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a guardsman's tale

Cleonn Guard Stories Anonymous (/ ) 21: 28
Hahaha, eh WOW, guys. Ijust had the worst experience. So, you know I got bumped up to palace guard recently, right? New plumes, new tabard, halberd all shined up with
some tassels hanging hem it (only part I dent like, **** tassels} and one of these sweet crossbows with the goat' s feet.
So, the elven delegation is coming in, and we' all been told to keep in absolute tiptop shape fer it. Kit polished, no spitting on duty, eyes straight ahead, you know what I
mean, right? So, there' s this one with the delegation, and I swear to Polor, hottest, mest lithe little thing Ne ever seen. Tiny, but hot as **** . So, she starts making
eyes at me, and I , only live once, right?
So while the ambassador is hobnobbing and I' m , we go into this unused observatory in the Northwest Tower and start doing what any two adults WOULD do in the
situation. Midway through, though, the deer slams open and the elf ambassador stomps in, while we' re still on the table, and just stares in shock and disbelief. You
know when yeu' re about to have your entire life crash down around you, hew you remember even the tiny details? Well, I' ll never ferget the one word he said, then and there.
Grand ma?"
Lucky fer me, he was apparently tee embarrassed to report it, otherwise I' d be wt on my ass right new.
CI Anonymous (/ ) 21: 37
241 KB, 1600x1200, 1267485249204, jpg)
wwe gs into this unused observatory in the Northwest Tower and start doing what any two adults WOULD do in the situation
Engage in a genteel, refined conversation regarding the configuration of astronomical constellations in the night sky, the nature of stars as massive astronomical bodies which fuse atoms of
hydrogen and helium to create heavy elements (in fact, almost every atom in the universe that is not a hydrogen er helium atom was created inside a star) and produce heat and radiation hem
their plasma' s internal fusion reactions, and the aberrant, Far Realm entities that may lurk within some of these stars?
CI Anonymous (/ ) 2161
THIS IS WHY THE ELF WOMEN ARE GOING TO HUMAN MEN, ,
...
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Views: 17638
Favorited: 22
Submitted: 06/12/2015
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#7 - angelious (06/12/2015) [-]
******* dirty tree hugging hippies and the sick half dwarf half elf crossbred mutants.

there is only one solution to them
#2 - thechosentroll (06/12/2015) [-]
>elf
>Doing anything other than murdering it
User avatar #12 to #2 - heartlessrobot (06/13/2015) [-]
>Not choosing elf as starter race
Better elf wizard than Human barbarian.
User avatar #25 to #12 - datbear (06/22/2015) [-]
>playing barbarian
>not being part of the Orc master race
User avatar #26 to #25 - heartlessrobot (06/23/2015) [-]
I like playing as an Orc if I'm using duel maces, a giant hammer, or ironic mage.
User avatar #17 to #12 - crimsonsunshine ONLINE (06/13/2015) [-]
Taking a Con hit for 2 int at best is pretty god awful.
User avatar #15 to #2 - thesunpraiser (06/13/2015) [-]
>Not ******* and murdering it
Not necessarily in that order.
User avatar #5 to #2 - vincatvangogh (06/12/2015) [-]
Filthy hippies.
User avatar #6 to #2 - dgurevich (06/12/2015) [-]
[Catchy accordion music plays]
#9 to #2 - theshadowed (06/12/2015) [-]
dhoine scum
#10 to #9 - dwarfman (06/12/2015) [-]
Get in loser we're hunting kingslayers!
Get in loser we're hunting kingslayers!
User avatar #18 to #9 - thechosentroll (06/13/2015) [-]
Iorveth doesn't count. He's actually cool.
User avatar #19 to #18 - theshadowed (06/13/2015) [-]
loads of elves are cool
User avatar #20 to #19 - thechosentroll (06/13/2015) [-]
Yes, but none are Iorveth levels of cool. He made me rethink my stance on "All elves are pretentious cunts.".
User avatar #21 to #20 - theshadowed (06/13/2015) [-]
Lets be honest he is a pretentious cunt. But a cool one. Shame he's not in Witcher 3
User avatar #22 to #21 - thechosentroll (06/13/2015) [-]
I wouldn't know. My toaster can't run Witcher 3. Kind of glad he's not, though. After I sort of accidentally got him beaten half to death, it would have been pretty awkward.
User avatar #23 to #22 - theshadowed (06/13/2015) [-]
I sided with Iorveth in Witcher 2. Roche wasn't pissed at me for it which was nice
User avatar #24 to #23 - thechosentroll (06/13/2015) [-]
Same. My logic was more or less "Eeeeeeeh, the whole assassin of kings thing will blow over in a week. Better go find Triss instead.". So glad I did. Everything the dwarves said was pure gold.
#13 - zekeon ONLINE (06/13/2015) [-]
#1 - theimmortalbeaver (06/12/2015) [-]
I don't know how to thumb this. The OP was really funny, but the third response....   
   
Let's look at the facts:    
1) all caps   
2) terrible joke   
3) unoffensive joke, yet is on 4chan   
4) all caps   
   
Tumblr, is that you?
I don't know how to thumb this. The OP was really funny, but the third response....

Let's look at the facts:
1) all caps
2) terrible joke
3) unoffensive joke, yet is on 4chan
4) all caps

Tumblr, is that you?
User avatar #14 to #1 - magicmatchsticks [OP](06/13/2015) [-]
i don't know why people are thumbing you down, you have a valid concern
User avatar #4 to #1 - bodox (06/12/2015) [-]
at least i know how to thumb this comment
User avatar #8 to #1 - bionicpanda ONLINE (06/12/2015) [-]
The joke was good, honestly it made the content, the joke was that the 2nd comment said something about nerdy astronomy **** , so the 3rd comment implies that Elven girls go for human guys because they actually wanna **** unlike elven guys who are too busy doing nerdy ****
#3 - anon (06/12/2015) [-]
Cheetos and virgins
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