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demonican

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So i have never known what this friendzone was until today...

In b4 TLDR,

In january this year me and a girl i've been in love with for a year got together, had sex and started a relation.
A few days later she told me everything was a mistake and broke all contact with me.
I was devastated and (since i'd already gotten the "diagnosis" depression" a few months back" i couldn't handle it at all so i got wasted and slit my wrist over 1,5 centimeters deep, and went to bed.
The next morning i woke up in my bed and there was blood everywhere, somehow i had survived, my stepmother came in to wake me and saw all the blood and started yelling at me and asked what had happened so i showed her and she took me to a emergency room at the hospital.
I had an operation and stuff, a couple of months later i had finally started to get out of my depression.
Time went and slowly we became friends again.

This weekend she stayed at my place because she had run away from her fosterparent.
We started talking and she told me that she didn't mean what she said back in january and told me that she liked me,
I told her that i like her too and we made out.
The day after (yesterday) i asked her if she wanted a serious relationship,
she said that i was wonderful, fun to cuddle with while watching movies but she could never have something like that with me.
She also herself said that i was now put in the friendzone.

I am once again devastated and i have started falling back in my depression, i'm thinking of doing a hero.

I know this'll probably get thumbed down and frankly idc, i just wanted to share my story...

+18

Views: 1901 Submitted: 07/15/2012

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#12 - flyingguillotine

Reply+4

(07/15/2012)[-]

#1 - Agnotizer

Reply+3

(07/15/2012)[-]

Dude, seriously. It's a girl, not the world. I know this is easy to say, because it hurts a lot, but please remember there's more to your life and the world than just her, and this includes other girls. Don't become an hero because of a girl. And hell, she's already broke up with you to come back together again, so maybe all hope isn't abandoned yet.

#2 to #1 - demonican [OP]

Reply+1

(07/15/2012)[-]

It's not just her, its more like my entire life up until now...

#3 to #2 - Agnotizer

Reply+2

(07/15/2012)[-]

What do you mean?

#4 to #3 - demonican [OP]

Reply+2

(07/15/2012)[-]

I'm not one to complain and i've thought it was normal but since i've started talking to my psychiatrist i have come to understand that i grew up in a broken home, i was bullied for 5-6 years after i started first grade.
I don't remember much of my childhood because i have apparently repressed most of my memories of it, the things i do remember are all ****.

I don't have friends, i'm socially retarded and she was the first girl ever who even wanted to get to know me.

#6 to #4 - Agnotizer

Reply+2

(07/15/2012)[-]

Broken home? And what exactly were you bullied for?
If these are too personal, just say so.
You can always start having other friends, by the way. I mean, you can still overcome social anxiety.

#10 to #6 - demonican [OP]

Reply+1

(07/15/2012)[-]

My dad was an alcoholic (he is on of the best persons i know), he and my mother would fight a lot until they seperated when i was around 5 or 6
My mom started to scream at me and my siblings for everyday, whatever happened i was the one guilty.
She could tell us that she don't love us and leave to never come back again. (often when she said that she would take the car and drive away for a day or so.
I was just a kid and had to start take care of my siblings a lot when she didn't feel like it
She got a new boyfriend who also started to yell at us he even used violence against me a couple of times.
After a while he couldn't stand being with us anymore and left.
Around 5-6 years ago she got another boyfriend who she still lives with, they even got a son together. Anyway, that guy is a sociopat/psychopath with no compassion for anyone he is alcohol and drug addict. He have used violence against my siblings.
(By this time my mom had started to treat us better)
Her boyfriend is always drunk and cries about that no1 loves him and stuff like that, he's been taken by the police for drunk driving and all kinds of **** but he's never been to jail.

I have no idea why i was bullied, i just remember almost my entire class telling me everyday that i was disgusting, they would even jump on me sometimes.

#11 to #10 - Agnotizer

Reply+4

(07/15/2012)[-]

I know you're saying this from the future, where you can say everything from a third person point of view, but do you believe in all the things your mom said about you? It totally isn't fair what your parents and your mother's boyfriends did to you and your siblings. They're wrong. Your mom sounds like the divorce really hurt her, and she needed some way to vent her anger, and her own pain. Unfortunately, you and your siblings became that way she used. That doesn't make what she did right, but it also means that a lot of the things she did and the things she said were not your fault.
If he is still abusing your siblings, you need to tell someone, because if you don't, it won't stop.
How old are you and your siblings now?
Why exactly did they call you disgusting? I mean, are you hygienic? If you're not, you could start working on that, and then that would help improve your social anxiety.

#13 to #11 - demonican [OP]

Reply0

(07/15/2012)[-]

Since i have grown up with it, i've always assumed it was normal.

Nowadays he just screams at us. doesnt matter who i tell since my mother wants him to stay and ignores the fact that he is a sick person (even though they fight almost everyday). He's not just "Abusing and screaming" at us, he is ruining his 5 year old son.
An exampple is that my sister and her friend came home from school one day to see him sitting in the couch masturbating to porn while his son sat next to him.

My siblings that mom and dad share is age: 13, 15, 17, me 19 and my older brother 21.

I don't know why they'd call me that, i took care of my hygiene and all that.

#15 to #13 - Agnotizer

Reply+1

(07/15/2012)[-]

I can assure you that it's not normal. I'm sorry.
I think your mom is afraid to have another failed relationship, and that's the reason she's still with him. I don't know how you can help with that.
Yeah, that's disgusting and terrible. I'm not familiar with laws or anything, but that has to break a few.
Honestly, I think there's hope for you. This is where I'll try and give you advice. You have a terrible home life, and you'll always have scars, but you can still grow to be happy, scars or not. Past does not decide your future. I promise you that. What you'll need to do is help your siblings, your mother, and your mother's five year old son, because that will eliminate a source of misery from home. It's not going to be easy, but you do need to do something, or else it will always haunt you, and keep you down. I have no idea why your classmates called you disgusting if you really weren't. But, people being dicks is nothing new. From there, I think you need hobbies, or a job. Actually, both are great. I'd suggest working out at the gym. Working out is a great confidence builder, because you'll be overcoming the laziness of yourself, relieves stress, and you'll start to look attractive according to the standards of today after enough of it. It's ******* hard, but it's worth it, and you may begin to enjoy it. And ****, everyone has to start somewhere, right? Haha.

#18 to #15 - demonican [OP]

Reply0

(07/15/2012)[-]

It's more like she don't think at all, me and most of my siblings have stopped visiting my mom because whenever we are there they'll fight and yell at each other.

I'm not interested enough in anything to make it a hobby.
I am not "ugly" according to societys standards, i'm pretty thin, got arms that match the rest of my body and i actually look kind of okay...

Still, everything have seemed meaningless for over 9 years and my psychologist thinks that i don't need any help beside the antidepressive i am taking.

I've been admitted to a psychiatric hospital 2 times but still they wont take me seriously about my well-being...

Everything is meaningless and dark and has been since i was born...

#8 to #6 - anon id: 9513e33e

Reply0

(07/15/2012)[-]

Yeah man. The first one sucks, but Agnotizer is right. A girl isn't the world.

#14 to #8 - demonican [OP]

Reply0

(07/15/2012)[-]

That may be but she was my whhole world, and i know that even if i get over her, i'll never find a more beatiful, fun, kind person than her...

#16 to #14 - ispn

Reply+2

(07/15/2012)[-]

Mate, ill tell you this now, you can never truly forget your past, and let go of it. Trust me on this. My past is always with me, and i think about it constantly, i went so long without someone, i was bullied, terrible things happened to me as well. but the thing is, through all that crap, and the darkness, and everything around me, i found solace in one thing, i found my saving light, my link to life. That's what you need demonican, something that is yours. Hold on to something, and never let go of it, it will save your life, and it will lead you somewhere you never thought you could arrive at.

18 years of crap, 18 years of yelling, and fighting, 18 years of bullies, scars, tears, and social anxiety. its always with me, and i will never forget it.

You will never forget yours, but it is your story, your tale, keep it with you. Because one day you will find your light, your vent. Regardless of what it is, it is Your Weapon, Your Armor, Your Shield. You Friend.

#17 to #16 - demonican [OP]

Reply0

(07/15/2012)[-]

I've already repressed a lot of it, so why not more?
There is no such thing as a bright future for me, I'll never find this "light"

#19 to #17 - ispn

Reply0

(07/17/2012)[-]

Okay i'm "sorry" you had such a hard life, sorry that you let it get to you, and push you down into depression, but you know what, there's always something, and people in this world have it a lot worse than you do. And they stand tall and strong, quit wallowing in your own self pity, buck the **** up, and quit looking for some kind of saving grace that will magically fix all of it like that

#21 to #19 - demonican [OP]

Reply0

(07/17/2012)[-]

I know there are people who have it a lot worse than me, that's another reason i'm depressed.
If you've ever been in a depression you'd know how hard it is to be "happy"
I just don't care anymore.

#26 to #21 - zombahz

Reply0

(07/19/2012)[-]

And I love you man!

#25 to #21 - zombahz

Reply0

(07/19/2012)[-]

hey man don't do worry about it, if things get worse and maybe you're on the brink of ending 'it'. Then what you do is take all your money and closest family members and friends and just do stuff you've always dreamed of doing, go to places you've dreamed of going to, meet people you've dreamed about meeting. Just live life like there's no limit to how much fun you can have just get out there and do whatever it is that you dream of doing as long as it's in your mind set. You have my best wishes and I know how it feels to be friendzoned, you're just lucky enough to have 'gotten' any. But **** that girl, trust me there's always someone better than her and I hope everything works out for you! If you feel like listening to something nice, here, this song gives me feels www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsbR7IJjgzo&feature=autoplay&list=PLB7E492B3EFCA7145&playnext=7

#24 to #21 - zombahz

has deleted their comment [-]

#22 to #21 - ispn

Reply0

(07/17/2012)[-]

Depression is a state of mind for the weak, you let yourself succumb to this sickness, and only you can get yourself out. give up, i don't care, If your weak enough to let a small little thing like that make you kill yourself, than why not? but if you want to be a grown up and quit bitching about **** that doesn't even matter, than come talk to me, when your ready to man the **** up

#23 - EpicNinjas

Reply+2

(07/18/2012)[-]

#5 - anon id: d48ef336

Reply0

(07/15/2012)[-]

Don't do that **** dude, that's just sad...

#7 to #5 - demonican [OP]

Reply+2

(07/15/2012)[-]

Just before i wrote this i was out on the highway driving around in a speed of 120 mph, I unbuckled my belt and hoped that the police would start chasing me so i could make my suicide look like an accident while trying to escape the police and drive into the nearest edge.

#27 - utasco

Reply+1

(12/06/2012)[-]

hey bro. let me give you a little insite on my story of **** lol
>me be 18
>girl friend dumps me because i was going to be in the marines.
> she told me "no one wants a dead man..."
> crys my little balls off
> try drugs and heroin at least i'll die happy.jpg
>sign into marines out of depression
>told her i signed in and was leaving soon.
> not knowing what the **** i got my self into i push through with her still in my heart
> once i got out of Paris Island i wrote her a detailed thank you note for driving me to my own success. Semper Fi. <3