The day I died

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Views: 4705
Favorited: 2
Submitted: 04/09/2014
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#15 - swarthywaffles (04/10/2014) [+] (1 reply)
#4 - Orc (04/09/2014) [+] (12 replies)
**Orc rolled image** Pretty bad.
User avatar #5 to #4 - GingerCOM (04/09/2014) [-]
Please tell my why? I want to take notes
#18 - funlovincannibal (04/10/2014) [-]
It is rather bland. Just another story with a touch of fantasy and silly romance while banking on the whole Holocaust and camps aspect but very poorly written and something that has been done timeless times before and much more inspiring and eloquent.
#1 - anonymous (04/09/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Didn't even read but I can already tell it's gay. 0/10 faggot
User avatar #25 - ToastRider (04/14/2014) [-]
I didn't like the very last sentence , "but I can die inside" was a bit pointless and closed it in a bit underwhelming way in my opinion.
It might just be me , but this kind of "I found her dead" isn't in my taste , just saying, I would have enjoyed it more if he could talk to her or watch her die.
I think you can make it a lot more emotional , that's a nice start.
User avatar #23 - ScottP (04/10/2014) [-]
Good idea. I actually had a similar idea of a super-powered human who is completely invincible, but not invulnerable from emotional pain
#22 - BerryLicious (04/10/2014) [-]
Nice idea, but you do need to work on your writing. A lot.
User avatar #21 - randomituseddie (04/10/2014) [-]
i think it was a good idea, just some of the language choices were SLIGHTLY repetitive, so it felt a little like reading the same point a few times. but generally i liked it and once the technique is tidies up it seems promising.
#20 - anonymous (04/10/2014) [-]
Why immortal? Why is the girl valuable? Is it a concentration camp? Why? What was the protagonist, a prisoner, or what? This is not a story, it's the dramatic part of a story with all context removed.
User avatar #6 - thetunnelsnakes (04/09/2014) [-]
DAMN, that is some deep **** The beginning made me think of Joshua Graham
#3 - thereasonableperso (04/09/2014) [-]
Not bad.
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