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#34 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
I come to this website to laugh and forget about being depressed and hopeless, posts like these remind me of what a loser I am and how bad I would like to be dead. Thanks OP....
User avatar #64 to #34 - subejio (09/10/2013) [-]
It sounds like you're in a dark place right now, and I'd like to share my story with you. Impending wall of text, my apologies.



Please believe me when I say I've been in your shoes. Depression runs strongly in my family, and I know the feeling of just wanting to end it. I know what it's like to think that you're a burden, that you're a failure, that you're a disgrace, that you're worthless, that nothing will ever go right for you again. I attempted suicide three times. I knew where my parents kept the shotgun, and I was just going to use that to end it, no chance for a ******* . I waited until they were gone, took the gun, put it in my mouth and... nothing. They didn't keep ammo in the gun. I felt like an idiot for not checking, and had no idea where we kept the ammo, so I gave up on the idea for the moment. I spent some time bugging my parents to take me shooting, so that I could find out where the ammo was kept. I was successful in this endeavor, and the very next day, I snuck upstairs, got a shell, put it in the gun, and just as I was about to pull the trigger, I heard them coming upstairs. Somehow, them coming into their room to see their son's body on the floor and his head on the walls seemed like a dick move, and I already considered myself nothing but a burden and a disgrace to them, so I decided to go out slightly more elegantly.

I took the advice of a webcomic I read at the time for how to slit one's wrists properly (it had been meant as a joke), instead of that “cutting to feel something” ******** . I waited for my parents to be gone, went into the bathroom, pulled a blade out of my Dad's razor, and slit both my inner forearms up to my elbows. I lost a lot of strength quickly, and sat my ass down. I wanted to remain conscious as I died.

Continued in reply for lack of space.
User avatar #67 to #64 - subejio (09/10/2013) [-]
I thought a lot while my arms grew pale, and the floor grew colored. I thought about life, mostly. I thought about how everything could be fixed. I could regain my self esteem after the girl I dated to seem “normal” found out what I was trying to do and left me for, in her words, “a real man.” I could get truer friends to replace the ones I lost when she outed me in front of the vast majority of the school, and the rest heard about it in minutes. I could apply myself in the classroom, work my way back up to the A's and B's of middle school, when everything was simpler. Every single problem I had, could be fixed or worked through. Except what was about to finish right then. With the last of my strength, I grabbed my cellphone and dialed 911.

Suicide is never a fixer. It is, in fact, the ultimate destroyer. It destroys you, obviously. It destroys your family's life completely. It destroys the life of every person you have ever come into meaningful contact with. It destroys any chance at a happy life, and all the potential you had. It destroys any chance whatsoever of things getting better. And they do get better.

Things seem dark now. They probably are. I'm not going to sit here and say “Oh, you just think it's worse than it is.” I'm not going to ******** you. It doesn't get better quickly, but it DOES get better. So long as you keep moving, you'll find that the world gets brighter, the smiles more genuine, until finally, you don't have to fake them at all. You'll find that life becomes worth living on its own merits.

I am a gay man, 4/10 on a good day, and I lived through another two years of my own personal hell before I graduated. After graduation, I went to a college that didn't give a damn about my orientation, found some of the best friends I've ever known, and am currently passing my PreMed courses with flying colors, despite not being particularly intelligent.

I believe in you, don't you dare give up.
#59 to #57 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
#99 to #41 - saxong (09/10/2013) [-]
This picture strikes a very deep chord with me.  I am, to an alarming degree, a violently self-deprecating person.  One of my friends has actually started ignoring me if I get too down on myself it got so bad at one point, she said something very similar to the picture at the time.  It's not that I'm really THAT 						****					, it's just that I'm so much more 						****					 than I know I should/could be.  A huge part of me that I end up ripping on is the simple fact that I can't summon the 						*******					 willpower to do a damn thing about myself.
This picture strikes a very deep chord with me. I am, to an alarming degree, a violently self-deprecating person. One of my friends has actually started ignoring me if I get too down on myself it got so bad at one point, she said something very similar to the picture at the time. It's not that I'm really THAT **** , it's just that I'm so much more **** than I know I should/could be. A huge part of me that I end up ripping on is the simple fact that I can't summon the ******* willpower to do a damn thing about myself.
#42 to #41 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
User avatar #43 to #42 - carlonord (09/10/2013) [-]
Come on bud, in a world like the one we live in. No matter how alone you feel, you will never, ever, be truly alone. So buck up and smile, if you want to talk about it, feel free to pm me, or talk right here even.
#44 to #43 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
I appreciate the offer but after 5 years of trying to change and talking about it hasn't helped. You can't change being ugly and unlovable.
User avatar #45 to #44 - carlonord (09/10/2013) [-]
There's no such thing as unlovable. Ugly? Yes, it exists, but every human being is capable of loving, and being loved. I know people who are **** ugly, or just simply unattractive, and yet have formed relationships lasting till marriage, and even further.

There is someone out there for you, don't you dare look for them though, they'll find you. I have a little story here. About a young girl, and a young Pastor. About 5-6 months ago, a new pastor moved into town to replace the aging one, that's since then moved away, at a church. This church has a youth program, set in place by the last pastor, my ex dragged me into it. and it's where I met a few new friends, one being this short, chubby, and not-so pretty woman we'll call Jess. When the new pastor moved here, we all expected him to be ugly, or different. As it turns out, he was 27, full of energy, and not too bad looking.

The girl and the pastor eventually started spending more and more time together. Before you get any ideas, this girl is legal. Anyway, they start dating even, to which all the youth-mates rejoice and laugh, because we had already predicted it.

This nice young pastor, and this nice, relatively unattractive girl are now getting married to each other. Not for looks, because this girl never had boys chasing after her, neither did the pastor, as this was his first girlfriend. They are getting married because they fit.

Some day you'll find someone who fits with you, I never thought I would find anyone period. But I did, unfortunately she turned out to be kinda mean, but it's a step in the right direction.

To sum things up, don't try to change, just be yourself, don't mold yourself for others. Just be polite, be hygienic, and learn to love yourself. Whether that means working out, getting more friends, etc. Lastly, but not least, the most powerful thing I can give you, is "Hi". It'll solve all your problems if you know how to use it.
#46 to #45 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
I'm not attractive nor do I have a good personality, shy and quiet too. When I'm around women the pucker of her ****** can be heard around the world. I get it, wait and love will find you, but if I'm starting to lose hope. It's been far too long.

MFW all these stories of people finding happiness.
User avatar #50 to #46 - Cejw (09/10/2013) [-]
im not good at giving advice. but play th kingdom hearts series. ive never been even depressed because of them. its so cheesy but powerful to me, and i will never give in no matter how much life hits me.
#52 to #50 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
tfw no ps2
tfw no ps2
User avatar #53 to #52 - Cejw (09/10/2013) [-]
youtube walkthroughs! maybe its not as good as playing it haha but **** that story gets to me.
#49 to #46 - carlonord (09/10/2013) [-]
If you have any friends that you trust enough for an answer, ask then what they think of you. It's often that our own opinion of ourselves is skewed by our own thoughts and perceptions. You don't need to look good to find someone man. What really matters is your personality. I may sound a bit cliche with that, but I'm serious. If they're worth keeping, they won't care too much about how you look.

That's actually part of where me and my ex failed, she lost interest in me, and started going for a pretty boy in a city an hour and a half drive from here, a big part of the reason why she went for him, being that he's pretty. Unfortunately, her personality really sucks once you get past her cute exterior, so that won't last too long. I mean, the crazy girl is still flirting with me, WHILE dating this guy, that is an example of a bad personality.

You, you sound fine, I've met people way worse than you, personality wise, idk what you look like. And I think you're making it out to be worse than it actually is. That pastor I told you about? Waited all his life, so believe me, it'll happen.
#51 to #49 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
That whole friend thing is an issue too, only have one friend and the last time we were in the same class was 6th grade, I'm a sophomore in college. I'm so bitter, I made an account on this website "ihateallofyoualot".

Your picture hit far too close to home. MFW
#54 to #51 - carlonord (09/10/2013) [-]
Well that's your problem, don't be bitter, get out! Find people, make friends! With the right attitude it's easy man! Get to know people in your college, go to parties and try to have a good time, even if you don't want to be there! Don't think that people will immediately hate you on site, make a good first impression! Or hell, try and strike up small talk at work even if you work. It's scary to start, but once the ball gets rolling, it's easy!
Well that's your problem, don't be bitter, get out! Find people, make friends! With the right attitude it's easy man! Get to know people in your college, go to parties and try to have a good time, even if you don't want to be there! Don't think that people will immediately hate you on site, make a good first impression! Or hell, try and strike up small talk at work even if you work. It's scary to start, but once the ball gets rolling, it's easy!
#56 to #54 - ihateallofyoualot **User deleted account** (09/10/2013) [-]
When flying solo you don't get invited to parties and my first impressions are always embarrassing. Thanks for the help/advice, I'll try some of the stuff you posted.
#61 to #56 - carlonord (09/10/2013) [-]
Hope I helped, I'm sure you'll do fine. I mean, college can't be that hard? Even here in high school, you can get into parties as long as you bring something to drink. But good luck, and godspeed you magnificent bastard!
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