Caught Cheating
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67 comments displayed.
#14
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Penn (12/27/2014) [-]
There are rules for cheating. These rules do not condone cheating. Cheating is awful. But, if you're going to cheat, and you don't give a **** , then you need to follow rules:
Rule #1: Don't do it. The one most important rule.
However, if you ignore rule #1 then proceed:
Rule #2: Learn the trail. No matter who you cheat with or where you meet her, there is most likely a trail leading back to your girlfriend/boyfriend. The girl you cheat with could be the second cousin of your girlfriend's step-brother's dad's ex-wife's adopted son's real uncle. Learn the trail or you will get caught.
Rule #3: No locals. If you're going to cheat then you need to find someone who has no idea who you or the people you know are. If he/she lives in the same area as you then DON'T do it. You will get caught. (Rule #2 still applies).
Rule #4: No records. When you meet this girl, you have no text messaging. You have no Facebook. You have no email. You have no form of communication that leaves records of conversations. You call. That's it. Don't even add his/her name in your phone. If you leave even the slightest bit of recorded conversation then you will get caught.
Rule #5: Top your significant other. Don't cheat with someone who's uglier than your significant other. If you don't understand why this is a rule then please refer to rule #1.
If you cheat with one specific person instead of stringing one night stands then you need to keep this in mind as well:
-Make sure they have a boyfriend/girlfriend as well
-Tell them you're seeing someone
-Keep a routine
-Don't ever confess. Even if your significant other walks in to you naked on top of another person, don't confess.
-Don't catch feelings/confide in them
Oh, and one last thing. You're gonna get caught. Be prepared for that. You're the one cheating. You have hold no weight here. Again, this does not condone cheating.
Rule #1: Don't do it. The one most important rule.
However, if you ignore rule #1 then proceed:
Rule #2: Learn the trail. No matter who you cheat with or where you meet her, there is most likely a trail leading back to your girlfriend/boyfriend. The girl you cheat with could be the second cousin of your girlfriend's step-brother's dad's ex-wife's adopted son's real uncle. Learn the trail or you will get caught.
Rule #3: No locals. If you're going to cheat then you need to find someone who has no idea who you or the people you know are. If he/she lives in the same area as you then DON'T do it. You will get caught. (Rule #2 still applies).
Rule #4: No records. When you meet this girl, you have no text messaging. You have no Facebook. You have no email. You have no form of communication that leaves records of conversations. You call. That's it. Don't even add his/her name in your phone. If you leave even the slightest bit of recorded conversation then you will get caught.
Rule #5: Top your significant other. Don't cheat with someone who's uglier than your significant other. If you don't understand why this is a rule then please refer to rule #1.
If you cheat with one specific person instead of stringing one night stands then you need to keep this in mind as well:
-Make sure they have a boyfriend/girlfriend as well
-Tell them you're seeing someone
-Keep a routine
-Don't ever confess. Even if your significant other walks in to you naked on top of another person, don't confess.
-Don't catch feelings/confide in them
Oh, and one last thing. You're gonna get caught. Be prepared for that. You're the one cheating. You have hold no weight here. Again, this does not condone cheating.
#119 to #107
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devexx (01/09/2015) [-]
I dunno if you're joking or not but whats the point in risking all of that for something uglier? If you or, rather, if I were to cheat it's because your partner gives you everything you want but you feel they're lacking sexually so I wouldn't compensate that with some ugly bitch, but I dunno maybe I'm weird
#67 to #14
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vycanismajoris (12/27/2014) [-] >you post not to cheat
>proceed to write down a detailed guide on how to do it properly
go **** yourself, cheating is wrong
>proceed to write down a detailed guide on how to do it properly
go **** yourself, cheating is wrong
#27 to #14
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fecal (12/27/2014) [-]
I used to be the kinda wannabe macho guy that thought it would be super awesome if I had a girlfriend and could cheat a little on the side. managed to do this for about 2 weeks before I broke down in front of her and confessed everything. now I have no gf and she has a new guy and I'm broken as **** just because I though I needed to be the player.
long story short: cheating is definitely possible and possible to do without getting caught. The difficult part is fighting the guilt and self-loathing that comes with it.
long story short: cheating is definitely possible and possible to do without getting caught. The difficult part is fighting the guilt and self-loathing that comes with it.
#35 to #27
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stlassassinfhc (12/27/2014) [-]
two weeks doesnt mean its possible to cheat and not get caught. It's not like shes gonna know the second you do it, if you do it overtime you will eventually get caught no matter what, You will slip up
#54 to #14
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hoponthefeelstrain (12/27/2014) [-] all the favorites to this comment. Like anyone here can even get a girlfriend to cheat on.
#25 to #14
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plasticcup (12/27/2014) [-] How do deal with my weak knees, sweaty palms and my pocket full of spahgetti?
#48 to #25
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bible (12/27/2014) [-] Talk to girls. Even if you don't want to, talk to them. You'll be creepy at first. You'll make a fool of yourself. This is why you talk to people you won't have an immediate connection to, to get practice, like a mall cutie.
You'll feel like an idiot but if you keep trying (With implications that you are capable of learning social graces) then you will get the hang of it and be less creepy, eventually.
I sincerely doubt you are incapable of learning, just leave your comfort zone and slowly lose your spaghetti over time. Also bring a wingman if possible. And maintain an appropriate level of eye contact.
If you're a girl, I don't know what to say. Wear a v-cut shirt I guess.
You'll feel like an idiot but if you keep trying (With implications that you are capable of learning social graces) then you will get the hang of it and be less creepy, eventually.
I sincerely doubt you are incapable of learning, just leave your comfort zone and slowly lose your spaghetti over time. Also bring a wingman if possible. And maintain an appropriate level of eye contact.
If you're a girl, I don't know what to say. Wear a v-cut shirt I guess.
#50 to #48
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plasticcup (12/27/2014) [-] lul oy vey, silly bubbi. I was making a joke. An inside joke that's been flying around FJ since the beginning of Joshlol's marriage.
I sell contracts for a living, i know how to talk my way to gain moy sheckels.
I sell contracts for a living, i know how to talk my way to gain moy sheckels.
#51 to #50
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bible (12/27/2014) [-] Oh, I knew the joke but thought you were actually inquiring
Damn, you are probably definitely better than me at people with a job like that. I don't think even I can put a smile up for that long with prolonged socialization. After a good couple hours of talking to people and being generally cheerful and making friends I need a good, long break.
Damn, you are probably definitely better than me at people with a job like that. I don't think even I can put a smile up for that long with prolonged socialization. After a good couple hours of talking to people and being generally cheerful and making friends I need a good, long break.
#75 to #29
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SuperHyperCrazy (12/27/2014) [-] I love when people give the source to porn on the frontpage because the comment always has more favorites than thumbs
#53 to #4
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createdjustnow (12/27/2014) [-] happily cry at your computer while you write a greentext because you managed to get a girlfriend and have sex for the second time in your life with another girl?
#88
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orangeink (12/27/2014) [-] cheating is an awful thing to do. Isnt just easier to brake it off instead of playing with one's emotions.
#43
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envinite (12/27/2014) [-] Fourth option obviously.
Bitches need mad proteins to stay heal healthy and for gainz too m8
Bitches need mad proteins to stay heal healthy and for gainz too m8
