Giggidy. I read this in Gilbert Godfried's voice Source is expreacher on facebook.. "'Sail!" Mary gasped. 'Sail into my uterus!' Joseph proceeded to unpack and assemble his new sailing boat he got from IKEA for an excellent price. 'Hu
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Giggidy

I read this in Gilbert Godfried's voice

Source is expreacher on facebook

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Submitted: 03/08/2013
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User avatar #131 - Shadow Guardian (03/09/2013) [-]
Deuteronomy 32:35 "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord, I will repay. In due time their foot will slip. The day of disaster is near, and their doom rushes upon them."
#127 - supersaiyajin (03/09/2013) [-]
Haven't heard that one before.
Haven't heard that one before.
#123 - anonymous (03/09/2013) [-]
Giggity*
+8
#120 - garagesale **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#119 - potatofarm (03/09/2013) [-]
I thought of this completely once I saw the word "Bible"
User avatar #116 - KabulMan (03/09/2013) [-]
"The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.
Mark 11:12-14
User avatar #135 to #116 - holdup ONLINE (03/09/2013) [-]
the **** does that mean?
User avatar #136 to #135 - KabulMan (03/10/2013) [-]
I guess jesus doesn't have patience for trees cause after saying that, tree just ******* withers and dies
User avatar #137 to #136 - holdup ONLINE (03/10/2013) [-]
that tree shoud have hurried up and not been a bitch.
#142 to #137 - sovereignty (03/14/2013) [-]
Yea what a ....... BIRCH
#115 - rstickman (03/09/2013) [-]
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Bless it is he who in the name of charity and good will, Shepherd the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly his brothers keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the lord, when I lay my vengeance upon you
#133 to #115 - palindromia ONLINE (03/09/2013) [-]
Blessed is he*
0
#129 to #115 - pulluspardus has deleted their comment [-]
#118 to #115 - anonymous (03/09/2013) [-]
************ , coming up in here quoting Pulp fiction like that expecting a cheap ass thumb. Knowing damn well we will.
User avatar #114 - cavemanpedro (03/09/2013) [-]
it's the 23:20-21
#110 - ichbinlecher (03/09/2013) [-]
Favorite verse, life verse if you will: And for those agitators among you, let them go the whole way and emasculate themselves. Galatians 5.12
Comment has been flagged   Hide Hide All +Fav (0) Reply -6
#108 - byposted ONLINE (03/09/2013) [-]
Flagged Comment Picture
This image was flagged 02/24/2014
User avatar #109 to #108 - ragnarfag (03/09/2013) [-]
That's why I hate this guy, he wasted a perfectly good banana...
#103 - thunderpony ONLINE (03/09/2013) [-]
MFW   
i need to read the bible more...
MFW
i need to read the bible more...
#111 to #103 - ichbinlecher (03/09/2013) [-]
In case you were unaware, the bible is very Rated R - maybe X (or NC-17) for the rape scene or two.
User avatar #102 - bomonsterzz (03/09/2013) [-]
i dont remember where in the bible but there is a story that goes as such:

There's a boy. He has a sister, two brothers and a dad (the mother was killed because she gave the dad a daughter). The boy falls in love with his sister, so he has his two brothers AND HIS OWN FATHER help him as he RAPES his own sister. Then after the sister gets pregnant the boy has his sister killed because he suspects her of sleeping around on.

End of story
User avatar #100 - iambestgod (03/09/2013) [-]
I approve this message.
#98 - lordlucifer (03/09/2013) [-]
**lordlucifer rolls 419**
**lordlucifer rolls 419**
#95 - bigboyblue (03/09/2013) [-]
“Then the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of the earth. “Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night, and the firstborn went in and lay with her father; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. On the following day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night also, and the younger arose and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.” Gen. 19:31-35
“Then the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of the earth. “Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night, and the firstborn went in and lay with her father; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. On the following day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve our family through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night also, and the younger arose and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.” Gen. 19:31-35
#94 - infinitereaper (03/09/2013) [-]
I don't remember the exact verse or translation but it won't something like this:   
   
"He spilled his jizz on the floor because he was frustrated the other dude got with the cousin or sister or female or whatever so god got pissed cuz he was like 'ew 						****					 you' and he killed him."   
   
Apparently though shall not 						**********					.
I don't remember the exact verse or translation but it won't something like this:

"He spilled his jizz on the floor because he was frustrated the other dude got with the cousin or sister or female or whatever so god got pissed cuz he was like 'ew **** you' and he killed him."

Apparently though shall not ********** .

#80 - ednaeoj (03/08/2013) [-]
Hezekiel 23:20


"For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."
User avatar #78 - frenzysalem (03/08/2013) [-]
the fact that you posted this on the atheist channel kind of makes you seem like a bloated ass hole.
#117 to #78 - ichbinlecher (03/09/2013) [-]
Just stating, for the record, that as a Christian, I find this hilarious. Most Christians in the western world are as Biblically ignorant as non-Christians and think the Bible goes Creation, Flood, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Joshua and Jericho, David and Goliath, Jesus is born, Jesus dies. If anything people know less. These verses (and BA characters like Samson and Elijah) are the things that gets people to actually examine the Bible (usually for the first time).
#79 to #78 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
I can't tell if this comment belies that you didn't understand the joke of this post, or that you don't really understand the point of the atheism channel. I'll be interested to see which it is.
I can't tell if this comment belies that you didn't understand the joke of this post, or that you don't really understand the point of the atheism channel. I'll be interested to see which it is.
User avatar #81 to #79 - frenzysalem (03/08/2013) [-]
i understand that the joke is allowing little girls into reading a book that christians believe is all clean family goodness. but i think its asinine that just because you joke about christianity you also have to somehow promote atheism even when the post itself has absolutely NOTHING to do with atheism. Promoting something by making the opposite seem retarded seems kind of childish. especially if it's promoting something like atheism when all atheists claim to not care about religion at all. you can make something look stupid without trying to make something else look better. i honestly think this post makes atheists look worse than it does christians. but that's just my take on it. i'll probably be flooded with red thumbs in a matter of minutes for expressing my opinion on something anyway but oh well. i think religious **** all together should be kept off of funnyjunk. it's never even funny.
#82 to #81 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
Odd that so many people found it funny, if it's never funny. Maybe that's just you?   
   
Also, implying that christianity or the bible specifically is the opposite of atheism is as ridiculous as implying that greek myths are the opposite of atheism, Atheists don't only disbelieve christianity, we just believe in at least one less god than anyone who is not an atheist.  The opposite of atheism is theism, of which christianity is only a small part.   
   
This post is humorous to atheists because it points out one of the many things that are completely ridiculous to be found in the belief structures of the people that would claim dominion over humanity with their religion based shenanigans, it is a mockery and as such it functions as a joke, and more specifically as a joke that atheists are likely to find funny, hence it's presence in the atheism channel.   
   
I respect your opinion on the matter I just can't see myself agreeing with it.
Odd that so many people found it funny, if it's never funny. Maybe that's just you?

Also, implying that christianity or the bible specifically is the opposite of atheism is as ridiculous as implying that greek myths are the opposite of atheism, Atheists don't only disbelieve christianity, we just believe in at least one less god than anyone who is not an atheist. The opposite of atheism is theism, of which christianity is only a small part.

This post is humorous to atheists because it points out one of the many things that are completely ridiculous to be found in the belief structures of the people that would claim dominion over humanity with their religion based shenanigans, it is a mockery and as such it functions as a joke, and more specifically as a joke that atheists are likely to find funny, hence it's presence in the atheism channel.

I respect your opinion on the matter I just can't see myself agreeing with it.
User avatar #83 to #82 - frenzysalem (03/08/2013) [-]
agree to disagree friend.
#84 to #83 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
The way I look at it, you only truly respect someone if you are willing to have a rational discussion with them.  The ones who, in my opinion, make atheism look bad (and theism, as well) are people who either A: avoid any and all discussion on the topic, even if the topic is broached, implying that they don't have enough respect for their fellow human to even engage in civil discourse, or B: People who say things like "oh well I'll pray for you then" or "whatever, you wouldn't listen anyway" thereby shutting down any means of thoughtful communication before it could even begin.   
   
Sorry I realized that my earlier statement didn't really give you my opinion congruent to what you were feeling about the post, but was rather more of a counter-argument to what you had said about the humor and context.
The way I look at it, you only truly respect someone if you are willing to have a rational discussion with them. The ones who, in my opinion, make atheism look bad (and theism, as well) are people who either A: avoid any and all discussion on the topic, even if the topic is broached, implying that they don't have enough respect for their fellow human to even engage in civil discourse, or B: People who say things like "oh well I'll pray for you then" or "whatever, you wouldn't listen anyway" thereby shutting down any means of thoughtful communication before it could even begin.

Sorry I realized that my earlier statement didn't really give you my opinion congruent to what you were feeling about the post, but was rather more of a counter-argument to what you had said about the humor and context.
User avatar #86 to #84 - MarkOwnsYou (03/08/2013) [-]
That sounds more like toleration, not wanting to argue with someone, is not showing them a lack of respect... get your head outta your ass.
#88 to #86 - teranin ONLINE (03/08/2013) [-]
that level of tolerance is a form of condescension.   
   
"Oh, I'll just tolerate your existence, even though I don't think it's right, because you can't help it, you're simply lesser than me" Is the implication of tolerance. I'd much rather do someone the honor of having a civil discussion with them. If at the end all that comes from it is a mutual understanding, then fine, no one convinced anyone else, but I at least treated them as my equal, a fellow human being, who's voice matters as much as mine, regardless of who may be more or less right.   
   
I'm not saying you shouldn't accept that people will have different opinions than you, and live with them harmoniously, I'm saying that the sort of 						*******					 condescending falsehood people try to pass off as tolerance is little more than disrespect.
that level of tolerance is a form of condescension.

"Oh, I'll just tolerate your existence, even though I don't think it's right, because you can't help it, you're simply lesser than me" Is the implication of tolerance. I'd much rather do someone the honor of having a civil discussion with them. If at the end all that comes from it is a mutual understanding, then fine, no one convinced anyone else, but I at least treated them as my equal, a fellow human being, who's voice matters as much as mine, regardless of who may be more or less right.

I'm not saying you shouldn't accept that people will have different opinions than you, and live with them harmoniously, I'm saying that the sort of ******* condescending falsehood people try to pass off as tolerance is little more than disrespect.
#140 to #88 - MarkOwnsYou (03/13/2013) [-]
Well then you go be all you can be. You are a hypocrite, your whole boy scout routine is, stemmed in the believe that " I am better than you because I treat everyone fair, I am more sophisticated and more understanding' Humans, lie cheat and try to be better than one another, it's in our nature. Get that god complex outta your ass, and learn to accept people as they are. It is not disrespect, it's just people.
#141 to #140 - teranin ONLINE (03/13/2013) [-]
First: I was a wolf scout back when I was a teenager, thanks for reminding me.  Also I see what your grounds for implying that I am a hypocrite are, but they are a fairly poor description of me because you're basing that assessment solely on one conversation that you appear to have taken somewhat out of context, which I explain below.   
   
Secondly, I do not think that I'm better than other humans, but I do think that I should treat others the way I want to be treated, and since I want people to engage in reasoned debate with me if I start a conversation, and since I'd prefer they not then cut off the discussion with a condescending bullet point implying that they will simply "tolerate" my difference of opinion,  I offer them that which I perceive as a courtesy.     
   
Third, I am well aware of how much humanity sucks, but we currently stand on the precipice of becoming a type 1 civilization.  We are also currently in the most dangerous time for our species when you take into account our vulnerability to our own devices (which has yet to be mitigated by interplanetary colonization).  I think doing whatever I can to try and keep my fellow humans on that path of being rational and clear-headed is in my own best interest.    
   
Fourth, I don't have a damn god complex, unless you mean "a complex about people justifying 						******					 up 						****					 using god as an excuse".  I do not think that I am superior in any way, nor do I realistically imagine that I will have a significant impact on the world before I die. However, that will certainly not stop me from trying.    
   
Fifth, as I already explained, the point at which my level of acceptance of other people's opinions ends is the same point when they initiate a discussion on a topic, I respond to that statement, and they respond by ending the conversation with some pedantic little catchphrase like "agree to disagree friend" or "Well, I'll pray for you".  I've already explained my reasons behind that, but what I didn't mean and what I assume you infer is that I intentionally go around starting arguments with people that have different viewpoints than I do because I'm some kind of overbearing bigoted asshat, which is simply not true. If someone starts a conversation, then I want to complete that conversation, not be blown off, but I don't go around unilaterally picking fights.    
   
Sixth: It's both disrespect, and people. People, by their very nature, are disrespectful of those who disagree with them, but it is within a person's power to control that instinct and dwell in the realm of reason. As such, if people are unable to maintain a reasoned discussion, I can understand it, but it IS disrespectful, at least in my opinion.    
   
TL:DR I make a counterpoint to all your points, generally pointing out how little you know about me as a person while simultaneously explaining some of my motivations that were unclear.     
   
I await your response, but I'm not holding out hope that you'll bother.
First: I was a wolf scout back when I was a teenager, thanks for reminding me. Also I see what your grounds for implying that I am a hypocrite are, but they are a fairly poor description of me because you're basing that assessment solely on one conversation that you appear to have taken somewhat out of context, which I explain below.

Secondly, I do not think that I'm better than other humans, but I do think that I should treat others the way I want to be treated, and since I want people to engage in reasoned debate with me if I start a conversation, and since I'd prefer they not then cut off the discussion with a condescending bullet point implying that they will simply "tolerate" my difference of opinion, I offer them that which I perceive as a courtesy.

Third, I am well aware of how much humanity sucks, but we currently stand on the precipice of becoming a type 1 civilization. We are also currently in the most dangerous time for our species when you take into account our vulnerability to our own devices (which has yet to be mitigated by interplanetary colonization). I think doing whatever I can to try and keep my fellow humans on that path of being rational and clear-headed is in my own best interest.

Fourth, I don't have a damn god complex, unless you mean "a complex about people justifying ****** up **** using god as an excuse". I do not think that I am superior in any way, nor do I realistically imagine that I will have a significant impact on the world before I die. However, that will certainly not stop me from trying.

Fifth, as I already explained, the point at which my level of acceptance of other people's opinions ends is the same point when they initiate a discussion on a topic, I respond to that statement, and they respond by ending the conversation with some pedantic little catchphrase like "agree to disagree friend" or "Well, I'll pray for you". I've already explained my reasons behind that, but what I didn't mean and what I assume you infer is that I intentionally go around starting arguments with people that have different viewpoints than I do because I'm some kind of overbearing bigoted asshat, which is simply not true. If someone starts a conversation, then I want to complete that conversation, not be blown off, but I don't go around unilaterally picking fights.

Sixth: It's both disrespect, and people. People, by their very nature, are disrespectful of those who disagree with them, but it is within a person's power to control that instinct and dwell in the realm of reason. As such, if people are unable to maintain a reasoned discussion, I can understand it, but it IS disrespectful, at least in my opinion.

TL:DR I make a counterpoint to all your points, generally pointing out how little you know about me as a person while simultaneously explaining some of my motivations that were unclear.

I await your response, but I'm not holding out hope that you'll bother.
#143 to #141 - MarkOwnsYou (03/19/2013) [-]
You didn't counterpoint anything I said, what I got out of your long, overly verbose post, is that you agree with me, but it's" your opinion"... that sounds like a form of condescension to me. You are hypocrite, your whole argument if flawed, and you do the same thing we all do in a different manner. See how that worked, you are accusing me, of what you just did, funny how that works. I'd also like to add this whole "pointing out how little you know about me as a person" thing Goes both ways. Your entire belief system is build on a house of cards.
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