time for my dumbass story
>just got into DnD
>first multi hour session
>only me and DM because rest of party had **** to do and we were bored
playing 4th edition because i can
>Kobolds are raiding my bag
>try to shoo them off because i'm dumb
>feed them to try and make them leave
>end up in fight with the 3 of them
>get slapped around pretty hard. one of the ***** crit me and i had like 6 HP
>manage to win
>try to not think about my previous stay at an inn
>some beastly ham planet of a man came to my door for butter
>cringe
>end up encountering an Ox, and boy was it mad
>fail twice before i could succeed 3 times
>end up in battle
>get one shot
>DM gives everyone a free extra life ONCE per campaign
>Ham planet from before shows up
>saves me by one shotting the ox
>ride with him on his caravan to the north
>meet a dwarven king for drinks
>decent constitution, so despite my race i was able to only get tipsy from one pitcher of ale
>second pitcher i roll a check to not lose my ass
>ONE
>i black out immediately
and other than me getting 400 xp from walking around a slime after it bitch slapped me, nothing else really happened