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Shitty Wizards

3332
Storytime:
a young wizard.
Append all resources garnered through adventuring to set up an atelier and magic shop.
like a maniac, create a lot of quality ofline improving gadgets for noble and peasant alike.
Enternal spouts bywater heating, cabinets , animated brooms, needles of mending, paired rings , wordless stoves.
a mischievous vein and like to have some laughs so I also craft some good humoured magical pranks and practicalities.
achievement: The salubrious Katrine seat sells like warm bread. Feces and urine that go through the seat' s hole magically vanish.
and brand become ubiquitous through the realm, upstart wizards tryto cash in on my success, thew never become as successful. Dr rich.
older slowly, as I magically smoothe aging process, plan on retiring comfortably and live out my days peacefully. But I am yet to have the biggest laugh.
ofthe over HEIDI] Katrine seats created, sold and installed is a one directional portal connected to a single pocket plane that contains all the filth produced over several decades.
moment of my death will triggering reversal ofthe portals, which will sheathe filth back into the prime material as the pocket plane debates and collapses.
will go down in a literal ********* , giggling like a schoolgirl.
File: animoto ( MB, 397x252)
3332 95761 El
OH GOD WAT
File: (82 , 292x302)
p, definitely a wizard.
May your name live long in infamy
...
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Views: 31518
Favorited: 114
Submitted: 11/04/2015
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#10 to #3 - bemmo (11/04/2015) [-]
I saved it as "D&D Terrible Wizard", only to discover I had a file saved as "D&D Terrible Surgeon". Seems semi-related, so enjoy.
#15 to #13 - bemmo (11/04/2015) [-]
******* wizards, man
#16 to #14 - bemmo (11/04/2015) [-]
Damn, that's quite the story. Lol, "Nice of you to drop by, Mr. Pratchett."

I've got more D&D stories, but I'm almost out of wizard-specific greentexts I think.
User avatar #4 to #3 - peliaosfiendline (11/04/2015) [-]
that wizard made the two best non-human companions you can have. Blink dogs and pseudodragons.
User avatar #9 to #4 - mcassio ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
Not a pseudodragon, a wyvern.
User avatar #12 to #9 - peliaosfiendline (11/04/2015) [-]
nope, said "small dragon". unless it just hatched, wyverns aren't small
#8 to #3 - miia ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
#38 to #3 - flyinarrow (11/05/2015) [-]
holy ****
that is amazing
User avatar #35 to #3 - mephiblis ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
win
#11 - bemmo (11/04/2015) [-]
In the process of saving this as "D&D Toilet Wizard", I found another file called "D&D Toilet Demon".
I can only conclude that combining D&D, magic, and toilets in any way will always result in terrible things.
User avatar #6 - nikolaier (11/04/2015) [-]
dndxplain is this what being chaotic-evil is about?
User avatar #7 to #6 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
yep. 100%
User avatar #22 to #7 - thunderfap (11/04/2015) [-]
Just a quick question- If you're a high level wizard, provided you roll well, does this just mean you can do world-altering magical **** whenever you want? Seems kinda OP
#33 to #22 - anon (11/04/2015) [-]
There is a 9th level spell literally called "Wish" that basically is what it says on the can. There is a list of effects to choose from, but then there is the "other effects similar in magnitude or greater in magnitude at DM's discretion" clause. Lenient DM's may allowed nat20'd or metamagic'd wishes to do crazy stuff.

All told though, that is not the source of a Wizard's power. Wish is actually a weak 9th level spell. A wizard is powerful because there is a perfect spell for every situation and many spells that are spectacular in many situations. Experienced or skilled players will often have said spells on hand and will handily solve encounters with a single spell. Then there are all of the tricks that arise with spell or special ability combos. Even level 1 wizards can play support roles so strong that their initiative roll becomes one of the strongest predictors of encounter outcome.
User avatar #23 to #22 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
yep. welcome to the logic of dungeons and dragons 3.5 (aka literally cancer)
User avatar #24 to #23 - thunderfap (11/04/2015) [-]
Alright, because I'm a newer player and I was in a game last friday where my friend's super high power wizard character just poofed an entire castle of enemies into another plane of existence.
User avatar #25 to #24 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
that's the highest reason why I hate 3.5 and nearly every itteration of dungeons and dragons ever since.

pathfinder is my bread and butter now.
#34 to #25 - dwarfboy (11/04/2015) [-]
Aaaay. I hear you. Pathfinder is the **** . Especially with DMs who do awesome **** with the settings.
User avatar #26 to #25 - thunderfap (11/04/2015) [-]
I've heard of some pretty crazy **** going down in Pathfinder, too, but that said it wouldnt be fun if things didnt get out of hand sometimes
User avatar #27 to #26 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
the issue with 3.5 isn't that the wizard can just go " **** you"
it's that while the wizard is ******* time in the ass while shuffling the functions of the holes in a man's body, the fighter is over there like "lel I swing swurd gewd."

in pathfinder, the wizard gets to ******* time and shuffle the functions of the holes in a man's body while the fighter gets to leap to the top of the highest mountain and then punch god in the face. repeatedly.
User avatar #88 to #27 - deliciousdee ONLINE (11/05/2015) [-]
Unless you use Tome of Battle: Book of Nine Euphemisms for My Dick, AKA the Big Book of Weeaboo Fightan Magic.

It actually makes martial classes useful.
User avatar #28 to #27 - thunderfap (11/04/2015) [-]
So it's still absolutely ******* nuts, just balanced edition
User avatar #30 to #28 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
exactly

they even have a ruleset for when you want to stop being houdini and sword guy and wanna start being merlin and heracles
User avatar #31 to #30 - thunderfap (11/04/2015) [-]
sounds like a lot of fun but I don't have enough real friends to play games with XD
User avatar #32 to #31 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
google "pathfinder society [your area]"
User avatar #17 to #7 - skelepuns (11/04/2015) [-]
man, i didn't know that dndxplain was really shadow.
why don't you shed some light on what caused this change?
User avatar #18 to #17 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
...
what?
User avatar #19 to #18 - skelepuns (11/04/2015) [-]
whaddya mean what?
User avatar #20 to #19 - dndxplain ONLINE (11/04/2015) [-]
...
I just realized you were talking about the profile picture.

also, you're like the sixth sans themed account I've seen since undertale's release, and sansikal does it better
User avatar #21 to #20 - skelepuns (11/04/2015) [-]
i've only seen two others.
and i know he does, but i'm going down with the ship.
#39 - iamchicken (11/05/2015) [-]
Oh boy time to dump my /tg/ folder.
#94 to #82 - lesolan (11/05/2015) [-]
I just finished... all of them...

Thank you, iamchicken. I will keep you in my heart always and until the end of time.
User avatar #96 to #94 - iamchicken (11/05/2015) [-]
yo welcome mang.
User avatar #91 to #50 - tacolishous (11/05/2015) [-]
Why the **** does this turn into FJ when you try to expand it.
#92 to #91 - iamchicken (11/05/2015) [-]
Huh

I have no ******* clue.

That's really ******* weird.

Might have been FJ having a seizure because i was posting too quick? idk tho
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#49 to #48 - iamchicken has deleted their comment [-]
#97 to #46 - pjers (01/01/2016) [-]
that's not even D&D, but I'm keeping it.
#87 to #86 - iamchicken (11/05/2015) [-]
And that's all she wrote folks.
User avatar #89 to #40 - jewbob (11/05/2015) [-]
I assume that Trance mechanic is homebrewed?
User avatar #90 to #89 - iamchicken (11/05/2015) [-]
More than likely yes.

Also the whole corruption thing is kinda debatable but eh it's a good story.
#36 - kitahchi (11/05/2015) [-]
**kitahchi used "*roll picture*"**
**kitahchi rolled image**
#93 - nerfhead (11/05/2015) [-]
i cant find this one green text i saw a couple days ago but i dont remember the title or tags
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#5 - amuzen has deleted their comment [-]
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