuse it
really no explanations at all.
macguffins are bad writing in general
main character was not developed and she really needs to be if you want any of her feverish loyalty to make sense.
also, no horse is that smart, this isn't Tangled
this has some potential, but it needs a lot more added to it to answer the questions it raises. you lack worldbuilding and it leaves the story hollow and generic. it's already a very cliche story, if you want it to stand out, it can't be left so bland and rushed. it wraps itself up before the story ends. if this is all of it: 1/10. if this is part 1: 3/10
**sherlockbatman rolled image**
that kinda didn't go anywhere
big plothole. you acknowledged it, but that doesn't excuse it
really no explanations at all.
macguffins are bad writing in general
main character was not developed and she really needs to be if you want any of her feverish loyalty to make sense.
also, no horse is that smart, this isn't Tangled
this has some potential, but it needs a lot more added to it to answer the questions it raises. you lack worldbuilding and it leaves the story hollow and generic. it's already a very cliche story, if you want it to stand out, it can't be left so bland and rushed. it wraps itself up before the story ends. if this is all of it: 1/10. if this is part 1: 3/10
#3 to #2
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emmyemerald [OP](01/06/2016) [-] Thanks for the review. I had a 2200 word limit on this, so it is just meant to be a short story. I'm not sure what you mean about the plothole? Do you meant hat we never find out who poisoned the king? A lot of my point was that she never finds that out because none of it matters as long as the King is safe.
It's a fantasy environment, so that's why the horse is smart, but do you think it would work better if Ursa put the ink in the saddlebag? Does that seem less far fetched?
It's a fantasy environment, so that's why the horse is smart, but do you think it would work better if Ursa put the ink in the saddlebag? Does that seem less far fetched?
