Dungeons and Fun

Ok here is a story for you ******** , Im playing DnD with an online group I know, Party Is composed of a elf wizard with a kicking beard(somehow, also me and the wizard are schemers, and are also in an alliance) A dwarf guntank(Gunslinger, just a bit more sturdy) who carries a door arround as a shield, and loves booze and chicks, A catgirl gunslinger ninja? Just useless(Litteraly E Rped with the gm, just for 'fun', Spoiler, Gm cringed when he played along), a 8 year old girl necromancer, who comes up with the STUPIDEST ideas, A hippie witch, A tiefling bard who is cowardly, and a cutpurse, A human monk, who wants to be batman and goku at the same time, A rouge, who is edgy mc edgy(not as edgy anymore, and in context and character, barely knew us all((since IRL had to go work for 2 months, but he was too cool to just kick permantley,Also barely knew my character more, since I got my old one killed off))
And me, The alchemest Lizardman(who is the ONLY healer, since the cleric/necromancer little girl is useless) who is a buisness oriented everyman, who is out for the profits. Anywho we are heading off to a dwarf city, with another dwarf and his caravan, after we run away from some werewolves(Another story) we find our selves in the cave to cross the mountain to the place, We go in, explore for a bit, find out the way we where going to go, was collapsed, went a seperate way, Find a cave troll. Because the wizard is baddass, we DESTROY IT(he basicly cripples it to the point of fighting a baby) then we head onto victory, we then later end up in a crypt, in the cave, and we find out 2 main factors of the place, one the celling has webs on it, and two, this is a DROW cementary(just to clarfy, Drow are ******* badasses, and you never want to fight one) me being an idiot, and knowing what could happen, Try to break open a grave.....Then above me is a Drider(basicly a Drow crossed with a giant spider) It basicly now wants me dead(to clarfy something, we also have a group of 35 kolbolds me and the wizard hired, one was killed in a cave in.) cause I ****** with the graves, and mostly everyone is like K not our problem( **** YOU!) So, me being sensible, I BOOK it, dodging the web she shot, but not dodging the lightning bolt the next round, which hits me for 31 damage(leaving me with 4 hp)Also when I ran, right before I yelled to the Kolbolds, KILL THAT BITCH(Since I was the employer, they listened). So you know who is the first to help me? Not the badass wizard, WHO IS IN AN ALLIANCED WITH ME, No the rouge I barely know in character, cause he is like "Dude, Im not going to leave a bro behind" and because of that, the Gm throws me a bone, and gets the NPC dwarf to help out.....not much, Which THEN gets the others to FINNALY give me a hand(Wizard, being baddass, blinds the bitch) but only like 3 of them,The rest run like bitches, leaving me to die, and the people who helped cept the rouge, run directly after they help once Then after the Drider gets pissy, casts Deep Darkness(Makes it so you can't see **** without magic light, She couldn't either)and then everyone runs(even the rouge) but im on the other side of the deep darkness(was the smartest way to go at the time, either take a kick on movement, cause of awkward terrain back towards the group, or run away, trying my chances, with a Better distance((spoilers, That was the better idea)) so Now Im split up from everyone else, also now going the presumeably right way, while everyone else is going the other way, trying to find a way though, while in character, we have no idea what happened to either group(They may think Im dead for all I know). So that Is the story of how I survived a Drider, by getting into the mess by being an idiot, and getting lucky enough to get the **** away. If you want more stories, I will tell them if people care. Oh and by the way, we are playing Pathfinder, Basicly 3.5 with some changes.