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Dislocated Shoulders. What is one of the most outrageous things that happened in one your games?. I Anonymous 12/ 08/ 1 I (Thu) 04: 22 No. 17142397 splay Cyberp

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What is one of the most outrageous things that happened in one your games?

Tags: dungeons | Dragons | cyberpunk | dislocated | shoulder

I Anonymous 12/ 08/ 1 I (Thu) 04: 22 No. 17142397
splay Cyberpunk campaign
wwe' re a group of mercenaries
met contracted for a hit an a chinese businessman
and Vehicles are supplied by the contractor
mmy character chooses an experimental antibacterial rifle which must be baited to something before being fired
Hams night, we decide to ambush the chinaman an his way to a restaurant by intercepting his car escort
as I make my way to a rooftop, aur scout calls up frantically saying the target is early
mar armored cars crash into the car in front of and behind ofthe Ghanaians limo
wwith him inside the bulletproof, electronically secured car, I am supposed to sheet through the Darwinian and hopefully kill him
4 habent mien begun belting dawn the rifle as I see the limo starting to flee by turning into an alley
4 have to act fast, m I put the gun to my shoulder and fire
tthe shat smashes through the trunk ofthe limo and through the right wheel, making it smash into a wall, at the same time dislocating my shoulder
4 am in extreme pain as I see the chinaman step out ofthe car, running away from the wreck
I Anonymous 12/ ( Thu) 04: 23 No. 17142403
jpg-( 50 KB, 570x333, Meganinja. jpg)
sail my buddies are fighting the guards from the escort
4 say "Alright then", pick up the rifle with my other hand, steady it against the roof railing and sheet
GGM informs me that I take a severe penalty far using my left hand, AND being in horrible pain
4 rail a it
4 bianche chinaman in half, right through the spine, guts all pavement, in the process dislocating my other shoulder
math my arms are useless, but the guy is dead, **** yeah
tthe roof access door suddenly begins rattling, the Ghanaians guard are coming far me
4 am royally ****** , when suddenly I hear incoming noise
s a news chopper, stolen by and piloted by aur scout, he throws out a megust as the door is busted dawn
4 put a foot an the lowest ladder step and bite dawn as hard as I possibly could an the step in front of my face
she takes off
GGM tells meta rail
4 **** my rail and loose my footing
4 get another rail to see if my teeth can held me as the chopper sways and bullets whiz: past me
unatural it
west ******* escape silver

...

+610

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Submitted:	11/05/2015

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+146

#1 - iderpedintofj (11/05/2015) [-]

Once we successfully disguised a dude while our bard serenaded a rock golem into believing said dude was a female rock golem.

He was volunteered because he threw a torch into a 'suspicious rock pile' despite everyone screaming at him not to.

His anus became a bag of holding, provided he made a successful strength roll each day to keep his ravaged sphincter clenched.

#4 to #1 - pawnman (11/05/2015) [-]

reminds me of the 4chan story of the robot with a bag of holding for an ass. or was it his mouth? or both?

#21 to #4 - killerkongformoney (11/06/2015) [-]

I remember that. I'm pretty sure it was in his mouth so he could solve all his problems by eating them.

+41

#12 - kekat (11/05/2015) [-]

I once played a campaign based (i **** you not) around the second Chechen war.
All 6 of us were called Ivan. No last names allowed.

While standing on a rooftop looking for a suitable place to camp for the night, a lone Mujahdeen solider fired an RPG right at us.

Ivan is the target, ivan decides what to do in this situation.
"I roll to run at and take the rocket hit"
20
Ivan sprints toward the edge of the building, grabs the rocket mid-air and swings it back at the soldier, blowing up the floor of the building it was launched from. He falls off the roof on to a car. Breaking a leg and 2 ribs, but he is just fine besides that.

Ivan was the first to earn a last name. Ivan Slingshotsky.

#34 to #12 - braveshart (11/06/2015) [-]

>All of us were Ivan

We're all Ivan inside, friend.

#30 to #12 - anon (11/06/2015) [-]

Holy **** that's awesome! I wanna ******* play that sometime!

+38

#3 - theworstlurker (11/05/2015) [-]

This happened recently.

Me a wizard, my friends oracle, fighter, paladin and I think a rogue/cleric? variant. Having just dispersed a bar fight that included a fire elemental, I passed the spot check to see the BBEG disappear into an alley. I notify friends of that and we investigate. The whole area is pinging nectomancy left and right, real heavy. Some serious **** is going down. I recognize the danger and suggest that we book it out of there. This is 9th level casting and we're only level 7. They want to bust down the door and confront the guy. I want to leave asap. I don't have the spell levels for this **** . So they busy down the door. BBEG immediately opens a bag of holding and dumps out like 60 skeletons worth of bones and animates them. So we've got that to deal with. We cut through most of them, and confront BBEG. He cast a 9th level summon and brings out some sort of shadow beast. So the fighter, paladin, and rogue are dealing with that while I and the oracle try to stop the BBEG from escaping. Upon realizing that we're crazy enough to try and stop him, he takes out a portable hole and dumps it into the bag of holding, which rips the fabric of reality and dumps us into another plane, ethereal I think, which sucks me, the oracle, BBEG, and 10 feet of the wall through the tear. I give him one last **** you with a Sands of Time spell, but I flubbed my fly roll to get back through the tear. The oracle however uses sonic blast to propel himself into me and out the tear before it closed. So now the BBEG is floating around in the ethereal plane and if his soul isn't anchored, may be getting eaten by the goddess of death. We got real lucky, but he was a level 20 character using 9th level scrolls and items.

+10

#28 to #3 - needsauceadmisblan (11/06/2015) [-]

well the heck did he spend his cash on?
whores?

+20

#7 - anon (11/05/2015) [-]

Call of cthulhu campaign homebrew

We had done a couple of small "ghostbuster" type house cleanings already. My plaer character, a dorky, pothead college student who happened to have taken a lot of classes on demonology and to have an incredibly high craft improvised objects skill left the party in the middle of one of these battles with a demonic creature to go to a local walmart. Earlier in the game, one of our party had rolled a 20 while giving first aid to a homeless man, and cured his paralysis magically. He was so excited, he ran off. So guess who I run into at the walmart? I come back to the house twenty minutes later with a gopro, my magical ritual dagger, and a hobo with a shotgun, and we proceed to do battle with what was essentially a lich at this point while I film the whole thing. After we win, and hobo disappears into the night, I did a roll to "sell movie rights" to the found footage, and our entire group winds up picking up the next campaign as rich, famous occultist-soldiers and getting employed with the Federal Government as paranormal investigators and cult hunters. I got to DM our next game, and decided "hey, why not have the team go to Damascus to stop a trade of an original collection of occult pieces gathered by ISIS?" The COC game winds up turning into some sort of espionage, cyberpunk **** as we use space age government technology combined with occult weapons like an old, cursing mosin nagant to battle the hashashiya, terrorists, demons, zombies, and eventually, envoys of nyarlathotep himself. We ended the first part of the campaign with the group successfully securing their goal but learning that a cult had already summoned nyarlathotep back into being on earth, and the drawn out apocalypse had already begun. That's where we left off, at least.

#27 to #7 - cackledemon (11/06/2015) [-]

awesome

+15

#8 to #7 - tlstheseen (11/05/2015) [-]

dammit i forgot to log in

+19

#6 - tarekmig (11/05/2015) [-]

>Be me playing Spacestation 13
>Is a chemist in the medbay
>Go braindead (afk) while I watch youtube vids
>Hear something happening in my game, so I switch back to the game
>See chemist trying to feed me two pills, potassium and water (Basically ******* explodes, imagine being fed explosives? yeah.)
> ******* puush those pills out of his hand, and knock him on the ground
>Start hitting him with my bare hands
>He gets up and pulls out a screwdriver, and starts stabbing me with it
>I knock him down, making him drop his screwdriver which I picked up
>Start stabbing him ******** insane with a screwdriver, people come and start watching
>at least 7 people watching and cheering on who will win
>Ego raises up, I K.O him with the screwdriver, rendering him unconscious
>People screaming cheerful ****
>I scream out loud "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?"
>mfw
>Medbot comes in and pulls me away from the guy, taking him to a cyropod
>go out of my chemistry lab and get myself patched up, some guy comes by and brings me the janitor's cleaning segway, giving me the keys and telling me that I won

At that moment, I entirely forgot that I was on a Spacestation.

#32 to #6 - barbwirepain (11/06/2015) [-]

me and some friends would get together and play on thursdays, finding russian servers (because it was funnier) we'd all make black characters with black names. get in drop all your gear and make spears. run around naked chanting ooga booga boo, where the white women at. try to take over station corner captain and stab him to death while chanting ooga booga boo where the white women at. take over the station then get banned. what a glorious day

#46 to #32 - tarekmig (11/06/2015) [-]

**** dude, I should join you in your adventures. You should try this **** : Go to HOP, ask to make you a leader of a cult called "Muslim brotherhood", Ask more people to join in, make grenades that trigger with a voice command, which is "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" and hand them to your cult members, and watch **** happen. I ****** up HoS this way, allahu-akbar'd him in the medbay.

+16

#9 to #6 - zepplinfailure (11/05/2015) [-]

>Space Station 13
>Be bad, pun making clown, doing clown things.
>Suddenly, nuke ops.
>Alert, alert, nuke ops are ******* everything, sec trying to stop them.
>Eventually it just turns into Security and the Ops basically running around in circles shooting eachother.
>Get idea.
>Get terrible, stupid, probably going to die doing this idea.
>Run in front of one of the ops that got seperated, PDA slip him, eventually assistants beat him to death with their ~~random objects~~ sacred weaponry.
>say "Well, I guess that was my only OPtion".
>Get beaten to death by the same assistant mob.

Such is a day in the life of SS13.

#11 to #9 - tarekmig (11/05/2015) [-]

>Be genetics guy
>Doing my ****
>Gang of ******* come and start trashing my lab
>They eventually **** me up
>Get patched, get back to lab and fix everything
>Get a DNA syringe of a monkey
>Find one of them, inject him and he turns into a monkey
>Long story short, the rest somehow died, and I injected one with toxins with a syringe gun
>Store them all in my locker

SWEET VICTORY

+11

#18 to #11 - mazzy (11/06/2015) [-]

>Be doctor
>normal space station, normal stuff
>guy turns up, missing an arm and carrying a half dead monkey
>direct the dude to get a robotic arm, take the half dead monkey
>scan it, find out it's been poisoned and has brain damage from head trauma
>manage to stabilize its condition
>it's fully recovered, but it's retarded
>mfw retarded monkey as a pet for the rest of that match

#19 to #18 - tarekmig (11/06/2015) [-]

>Be assistant
>Ask for explosive chemicals
>Chemist girl is unfriendly bitch who asks for a really precise and needy reason
>Warn her if she doesn't give me the chemicals I cut my foot off
>She doesn't
>I take the hatchet and drop it on my foot, cutting it off
>absolutemadman.jpg
>She goes all crazy and goes out to patch me up
>Run away, and after a while come back to medbay
>She pushes me on the ground and puts a stray jacket on me
>Takes me to the therapist

#41 to #19 - kinginthenorth (11/06/2015) [-]

>Be Robotics
>Sec is apparently too robust with a lot of people, so lots of people died
>I must prepare for this
>They didn't get rid of the corpses
>Pump all of their brains into Murderborgs
>Keep them all in my lab
>Sec knows i'm doing something fishy after keeping my lab in lockdown for a while
>They blow their way into my lab
>You'veActivatedMyTrapCard.jpg
>My robotic defense force mauls all the security to death
>Then i repurpose my defense force into buttbots

Never **** with Robotics

#47 to #41 - tarekmig (11/06/2015) [-]

>Be assistants with my friend
>We are ****** assistants , so we have to make chaos
>We go to the science bay to steal **** , Bomb defusal suits, gas masks, plasma tanks etc
>We see that people are walking by, and we are afraid that we might be asked why we are here
>We agree upon saying that we are waiting for a fellow scientist to come to us
>we make ******** name for the scientist, we sit down at a waiting room
>The scientist robot giy goes away
>We want to break into a test chamber, steal cool suits and ****
>Because I am pro at hacking, I do it
>Friend looks out for people while I hack
>Success!.jpg
>Get inside, steal suits and gas masks and multi-tools
>Try to open door that I hacked
>It shocks me and I fall down, no biggie
>Hear someone trying to access the door and it beeps
> **** .jpg
>Friend helps me get up and hack the other door that leads out
>Hack it and **** up the wires so it won't open again
>Get the **** out of there
> **** was intense like payday

MFW we broke into sciencebay, made up a ******** friend, and almost got caught

+16

#23 - jaaabrocon (11/06/2015) [-]

One of my more memorable moments as DM included the party barbarian stumbling into a room full of rock golems and a single fountain. The intension of this room was to have the large amount of rock golems clobber him, and if they could succeed in killing him they would perform their demoic rites and bind his soul within the fountain, as they had done to many an adventurer before him.

The Barbarian however it seems had other plans. His first action was to stride up to the fountain, which i promptly informed him echoed with the thousand suffering souls of the damned.

He told me he wanted to drink it.

Now, this story is quite memorable among my group because it marks one of only two moments that a party member was lucky enough to roll a nat 20 when it seriously mattered. The other moment was equally ridiculous, but i'll not get into that now. So, the Barbarian rolled a nat 20, and his player getting excited at the high roll told me that he drank all of the fountain. In it's entirety.

The magic of the nat 20 not to be denied, i told him that he slurped up the fountain dry and suffered absolutely no ill effects at all (originally, and if he had rolled anything 19 and under, this would have killed him). The golems proceeded to stare at him slackjawed and dumbfounded, before collectively swearing oaths of fealty to his service so long as he remained in their dungeon. He made amble use of them to fight the lich at the end of it, and merry times were had with the kamikaze golems.

Picture related was my face upon his decision to drink the water, then subsequent nat 20.

+17

#2 - miia ONLINE (11/05/2015) [-]

+15

#5 - alos (11/05/2015) [-]

I once played a revenant in a 4e one-off.
Decidedthat because one-off I'd dick about a bit
Decide to wear black robes and wield scythe
Party enters a village ravaged by disease
I find the sickest-oldest looking peasant
Walk straight up to him
"YOUR TIME HAS COME!"
Roll nat 20 for outcome
He ***** himself and dies of fear
MFW
Giggle to myself and have a ******* great time for the rest of the event

+13

#20 - cosmiccactus (11/06/2015) [-]

I played as a paladin who worshiped a talking fish he caught once.

The other players had escaped with magic wishing gems or something (I can't remember, all powerful artifacts) while myself and the other guy I had conspired with to get them myself were ****** because they were across the whole land. I prayed to my god and rolled a natural 20 - a giant fish head parted the clouds, picked us up, and spit us out on the mountain where they were.

We were too late anyways, and they used to stones to stop some demon guy from destroying the world by getting command of him. They then ordered him to leave but first to kill my fish god.

He succeed in killing my god, my paladin lost his reason for existence, and tackled another guy off a cliff and died in the process.

#24 to #20 - mordavia (11/06/2015) [-]

All hail the Lutefisk God!
Game is Dungeons of Dredmor. And in addition to the Lutefisk God, there are also Lutefisk Paladins

#25 to #24 - cosmiccactus (11/06/2015) [-]

I had a lot of interesting games, but we never got through enough sessions in any of my games for my characters to get into high powered endgame stuff I always hear about. People always ended up busy eventually.

Maybe I'll post about some of my more interesting experiences on FJ sometime

+10

#14 - Oricthelion (11/05/2015) [-]

I once played a crazy old warlock with insanely high bluff. One moment that sticks out is when we were stealing from a warehouse, just as we were finishing up a squadron of town guard bursts in and quickly restrains all my buddies (except the rogue who snuck out like the little bitch he was). At this point I've hidden in the janitors closet amongst the mops and brooms, and inevitably one of the ******* guards opens up the door and spots me immediately. So, acting as I believed a crazy warlock would, I look him dead in the eye and proclaim. "I am a tree. Carry on!" and roll bluff. Got a ******* nat 20. What I hadn't ******* foreseen though was that the discovery of a talking tree in a room full of mops and brooms was quite the discovery. Naturally the entirety of the guard comes to look, and I the first ******* check and get carted off to prison with the rest of my party. Still, was talking tree for a bit. _

#22 - Burningblaze (11/06/2015) [-]

Once upon a time we were playing an epic leveled campaign. I was playing a time thief (Third party class, slightly broken) We were fighting a Lich who was on his last leg. His last ditch attack was to tear the roof off his castle and make a huge tornado above the castle to suck us up. Everyone but our gunslinger made the saves. Gunslinger was sucked 300 feet in the air, and accepted his death. My time thief said no to that and stopped time. "There is debris in the tornado from the roof, right?" "Well yeah" "What kind of check do I need to make it up there to grab him, bouncing off the debris that is not moving?" "Really high..." We are epic level characters, I have insane acrobatics anyways, and I can use motes of time to up that anyways. Roll really well, use motes to add 16 or so more, use time thief shenanigans to boost my speed greatly, jump way up into the tornado, grab the gun slinger, and safely jump back down. It was ridiculous and probably the most fun I had in a while. That was the same campaign I bullied a dragon into being my pet.

#10 - ExorArgus ONLINE (11/05/2015) [-]

I actually yelled " I LEFT AN OWL IN CHARGE OF A BROTHEL, DO YOU THINK I WANT THIS AS A PERMANENT SOLUTION."

Good times.

#33 - arkensas (11/06/2015) [-]

So playing World of Darkness as a were bear, no one knows that though supposed to be secret, really chill as **** dude most of the time. Spend most games literally throwing werewolves around and crushing rocks with hands. Buddy playing as a werewolf finds a magic item that let's him temporary double his strength, says he can beat me in an arm wrestle. Bets his belt. Say sure **** why not. His character shifts to his big scary werewolf crinos form and I stay a human, no one in the party has seen me in anything but that form and they all think I'm just a human character that is related to werewolves and aren't scared by them. Anywho set up for match in front of rock, 9 ft tall werewolf walks over and sits down puts his arm on rock. Commerce arm wrestling, GM has us rolling contested strength rolls, I manage to beat him a couple times and he's getting mad so my character laughs at him an this makes him more mad. So one of the rules the werebears have is their able to slowly increase their strength by spending a resource called rage on a 1 for 1 basis, my character had three home brew skills one that let him double that at a 2 for 1 rate, one that made him gain these points at a regular rate and one that allowed him to make roll to allow him to extend the effects of his strength gain based on a willpower check. At the third round of the arm wrestle my character had a strength rating of 47, on a scale that usually tops at 10. Other players don't know that though so I'm rolling a couple dice out of my pool every time and the GM is just laughing to himself, finally buddy gets mad and activates his belt that doubles his strength score to 14. He gives some big speech about how it was amazing that a mere human withstood his strength for so long but now he was done going easy on me. Character goes oh we're done that now? GM now pauses to let buddy know that he'll need to get a new character ready as his current one has been thrown into the sun. Never had more fun playing an rp since

#31 - bugsbob (11/06/2015) [-]

One time in a DnD campaign, I had the honor of playing with the most incompetent sorcerer I have ever seen. In the first battle of the campaign, against a small group of bandits, his wild magic activated and summoned two terrified flumphs. The sorcerer decided these mighty warriors would make a good temporary addition to our team, and tried to intimidate them into helping us.

He botched the roll so badly, he ended up fighting, and then losing to, two flumphs.

A while later, we were fighting a mad priest and a couple zombies. Once again, Captain Hentai's wild magic summoned four flumphs, but as a nice change of pace, these ones were already homicidal. He was beaten within an inch of his life, and the only reason he lived was because the friendly neighborhood bard (a.k.a. me) managed to put the marauding flumphs to sleep.

#17 - deroderpderp (11/05/2015) [-]

Ive never played D&D before, overly religious parents think its satanic, are there any digital versions or channels on here where people play it?

#26 to #17 - cackledemon (11/06/2015) [-]

1) there are hundreds of games around, try planescape torment(widely considered best story) or anything from black isle/troika games/bethesda(until morrowind) for the experience (or anything in the roguelike genre, through these are tough as heck)

2)search internet for the best stories on roleplaying, around here and on 1d4chan there are lots of beautiful moments of heroism and sacrifice.Then show them to your parents, nobody can say roleplaying is satanic once they read about the knight of burgundymoor

3) there are also great texts defending roleplaying as a sane way of having a good time (from anonymous people to famous people like Perez-Reverte or Vin Diesel). get some of those and show them to your parents.

4) If all else fails, you can do like the rest of us and friendship your way into a small playing group (I had to introduce D&D into my town, you won't have it that hard)

stay classy, and godluck to you, may the force of the natural 20 be with you

#35 to #26 - cacti ONLINE (11/06/2015) [-]

Do you need a good PC to run planescape: torment? Mines pretty ***** . Also, it says it runs on older versions of windows. Do you think it'd work on Windows 8?

#39 to #35 - cackledemon (11/06/2015) [-]

no you don't, but you'll probably want both the GOG version and the unofficial patches (especially if you're running windows 7 or higher)

#40 to #39 - cacti ONLINE (11/06/2015) [-]

I'm assuming GOG and the unofficial patches are mods? I've been looking at reviews and it looks pretty cool. Much different from anything I've played before.

#42 to #40 - cackledemon (11/06/2015) [-]

GOG version is a fine-tuned copy to run in modern systems, the unofficial patches are there to solve some bugs and restore some unfinished content (really big game, black isle used to go big and leave some cracks on the final product) and to give it modern resolution compatibility (else you're stuck in 640x480)

#43 to #42 - cacti ONLINE (11/06/2015) [-]

Where can I find the GOG version and patches? Thanks for your help btw.

#44 to #43 - cackledemon (11/06/2015) [-]

GOG=Good Old Games, internet platform that fixes old games to run on new computers
the patches, you can just google them
have a nice game and may the 20 be with you

#45 to #44 - cacti ONLINE (11/06/2015) [-]

Haha thanks man.

#15 - zionsype (11/05/2015) [-]

#16 - seratyo (11/05/2015) [-]

I once played a session of Shadow Run with my friends.
I was playing an Amish boxer. I attempted to knock out a janitor by punching him, allowing us to sneak into a TV station. I killed him with a single punch. He was the only thing we killed the entire session. We never played again...

#37 - bohemianblasphemy (11/06/2015) [-]

Our backs were to the wall and we were inches from death. On a whim, our barbarian tries to roll Arcana and gets a nat 20. After the DM refused his request to summon John Cena and Hulk Hogan, he gave in to my suggestion of Macho Man. He helped us fight and saved our lives single-handedly. Before we left the area, I got a clutch nat 20 diplomacy to permanently recruit him. Sadly, he died soon after in our next session trying to save our inept fighter from being gangraped by five enemies in a storage room. I got his hat and his last Slim Jim, though. RIP in Peace, you glorious bastard. Oh yeah, we've also summoned Shrek and an army of Redeads in the past, but this was my favorite.

More recently, our rogue ****** up a LOT of rolls and ended up literally sucking dick to prevent an enemy from attacking the rest of us. So there's that.

#48 - anon (11/09/2015) [-]

I never believe these stories that involve rolling multiple 20's in a row. It's like no one ever has any mundane rolls to make.

#49 to #48 - shanksjr (11/15/2015) [-]

Hey! It can happen.

Our party killed a dire bore in one campaign and the paladin wanted to cut the tusk off for a sword.

DM asked for a survival to take it apart, he fumbled.
DM asks for a dexterity check to avoid falling over, he fumbled.
DM gave him one last shot and asked for a final dex save to avoid falling head first onto the tusk, he fumbled.

The DM felt so bad for the paladin decapitating himself that he let us get a discount at the chapel to bring him back.