Crashing down through a volcano skylight in the middle of Red Dragon orgy.
Now THEN you are ****** .
Possibly literally.

Or the guy who thinks charging into a ******* dragons layer at level three is a smart idea.

Nah, I'd just like to keep my Paladin alive for more than htree hours.

Can you clarify whether you are kidding or serious?

Levi.

reminds me of a battle whe had once.

we where a paty of 5 at lvl 8. our mage had forged a pact with a demon lord, so he recived a book which had turned im to a sucubuss and gaind an ability he could use once a week, with no idea what it was. The paladin in the group had recived an eqivilant to thors hammer.

our party came across an small base/encampment in and around a muntain, which we ofcourse wanted to explore. upon entering we soon found us face to face with a lich, wich we managed to kill. so on we went. we somehow managed to survive another two liches, before reuniting/freeing Bargin Bargin, the sorta retarded hillbilly merchant wheve had som dealing with in the past, which may, or may not include me selling him an bridge belonging an military base.

We exited the base and set up and magic barier to rest up and sleep, thinking ourself safe.

the next mourning we found bargain holdign the book of the demon lord, before reveling himslef as the lich lord. the first thing to happen was the lich attacking us dealing som masive damage. our paladin then decided to throw his hammer, since it was quite some distacne between us, wich dealt nice damge on both the throw and return. our mage decided he wanted to use his new secret power, wich just so happend to be power word kill, and the lich just so happend to die, making t he dm quite frustrated, so at teh end of the session he reveled that the last bit of damage had set the lich health to exactly 100.

all gory to the luck

"may or may not include me selling him a bridge belonging to a military base"

Did you steal the bridge first?

can start our by saying that the players, includeing me were quite noobish, might aslo been a cleric and not a paladin, as i just remembered the paladin dying earlier.

but anyway, due to past events we found ourself traped in the plane of the demonlords, so to get out we made a deal with one, that was traped. so in return for freeing him, he would take us back to our world, were we would wage war on another demonlord, and each of us would get one wish/gift granted to us, and all we had to do was a sacreficial ritual, where the mage offered himself, and in return came back as a sucubuss

the war. for the most part would consist of us fighting the minions/servants of the other demonlord. But that is where the qampain ended, due to time constraints, and to some part lazynes of the others and a bit of sicknes

what anon said

The **** grammar and 4 liches clue me in as BS, but the Paladin and demon mage doesnt fit as a reason.

Some of the best parties i've been involved in have had 2 or more of the party trying to kill each other.

A paladin would never dare ally himself with a demon loving mage.

our one was not quite a demon mage and a paladin, but both were opposed to each other and there were quite a few attempts to kill one another. The rest of the party needed both of them, so had to stop them from killing each other or sabotaging their actions.

There's always someone chasing Leeroy's shadow.

Someone should make a D&D adventure where a thinly veiled expy of leeroy jenkins is the deity of honorable battle or something

Who'd thinly veil it?
The guy should be canon.

...Who the **** is your DM? I want to play with him if he lets his players get away with having characters as ******* impossible as that.

>My first D&D game, I was a sorcerer, friend, also his first game, was a wizard.
>Various regular playing up till lvl 5, spell 'dream'.
>Now me and my friend get a plottin', we leave the party for a while under the guise of "special ritual of our god, Empream". Paladin gets a bit suspicious since he's never heard of it spent a lot of time researching gods in his backstory .
>Find a small village. Tell sleeping peasants their new lord and deity shall rise, blah blah blah, somewhat cringy "ima god" crap.
>Do this for about a week before returning to the party, by now rumours of a new god have shown up to them and the party immediately suspects us.
>Can't prove anything so nothing happens.
>Spread our 'holy word' wherever we can
>choose our spells to suit our plot, giving up some combat potential in exchange for what will eventually lead to one player refusing to play with us again.
> eventually, after about a year ingame, we are ready. We head out on our week long ritual again, this time we don't just give messages. We travel for a day to a large town, we don't want a city yet but a village is too small
>At dawn, just as the people are leaving their houses, a flash of blinding light pierces the sky, a brilliant blue flame traces patterns in it's wake, and descending from it is I, Kil'Gathronet, god of various **** that we mostly made up to suit the local people as we talked to them.
>Eventually people settled upon war, protection and, for some reason, sheep.
>We used our magic to show off to the ignorant peasants, left them with various gifts including large amounts of food, enchanted tools and the heads of any bandits nearby.
>Word spreads quickly, the blue fire became a symbol of Kil'Gathronet, we travelled accross the land in a path more or less towards the capitol, where the party was heading.
>many detours to visit villages, towns, anywhere people lived.
>Get called a false god many times, kill the heretics in creative, flashy ways.
>DM tells us in private that we can't actually become gods by having people think we are, he doesn't want to deal with that **** .
>Thats fine.
>we've been gone for two weeks now, party is probs suspicious as **** .
>tell our followers that the king has betrayed his people, blah blah blah, holy vengeance, blah, gather everyone and we march at the dawn of the new month.
>send followers into the capitol to convert as many people as we can.
>get moles in the city guard, even manage one in the palace guard.
By this point I'm lvl 12 and my friend is lvl 13.
>dawn, army of peasants holding various tools, a few bandits we converted, some small militia groups from various towns.
>Only really intimidating to other peasants.
>Tell the army that a group of holy warriors would appear to fight for our side.
>march on the city
>city archers slaughter many
>our people in the city get to work
>chaos in the guards, city gates stuck half closed.
>people running through the streets screaming that the city is doomed we figured getting citizens panicked would help us
>party appears to defend the city
>oh **** , it's you guys
>wanna help us conquer a kingdom?
>but what about the invasion we have to defend it against?
>wouldn't that be easier if we were in charge?
>paladin refuses to help, but the rest help out and lead the fight to the palace.
>we win, crown the swordsman as king and go on to set up defending the city, with it's new patron god.
>when the invasion comes we lose abysmally.
>what happened?
>the paladin helped the enemy invade for retribution for being false gods
>DM refuses to let our **** happen ever again
>rogue refuses to play with both of us at once

Just saying, for your first game, that **** is pretty epic. You should be proud, and that is probably worth 12 times the friendship of a ****** rogue.

DMs pretty cool, I'd played other games with him before and he knew the sort of **** I'd pull, he doesn't make it easy but he's a good GM, doesn't like to have too much rolling when RPing works better. On the other hand, I've since played with a GM who made me roll to open a door. Which I then rerolled until I succeeded and nothing came of it.
I'm pretty good at getting this sort of ******** to work logically.

EDIT: Other non d&d games incase anyone gets confused, this was my first d&d game but I'd played things like Call of Cthulhu and **** before

A less epic first game, all luck,
>start in town
>party of 3
>rather unforgiving DM
>everyone in my party gets drunk after 3 in game days of nothing happening cept me cause monk
>dm finally rolls to have orcs come and pillage while everyone else is drunk
>just 3 orcs
>think to myself i got this and go to stop them on a naturally formed bridge covered in snow with steep falls on either side
>land a hit on one causing it to stumble and knock the other two off the bridge before falling off itself
>dm is pissed while everyone else laughs.
I don't know why he was upset, he very obviously put the bridge in his own story for a reason, that's actually the only time i "played" i usually dm now.

You are my role model, I wanted to do something like that for my first ever game. Sadly it never started so I never got a chance to use it and now the character sheets just laying arounds omewhere on the internet

>>#22, >>#20, again, you're implying that this actually happened.

is that a rule?

i mean, you cant be fully certain that any of the dndstories actually happened..getting a d20 x3 is rare but possible.

that's not why this is ********

please send this in to that DND stories tumblr..id love to see it drawn.

Jesus Christ, anon. I seriously hope you aren't using a d20 system, because that **** is broken as hell

Wait I just realized you were rolling natural 20's rather than from any d100 system. **** me, I'm both dumb and dumbfounded.

you're implying this actually happened