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Your D&D Stories 7-9

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Your D&D Stories 7-9. "And you know what? It really wasn’t." "What a dog." "If we eat the human, we will steal his strength." Not

"And you know what? It really wasn’t."


(Enlarge)
Your D&D Stories 7-9. "And you know what? It really wasn’t." "What a dog." "If we eat the human, we will steal his strength." Not

"What a dog."


(Enlarge)
Your D&D Stories 7-9. "And you know what? It really wasn’t." "What a dog." "If we eat the human, we will steal his strength." Not
(Enlarge)
Your D&D Stories 7-9. "And you know what? It really wasn’t." "What a dog." "If we eat the human, we will steal his strength." Not
(Enlarge)
Your D&D Stories 7-9. "And you know what? It really wasn’t." "What a dog." "If we eat the human, we will steal his strength." Not
(Enlarge)
Your D&D Stories 7-9. "And you know what? It really wasn’t." "What a dog." "If we eat the human, we will steal his strength." Not
(Enlarge)
Your D&D Stories 7-9. "And you know what? It really wasn’t." "What a dog." "If we eat the human, we will steal his strength." Not

"If we eat the human, we will steal his strength."

Not my OC. Made by AC Stuart if you couldn't tell.
Link to his tumblr - yourdndstories.tumblr.com/

Tags: DnD | comics
said:
Our rogue found an ancient
engraved medallion necklace.
Having failed his
knowledge' roll, he
translated it as...
com
...
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Views: 43185
Favorited: 107
Submitted: 01/01/2016
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+84
User avatar #2 - armwulf (01/01/2016) [-]
Okay. I've been wanting to play something DND like for awhile now- but now I absolutely must install a bag of holding in a warforged, eat swarms of low level enemies, and regurgitate them at my foes.
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+16
User avatar #3 to #2 - derpwolf ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
Bags of holding actually have a finite amount of space in them.
Reply
+34
User avatar #4 to #3 - armwulf (01/01/2016) [-]
I'm sure it can hold a half dozen kobolds or so.
If nothing else vomitting a small squad of Kobolds at your enemies can be considered distracting.
Reply
+31
User avatar #5 to #4 - derpwolf ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
I've done some math for you. I have a math disability too, so I hope you appreciate it.

The most expensive Bag of Holding costs 10k gold, can hold 150 cubic feet, and can hold 1500 pounds.

Kobolds are small-size creatures. Small creatures are between 2 and 4 feet, so let's average that to 3 and square it for each one because I'm a lazy **** . For 10k gold, you could hold 84 (rounded up) kobolds by volume. By weight, a small creature is an average of 34lbs. By weight, you could contain 44 kolbolds in the largest-size Bag of Holding.

Unrelated, for the same price of that bag of holding, you could purchase 100k live rats.
Reply
+13
User avatar #23 to #5 - greyhoundfd (01/01/2016) [-]
Well if you can't fit enough stuff inside it, just put more bags of holding inside!

I'm just kidding, do not do that
Actually, totally do that
Reply
+5
User avatar #24 to #23 - derpwolf ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
I don't want to rip a hole into the Astral Plane, thanks.
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+1
User avatar #53 to #24 - phantomcancer (01/02/2016) [-]
Hell, just don't stand anywhere near it when it happens and it's jolly good fun. Closest you'll get to a medieval WMD.
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+2
User avatar #9 to #5 - armwulf (01/01/2016) [-]
What if my throat contained some portal to another plane?
Could I then, in theory, support a massive army of various creatures and regurgitate them at will?
Reply
+9
User avatar #10 to #9 - derpwolf ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
Theoretically you could get a wizard to cast Demiplane (preferably Greater Demiplane because you can do things like stop time and make it really nice and livable), with a Portal option in your mouth. Anything large enough to fit inside your mouth would then be transported to the demiplane, and you could probably order them out.
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+10
User avatar #11 to #10 - armwulf (01/01/2016) [-]
That makes it EVEN BETTER!
Inside the demiplane time is constantly stopped. Because of this, none of the creatures inside will fight, none of them will breathe, none of them will **** , none of them will eat.
Perhaps the entire plane can be shaped like a funnel, with my throat at the bottom. When I unfreeze time, whatever I last ate "Falls" out, and when I'm done vomiting a mixture of minions, I freeze time again.
Reply
+7
User avatar #27 to #11 - therockofshame ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
You have some pretty specific fetishes sir.
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0
User avatar #38 to #27 - armwulf (01/01/2016) [-]
One might presume so but it's simply hilarity
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+1
User avatar #39 to #38 - therockofshame ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
1d4chan.org/wiki/Peasant_Railgun Here's my favorite silly thing to do.
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+1
User avatar #51 to #39 - majestispaceduck (01/02/2016) [-]
I can't think of the weapons name, but theres a mace that upon making contact, switches the involved players roles, including DM i put it in all of my stories with a .01% chance to drop, someone got it once and quickly realized the effort it takes to DM.
Reply
+1
User avatar #56 to #51 - therockofshame ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]
And obviously DM'ing is gonna be difficult when you just randomly become the DM during somebody elses campaign with no prior experience.
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+1
User avatar #57 to #56 - majestispaceduck (01/02/2016) [-]
Oh yeah, obviously, but the same group has someone who said they could dm better, and i let them try, they used one of my stories, it has every detail you need to know about it, when push came to shove, just after character creation he said he didn't understand my patients and asked to switch with me.
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+1
User avatar #58 to #57 - therockofshame ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]
At least he didn't let it drag on.
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+1
User avatar #52 to #51 - therockofshame ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]
Make a helm of opposite alignment that doubles your strength along with the usual effects.
Reply
+3
#54 to #11 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]
That plan is much more likely to work. The problem with the bag of holding idea is that there is no air flow in a bag of holding, living things suffocate after roughly ten minutes (plus however long they hold their breath).

HOWEVER, eating undead creatures or constructs could solve the problem. But really only undead would work since constructs can weighs hundreds of pounds and would therefore destroy the bag.

Basically I'm saying you need to make your mouth the new designated "bone zone"
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0
User avatar #55 to #54 - armwulf (01/02/2016) [-]
I might be able to conjure some form of physics mechanism where I have both storage space and a minion cannon
Imagine eating an NPC and vomitting a skeleton, bluffing that it's THEIR skeleton
That's one hell of an intimidate roll
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+2
User avatar #19 to #10 - fargfive (01/01/2016) [-]
If time wasn't stopped inside the plane would everything inside the plane hear every word you spoke as a booming voice from the heavens?
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+3
User avatar #20 to #19 - derpwolf ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
I don't think sound travels through portals, but it's up to the discretion of the GM.
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+1
User avatar #60 to #4 - urchinator (01/10/2016) [-]
also the kobolds would be dead i believe. could be helpful for intimidation if you vomited up dead bodies at someones feet
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+1
User avatar #61 to #60 - armwulf (01/10/2016) [-]
See below, we improved the concept using a plane in permanent time stop. They don't need air, food, or a restroom since time doesn't move. Logistically convenient!
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0
User avatar #63 to #61 - urchinator (01/11/2016) [-]
Genius!
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0
User avatar #62 to #60 - armwulf (01/10/2016) [-]
Also had the idea of eating someone and vomitting a different skeleton as intimidation
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+1
User avatar #6 to #4 - derpwolf ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
Right, I forgot the most important part. If living creatures are placed in the bag of holding, they can only survive for ten minutes before running out of air and suffocating.
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+1
User avatar #12 to #6 - Rei ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
perfect
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+5
#14 - farmerjonny (01/01/2016) [-]
someone please make a shop with the last picutre saying, "Does this look like the face of mercy?"
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+33
#17 to #14 - furkyoshizz (01/01/2016) [-]
As requested
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+1
#21 to #17 - farmerjonny (01/01/2016) [-]
Thank you kind sir, it's very apriciated!
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+44
#16 - menorin (01/01/2016) [-]
this'll be useful
Reply
+16
#15 - ninjamyasta (01/01/2016) [-]
"Let us eat the man creature."
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+3
User avatar #33 to #15 - scooterdanny (01/01/2016) [-]
Princess Mononoke is the **** .
Reply
+12
#22 - thelastelephant (01/01/2016) [-]
>be me playing Shadowrun, 4th Ed
>temperamental, psychotic gunslinger specializing in heavy pistols
>assaulting a building filled with mobsters
>whatever, I'm getting paid
>take cover behind a car, try to blindfire at guys in the building
>rules for blindfiring are weird, we try to follow them
>I have 14 dice in total with one handgun
>rules basically state to cut dice pool in half
>7 dice is how many I'd get if I was dual-wielding anyways
>sit behind, taking blind shots from behind a car
>almost every shot hits, and each shot basically scores a kill
>gm's fw I killed about half of his mobster gang without looking
Reply
+10
#36 - drsmall (01/01/2016) [-]
>be DM
>Party is escaping an enemy goblin camp.
>Party decides to look into one of the big tents
>See 50 or so goblins asleep inside
>They found the barracks
>Figure the party may want to look for loot, maybe silently kill a few
>I have a trip wire attached to an alarm inside
>disgonnabegud.jpg
>About to step inside
>One of them stops and makes a suggestion
>"What if we sew the tent shut and then light it on fire"
>They pass craft and stealth rolls
>The tent burns
>Goblins running around screaming trapped inside
>Triggers the alarm
>Doesn't matter, they're already awake
>All burn to death
mfw I had to give 50 kills worth of XP in 2 minutes
>
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0
User avatar #13 - flippytrixfordiner ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
Why do I think the wife gets cuter/hotter when she is a warewolf
Reply
+6
#30 to #13 - anon (01/01/2016) [-]
This means you're a furry. I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
Reply
+2
User avatar #18 - andimac (01/01/2016) [-]
What happens if you turn a bottomless bag inside out?...
Reply
+1
#29 to #18 - anon (01/01/2016) [-]
The universe is created.
Reply
+1
User avatar #49 - timbittwo (01/02/2016) [-]
>Goes to play D&D with friends
>Actually has no friends
>Sits at home playing baldurs gate and whackin it to tranny porn.
Reply
+1
#37 - jaevel ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]
Regarding DND stories from users here on FJ.
Reply
+1
User avatar #35 - marconde (01/01/2016) [-]
I remember playing my first (and last cause I was busy most of the time) game of DnD
Was a Paladin and didn't know what to do
Exploring some cave with ppl and the cave was full of orcs or I don't know what
Someone died and the other person tried to be hero by staying there and me running away
Didn't know what to do, we were starting to fight in the chat and I told that in a fit of rage I ****** a bonfire
My dick was on fire for 5 turns
Good game.
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0
#59 - anon (01/05/2016) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image**
>Be playing Thri-Kreen fighter
>Purchase two Halberds of Vaulting
>Thri-Kreens jumping not limited by height
eberronunlimited.wikidot.com/thri-kreen
>Halberd of Vaulting removes usual maximum jumping distance www.angelfire.com/wy/eventry/Junk/MM.html
>+90 jumping bonus
>mfw dm effectively lets me fly
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0
#50 - stormzy (01/02/2016) [-]
Stormzy thinks this content needs more stormzy in it
Reply
0
#47 - yoshibee (01/02/2016) [-]
Playing 3.5 for the first time with friends
Human Barbarian of our group finds a cursed ring.
Curse is they believe whatever they think the ring is
She thought it was invisibility.

Every match until the only other member who saw her take it she would run into every enemy group, believing they wouldn't see her and shouting the John Cena theme.

She would also try and steal from people, anger NPC's because of her antics and refused to believe the ring wasn't of Invisibility no matter how many times she was hit.

My Drow Warmage was usually the only one left standing in a fight because she would **** up our tactics so badly.
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0
User avatar #46 - zanekin (01/02/2016) [-]
How does one get into D&D...
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0
User avatar #48 to #46 - sketchE (01/02/2016) [-]
find friends who want to play it and play with them
go to a local game store and look for games there (table top not videogames)
jump into a game on roll20 that accepts new players
check the dungeons n drags channel every once in a while people offer to start up games
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0
#45 - oltorf (01/01/2016) [-]
I want to play D&D too
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0
User avatar #34 - cyberviking (01/01/2016) [-]
-14 at our school's D&D club.
-I find three bags of holding.
-I do what any sane man would do and fill them with water.
-I begin to torture and waterboard people
-I fill seven houses with water
-Get called the worst player at the club
-Waterboard the king
-Declare myself as Dominus Aqua (Lord Water.)
-Best game ever
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0
User avatar #32 - heroofkvatch (01/01/2016) [-]
playing Airship pirates:

}my character is named Captain Seaworthington,based off a comic series im working on.
}Captain is actually not very good at anything, he's handsome, but kind of stupid, he believes hes a great sailor
}is not
}feats/flaws:
Charismatic, Always recognizable (seaworthington loves admeration, and we agree that his legend superceeds him anywhere he goes), completely illiterate and oblivious to situations.
}our shtick i we're a theater group that put on plays to distract towns while we rob them
}the towns are on cards, i get to pick since I'm new.
}town filled with homosexual pirate outlaws, heterosexuality is illegal and heteros exual pda is punishable by death. Low taxes, due to lack of government, but cleanliness and sanitation are recOrd high.
}should mention that I'm playing with two of my gay friends, one of who is the dm.
}have to play the entire game completely oblivious to what's going on.

One such incident:
Mid mission, we have stolen some rare mechanical contraption, "no idea what it's for". Given a map as we're being persued by the people we stole it from and they want to split up.

>Very crude, easy to follow map.
>cant ******* read the compass or land markers
>supposed to end up at "the hanged man"
>end up in "the hung man"
>my feat kicks, everyone suddenly recognize me
>an entire bar of gays offering me drinks
>have to act like i have no idea what's going on and i accept them
>all of them
>charisma kicks in, start bragging aboUt adventures
>people trying to bring me to the upper floors
>merily go with them, singing drunkenly
>walk in room with massive gay orgy
>(entire party is giggling, the other straight player laughing hardest, decide to pull him into it)
>(roll perception)
>Just high enough not to fail
>notice him (his character is the captain of our ship, Cpt. Maurice)
>(oblivious to surroundings) ILL SAVE YOU CAHPTUN!
>(orgy suddenly silent, entire party laughing harder now that i caught him in a gay Orgy)
>M: "Unhand me, you uhhhh Scoundrells!"
>(pull outthe rare item, gears and levers move around, turns into steampowered vibratinator)
>grabs Maurice(who was trying to get dressed) drunkenly slapping naked gay men with a steam punk dildo while escaping
> being the braggard i am, i tell the entire party of my epic battle.
>They never let him live it down

Airship pirates is good game.
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0
#26 - lolollo (01/01/2016) [-]
One time, I tried to do an insight roll on a kobold noble (top hat, cane, monocle, posh accent, etc.) because when we were dealing with her, we couldn't think of any ideas on what to do. I rolled a 1 and the DM said "You get the idea that she might be the physical manifestation of Mephisophalies and that her purpose here was to assassinate the king, take his place, and summon an army of demons to bring 1000 years of darkness."

Luckily, my character was chaotic good, so I got away with roll playing "wait, guys...I could be wrong though...leta see what happens first..."

my character was a Deva, so its not like he really "had to give a **** " to begin with
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