I figured I might as well get these out, I don't know if anyone will appreciate them but it might feel good to get them off my chest.
> I'm so afraid of messing up my future that I borderline refuse to do anything to prepare for it. It's like I'm waiting for it to all just go away but I know it never will.
> My parents are getting divorced as soon as I leave for college. This terrifies me. I know they're not happy together and it would be better if they divorced, but it's like the only solid thing I'd have left would be gone. I'd have nothing to come back to after leaving. My childhood home will literally be torn to pieces.
>I'm afraid that I don't believe in love. At least, not the kind that can last forever. See above for part of the reason. But look around- how many older couples do you see that are actually happy together? How many failing and unhappy marriages do you know of? There's always someone who loves the other more, and the result is always someone getting hurt.
> I sometimes can't get myself to care about people. I try, but I can't remember important things about them- a lot of the time their names. And a lot of the time I don't even care that I don't care (if that makes any sense). I'm afraid there's something wrong with me.
> To contrast- I become obsessed, and I do mean obsessed, with fiction. While I can't remember the name of a girl I've gone to school with for 11 years, I can recite every line of diologue a character has said in a movie, or the eye color of a character in a television show, or list off, chronologically, the girlfriends of a certain book character. It's as if fiction is more important to me, and sometimes it is.
> I have nothing against Gay people. It's a way of life and I don't judge for it. But I'm terrified at the thought that I might be a ******* . I've had dreams like that and, well, let's just say I've never gotten that far with a guy, in dreams or irl. I'm terrified that if I am, people will judge me and I won't be able to be... normal. I won't be able to have my own children (yeah, I see myself having kids but don't believe in lasting marriage, I'm strange) and all sorts of other things that would change.
> I sometimes feel like I'm losing myself to my own apathy. Like I'm slipping away and instead of fighting, I sometimes wonder what would happen if I were to just let go.
There it is, Funnyjunk. My own secrets- what I can't bear to say aloud. Feel free to comment with things you can't say- at least, not aloud