Hello, funnyjunk. First off, I posted this under feels because it has to do with emotions that you might relate to. Just as a warning, I don’t have an interesting life. That’s all the better to relating as I assume all of you haven’t lived up to your potential. That being said, I think I will start.
When I was young, I used to think a lot about who exactly I’m supposed to be. I just knew I had to be something because to me, I felt like I was put in this body for a reason and I was the only one that felt (so it seemed.) As I grow older I am starting to realize the cold truth. We aren’t even going to be close to what we expect to be. As I lay here in bed, like most people do on restless nights, I think about my life. The sad truth is I’m trying to bore myself to sleep. I start thinking and she pops into my head. Everyone does this. They think of the most significant love of theirs’ in their life at the moment. When I was younger, I used to think of “perfect” girls in my school that, if I had the guts to talk to, would love me and cherish me, as I would them. The sad truth is that I was just a desperate teenager just dreaming. As I grow older, I’m starting to not think of girls that I see in my everyday life, but I start imagining that the next day, a wonderful woman would just appear and we would fall madly in love. It didn’t have to be tomorrow. It could be anytime. I then start to imagine, maybe I met this girl that I found perfect but wasted her. I start to think of all my mistakes, then and my mind wanders further into a grieving for something I have lost but never found. Maybe if I would have just said "hi", she would have accepted me? Maybe my life would be perfect but no. My own antisocial ways have taken that dream away and replaced it with a pointless life. Still, my life must have a point. As with each night I think of this, more I doubt that my life has meaning. As I type this I realize my meaning could be so simple that maybe, just maybe I live to just bump into a more important person and accidently pursue them to cure cancer. Maybe I live to relate to one of my fellow people and that will cause them to realize that others feel the same way that they do, and then they will strive to be and do better. As I lie awake, as always, I know I will sleep and wake up the next day and restart this cycle until my time here is ended. If you feel this way, please tell me.