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Blood for the Spud God

Clever Ways to kill Anonymous (/ 15( Sun) . 29: 51 No. 39002696 F
bandits guarding gatito fortress
t want them to raise the alarm
regatta kill stealthily
yha'. re potato in pocket
a certain distance
Hell potato upto bandit #1
wears in his head
Lord Tater demands a sacrifice! Do his bidding or suffer his wrath!"
wall bluff. nat ******* 20: -
lacks around for a second
spuddenly stabs his buddy while screaming
BLOOD FOR THE STUPIT'
...
+1221
Views: 41772
Favorited: 128
Submitted: 04/03/2015
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+158
#6 - belshir (04/03/2015) [-]
>blood for the spud
OP i have had a terrible week, this made me laugh more than i have words to describe
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+1
User avatar #122 to #6 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
Look up Evan and the Dread Gazebo. Best D&D story I know of.
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0
User avatar #131 to #122 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
Eric* not Evan.
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+12
#49 to #6 - anon (04/03/2015) [-]
Here's Krod.
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User avatar #132 to #49 - mmfan (04/04/2015) [-]
"roll to intimidate wood"
i'm dying over here
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+65
#26 - jaevel (04/03/2015) [-]
Rolling 20 is like..
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User avatar #93 to #26 - greyhoundfd (04/04/2015) [-]
I like the idea of the escape artist one though. Like in Harry Potter where they use that weird teleporting fireplace.
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User avatar #123 to #26 - redbannerman (04/04/2015) [-]
Including critical successes on skillchecks


Wat r u, casul?

Seriously, the only time I accept crit successes is on saves and attacks. It removes the whole, "AHA nat 20! I win forever!"

You still have -3 wis modifier, you ain't gonna hear a thief with muffled footsteps.

Way I see it, 20-3=17, you needed at least a 25 to hear him. You fail.

And then they cry because, "muh nat 20"
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0
User avatar #157 to #123 - satansferret (04/07/2015) [-]
use this rule variant instead. I've found it to be a great alternative that won't allow BS. www.giantitp.com/articles/jFppYwv7OUkegKhONNF.html
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+18
User avatar #34 to #26 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/03/2015) [-]
the DM's who treat 20's like that are complete assholes
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+1
User avatar #35 to #34 - jaevel (04/03/2015) [-]
How would you rather do tit?
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+26
User avatar #37 to #35 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/03/2015) [-]
>Roll perception to spot weapons
>Nat 20
"you see a dagger on his boot, and notice a lump on his left lung"

>Roll 20 on intimidating door
"you hear the sound of three people simultaneously ******** their pants"
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+5
User avatar #121 to #35 - amata (04/04/2015) [-]
A nat 20 is supposed to be a good thing. Most of these results are bad. It's like the DM saying that a nat 20 should hurt as much as a nat 1. If my DM played like that I'd either quit immediately or start doing everything in my power to **** up his campaign until he kills me.
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+4
User avatar #78 to #35 - azumeow (04/04/2015) [-]
A nat 20 is a critical success.

So, you treat it like a critical success, simple enough. Not ripping a dude's ******* heart out while trying to pickpocket him.
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+1
User avatar #36 to #35 - jaevel (04/03/2015) [-]
it?*
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+4
User avatar #47 to #36 - psykobear (04/03/2015) [-]
I'd rather do tit.
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+2
User avatar #85 to #47 - vgmddg (04/04/2015) [-]
Not if you play D&D.
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User avatar #151 to #85 - psykobear (04/04/2015) [-]
There's plenty of tit in DnD. Just you gotta imagine it.
That sounds lonlier than it did in my head...
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-144
User avatar #1 - Lainge (04/03/2015) [-]
That's not how skills work.
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0
User avatar #139 to #1 - mgsexplain (04/04/2015) [-]
**** DMs who are so anal about the rules. Its no fun to follow extremely strict guidelines, its about fun. I understand a certain set of rules, you dont want them ******* around ALL the time, but jesus, make it fun.
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0
User avatar #147 to #139 - Lainge (04/04/2015) [-]
I don't see how not allowing a 5% chance to become demi-gods is being anal about rules.
Most rules for the games we play I ignore anyway because they're unfair to my players. "X class can't do Y with his weapon." - I'll ignore crap like that.
But unbalanced **** that lets you have a 1/20 chance of completely breaking the game? No thanks.
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#155 to #1 - anon (04/06/2015) [-]
you must be fun at parties
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+6
User avatar #68 to #1 - kneehumper (04/04/2015) [-]
You are the worst kind of DnD-player if you play like that. The point of the game isn't to follow the Players Handbook all the time, the point is to have fun and create an entertaining story.
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+21
#7 to #1 - karenoniks (04/03/2015) [-]
Find me one person that plays DnD 100% true to the rules. Just find one.
Find me one person that plays DnD 100% true to the rules.
Just find one.
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+17
#20 to #7 - gangbangtime (04/03/2015) [-]
Rule Lawyers and Those Guys, and it's not fun to play with either of them.
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+4
#50 to #7 - Shmooglavoue (04/03/2015) [-]
Even DnD-based video games don't play 100% to the rules. Just look at Baldur's Gate or Planescape Torment.
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+21
User avatar #4 to #1 - fuzzyballs (04/03/2015) [-]
some people have fun in a more... fun type of way
rules are for suckers
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+23
#13 to #1 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
What do you mean, that's not how skills work? That's EXACTLY how skills work! He was trying to bluff the guard, so he rolled bluff. Got a nat 20, which is the best possible outcome for that situation. Jesus that's tabletops 101, read a rulebook why don't ya?

dndxplain for a second opinion on that
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+15
User avatar #14 to #13 - dndxplain ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
Lainge is probably talking about the fact that nat 20s aren't always passes for skills.
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+10
#15 to #14 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
True, but this event wouldn't have happen it the person who set the DC says it's a pass
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+16
User avatar #16 to #15 - dndxplain ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
I'll check my privilage if you check your spelling and grammar.
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+17
User avatar #17 to #16 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
That's an ableist statement, non-cis scum
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+13
User avatar #18 to #17 - dndxplain ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
that's classist
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+12
User avatar #19 to #18 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
That's generalizing
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+16
#21 to #19 - gangbangtime (04/03/2015) [-]
This thread offends me.
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+11
User avatar #22 to #21 - holdup (04/03/2015) [-]
now i am offended too.
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+10
#23 to #22 - gangbangtime (04/03/2015) [-]
Other people being offended is one of my triggers.
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+8
User avatar #24 to #23 - holdup (04/03/2015) [-]
...so...what do offended people say when they trigger someone? is it sorry?
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+7
#25 to #24 - gangbangtime (04/03/2015) [-]
Apologies offend me
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+6
User avatar #27 to #25 - holdup (04/03/2015) [-]
**** ...what now?
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+7
#28 to #27 - gangbangtime (04/03/2015) [-]
CURSING IS ONE OF MY TRIGGERS
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+7
User avatar #29 to #28 - holdup (04/03/2015) [-]
OMG SORRY!
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+9
#30 to #29 - gangbangtime (04/03/2015) [-]
ACRONYMS AND SWEARING ARE ALSO TRIGGERS
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User avatar #31 to #30 - holdup (04/03/2015) [-]
BUT...BUT I STOPPED CURSING!
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+11
#32 to #31 - gangbangtime (04/03/2015) [-]
200% TRIGGERED
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+5
#59 to #32 - daniboyi (04/04/2015) [-]
******* love you man. This thread gave me more laughs than any frontpage content in the last many weeks.
******* love you man.
This thread gave me more laughs than any frontpage content in the last many weeks.
+3
#108 to #59 - gangbangtime (04/04/2015) [-]
love you two babe
+1
#53 to #42 - anon (04/03/2015) [-]
"Welcome to tumblr"
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+1
User avatar #33 to #32 - holdup (04/03/2015) [-]
wat did i do nao?
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0
User avatar #149 to #25 - holdup (04/04/2015) [-]
AGAIN!? SIR, I AM SO, SO SORRY.
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#144 to #24 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
Apologize? No, they just yell at each other until the rest of the SJW's decide which one must secretly be a member of the Patriarchy. I can confirm, for I AM the Patriarchy.
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User avatar #143 to #22 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
Holdup, wait a minute, let me put some misogyny in it
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User avatar #142 to #21 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
Your offense offends me offensively
#Countertriggered
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+3
#45 to #19 - AmusableBman (04/03/2015) [-]
That's stupid
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User avatar #141 to #45 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
That's ALSO classist
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+1
User avatar #91 to #15 - sherlockbatman ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
**sherlockbatman rolls for privilege check**
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+1
User avatar #88 to #14 - azumeow (04/04/2015) [-]
Pretty sure 20+14 is, though.
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+2
User avatar #118 to #88 - dndxplain ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
I mean, there are standard passes on incredibly difficult things which require a 35-40 dice check to pass
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+2
User avatar #120 to #118 - azumeow (04/04/2015) [-]
O.O

Holy cunts.
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0
User avatar #38 to #13 - Lainge (04/03/2015) [-]
A bluff can convince someone of something sure.
It can't convince them of something completely ******** like a talking potato will kill them.
That's a -20 on the check.
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+3
User avatar #39 to #38 - commontroll (04/03/2015) [-]
A nat 20 is a critical success, just like a nat 1 is a critical failure. Typically when you roll a nat 20 it mean that you succeeded spectacularly, above and beyond your expectations. Now, some DMs will require you to confirm a critical, but the ones I've played with don't require it, because put simply, **** like this makes the game great.
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-1
User avatar #40 to #39 - Lainge (04/03/2015) [-]
That's not how skills work.
Only attack rolls and saves can critically confirm or fail.
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User avatar #86 to #40 - azumeow (04/04/2015) [-]
A 34 passes ALL checks. 20+14 is enough to override any potential check an NPC could make against a PC's roll. If he can communicate telepathically, there's literally no reason for the guard not to think there's a potato god.

I mean, other than common sense, but 34 dude. It could convince my Paladin to murder a baby.
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User avatar #90 to #86 - Lainge (04/04/2015) [-]
He got a 14 though.
An unbelievable/impossible lie is a -20 on the check.
And that's not how bluff works.
You can convince someone your lie is true, you can't convince people to do stuff they wouldn't do themselves. Even if they believe your lie it doesn't mean they have to act on it.
A paladin can't harm a defenseless infant even if it was hitler.
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+3
#99 to #90 - anon (04/04/2015) [-]
Dude, the guy had a creative idea to bypass a bandit guard, rolled ridiculouslyhigh and the DM allowed it. Why does it bother you so much that someone has fun the wrong way?
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User avatar #98 to #90 - azumeow (04/04/2015) [-]
A potato god is by no means an impossible lie in DnD, considering how silly some of the gods actually are. And that's exactly what he did: convinced the guard that he was a god taking the form of a potato, and that if he didn't kill his fellow guard, he'd suffer for it. I've dealt with much more ridiculous situations in my campaigns.

And apparently you've never heard of an oathbreaker. A good enough bluff would be more than enough to convince a paladin to break their oath. Also, 5e Paladins are a lot
less stuck-up compared to their previous counterparts.

You've got a hell of a stick up your ass when it comes to the rule book, dude. Most DM's, as everybody else in this thread said, take liberties with the rules in order to make things more interesting.
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#101 to #98 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
Potato god is actually a thing in a campaign I am in
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User avatar #96 to #90 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
You are forgetting the golden rule
"Fun comes before rules"

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User avatar #115 to #96 - satansferret (04/04/2015) [-]
You're forgetting the most important one. Rule 0
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User avatar #41 to #40 - commontroll (04/03/2015) [-]
Well, the great thing about D&D is that depending on the group and DM you can say " **** this rule because it's lame." It's about having fun, and the rules are there just to keep you from saying "Well I used my super anti laser shield!" or whatever like when you were a kid. If a DM and the party don't like certain limitations they won't play with them.

Hell, most people I know play with crits for skills, both online and in real life. What edition do you play, because that's probably where the difference is.
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User avatar #43 to #41 - Lainge (04/03/2015) [-]
I've found that most groups that play with critting with skills don't do it because it makes it more fun, they do it because they don't know any better.
Congrats, you now have a 5% chance to convince the devil that he's actually god and to give you all the money in the world. As a paladin.
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#137 to #43 - vodnuth (04/04/2015) [-]
You have a point with te not knowing better, because honestly I didn't know until I meticulously read the 5e DM's guide a few days ago. But even after knowing this fact, I'm still going to let most natural 20's slide for skills considering most of the hilarity comes from that random event where you succeed (or fail) so epically that it becomes very memorable. It doesn't have to be 100% realistic all the time (for me at least, obviously you enjoy the stricter campaigns and I have no issue with that) especially seeing as my favourite moment in DnD was when I severed ropes connected to harpoons holding our ship to a pirates ship with one arrow. Super unrealistic but fun nonetheless.
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User avatar #44 to #43 - commontroll (04/03/2015) [-]
Well there's obviously limits and such, I would assume that any good DM would have you confirm for that because it'd be too easy if that was the case. Again, it all boils down to context and whether it's going to break the game in a way that isn't clever but just dumb luck.
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+2
#54 to #38 - anon (04/03/2015) [-]
Well, maybe the guard rolled a 13 on his Sense Motive Check.
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User avatar #55 to #54 - Lainge (04/03/2015) [-]
Well hopefully a guard has at least a single point in his sense motive then otherwise he's kind of a ****** guard.
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User avatar #70 to #55 - thighhighkneesocks (04/04/2015) [-]
If the guard got a nat 1 the DM could choose to let it go
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User avatar #125 to #55 - cshp (04/04/2015) [-]
It's not a guard. It's a bandit who is guarding something
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#61 to #55 - anon (04/04/2015) [-]
I meant total, not natural.
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#140 to #38 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
Not true at all. You have no idea what the mental state of the guard was, you have no idea the conditions of OP's telepathic communication abilities, nor do you know what the setting of the campaign was, or what the DM had going on through their mind. Plus, in a world where Gods are ever prevalent within society, who's to say a God wouldn't be talking to somebody like that? You must be one of those DM's that freaks if his players don't follow the rules like a holy text, aren't you? I hate DM's like that, you know. Rules are meant to be guidelines no restrictions, and can be bent, broken and ignored based off of what happens. When I Keep/DM, my players always walk away afterwards with stories to tell and with fun in their souls. I'd rather ignore the rules than deprive them of that. Now lighten up and grab a pen, you need to fill it out in triplicate
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+1
User avatar #145 to #140 - Lainge (04/04/2015) [-]
From the sounds of it you're the only here with an inflamed rectum buddy.
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User avatar #146 to #145 - psychologyxplain ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
From the amount of people who've agreed with my comments I'd say you got that wrong, brother
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User avatar #148 to #146 - Lainge (04/04/2015) [-]
So a whole group of people have a burning feeling in their pants region, what's your point?
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+328
User avatar #3 to #1 - alarubra ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
Some DM's play fast and loose with the rules in the interest of creating fun games and great memories. Which. coincidentally, make for funny stories to share later. You ******* killjoy.
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+2
User avatar #75 to #3 - inzix (04/04/2015) [-]
One time when i was DM i've played ONCE and i was DM, i liked it although need new friends for that i got so sick of a dude getting sick rolls i forced him to roll how well he walked, he rolled a failure so he fell and broke his right foot.
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User avatar #79 to #75 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
wait
you got sick of a guy getting good rolls
so you punished him?
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User avatar #82 to #79 - inzix (04/04/2015) [-]
by good rolls i mean he got SO MANY ******* LUCKY ROLLS. I WANTED TO HAVE IT MY WAY! like burger king
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User avatar #89 to #82 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
see, you shouldn't punish players for having good luck.
that is one of the dickiest things a DM can do
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User avatar #87 to #82 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
That's not good DMing. Subway master race.
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User avatar #95 to #87 - inzix (04/04/2015) [-]
Did i say i was a good DM, oh nonono i suck at it, too obsessed with making it like IRL and just gennerally don't knowing what the **** i was doing, i just made up a story and there we go. It was something about a meat-mountain.
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User avatar #81 to #79 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
That seems to be the gist of it yes.
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User avatar #84 to #81 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
that kinda a dick move
like
"How dare you have good luck and have fun!
here! have a broken foot!"
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0
User avatar #92 to #84 - inzix (04/04/2015) [-]
Yeah it was kinda dicky, either way that game was basicly over and we would have quit playing like 30 mins later.
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+1
User avatar #94 to #92 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
still, if I joined a game, and a dm did that to me, I would leave immediately
that is the kind of person no one wants to play with
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User avatar #97 to #94 - inzix (04/04/2015) [-]
Yeah i understand of course. either way he was really cool about it.
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User avatar #100 to #97 - inzix (04/04/2015) [-]
And the game was like a test-game if i remember correctly, we got the "starters pack" or what it was called the day before and decided to have a small game where we learned how to do stuff.
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-2
#5 to #3 - keloblue (04/03/2015) [-]
FUN STORY about DND i play will a couple of friends and i was out to get the highest strength conceivable to start and i did with asking if i can keep my 20 from my role he said yes then his smile disappeared when i told him i was a orc cus in his game an orc gets unnatural str +2 so i start the game with a str of 22 which would be useless if i didnt pick his str based monk fist fighter now with a (few hungry ophans- a story for later) and a sum of magic items later i have some how aquired 32 str there is nothing that can stop me if i do any thing with str i win auto gm is mad when i grab a goblin and use it to explode bug bear across the room the proceed to jump on a 50+ft wall with crew on back and land on and kill a goblin archer then proceed to mass murder with my fists like its going out of style whole group scared to tell him it was a diplomatic mission paladin decides to do something about it end up dieing when i grapple him and then use him as a cushion to get back of walk as fall damage is very lethal gm is really mad but every npc he makes to stop me falls short. the M.E.G. i just jump over to him put my hand on his head and proceed to bury him and kill him at the same time.game ends all characters die of old age. now siegfreden is know as the god of str in his game and i am never allowed to play any thing but human
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+8
User avatar #12 to #5 - flamingpie (04/03/2015) [-]
What might have been a great story was ruined by your ****** story telling ability.
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+7
#10 to #5 - pedobearson (04/03/2015) [-]
I don't know if you're making some kind of clever refutation of his point, are an idiot, or anything else, I cannot and will not read that thing without some punctuation.
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User avatar #57 to #10 - keloblue (04/03/2015) [-]
im to lazy to add punctuation or explain in further detail you enjoy it or not(?!.)
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User avatar #65 to #57 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
Enjoy it? I don't think anybody ******* understood it. I got the point of "I play super dumb str cannon," buy the actual story you told involving this retard build had so little structure, and so many missing or wrong words that it was completely impossible to follow. I can't understand how you apparently have the brainpower to follow a basic D&D campaign when you're this ******* retarded.

Wait, I got it. These were your older brother's friends or some **** like that, right? He made them include you, because your mom made him take you with him. So, they just had to put up with your ******** . Is that it? Because that's the only thing I can think of that makes sense.
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User avatar #69 to #65 - keloblue (04/04/2015) [-]
nope my friends how old do you think i am just extreme adhdwith a major writing expression disability you could say i didnt want to spend then next day prof. reading so you asshats could enjoy yourselfs. you either enjoy the bare minimum or you can just choice to suck a dick. good day to you
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User avatar #71 to #69 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
So, you're literally retarded. Basically confirming my point. Side note, why do people always say go suck a dick like it's such a bad thing? Like, I never hear someone say to a gay guy or straight chick, "Go eat some pussy." Sure, pussy tastes better, but dick don't taste bad unless he don't clean himself properly(and pussy tastes bad if the bitch don't clean it properly too, so......).
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User avatar #72 to #71 - keloblue (04/04/2015) [-]
no just bad at writing amazing at math and then im just to lazy to care about my public image like you.
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User avatar #74 to #72 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
You realize I basically admitted to sucking dick in the spoiler, right? I don't give a **** about my image. I care about being understood when I say something. Proper spelling and grammatical structure are the means to this end.
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User avatar #77 to #74 - keloblue (04/04/2015) [-]
i dont have the time for writing but if you ever need help with math im your man
on the dick sucking note lets be friends
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User avatar #80 to #77 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
I have ridiculously high standards for an extremely specific body type and personality. I doubt you qualify.
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User avatar #73 to #72 - keloblue (04/04/2015) [-]
good night
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User avatar #46 to #5 - psykobear (04/03/2015) [-]
You cannot have 20 STR from a roll. 3d6 never produces a 20.

Either you were using homebrew rules and using a d20 for some reason or you actually got an 18, then applied the +4 STR Orcs get in several editions.
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User avatar #58 to #46 - alarubra ONLINE (04/03/2015) [-]
We always did 4 d6 minus the lowest and if you got something abysmally bad we'd let you reroll that one. But, yup 18 is the highest base.
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User avatar #60 to #58 - psykobear (04/04/2015) [-]
Yea, that's generally what I always do, but wanted to explain it simply.
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User avatar #129 to #46 - psykojet (04/04/2015) [-]
If you roll an 18 for the stat and then get a +2 racial bonus you can, at least for Pathfinder. That's how I had an Alchemist with 20 Int at level 1.
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User avatar #152 to #129 - psykobear (04/04/2015) [-]
Yes, but he said before racial.
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User avatar #63 to #5 - psykobear (04/04/2015) [-]
Also, jumping a 50ft wall, at least in dnd 3.5, is a 50 DC jump check. 22 STR only give you a + 6 to jump, so, before skill points, the max you could roll is a 26. That meants, to ever get a 50, you would need to have 24 ranks in jump, or some ranks in it and jump boosting items.

Either you left some thigns out or the GM is a bad GM
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User avatar #66 to #63 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
He said magic items brought him to 32 strength, but even then, that would still be pretty ******* ridiculous.
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User avatar #67 to #66 - psykobear (04/04/2015) [-]
Ah, I didn't see that. But yeah, that's still a +11 to Jump, so a max of a 31 on a roll, so he would have to be level 16, max ranks in jump, with those items, to even get a 50, and that's on a critical success.
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User avatar #83 to #67 - veya (04/04/2015) [-]
To be fair, it is common enough for DMs to houserule in critical success and critical failures, if you roll a 20, goddamn it, you pass, he may have just rolled really well at the right moment.
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User avatar #150 to #83 - psykobear (04/04/2015) [-]
That's right, but bad GMing. Imagine 50 ft. a 20 is a 5% chance. Would you really jump 15 ft more verticle feet than normal every 1 in 20 rolls?
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User avatar #64 to #63 - psykobear (04/04/2015) [-]
things* Dammit
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#117 to #3 - anon (04/04/2015) [-]
moments like those kills the game for me, i prefer serious games where people don't obey to a potato i don't find joy in that while sometimes these moments are funny they usually kill any serious game for the rest of the game
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User avatar #119 to #117 - alarubra ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as you can find a comfortable place with your group, play however you want. That's kinda my whole point here. If your group is a bunch of min/maxing rules lawyering gremlins, and you all have fun playing like that go nucking futs. If you wanna play by what makes the most sense in your campaign world, get heavy into the roleplaying, and let the dice and rules work as a loose guide, go for it. Have fun. The point is it's a game, and the great part about having a human run it is that they can make judgment calls on whether or not certain things should happen. An important part of making these calls is knowing what's going to ruin it for your group.

The thing here is that just because somebody uses a house rule or two doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. As long as you follow the basic structure, there really is no wrong way to play D&D.
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#11 to #2 - theonewhoanswers (04/03/2015) [-]
I was confused for a second.
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User avatar #124 to #106 - isuriand ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
******* glorious.
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User avatar #126 - redbannerman (04/04/2015) [-]
DnD stories? Aight den, we doing this

I was playing as your typical Paladin... save for the fact that it was more of a title than my class options. I was a fighter/cleric in 3.5 edition. Started human, because I'm ******* boring. Got the extra turns, and got two different abilities that let me pump my turns into my weapon for asstons of damage against undead. I used a Greatsword. I then got the feat that allows you to use oversized weapons without penalty and got a bigger greatsword. I then had "enlarge person" permanently cast on me and upgraded my sword with it. I was a large human wielding a huge greatsword. My str was over 20 at level 5. I was your typical braindead "JUSTICE!!!!!" kind of guy. I then invested the rest of my feats into tripping.

>In a forest with party, one member is cursed with evil macguffin mark that makes him do things.
>I'm kinda protective of the poor bastard, thinking to myself if I can get rid of the mark, he'll become good
>Suddenly an evil slaying bard/fighter guy shows up on a tree and demands that we turn him over
>no ordinary tree, ******* great oak status.
>apparently he has a ton of friends hiding in the woods.
>"I trip the tree."
>DnD group loses their **** .
>"roll it"-DM
>Nat 20
>Derooted a great oak and sent Mr. BardMcEvilSlayer to the forest floor yet he managed to survive
>He and his friends surrender
>I am the best ******* cleric player in the universe.
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#102 - cptantilles ONLINE (04/04/2015) [-]
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User avatar #48 - gabeinated (04/03/2015) [-]
**gabeinated used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**gabeinated rolls 06** roll bluff, I am admin
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User avatar #51 to #48 - lagingerninja (04/03/2015) [-]
**lagingerninja used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**lagingerninja rolls 06** roll diplomacy, admin gib free coloured text pls.
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User avatar #62 to #51 - kanatana (04/04/2015) [-]
*rolls dice, looks at notes* With modifiers, you are joshlol and are banned.
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User avatar #130 - Nekatroz (04/04/2015) [-]
>DnD story
> Dwarf Sorcerer (me), Elf Druid (Cool Girl), Gnome Cleric (Cold Girl), Human Sorcerer (Quiet Dude), Human Paladin (Buffed up Dude)
>Playing as usual, except I introduced myself as a pansexual pervert. So I flirted and acted creepy to everyone in the team.
>We where in a underground citadel killing goblins and orcs
>We get in a small hallway
>I was with a low HP, and by weird circumstances, I was in the front of the line (I was started playing and I had a dwarven waraxe, so i felt like charging and flinging spells).
>We see three bugbears approaching.
>Paladin though fast.
>"DWARF, GET BEHIND ME RIGHT NOW!"
>"It was about time, darling"
>DM laughed his ass off.









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#127 - joshwontwon (04/04/2015) [-]
sounds like something Ed would say
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#135 to #127 - thegamepixel (04/04/2015) [-]
BUTTER FOR THE TOAST GOD!
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User avatar #109 - thorandahalf (04/04/2015) [-]
I've been playing 3 sessions now. Just got Level 2 Bard. All I do during battle is climb trees and play drums to give my team increased stats, and when I can't I fire sling shots.
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User avatar #110 to #109 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
in one campaign, second session I became king, spent next 10 sessions taking over the world
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User avatar #111 to #110 - thorandahalf (04/04/2015) [-]
What alignment were you?
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User avatar #112 to #111 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
started chaotic neutral
shifted to chaotic good when I realized I was a great king
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User avatar #113 to #112 - thorandahalf (04/04/2015) [-]
Who else was with you in the campaign? Did you kill everyone for the crown and play on your own for the next 10 sessions?
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User avatar #114 to #113 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
>King hired us to kill bandits
>we kill all but one
>learn from him that they are peaceful tribal folk
>confront king about it
>he is about to have us executed
>I challenge him to duel
"if I win, you surrender the throne. If you win, you let my friends go, do what you want with me"
I win, become king
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User avatar #156 to #114 - satansferret (04/07/2015) [-]
King shoulda just ordered you killed. Him taking the challenge is a selfish thing to do as it would lead the kingdom into chaos and possible civil war from nobles/merchants in the power struggle.
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User avatar #136 - bowbis (04/04/2015) [-]
Always wanted to get into dnd but idk any rules or howmany people i need to get started. Any tips from anyone new or old to dnd?
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User avatar #159 to #136 - satansferret (08/21/2015) [-]
All 3.5 is open source now so feel free to find whatever you need online w/o any worries.
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User avatar #138 to #136 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
I would recommend a group of about 5
4 players, 1 DM
4 total could work too
pick people who are ready to spend hours upon hours playing

be ready to get immersed in the game
nothing can ruin a game more than someone who just is not interested in playing
(I played with a guy who would go off and play Skyrim when it wasn't his turn)
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#134 - anon (04/04/2015) [-]
how do i play this game, it sounds fun
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#133 - nexusnexus (04/04/2015) [-]
Read blud for the spud gud to make it rhyme
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User avatar #116 - Mecuniv (04/04/2015) [-]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwHYeGPauhk

All I can think of is: "What's up, Kratos? I'm the god of baked potatoes! Ah, my spine!"
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User avatar #103 - fuckmymen (04/04/2015) [-]
were can I play dnd? do I have to play with friends or is there an online game or something
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User avatar #104 to #103 - ragingspacepanda [OP](04/04/2015) [-]
most of my games are online
but you can play with friends if you want
roll20.net is the best place to play
most of the books and such can be found online, or bought, or ordered
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User avatar #105 to #104 - fuckmymen (04/04/2015) [-]
looks like fun. will learn the rules soon. thanks bud
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User avatar #107 to #105 - seelcudoom (04/04/2015) [-]
i suggest pathfinder of dnd
basically dnd 3.5 but polished up(classes no longer have levels were they gain pretty much nothing but more health and skill points, less focus on prestige classes ect) , with a few completely new things thrown in, like the summoner and alchemist classes
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User avatar #76 - barbwirepain (04/04/2015) [-]
whenever i say praise log, i seem to roll a nat 20, but only in life or death situations
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User avatar #52 - unclejungle (04/03/2015) [-]
That was a fun thread.
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#154 - anon (04/05/2015) [-]
How did this **** get frontpage...
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