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Help me. So i made my first D&D character so im gonna just gonna post it here so you guys can fix it and tell me how stupid I am. Race: Dwarf Class: Cleric(

So i made my first D&D character so im gonna just gonna post it here so you guys can fix it and tell me how *** stupid I am.
Race: Dwarf
Class: Cleric(battle cleric ill explain later)
Name: Deek(placeholder)
Sex: yes please (Male)
Height: 3ft 10 in(short even for a dwarf)
Alignment: neutral good
Worshiper of Moradin(will be important later)
I read to roll 4 D6s for stats ignore the lowest number
S-15 D-6 C-18 I-16 W-15 Ch-11
Can speak common, dwarf, and gnome

Ok so those are the stats and those all seem right to me. Then i started writing his backstory with a little help from google to see what kind of backstory guidelines i had to follow.
Deek is a 43 year old male with black hair and a long beard. He is the stereotypical dwarf, other than his shorter than normal stature, until you get to his eyes. They are piercing green with two gold dots and appear to glow. These special eyes allow him to see 100ft in the almost perfect dark as opposed to most dwarves 60ft. When he was young he joined the Battlesmiths. He trained with them from age 10 to age 26. While he was a part of the battlesmiths he became a fine armour and weaponsmith. He specialized in weapons of great weight and power. He became connected to many great battlesmiths and many of his colleges are in his debt. But with all of this attention he also made a few enemies. But many of them stoped hating his fame and skill when they saw him in the ring. He was the best hand to hand fighter in his group but in a weapon fight he was almost useless. yet this was not enough to drive him from the battlesmiths. He was good enough with a war hammer and battleaxe that he could front line for them and mow down hordes of orcs and goblins. At 26 a passing cleric from the temple of Moradin came to the barracks. As a great worshiper of Moradin who Deek thinks of as the greatest of all the gods(many of the gods would dispute this .This may cause trouble later) He went to to the cleric. The cleric, who was impressed by this boys devotion to Moradin, invited Deek in. They sat down and talked for a while and then the cleric offered Deek wine. Not wanting to be rude Deek accepted the wine but purified into water (im not sure that's how it works but it i needed some way to make the cleric see him using cleric powers so might as well reverse Jesus this ) Deek often did this to people who were trying to get him drunk, or trying to beat him in a drinking competition, so he had no thought that anyone else might know what he did. The cleric jumped up and instantly started to accuse him of being another cleric here to fool him and try to get him to speak ill of Moradin. So Deek took him to the head commander who explained that Deek had been in their service for 16 years. The cleric the profusely apologized and offered to take Deek back to the Temple(monostary, church, whatever) Deek said goodbye to the Battlesmiths and went to become a cleric. After 17 years of training Deek had mastered the basics of cleric spells and could read and speak in the magical tongue (whatever it may be for the adventure we are on) He left the Temple and set out to spread Moradoins word throughout the world.

Ok that was a bit of a read but all thats left is equipment and money.
Money: left the monistary with 2 gold has to make the rest from adventuring or clericing(whatever that might entail)
Armor and shield: Currently equipped with chain armor and a long shield made of steel(the shield is 5 inches shorter than he is)
Weapons: Primary weapon is a Warhammer made out of steel with the words Moradin is law written on both ends and the book of moradin(their bible) encased in a diamond sphere in the center. The magic that the book has been enchanted with over the 17 years by all of his teachers and any other magical beings he met causes runes to blossom all over the head of the weapon some causing devastating effects in battle others merely sprouting flowers on his opponents heads but most are just useless words like bread or grapes, or even passages from the book of moradin. This weapon was forged by himself and he holds it even more valuable than his life and upon his death(his final death) it is to be returned to the sanctuary as the true power of Moradin in this era.
His secondary weapon is nowhere near as impressive it is a 2 handed battle axe that he can swing with 1 arm but he puts the hammer on his belt and the shield on his back to wield it. It is inlaid with the word determination and Deek. It takes him 30 sec to toss his shield on his back and his hammer on his belt and draw the axe and a full minute to equip the hammer and shield again.
He has 1 more emergency weapon on him always. A dagger given to him by a mage. It has the word burn on it and when it is stabbed into them it will ignite. It can only ignite 10 times before becoming a normal dagger though(was not the best mage ever)
Ok i know that was a long ass read but did i do good D&D pros of FJ or is he too op or stupid

Tags: help | Im not fully sur | guys | Anyone

Views:	2556
Favorited:	0
Submitted:	10/31/2015

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#1 - catchamp [OP](10/31/2015) [+] (6 replies)

stickied by catchamp

I hit the word count with that so i didnt get to say that he has the charge and cleave traits and he is a Mystical healer(cleric) and a reaper(the horde fighting style he was good at)
Also he likes to charge headlong into battle and mostly only heals himself but heals others if they really need it

#20 - fatbutler (10/31/2015) [-]

>D-6
OH **** ****** WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Allow me to fix your quantum ****** mate.

S-15
D-15
C-16
I- 11
W-18
Ch- 6

You're a goddamned cleric. You are in the fray with a mace and a shield. 6 Dex and you're ******* dead, m8. I'm not talking about ending battles at -4 either. I'm talking about 100% ******* goner. Good luck getting revived by the cleric, because he's dead, because he's you. You're the ******* cleric.

"Oh but my charisma will be so low for charisma checks!"

To be frank, you shouldn't be rolling dwarf and expect to be the master of charisma rolls anyway. You're a damned cleric. That means you go in, swing your mace, and cure light wounds. You're a glorified healbitch.

Also, Deek is a ****** ******* name. Your new name is Thrain Brightsoul. I don't think you get this **** either. Dwarf is my ******* RACE. That's my **** right there. The only reason I'm not running Dwarf Monk right now is because that **** don't exist (2nd Gen best Gen) (also my DM said I could run Dwarf Monk but by that time it was far too late). You calling your character "Deek" is like stepping into my house and taking a **** right on my goddamn desk.

Now, onto your backstory.
The **** you thinking putting that your cleric is the best hand to hand fighter in his group? You made the ****** with 6 Dex. I'd be suprised if "Deek" managed to dodge a single goddamn punch. The whole thing reeks of "I'm the best here, and I know it"

Imma respond to this comment, with a proper ****** backstory.

You named your dwarf ****** Deek the **** is wrong with you bro goddamn.

#25 to #20 - catchamp [OP](10/31/2015) [-]

it says placeholder on it im just using initials for something else

#26 to #20 - angelious (10/31/2015) [-]

>dwarf is my race
>suggesting to name a dwarf thrain brigthsoul instead of urist mc-cleric

you dishonor the mountain homes.

-3

#27 to #20 - sptnfouroneseven ONLINE (11/01/2015) [-]

He had to roll d6s for his stats, so the 6 dex is 'okay' for that type of system. If it was a point buy he'd want to keep dex at 10, or drop to 8 if he REALLY needed the extra 2 points for his casting score(Wisdom) or strength. The drop in Cha you have is fine, without the 15 in Dex he could get to 20 W or 17 Str. Making him a bit better in actual combat. Also, int isn't the best stat for a more combat focused class like Cleric, making the extra point in there worthless, put it in something else, like attempting to save that cha or whatnot.

This is all based on them playing 3.5/Pathfinder, and if he's doing that why not just play an Inquisitor. 20x cooler abilities and 20x more lenient.

#21 to #20 - fatbutler (10/31/2015) [-]

From the desk of Brother Goldbeard

To my brothers of the Church of Moradin,

My travels fare well, and I have much news to tell. I have not much time to write as I am returning to the Church posthaste...with an initiate in tow. My travels lead me to Trennamar, to spread the word of Moradin, when I was found by my new charge, Thrain Brightsoul.

I had spent the night in worship at a local temple when I met Thrain. As I made my way back to the tavern that night, I was targeted by a group of brigands. They struck quickly, not even stopping to make demands before their attack. I was no match for the sheer number. I fell upon my knees, and before their leader could loose the final blow I saw his skull crushed.

This dwarf was not my kin, yet he fought as though he was protecting his own child. I dare say I ne'er seen another soul with such fight in it. He managed to scare off my would-be assassins, but my wounds were deep. Before I fell unconscious he looked to me, his vibrant green eyes hold golden pupils that glow against the darkness.

I came to, warm in my bed at the tavern, with Thrain watching over me. My body sore, but my wounds healed, I thanked him for his heroics. Over the next hours we spoke of our past journeys. In addition to being a skilled fighter, Thrain was also a master Battlesmith, having crafted his truly magnificent war hammer himself. He was also a devout Moradinian, and always seeked his favor in battle.

As we went to part ways, I wished to give thanks to the priest that had healed my wounds. I asked Thrain who had tended my wounds, and to my surprise it was Thrain himself. I knew this was a sign, for so devout a man to also have a natural talent for the light is nothing other than such. I offered him a place at our temple, and now we make for the Church of Moradin. We will see you soon.

Sincerely,
Brother Goldbeard

THAT'S HOW YOU WRITE A ****** BACKSTORY.

NEVER NAME ANOTHER DWARF AGAIN.

#22 to #21 - fatbutler (10/31/2015) [-]

BONUS: Now whenever you kill an enemy with a nat 20 you can yell "ALL ABOARD THE THRAIN TRAIN, DOOT DOOT!"

You're welcome.

#12 - anythingoes (10/31/2015) [-]

Character backstory is pretty much one of those "He was good at stuff. In fact, he was sooooo good at stuff!" And that is lame, and gives off the "special snowflake". I mean, especially the whole saga with the "natural cleric powers" and "and then he stoped being a soldier, since he worshiped X, and the cleric saw he had cleric powers and called him to sign up, so he just up and leaved and became a cleric", it's just so uninspired and rushed, flesh it out, give insight on the characters view point, a good reason for his choices.

His side weapons are fine, now his main suffers from the same "special snowflake syndrome". You can have custom weapons, but if the gear is more akin to something you'd call special weapon, you may be pushing too far. Plus, you forgot to put on the weapon damage too. And why would it take so long to switch weapons? You are aware that usually, 30 seconds is something along 5 rounds of combat, right? You'd spent a whole fight switching weapons like that, usually you just need to say "GM, I'll spend my action to switch weapons, and I'll move in that direction"

#15 to #12 - catchamp [OP](10/31/2015) [-]

the special snowflake story was me using a premade story and not much time. I was writeing about a lifelong devoted cleric for the good of everyone kind opf thing then i found out that clerics can use any weapon and armor and went you know what i want a battle cleric. The weapon was from a long time ago because i wanted to literally hit them with a bible and now i have the opportunity to do it. Also the DM said that if i ever accidentally make it snow during battle i get a special snowflake award he is reading these comments too

#17 to #15 - anythingoes (10/31/2015) [-]

Yeah, didn't mean to be rude mean man, it's just these things have a lot to do with immersion, and a character with a poor back history can be a telltale sign that he may become somewhat pesky to work with. I'd reccomend putting someone he had an antagonistic relation on the army, probably some incident on some battle that drove him to the temple such incident can revolve that antagonist-in-arms or not... I'd think that the guy did something way too far, and during a battle he had a chance to save his life, but choose not to, and the guilt of that decision drove him to the temple to seek penance, and due to his militar background, he was eventually driven to the clerical carrer. But that's just something from the top of my head, don't wanna badger on YOUR character background.

And I've just read that your GM decided to hold that thing off to later levels, so that sounds more balanced.

#18 to #17 - catchamp [OP](10/31/2015) [-]

I wasnt complaining about your comments I took all of them into mind and started fixing my character but also some of this story is edited. In the non shortened version of the story half of the forward guard gets killed because the general went all cowardly and had the archers fire into the crowd containing ally troops killing more allies then enemies and after that it all goes downhill after the battle he gets picked up by the cleric and then that scene happens. I just cut some parts out so that i could make FJ 5000 word count

#16 to #12 - catchamp [OP](10/31/2015) [-]

oh i was wondering what you were talking about when you said flesh it out well Fj has a 5000 word cap and i hit that so the people hating he is a VERY **** fighter aren't in there as well as his ancestry parents were mages but he showed no aptitude for magic so he left at a young age for the next best thing ect., ect. Im also not that good of a writer

#24 - theblargypargler (10/31/2015) [-]

I mean, you're using 3rd edition, which is a pretty abominable sin.

#23 - lathyrusvii (10/31/2015) [-]

lol christ that's a lot of words. Ten or less, as said by wanpanchmawn

#19 - peliaosfiendline (10/31/2015) [-]

this is technically a 3.5 based chart, but you should take a look at the typical height range for medium sized creature, like a dwarf.

dungeons.wikia.com/wiki/Table:_Creature_Size_and_Scale_ (3.5e_Other)

Dwarves are probably the shortest medium sized race, but 3'10" is more young halffling than adult dwarf.

admittedly, this is me nitpicking, but it is something that should be taken into consideration.

#11 - whompers ONLINE (10/31/2015) [-]

Firstly, couldn't find what level this character is and there are enough differences between 3.5 and 5th edition that you need to stick to the rules of one of them when building your character. Especially because feats work very differently in 5th edition. Furthermore, if this character is 5th edition, then your DM may want you to use the Point Buy System for stats so that every party member is equal.

As for personally opinion, a healer Cleric is a team player. Planning to only heal yourself might draw the ire of your party members, because you are deliberately making the choice to only ensure your own survival in a game where teamwork is crucial to success. Expect to have your party members want you to heal them when they get into a tight spot in combat. You stated that Deek is a battle cleric, but by knowing heal spells, and the possibility that you might be the only party member with the capacity to heal, you might be expected to step up and heal your allies and refusal to do so may cause you grief.
And finally, to nitpick, a round in D&D is 6 seconds (unless your DM is using the one round is one minute system). So taking 5 rounds to change weapons and 10 rounds to change weapons back will likely get you killed.

That said, it'd be interesting to see how this character fits into the campaign your DM has in mind. I wish you all the best and happy adventuring.

#13 to #11 - catchamp [OP](10/31/2015) [-]

Since this was posted i have been talking with the DM and im fixing most of these things but the self healing thing is gonna be one of my traits and i will anounce it to my other party members. when we were discussing it i was 1 minute turns and we all can preform more than 1 action a turn we have almost no time to play so we are kinda doing short campaigns and putting a tiny bit more pressure on the dm but he is confident he can do that

#14 to #13 - whompers ONLINE (10/31/2015) [-]

Excellent. Hope it all works out.

#8 - ventruss ONLINE (10/31/2015) [-]

Only questions i have are what system is this in and what level are you starting at? Its kinda rare to see a level one with enchanted weaponry, or at least it is in my case but we run semi low magic worlds.

#9 to #8 - catchamp [OP](10/31/2015) [-]

everything other than the weapon is based off of lvl 1-3 stats and the weapon is a placeholder for the dm i talked to him since this was posted and he said he can work it later into the campaign so i dont just go full op for the fist 5 levels