more than one way to skin a cat

>be 5
>because of an operation related to my intestinal tract at a young age, i cannot stand pooping near people or if people are even close to the bathroom
>really need to poop
>guests are at our house, people everywhere (people can see where im going with this)
>i seriously need to take a huge shit, but see that the surroundings to the bathroom is crowded
>announce out loud to my parents that im gonna go poop somewhere, parents freak
>i start running upstairs, as the peeking turtle in my pants in about to leave its shell
>my parents chase
>to evade them, i hide under the space under their bed, where they cant reach me
>lying on my stomach, i shit and grab it with my hand as it leaves
>i leave the bed and hide the shit in my pocket, and pretend to go to the bathroom
>i then show off my shit to guests
>parents freak more
>wtf is wrong with me