I'M THE KING OF HELL! - D&D Story
>Playing 2nd edition
>This time I'm a player and not the DM
>Playing an undead necromancer
>Name is Kael'Malorn Frostcall, my friends call me "Lenny"
>be a total dick as this character
>frequently derail campaign
>kill quest givers without reason
>perform dark magic in broad daylight
>I actually invested several points into "craft siege weapon" because I think I'm funny
>Basically, I was playing a thinly veiled version of Richard from Looking For Group
>I actually bought a cocatrice, named it Leeroy, gave it a potion of giant and cast permanency on it to make it the size of a horse.
>I then crafted 2 cannons and cast Shrink and featherweight on them along with permanency and attacked them to the sides of Leeroy.
>I carry around my own personal pouch of shrunk cannonballs as well
>As an added kicker I stuck an anti-magic ring right off the rim of my cannons so when they fire the "Shrink" spell wears off.
good times.
>Campaign has been going for some time, we're actually at a decent level
>Despite my best efforts, the plot is going along surprisingly well
>for the past couple months we have been escorting this kid and his nanny from one town to another
>This kid is the son of some baron or lord or something
>I've been treating him like **** , naturally
>rest of the party aren't quite the trolls that I am but it hasn't been a good experience for this little bastard
>actually managed to fire him out of a cannon at some sea monster
>Arrive at a port town. Deliver kid.
>Shortly after we arrive, we are informed by lord of town that a fleet of pirates are attempting to land, pilage the town, and take the kid.
>we are asked to take up arms. Promises of cash
>Why not?
>Fighter, and monk set up on beach, awaiting pirates to hit the shore
>Rogue boards a boat, wanting to meet the pirates at their ship
>Lenny isn't gonna wait, he goes to the battlements and talks to the cannoneers
>I tell them that I'm in charge now, intimidating them with my undead wizardyness
>roll 18. They try to resist at first but quickly fold like a paper plate
>I order them to lather the cannon balls with a thin coat of turpentine
>I make adjustments to the cannons and bark orders for a couple hours organizing the troops to my liking. I then wait
>It becomes noon and the horizon suddenly FILLS with enemy ships. at LEAST 4 battleships, 6 skuttlers, 2 galleons, and 1 what can only be described as a super galleon.
>"Bring me my brown pants..."
>I then start rolling for my defensive cannons. Thanks to my adjustments more shots are hitting than missing. I sink most of the skuttlers and a battle ship.
>I ask the DM
>"So, not that the soldiers are used to my new calibrations, do I get a bonus to shoot?"
>DM: uhh....yeah, that makes sense
>"BRING THE TURPENTINE CANNON BALLS!!
>I travel to the end of my rampart and ready a spell
>I set a special wand on the other side that will cast at the same time I do.
>I aim the cannons at some of the bigger ships and my personal cannons at one of the galleons
>I give the command to fire
>Roll to attack
>Natural.... ******* ....20!~
>At the same time they fire, I and my wand cast burning hands in front of all of the cannons (basically charizard used flamethrower)
>all cannonballs catch fire
>Hit all of the ships, Galleon was caught broadside
DM: A glorious shot was had. Your flaming barrage hits the galleon in it's powder stored and a huge explosion washes over the sea. The morale of your men could not be higher, they are calling you a hero and destroyer of pirates
>I figure now is a good time to leave. I pack up cannons and hop on Leeroy.
>the men cry out for me to come back
>"You got this" I tell them
>leave without further words.
>Many pirates have reached the beach at this point and the monk and fighter are in the fight of their lives.
>The rogue, regrettably, was on one of the ships I turned into burning splinters
>he lands in the water and immediately gets attacked by a shark
"I smell a PC" it thought to itself, completely ignoring all of the other easy meals of bodies i turned the pirates into.
I'll wrap up the story in the stickied comment.
>This time I'm a player and not the DM
>Playing an undead necromancer
>Name is Kael'Malorn Frostcall, my friends call me "Lenny"
>be a total dick as this character
>frequently derail campaign
>kill quest givers without reason
>perform dark magic in broad daylight
>I actually invested several points into "craft siege weapon" because I think I'm funny
>Basically, I was playing a thinly veiled version of Richard from Looking For Group
>I actually bought a cocatrice, named it Leeroy, gave it a potion of giant and cast permanency on it to make it the size of a horse.
>I then crafted 2 cannons and cast Shrink and featherweight on them along with permanency and attacked them to the sides of Leeroy.
>I carry around my own personal pouch of shrunk cannonballs as well
>As an added kicker I stuck an anti-magic ring right off the rim of my cannons so when they fire the "Shrink" spell wears off.
good times.
>Campaign has been going for some time, we're actually at a decent level
>Despite my best efforts, the plot is going along surprisingly well
>for the past couple months we have been escorting this kid and his nanny from one town to another
>This kid is the son of some baron or lord or something
>I've been treating him like **** , naturally
>rest of the party aren't quite the trolls that I am but it hasn't been a good experience for this little bastard
>actually managed to fire him out of a cannon at some sea monster
>Arrive at a port town. Deliver kid.
>Shortly after we arrive, we are informed by lord of town that a fleet of pirates are attempting to land, pilage the town, and take the kid.
>we are asked to take up arms. Promises of cash
>Why not?
>Fighter, and monk set up on beach, awaiting pirates to hit the shore
>Rogue boards a boat, wanting to meet the pirates at their ship
>Lenny isn't gonna wait, he goes to the battlements and talks to the cannoneers
>I tell them that I'm in charge now, intimidating them with my undead wizardyness
>roll 18. They try to resist at first but quickly fold like a paper plate
>I order them to lather the cannon balls with a thin coat of turpentine
>I make adjustments to the cannons and bark orders for a couple hours organizing the troops to my liking. I then wait
>It becomes noon and the horizon suddenly FILLS with enemy ships. at LEAST 4 battleships, 6 skuttlers, 2 galleons, and 1 what can only be described as a super galleon.
>"Bring me my brown pants..."
>I then start rolling for my defensive cannons. Thanks to my adjustments more shots are hitting than missing. I sink most of the skuttlers and a battle ship.
>I ask the DM
>"So, not that the soldiers are used to my new calibrations, do I get a bonus to shoot?"
>DM: uhh....yeah, that makes sense
>"BRING THE TURPENTINE CANNON BALLS!!
>I travel to the end of my rampart and ready a spell
>I set a special wand on the other side that will cast at the same time I do.
>I aim the cannons at some of the bigger ships and my personal cannons at one of the galleons
>I give the command to fire
>Roll to attack
>Natural.... ******* ....20!~
>At the same time they fire, I and my wand cast burning hands in front of all of the cannons (basically charizard used flamethrower)
>all cannonballs catch fire
>Hit all of the ships, Galleon was caught broadside
DM: A glorious shot was had. Your flaming barrage hits the galleon in it's powder stored and a huge explosion washes over the sea. The morale of your men could not be higher, they are calling you a hero and destroyer of pirates
>I figure now is a good time to leave. I pack up cannons and hop on Leeroy.
>the men cry out for me to come back
>"You got this" I tell them
>leave without further words.
>Many pirates have reached the beach at this point and the monk and fighter are in the fight of their lives.
>The rogue, regrettably, was on one of the ships I turned into burning splinters
>he lands in the water and immediately gets attacked by a shark
"I smell a PC" it thought to itself, completely ignoring all of the other easy meals of bodies i turned the pirates into.
I'll wrap up the story in the stickied comment.
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