D&D racism in a nutshell
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#19
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blueflags [OP](10/30/2015) [+] (4 replies)
Thanks a lot for getting this above 100! Do you want me to do any more D&D related stuff like this? (Book related, but never read)
stickied by blueflags
#42 to #40
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davidbowiesensei (10/30/2015) [-] Then why do I get his blessing when I pray at his shrine?
Aldmer: 0
Nords: 1
Aldmer: 0
Nords: 1
#16
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greenimp (10/30/2015) [-] In every universe, in every land, in every story, game and artwork, you can be assured of one thing.
Elves are the ******* worst.
Elves are the ******* worst.
#8 to #4
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tittylovin (10/30/2015) [-] "and Pelinal] came to Perrif's camp of rebels holding a sword and mace, both encrusted with the smashed viscera of elven faces, feathers and magic beads, which were the markings of the Ayleidoon, stuck to the redness that hung from his weapons, and he lifted them, saying: "These were their eastern chieftains, no longer full of their talking."
BASED
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BASED
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#13
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thesunpraiser ONLINE (10/30/2015) [-] >TFW I play a High Elf Paladin
>TFW I hardly play because my group keeps ******* canceling every week
>TFW I hardly play because my group keeps ******* canceling every week
#1
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peliaosfiendline (10/30/2015) [-] meh, looks more skyrim to me. if it was a crossbow bolt from a shadow, then the racism might be in the form of " ******* drow"
#2 to #1
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brackgrapple ONLINE (10/30/2015) [-] Well, It's a well based racism. SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS
#18 to #11
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silverzepher (10/30/2015) [-] I fall under imperial anyways so doesn't bother me much, we got ****** up by the elves after the dragon fire went bye bye
#30
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reaperriley ONLINE (10/30/2015) [-] My very first session it was completely with my friends. I was debating on being a human or a half ork. I had a friend who was going to be an elf sitting across from me. Now keep in mind this was 3.5 DnD so set up was long for newbies.
The entire time the elf guy just sat there, staring at me, saying things like, "Filfty humie", "mud monkey", "Smelly Savage" so when it came time to give a basic backstory to the DM I asked him to make me hardcore racist against elves.
5 years later, **** those faggot.
The entire time the elf guy just sat there, staring at me, saying things like, "Filfty humie", "mud monkey", "Smelly Savage" so when it came time to give a basic backstory to the DM I asked him to make me hardcore racist against elves.
5 years later, **** those faggot.
#25
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thechosentroll (10/30/2015) [-] I swear, I was a lot less racist before I started playing Dwarf Fortress. Then again, it's not really racism when it's against elves.
#7
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captainfuckitall (10/30/2015) [-] I identify with this on a spiritual level because my character absolutely despises Dwarves and tries to pin everything on them to the point it gets ridiculous.
"So yeah, this big tower could potentially be used to wipe out half the life on Earth, you adventurers should go and destroy it"
"Was it made by Dwarves?"
"Well, we don't know, it's just been around for an incredibly long time"
"Probably because it was made by Dwarves..."
"Well Dwarves ARE known for their incredible craftsmenship"
"Especially for evil things, yeah"
"Nenuez, they're wonderful people. They got rid of the pestilence!"
"And how did they do that?"
"Okay, yes, they had to burn the farms-"
"They did evil **** "
"So yeah, this big tower could potentially be used to wipe out half the life on Earth, you adventurers should go and destroy it"
"Was it made by Dwarves?"
"Well, we don't know, it's just been around for an incredibly long time"
"Probably because it was made by Dwarves..."
"Well Dwarves ARE known for their incredible craftsmenship"
"Especially for evil things, yeah"
"Nenuez, they're wonderful people. They got rid of the pestilence!"
"And how did they do that?"
"Okay, yes, they had to burn the farms-"
"They did evil **** "
#71 to #70
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captainfuckitall (10/31/2015) [-] Nothing particularly funny in that manner, it's a genuine semi-serious D&D game, it's just that each of our characters (of which there is six) has their own type of quirks and things that either cause or solve problems.
One, a warrior, wears a full set of plate armour and claims that a true knight would never remove it, but he's actually the shortest person in the party and just doesn't want to be any shorter; any punts about his height or resemblance to a Dwarf send him into a rage (this also means he can't run or move for ******** , so others often end up carrying him). There was an instance where we fought cultists who summoned a semi-dietic monster to destroy a town, so everyone ran off to stop it except the Knight, who spent the entire battle just moving to catch up with us, showing up only at the end.
We have a bard who hates the group because everyone picks on him so he constantly tries to betray us and get us into trouble and we just smack up upside the head and carry him along anyways because "Someone has to sing of our epic adventures". With him we had a scenario where we were trapped with some corrupt noble lording over us (due to the Bard's betrayal), and the entire time he was giving his evil speech, we were interrupting him and telling the Bard to jump down and fight with us, him refusing, and us calling him a total fag (more specifically "You see, this exact type of **** is why people call you a fag behind your back, now get the **** down here and die with us").
There's an assassin who really doesn't want to assassinate anybody but just wants to be cool so he spends all of his money and time striking poses and getting flashy outfits and then running faster than everyone else when trouble erupts (also flirting with Princesses). So far he tries to be intimidating and says one-liners during every battle; though the best one is when we broke into a den of thugs having a gang war, and he strolls up to the leader who just got thrown onto the ground and says "Hey there. It's time for everything suck".
We have a Dark Elf Shaman who's not fit to be a Shaman at all and we only turned him into one because we had two 'rogue' classes, two warrior classes, and needed two Sorcerer ones, so he casts flunky magic, dodges a lot, and blames me for all his failures as I'm the one who tends to come up with battle strategies. The adventure with him that sticks out the most is when me and him got separated from our group and wound up in a swamp against enemy elves, so we ran and lured them back until we were stuck in a corner, I got him to cast snare, all of them got stuck and none of them could move (and he could not either, as it was my job to off them then) and I just ended up running away because I was out of magic. He got out of it, being Elvish and passing himself off as a slave, but ever since he's taken put shots at me whenever he could.
We have a half-giant who's so strong he can just rip the bars off of a jail cell and has done so at our benefit, but he's just incredibly cowardly and doesn't do a single thing unless one of us is there to back him up. He's very charming too, in his own dumb giant way, but if he's facing so much as a giant rat alone he would just scream at it and throw boxes in its general direction rather than swing one of the two absolutely massive weapons he has toward it. He has a tendency to cause destruction everywhere he goes, has killed multiple horses exiting a cart by accidentally kicking it in the head, and has made the unfortunate decision to high five a child.
Finally there's me, who's just the antithesis of everything you expect a wizard to be. My character is fat, greedy, incredibly racist, makes snarky remarks toward women, and is just an absolute asshole who abuses his powers by shocking sandwiches with lightning in order to toast them.
Oh yeah, and we all ride together in a small, dingy cart from town to town because we waste all of our money and try not to kill eachother.
One, a warrior, wears a full set of plate armour and claims that a true knight would never remove it, but he's actually the shortest person in the party and just doesn't want to be any shorter; any punts about his height or resemblance to a Dwarf send him into a rage (this also means he can't run or move for ******** , so others often end up carrying him). There was an instance where we fought cultists who summoned a semi-dietic monster to destroy a town, so everyone ran off to stop it except the Knight, who spent the entire battle just moving to catch up with us, showing up only at the end.
We have a bard who hates the group because everyone picks on him so he constantly tries to betray us and get us into trouble and we just smack up upside the head and carry him along anyways because "Someone has to sing of our epic adventures". With him we had a scenario where we were trapped with some corrupt noble lording over us (due to the Bard's betrayal), and the entire time he was giving his evil speech, we were interrupting him and telling the Bard to jump down and fight with us, him refusing, and us calling him a total fag (more specifically "You see, this exact type of **** is why people call you a fag behind your back, now get the **** down here and die with us").
There's an assassin who really doesn't want to assassinate anybody but just wants to be cool so he spends all of his money and time striking poses and getting flashy outfits and then running faster than everyone else when trouble erupts (also flirting with Princesses). So far he tries to be intimidating and says one-liners during every battle; though the best one is when we broke into a den of thugs having a gang war, and he strolls up to the leader who just got thrown onto the ground and says "Hey there. It's time for everything suck".
We have a Dark Elf Shaman who's not fit to be a Shaman at all and we only turned him into one because we had two 'rogue' classes, two warrior classes, and needed two Sorcerer ones, so he casts flunky magic, dodges a lot, and blames me for all his failures as I'm the one who tends to come up with battle strategies. The adventure with him that sticks out the most is when me and him got separated from our group and wound up in a swamp against enemy elves, so we ran and lured them back until we were stuck in a corner, I got him to cast snare, all of them got stuck and none of them could move (and he could not either, as it was my job to off them then) and I just ended up running away because I was out of magic. He got out of it, being Elvish and passing himself off as a slave, but ever since he's taken put shots at me whenever he could.
We have a half-giant who's so strong he can just rip the bars off of a jail cell and has done so at our benefit, but he's just incredibly cowardly and doesn't do a single thing unless one of us is there to back him up. He's very charming too, in his own dumb giant way, but if he's facing so much as a giant rat alone he would just scream at it and throw boxes in its general direction rather than swing one of the two absolutely massive weapons he has toward it. He has a tendency to cause destruction everywhere he goes, has killed multiple horses exiting a cart by accidentally kicking it in the head, and has made the unfortunate decision to high five a child.
Finally there's me, who's just the antithesis of everything you expect a wizard to be. My character is fat, greedy, incredibly racist, makes snarky remarks toward women, and is just an absolute asshole who abuses his powers by shocking sandwiches with lightning in order to toast them.
Oh yeah, and we all ride together in a small, dingy cart from town to town because we waste all of our money and try not to kill eachother.
#75 to #71
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teddybearlove (10/31/2015) [-] Your rag tag group sounds interesting as **** . I'd like to hear stories. You're character, I think, is probably the "most functioning" of the group. Gratz on that haha.
#10 to #7
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silverzepher (10/30/2015) [-] That's, uncommon, mostly the dwarves are well liked, the craftsmanship, iron devotion to their gods/heroes. The elves, they tend to be despised no matter what, they a city elf? Probably a their. They a woodland elf? Probably a poacher, or some tree hugger. They raised in an orphanage of a human faith, sneaky knife ear probably trying to destroy our faith.
People wonder why the elves are snobs, they have to be, no one respects them, so they go a little crazy when they decide to do things, 1000 year lifes at least and they are looked down on by people that would be considered babes in their own race.
People wonder why the elves are snobs, they have to be, no one respects them, so they go a little crazy when they decide to do things, 1000 year lifes at least and they are looked down on by people that would be considered babes in their own race.
#51
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vytros ONLINE (10/30/2015) [-] Elves are so **** that the only intelligent members of their race emigrated and made their own elven culture with blackjack and hookers. And maybe demon worship. Okay it was mostly demon worship, but of the good kind.
#29
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landartheconqueror (10/30/2015) [-] we have a warlock in our campaign who just hides in the back of combat, shooting eldrich blasts and what not, and is notorious for rolling crit ones, hitting his own team
#72
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whompers (10/31/2015) [-] One of my first DMs early on was a DM-in-training and he was a prick very new to world and character building. He made the entire world antagonistic against the party. Simple villagers turned their noses up at us and tried to kill us even as we defended their village, people refused to pay us after returning from long, difficult missions and there was nothing we could do, because he'd directly say that the entire wealth of the town had been cleaned out by a massive pirate fleet in the day we'd been gone, and we were fighting hordes of 20+ kobolds and troglodytes that were the main foot soldiers of an organization hell bent on the extinction of all dragons before we even reached level 2.
Out of all that dickery spawned my hatred of elves. The DM's depiction of elves was so snooty, so racist and condescending against all other races, that they became the main antagonistic force in the game. Not the occult hell bent on the destruction of all dragonkind, not the hordes of kobolds and troglodytes, not the ogre infestation, not the adamantine, sentient, riddle doors. Just villagers that treated us like crap no matter when we went in the world. We couldn't buy anything nor were we ever paid for bounties, so we had to get all our loot from what we killed, but weapons like a +3 axe of humanbane tended to poof out of existence after we killed the enemy using it.
All the party members ended up going insane, turned to evil, and decided to simply take what we wanted instead of trying to earn it. My character became a hardcore racist against elves and developed a fixation for skinning them for their hides. We eventually upholstered the interior of our carriage with soft, lavender-scented, elvenhide leather and the Cleric took the faces, stitched them together, and put them on the interior roof. We gained a half-elf Druid later in the game, told him to sit in the carriage, and look up. And for many campaigns since, my characters have carried on the tradition of being racist bastards, even going so far as to refuse to use anything elven made or learn the Elvish language.
Out of all that dickery spawned my hatred of elves. The DM's depiction of elves was so snooty, so racist and condescending against all other races, that they became the main antagonistic force in the game. Not the occult hell bent on the destruction of all dragonkind, not the hordes of kobolds and troglodytes, not the ogre infestation, not the adamantine, sentient, riddle doors. Just villagers that treated us like crap no matter when we went in the world. We couldn't buy anything nor were we ever paid for bounties, so we had to get all our loot from what we killed, but weapons like a +3 axe of humanbane tended to poof out of existence after we killed the enemy using it.
All the party members ended up going insane, turned to evil, and decided to simply take what we wanted instead of trying to earn it. My character became a hardcore racist against elves and developed a fixation for skinning them for their hides. We eventually upholstered the interior of our carriage with soft, lavender-scented, elvenhide leather and the Cleric took the faces, stitched them together, and put them on the interior roof. We gained a half-elf Druid later in the game, told him to sit in the carriage, and look up. And for many campaigns since, my characters have carried on the tradition of being racist bastards, even going so far as to refuse to use anything elven made or learn the Elvish language.
#46
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highkingtorygg (10/30/2015) [-] In the campaign I'm playing, our group of kill-crazy psychopaths just met some elves. I'm planning on expanding my collection of jawbones next friday. So far I have a human's and sort of a dragonborn's.
