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Camp Escape

pplaying USE
iparty' s assignment: Escape a camp
Orc deosn' t like that idea
ms eberyone_ including Chuck. meurthe exit
turns around and sneaks to the Officers Tent
warty is like "what the **** "
the UM he want to awaken the Officer. and seduce him
Drolls IT
up. and is somehow seduced
MDM says: "But taking. not receiving"
Eeveryone at the table: "Deeded"
leeks the UM dead in the eye and says ''I roll intimidate."
he' s new the C) eberyone else is escaping
Churns to the UM and says ''I roll strength"
confused. UM asks why
Tm going to kill this a donkey punch"
Bilateral ******* twenty
Yourfaced when
Oh, and D& D Stories Thread
...
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Views: 33614
Favorited: 74
Submitted: 12/20/2015
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+62
#3 - yodaiam ONLINE (12/20/2015) [-]
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+95
#1 - anon (12/20/2015) [-]
Wtf who sets the DC of a random officer being gay seduced by a goddam orc at 17? Really? SEVENTEEN? That's like saying its "Pretty hard" like jesus christ what are the chances that A. he's gay or a woman, B. He's either an Orc or has an Orc fetish, C. He finds this particular orc attractive and D. He's so horny that even though he just woke up to a stranger in his tent in the middle of the night, he wants to have sex right there and right then, all the risks involved be damned.
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-1
User avatar #18 to #1 - klina (12/20/2015) [-]
most people that play tabletop think that's the way it's meant to be played

sad, but true
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+8
User avatar #59 to #18 - juter (12/21/2015) [-]
You must be a fun DM
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-1
User avatar #66 to #59 - bigswingingrichard (12/21/2015) [-]
I bet he's better than the ****** who dm'd the content. My session last night had a dm who was Hitler and it was some of the best fun I've had playing the game. The best way to play it is the right way.
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+6
User avatar #77 to #66 - juter (12/21/2015) [-]
The best way to play it is however the players enjoy it
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-4
User avatar #80 to #77 - klina (12/21/2015) [-]
and that's why you should go play monopoly or whatever the **** other game that's made for fun only
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+3
User avatar #81 to #80 - juter (12/21/2015) [-]
And people try to tell me this place isn't 4chan
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+2
#17 to #1 - anon (12/20/2015) [-]
I, too, hate DMs that are 'anything goes if you roll the dice' ******* spineless assholes can't even say no to outlandish **** at low levels. You can run along that inverted cliff face when you're a level 16 monk and not before dammit, I don't care if you nat20'd
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+3
#85 to #1 - alucardexplain (12/23/2015) [-]
This comment gets funnier and funnier as it goes.
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+6
User avatar #54 to #1 - vaulttec (12/21/2015) [-]
Some people play the game for fun and not to be serious js
The DM probably just thought it would lead to something funny and allowed him to roll for it
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+10
User avatar #13 to #1 - drtrousersnake (12/20/2015) [-]
The officer thought he was pitching
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+82
#2 to #1 - ninjamanfu (12/20/2015) [-]
the dice decide all... plus it was a nat 17 not including the cha bonus. so the result could have been 20-25, or even higher if chuck was a barbarian (thane borne)
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+13
User avatar #10 to #2 - grammarofficer (12/20/2015) [-]
The DM/GM decides all, that's why they are there. You are basically trying to craft the story with them and the dice add dramatic tension by introducing unforseen events and failure.

Their job is also to rule out complete nonsense and tell you that what you are about to do is complete nonsense. A little reality braking now and then for laughs is ok, so long as it doesn't derail the campaign. You are there to have fun, after all.
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+5
User avatar #22 to #2 - lagingerninja (12/20/2015) [-]
The way I play it is there MUST be some possability for it happening for a roll to be allowed.

Example.
If a high-level monk goes "i want to drop kick the bandit through the falling rubble from the ceiling", Id go, "okay, thats possible, give it a try."
Or they could say "I roll to jump to teleport to the moon" then no roll. its not even feasible.

For instance I had a player wanting to roll to seduce a barkeeps husband at Level one. I refused on the grounds that they were happily married for decades, plus the character had just been in a bar fight and killed two men 10 minutes prior.
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+1
#23 to #22 - ninjamanfu (12/20/2015) [-]
yeah that sounds about right, i played once under a DM who would penalise you for rolling when you were not supposed to. he was a great DM and i miss him. when i ran games for some middle school kids they would just shout something random and roll the dice, always expecting something if they rolled above a 10 (little ***** )
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0
User avatar #61 to #22 - juter (12/21/2015) [-]
If you've never seen a PC jump to the moon, you've probably never played an epic campaign with a pure barbarian
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+3
User avatar #27 to #2 - therealtjthemedic (12/20/2015) [-]
**** that 'dice decide all' ******** . It makes for **** gameplay and lazy GMs.
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0
#29 to #27 - ninjamanfu (12/20/2015) [-]
you must not have played with good players
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+1
User avatar #45 to #29 - kwag (12/21/2015) [-]
you must not have played with good DMs
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0
#46 to #45 - ninjamanfu (12/21/2015) [-]
a good dm can guide the story, but good players are the ones that make the stories. good players...and their dice rolls
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0
User avatar #48 to #46 - kwag (12/21/2015) [-]
Dice rolls are **** without good players. Dice doesn't decide all. Players and DM decide all
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+1
User avatar #63 to #48 - juter (12/21/2015) [-]
I've played with a ****** player, and can confirm that dice gods decide most everything in a RAW game. Even the worst decisions and roleplay can be reversed with a nat 20, within the bounds of book material, such as the time our ballista-wielding goblin (successfuly) negotiated with insane cannibal prisoners.
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0
#50 to #48 - ninjamanfu (12/21/2015) [-]
good players are **** without dice rolls. continue
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+1
User avatar #64 to #50 - balanced (12/21/2015) [-]
The whole system is **** .
0
#78 to #64 - kwag has deleted their comment [-]
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0
#65 to #64 - ninjamanfu (12/21/2015) [-]
the whole system is awesome, it is the basis for almost every system that has come since.
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0
User avatar #69 to #65 - balanced (12/21/2015) [-]
Good thing we fixed it then, cause it's **** .
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0
#70 to #69 - ninjamanfu (12/21/2015) [-]
its not been fixed, only reskinned.
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0
User avatar #71 to #70 - balanced (12/21/2015) [-]
k bro
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0
#72 to #71 - ninjamanfu (12/21/2015) [-]
continue
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0
#74 to #73 - ninjamanfu (12/21/2015) [-]
do you play any video games? which ones?
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0
User avatar #75 to #74 - balanced (12/21/2015) [-]
Nah bro. I don't wanna hear the whole thing about how all games just have tons of dice rolls in the background. I heard it all before.
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#76 to #75 - ninjamanfu (12/21/2015) [-]
then my point is made for me, and i rest my case
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0
User avatar #79 to #50 - kwag (12/21/2015) [-]
good continue are **** without rolls players. Dice
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-2
#8 to #2 - anon (12/20/2015) [-]
No they don't. Even a natural 20 should not make something which is statistically impossible, possible. Nor should they make something easily achievable a difficult task.

The dice provide an answer when the outcome of a situation is of particular importance or is unclear.
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+12
#11 to #8 - ninjamanfu (12/20/2015) [-]
do you know any DMs that pre-decide sexual orientation of NPCs? over many game and many years i have never met one.
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0
#16 to #11 - anon (12/20/2015) [-]
Mine usually will
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+2
User avatar #9 to #8 - epicalania (12/20/2015) [-]
Half orcs are a thing.
So it's obviously possible for orcs and humans to be attracted to each other.
Unless you want to go with the 'everything was rape' conclusion, but thats no fun.

And high charisma and various bonuses can make it not only possible, but easy, depending on a lot of things, one of which being the GM if I see something that could lead to laughs/awesomeness without derailing a campaign, I make sure there's at least a realistic chance of them succeeding. and other things like the race of the guard and **** .

The outcome of if Chuck can seduce the guard is indeed uncertain.
And no, its bad practice to roll dice only when the outcome is particularly important.
It's also bad practice to roll whenever and heaps
Best practice is to roll when the result of failure meets (at least) one of the following
a) will significantly change things
b) is just as exciting at success
c) is very important

Most events will reach 2 of them, C almost always reaches the other 2.
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+1
User avatar #26 to #8 - ilovehitler (12/20/2015) [-]
I don't think having the officer protecting you randomly be male and homosexual is statistically impossible.
About 2% of the US army is gay.
And I mean, yeah obviously the percentage will be different for this case- maybe higher, maybe lower.
But unless, for some reason, it's incredibly different, it's pretty unlikely to be "statistically impossible"
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+22
User avatar #19 to #1 - aejann (12/20/2015) [-]
The dice don't change the universe, the DM does. When you roll for something that was previously undefined (e.g., the officer's sexuality), you don't have to get a high roll to make it what you want. Unless it's really important that the officer is straight, why not? Make the roll under the assumption that the officer is gay, and a nat 17 might do the job. If it was already decided that the officer was straight, then it would be a much more difficult roll.
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+26
User avatar #7 to #1 - coledunk (12/20/2015) [-]
its possible the officer made an opposing resist roll and failed
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+15
#14 - applecrash (12/20/2015) [-]
Last night was golden. Our Warlock walks into the shop with our Wizard Fairy whom has been changing his alignment through magic the whole campaign from LE to LG. He asks for a Pact Rod and the shopkeep gets all nervous since giving a usually evil class a better weapon is usually not a good idea. His response was "Oh its not for me its for a friend." He was then kicked out of the store.

Our Paliden tries to use a lute with Animal Handling to calm a hungry T-Rex liek a damn snakecharmer.

Our Monk committed infanticide by sneaking into a Wyvern nest then proceding to cast silence and attack the punch the sleeping babies to death.

Our Barbarian Shaquille O'Neal dunked enemies to death with his ethereal basketball many times.

We died twice and were brought back by story magic only to have our Monk die from shock by finding out she is the daughter of Auril while in Elysium and our Warlock get kicked in the dick for 3 days by his previous character from a different campaign who was now a Goliath god who threw pyramids at party members whenever they were acting like idiots.

All in all, a normal session was had.
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0
User avatar #47 to #14 - kwag (12/21/2015) [-]
Pyramids? That's....That's beautiful
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+3
User avatar #34 to #14 - kellexar (12/20/2015) [-]
How does one obtain an ethereal basketball. WHAT ARE THE STATS ON IT?
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+2
#36 to #34 - applecrash (12/20/2015) [-]
Its more for flavor than anything. We had a Dragonborn Fighter with a serious fear/respect thing going on for stronger creatures. We ruled that he was almost always tipping an ethereal fedora as a nervous reflex given how he acted and the way he spoke.

If i had to guess though it would be a legendary with a +2 to attack rolls when thrown and it would appear back in your hands after being thrown with a 30 or higher on percentile die. When moving and dribbling, it would probably add proficiency with dex. saves or advantage if already proficient and a +2 bonus to sleight of hand checks. You would have disadvantage on Strength checks because of one hand on the basketball and disadvantage on stealth because of the sound the ball makes while dribbling.
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+6
#15 - damnitto (12/20/2015) [-]
I see D&D post all the time and it kinda makes me want to learn how to play. But alas I'm just a scrub that doesn't know how to play.
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0
User avatar #42 to #15 - damnitto (12/21/2015) [-]
I get what you are all saying, look it up and learn, but the thing with me is that I'm a hands on learner. I really just need someone to guide me through it through voice.
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0
User avatar #43 to #42 - damnitto (12/21/2015) [-]
That's why i have a hard time getting fully into it.
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-9
User avatar #20 to #15 - fuzzyballs (12/20/2015) [-]
if "kinda want to learn" describes your motivitation, don't bother
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+6
User avatar #21 to #20 - damnitto (12/20/2015) [-]
And let me guess if I fully wanted to learn you would teach me?
I kinda want to learn because I have no one to teach me.
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-10
User avatar #28 to #21 - fuzzyballs (12/20/2015) [-]
you guessed wrong
I couldn't give less than a **** about your situation

I'm telling you, D&D isn't something light, if you really, really want to know, then go ahead, but if you "kinda sorta" want to know, tough titties
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+5
User avatar #37 to #28 - hierophant (12/20/2015) [-]
It can be something light though. You don't need to know everything about everything. Knowing enough about combat rolls, skills checks, feats, and character creation can pretty much coast you through for the most part, with a helpful DM.
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+1
User avatar #24 to #15 - mariox (12/20/2015) [-]
My uni has a traditional games club, I learned how to play and it was fun as **** . I can't wait to do a campaign with just my friends.
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+1
User avatar #25 to #15 - santamansan (12/20/2015) [-]
I've just got a few friends into dnd, and we're all completely clueless, dndexplain helped me a bit with understanding **** , maybe he can help you
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+1
User avatar #33 to #15 - mastersaturday (12/20/2015) [-]
Well if you're anything like me, it's you, a couple of guys who kind of know what they're doing, and then there's one dude who really ******* knows what everything is, and basically you just listen to him.
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+1
User avatar #38 to #15 - hierophant (12/20/2015) [-]
I think d&dexplain has a couple of posts explaining the basics of D&D. I suggest looking at those, since they are a decent starting point. Then, try and find a patient DM who would be willing to help guide you.
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+2
User avatar #35 to #15 - kandazz (12/20/2015) [-]
look up Critical Role on youtube. Neat D&D sessions to be seen.
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+3
#68 - chaosraptor (12/21/2015) [-]
then he rolls for sex positions
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0
User avatar #49 - giggleshit (12/21/2015) [-]
What's the difference between taking and receiving?
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0
#53 to #49 - ExorArgus ONLINE (12/21/2015) [-]
To **** or be ****** ; that is the question.
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+3
User avatar #52 to #49 - daix ONLINE (12/21/2015) [-]
I think the person who typed up the green text mixed up giving and receiving, so the Orc was supposed to be taking, not giving.
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+3
#30 - jibbablabba (12/20/2015) [-]
time for my dumbass story
>just got into DnD
>first multi hour session
>only me and DM because rest of party had **** to do and we were bored
playing 4th edition because i can
>Kobolds are raiding my bag
>try to shoo them off because i'm dumb
>feed them to try and make them leave
>end up in fight with the 3 of them
>get slapped around pretty hard. one of the ***** crit me and i had like 6 HP
>manage to win
>try to not think about my previous stay at an inn
>some beastly ham planet of a man came to my door for butter
>cringe
>end up encountering an Ox, and boy was it mad
>fail twice before i could succeed 3 times
>end up in battle
>get one shot
>DM gives everyone a free extra life ONCE per campaign
>Ham planet from before shows up
>saves me by one shotting the ox
>ride with him on his caravan to the north
>meet a dwarven king for drinks
>decent constitution, so despite my race i was able to only get tipsy from one pitcher of ale
>second pitcher i roll a check to not lose my ass
>ONE
>i black out immediately
and other than me getting 400 xp from walking around a slime after it bitch slapped me, nothing else really happened
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0
#56 - anon (12/21/2015) [-]
GIF
is it possible to book a room to the vast horizon neon breathing colors above the secret wave of sanctuary below her knees, trees.
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+2
#44 - jusbox (12/21/2015) [-]
Am I the only one who prefers serious DnD with serious players, compelling characters and inventive storylines?

I feel like every god damn DnD story is just some ****** doing whatever he wants for ***** and giggles without any regard to character integrity.
And to top it of the DM just allows all these implausible silly scenarios to happen.
Dude, if you try to wake the guard officer whom you are in captivity of, he's gonna ******* sound the alarm or try to kill you or some ******* **** .
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+1
User avatar #84 to #44 - ljxjlos (12/21/2015) [-]
The best games are those roleplay-heavy, serious ones that still allow for awesome stuff to happen - without becoming goofy.

Sadly those don´t happen too often with my group.

At least we don´t have one of them awkward ***** who try to turn D&D into some fetish roleplay **** .
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0
#86 to #84 - jusbox (12/25/2015) [-]
Completely agree.

Luckily the people I currently play with really prefer RP-heavy campaings with a lot of lore and stuff.

I once played with a retard who thought it was a great idea to mess with the city guards. At one point they try to aprehend him. For some reason this ****** thinks his best option is to aggrovate the guards and disarm one of the guards, to intimidate them with his martial prowess. He botched the roll and the guards proceed to poke him to death with their spears.
Then he ******* complains and said it was completely unfair.
Mess with the bull, you get the horns.

This is the only really good DnD story one I've come across.
Pimpin DM.
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0
User avatar #87 to #86 - ljxjlos (12/25/2015) [-]
For us it´s like that - half of our group is rather serious, the other half completely ****** up. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn´t. When it works, it´s fantastic and we have gotten BRILLIANT stories out of it. When it doesn´t, it´s still kinda fun, but...well, rather meh.
Kinda wish I had a D&D-Group at University, but it´s always a dangerous game. You don´t want to be grouped together with some of the people who play D&D
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0
User avatar #88 to #87 - jusbox (12/25/2015) [-]
Where do you go to university?

I'm sure there is some sort of club or society for stuff like that
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0
User avatar #89 to #88 - ljxjlos (12/25/2015) [-]
Germany, Julius- Maximilians-Universität.

And no, there´s nothing like that - there are rather few "clubs" and stuff like that, I think that´s mostly an american thing.

Not to mention that I´d rather like to keep this away from University. As it is now, D&D isn´t really the hobby I want everybody to know that I have
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0
User avatar #90 to #89 - jusbox (12/25/2015) [-]
Dude, wtf, don't give a **** about what other people think of you. If someone judges you solely on the fact that you play DnD you don't want that person as your friend anyways.

I'm sure if you ask some of your friends that don't play they would probably say yes.

I've played DnD with a lot of different people. I've yet to find someone who completely dislikes it.
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User avatar #91 to #90 - ljxjlos (12/25/2015) [-]
In all honesty? It´s not that I care about what other people think in that way - I´m rather goodlooking (or so I´m told), successfull with girls and have a very close circle of friends that held together since kindergarten + a load of friends I made on University even though I´ve only started this semester second time, tho - I think I can allow myself to look like a bit of a nerd (hell, already do, I mean I got Tolkien-Tattoos, collect comics and fantasy literature, etc)

It´s just that I KNOW some of the people who play D&D and I neither want to lump myself together with them, nor do I want to be lumped together. You seriously can´t imagine those ******* people, they seriously meet every damn clichée that you can think of. Fat, unwashed ***** who call you "normie" Normalo in germany unironically for coming to the comic-store with my girlfriend. People who play sexual roleplays/weird-ass D&D in the middle of the road in front of the comic store. You SERIOUSLY cannot imagine those people. It´s less a question of me caring to much about appeareances in general and more one of me just being at a point where I´ll do anything to not be lumped together with those people.
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0
User avatar #92 to #91 - jusbox (12/25/2015) [-]
Sound like a bunch of disgusting ***** .

Well, ask some of your friends then. I'm sure they would want to try it out!
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0
User avatar #93 to #92 - ljxjlos (12/25/2015) [-]
You honestly can´t imagine. Never thought those people where actually real, but once I started going to the several comic stores around I met more and more of them. Seriously thought all those clichées where just for **** and giggles before.

Well, right now I have a group, at home - so there´s something.
We don´t even have a DM at University so it´s useless either way.
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0
User avatar #94 to #93 - jusbox (12/25/2015) [-]
Yeah, I know what you mean. I went to the Kung Fu club at my uni. It's all ******* aisans and weaboos. All of them study ******* engineering and science **** .

Stereotypes might be more real than we think bro.


You could DM yourself though. It's not that hard.
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0
User avatar #95 to #94 - ljxjlos (12/25/2015) [-]
I know that, yeah - it was the same when I did Kendo and Karate - and that was years ago.

I´m afraid so, yeah.

I could - I´m pretty ******* good (not even lying) at thinking out stories, characters and all that - but I ******* hate playing as a DM. Tried out some few times, like half a dozen or so, but I really didn´t enjoy it despite out group being cool and all.
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+8
#5 - eheheheh (12/20/2015) [-]
Eh Eh Eh Eh Eh
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+1
#4 - omghekilledkenny (12/20/2015) [-]
**omghekilledkenny used "*roll picture*"**
**omghekilledkenny rolled image** Quick, explain the plot of a dnd campaign based on this roll.
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0
#12 to #4 - anon (12/20/2015) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image**
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0
#31 to #4 - jibbablabba (12/20/2015) [-]
**jibbablabba used "*roll picture*"**
**jibbablabba rolled image** that looks like fun, lemme try
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0
User avatar #32 to #31 - jibbablabba (12/20/2015) [-]
i regret everything
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0
User avatar #51 to #4 - kunterz (12/21/2015) [-]
Man, that game was awesome
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+1
User avatar #6 to #4 - sptnfouroneseven (12/20/2015) [-]
There is no more Earth, humans have colonized the known galaxy and are currently under threat of a strange new species of alien that feeds off world's natural resources. It does not use technology and survives in the vaccum of space. You're tasked with a small squad of mecha pilots to go and find the source of this parasite in different sectors of the galaxy. Taking to the ground, and your own personalized mech-suit for combat.
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#39 - anon (12/20/2015) [-]
"But you're taking, not receiving" wut
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-1
User avatar #41 to #39 - Kadzait (12/20/2015) [-]
He's on bottom, not top.
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User avatar #55 to #41 - peezle (12/21/2015) [-]
Then it should be giving.
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User avatar #82 to #55 - Kadzait (12/21/2015) [-]
ooooooh. ****
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0
#62 - psychoknot (12/21/2015) [-]
I played DnD last summer with a few close friends. It was fun but nothing this entertaining ever happened. Funniest thing was two people trying desperately to **** an elf NPC. They somehow managed to get into a threesome.
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0
User avatar #83 to #62 - ljxjlos (12/21/2015) [-]
Why...why. Seriously...why do people do that?

Awkward **** is what makes all those weird-ass clichées about people who enjoy D&D
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#60 - Rynoz (12/21/2015) [-]
Anyone got an online campaign going? I'm most experienced in 4e, but have played 3.5 and 5e and need a new group to play with as my gaming group has dried up.
 
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