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User avatar #13 - therealtjthemedic (11/03/2014) [-]
>headshots
***** you aim for center of mass
#154 to #13 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
But how does that make a skull explode?
User avatar #15 to #13 - dandamanzx (11/03/2014) [-]
Could be why his wife is a better shot than him
User avatar #16 to #15 - therealtjthemedic (11/03/2014) [-]
Good point.
User avatar #2 - ubercookieboy (11/03/2014) [-]
I hope his laughter is a lesbian.
User avatar #5 to #2 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (11/03/2014) [-]
What high are you?
#50 to #5 - sizimizi (11/04/2014) [-]
Yes.
Yes.
#69 to #5 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
D and L arent even remotely close to each other wtf
#7 to #5 - anon (11/03/2014) [-]
*roll 100000* His level of high
#155 to #5 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
**anonymous rolled comment #15 ** :
Aw man, it's as if these animals have the same mental processing abilities as we do and was not under the assumption that the person was going to eat him as soon as he pulled him out...
Let's find out.
User avatar #84 - emptysuperman ONLINE (11/04/2014) [-]
Father's that threaten violence against their daughter's boyfriends are just proving Fraud right. It's creepy.
#108 to #84 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and assume you don't have children?
User avatar #109 to #108 - emptysuperman ONLINE (11/04/2014) [-]
Oh, look, the old "you don't understand unless you personally x" argument.
#126 to #109 - asasinmonkey (11/04/2014) [-]
While i would agree that this is a ******** argument 99% of the time, in this case not so much. The cocktail of drugs your brain releases when you have children are ******* retarded strong.
#92 to #84 - spambassador (11/04/2014) [-]
Fraud.

maybe you're thinking Freud?

You tried though! on ya!
User avatar #96 to #92 - emptysuperman ONLINE (11/04/2014) [-]
**** my mother! ...I mean, mother ****** !
#98 to #96 - FearsomeDraken (11/04/2014) [-]
Thumb for you my good man. Love the Freudian slip reference.
#1 - meringueluka (11/03/2014) [-]
Jesse Parent - "To the Boys Who May One Day Date My Daughter"
video
#3 - robuntu (11/03/2014) [-]
Am I the only guy who thought it was stupid when older brothers/fathers said crap like this?

1.) None of them ever did ANYTHING. Why make a threat if you aren't going to do anything?

2.) If you don't break up, that means you spend the rest of your life together. Do people really expect 15 year-old's who start dating to NOT break up?


#107 to #3 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
Because when they mean if you hurt her. If you two break up, she'll cry but you won't do anything because it's natural BUT if it ends because you cheated on her then there is a problem.
#9 to #3 - anon (11/03/2014) [-]
Wait until you're a father... that is all.
User avatar #88 to #9 - envinite (11/04/2014) [-]
Doesn't matter, overly-defensive action is still stupid as **** .
#119 to #88 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
if you have any kind of pet you should let me **** it
User avatar #122 to #119 - envinite (11/04/2014) [-]
That comparison won't work because
1.) People who are in a relationship have a consent to be with each other. So if you want to use that pet ******* comparison, you must ask my pet if they want to **** you and I might allow it afterwards if my pet agreed.
2.) A relationship doesn't always mean ******* , unless if your daughter is a whore. If you see a relationship as an intense hourly ******* with 100% chance of teenage pregnancy, that means you are one paranoid person.

Also there's a difference between protecting your kid, and being an overly-defensive guardian who threaten anyone who get close to their kids.
#17 to #3 - anon (11/03/2014) [-]
You can break up with someone without breaking that person's heart.
#30 to #3 - anon (11/03/2014) [-]
These are parts of a poem, you're dumb, and all of those that thubed you, dumber.
User avatar #66 to #3 - Chubs ONLINE (11/04/2014) [-]
first one... not argument, second point, theres a big difference between hurting someone, and simply breaking up with them. Breaking up "hurts" but if done right, you're not actually "Hurting" them, they(and yourself) just feel bad.
User avatar #73 to #3 - Icanfeelmyhairgrow (11/04/2014) [-]
Right, but there is a difference between a couple breaking up, and a dude cheating and lying and all that **** . I feel thats more what many dads mean by "break her heart". Guys being dishonest and douche bags and all that.
User avatar #93 to #3 - Riukanojutsu ONLINE (11/04/2014) [-]
Breaking up and breaking her heart are 2 entirely different things.
#177 to #3 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
I'm not saying you are wrong, but sometimes it is needed. I have had three experinces where butt needed to be kicked :
1. I have to say my sister was a trobled teen. And by that I mean she got around alot for a couple of years, boyfriend after boyfriend. But her second boyfriend was a douce, no question. One day I came home early to my sisters crying. That ****** brat had hit her because she would not swallow. I confronted him, he laughed. Then he hit her again. Now at that time I was a chubby 17 year old and he was a head taller at 16. I slapped him, and then gave him a black eye.
2. My mom once had to fend off my sisters drunk boyriend with a bat. She hit his legs twice and once in the guts.
3. And I once threatened her stalker with the help of our dog, a lovey rottweiler.

Sometimes a good threat is needed and action aquired.
User avatar #181 to #3 - gilliam (11/04/2014) [-]
Yeah, but there is a difference between breaking up and breaking somone's heart.
like cheating and stuff.
User avatar #34 to #3 - uncledick (11/04/2014) [-]
I ******* hate this **** , it pisses me the **** off.
I have a girlfriend now of two weeks and her dad is really cool but he pulls out a shovel and says that he will bury me if I hurt his daughter.
I mean, I think I am a decent guy but goddamn, it pisses me the **** off that people do this.
User avatar #37 to #34 - rhiaanor (11/04/2014) [-]
hurt /= break up
User avatar #76 to #3 - akkere (11/04/2014) [-]
It's a ****** up world where ****** up things happen, that's the truth that fathers like these are afraid of, and they have a damn right to be.
They don't want to hear about how their little girl got gang raped by some fraternity or at some party, so they send a message down the pipeline that "Hey, if you do something really messed up to her, I'm going to do something really messed up to you, and any of your lug-headed friends involved."

It's a matter of deterrence. A sort of psychological preventative strike, if you will. You have no idea of knowing if the boy your daughter brings home is a future husband or a perverted sociopath, so you prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
If the guy is truly well-mannered and has no ill-intent in how he wants to take the relationship, he shouldn't have anything to fear. If he did, well, he's probably going to be thinking a lot harder on it.
#153 to #3 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
When my younger sister began dating this one really douchey guy, I gave him a very strict warning that if he did anything insanely stupid that hurt her in a way that was beyond reason, I was going to break one of his kneecaps with two quick stomps, and maybe also crack a nose or a rib.

Sure enough, he had his three friends hiding in the closet when he invited her over, drugged her secretly, had his way with her, video taped it, while his friends watched.

All four of them, I hurt them. I hurt them bad. One can no longer walk without a crutch, one can't piss standing up, one attempted to sue for the fractured hipbone, but his case never landed anything.
As for the douchey jackass, he was laid up in the hospital for nearly three weeks.
Yes, I got in some serious trouble for it, but my case was resulted in "Protection of loved one" and all I got was one-thousand hours of community service. The judge high-fived me.
A man who doesn't keep his word isn't a man at all.

User avatar #191 to #153 - ieatbengay (11/04/2014) [-]
lol, definately did not happen
#74 to #3 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
Children with no father, under the age of 18, are 3 times more likely to be raped then children under 18 who have a father. Maybe scary dads do more then you think.
User avatar #89 to #74 - envinite (11/04/2014) [-]
*citation needed*
#99 to #3 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
My gf's ex used to beat her and cheat on her. They started dating when they were 17 and were together for a year. She had real low self esteemed and was ready to marry him despite knowing everything he did to her. I'm pretty sure thats what dads talk about when they make threats. I know when i have kids and if some douchebag did that to my daughter, I would break his legs. Some people just do anything to protect their family.
User avatar #97 to #3 - vexaton ONLINE (11/04/2014) [-]
Bruh, if anyone did anything to my brother, I ****** em up
#163 to #3 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
If he didn't do anything, it means that he didn't NEED to do anything. The warning was more than enough.
User avatar #90 to #3 - sinonyx (11/04/2014) [-]
"oh yes, you'll kill me and go to jail for 20+ years and then your daughter can spend that time without a father and grow to hate/resent you all because i broke up with her.. cool, let's do it"
User avatar #146 to #3 - enemyoftrn (11/04/2014) [-]
Obviously you like to date rape people's daughters and sons.
User avatar #72 to #3 - dangler (11/04/2014) [-]
It's not "breaking up" it's "breaking her heart"; namely if he cheats on her or something. I'm not proud of it, but when my best friend started dating this guy (who I thought was shifty from the beginning) I gave him a similar warning. He cheated on her and I beat the **** out of him. I was starting to get over my anger issues at that point, but I keep my goddamn promises. And I'm just her friend.
User avatar #143 to #3 - hokeymon (11/04/2014) [-]
Got a couple who has been childhood friends since kindergarten and they're still a strong couple. I think they're ready to get hitch in a year or two from now.
User avatar #31 to #3 - biscuitsunited (11/03/2014) [-]
I'd like to dream so to be quite honest
#131 to #3 - dawdawdwa (11/04/2014) [-]
Why? For the glory of Satan of course!
Why? For the glory of Satan of course!
User avatar #25 to #3 - zasito (11/03/2014) [-]
I believe when parents say things like this, they mean it if you end up breaking up for being an asshole. Then is when girls suffer the most imo.
#124 to #3 - blackmanrollipolli (11/04/2014) [-]
my grandparents met at 15 and 17 and their still rockin'.
#14 to #3 - anon (11/03/2014) [-]
1) This little thing called intimidation. If you can get even one person to treat her slightly better, it worked.
2) Breaking her heart =/= breaking up with her, it means cheating on her.
User avatar #19 to #14 - wacemindu (11/03/2014) [-]
Would you really want someone dating your daughter that requires intimidation as their motivation for treating her better?
#27 to #19 - anon (11/03/2014) [-]
I personally wouldn't know the kid, do you imagine I'd stalk potential boyfriend targets? Minimum work for potential reward.
User avatar #110 to #3 - comandante (11/04/2014) [-]
My friend dated a mexican girl. First thing her father said when he met him
"Hello, my name is Alberto, I have killed people before. 2"
User avatar #8 to #3 - reesekillaz (11/03/2014) [-]
ehhh maybe...
But my mother had a relationship at about 15 that ended and the boy kept harassing her, more than rocks at her window but less than kidnapping. One day he was in her front lawn screaming and crying or whatever. My grandfather told him to leave or he would do (insert fatherly cliche threat) so he went to the end of his driveway. so my uncle went out being closer to age and well, the kid probably had to learn how to masturbate with his left hand for a while.
Also, my little sister at about 16 had a jock boyfriend, when they broke up he kept grabbing her arm in the halfway. i told him sternly never to talk to her in any type of aggressive or harassing way or i would make him regret it. mind you this boy broke all of my small town schools weightlifting records basically, so i don't think he was very afraid. he showed up to the house right after school a few days later and demanded she come outside, i did instead. I told him i abhorred fighting out of anger, but would make an exception if he didn't leave. i have been practicing mma for years and warned him of the outcome of the coming fight. the kid was made fun of around school for a long while, months after the bruises and black eyes and wounds heeled. he still hasn't as much as made eye contact with her. now maybe this is because i'm from Texas, my mother is from Virginia so idk how to account for her situation. Believe more or not, im just saying sometimes the father/brother does do stuff.
TL;DR Sometimes the promises are kept.
User avatar #18 to #8 - crispymcpee (11/03/2014) [-]
and they should do stuff. Kudos to you and your grandfather if this is actually true. But going around saying **** like this to boys that their daughter has just met when they have no reason to be hostile against them is just stupid and disrespectful. I get that the boy needs to earn the respect of the father in law, but that doesn't mean he should be a dick and threaten the boy. If that was me I would have had more of a reason to leave the girl than before. If stuff like harassment actually does happen then of course others should try to stop it. But before anything happens, it's just cruel.
User avatar #23 to #18 - reesekillaz (11/03/2014) [-]
most of my experience with girls' fathers threatening me, it was in the most jovial of manners. when ever they do seem serious when i have given them absolutely no cause to threaten me i do kinda classify them as a crazy and start eyeing my exits and conjuring up the possibility of just ending it with the girl. once again, maybe its just a southern/Texas thing.. not to reinforce stereotypes but we all have guns, and we are in general incredibly friendly. family means alot to us. its a small town so drama and what not travels fast and is everywhere yadda yadda yadda.
User avatar #128 to #18 - KazumaKyu (11/04/2014) [-]
Kay for one thing a father has literally no reason to respect the random dude his daughter has hooked up with. Respect comes with time and must be earned. Saying their actions are 'disrespectful' implies that you are somehow owed respect from the word 'go', which is stupid and wrong.

Secondly, it's called a preventative measure. Is it absolutely necessary? No. Does it really accomplish anything? Of course not. That kind of conversation is had mostly so that the father can feel that they have done what they can (within reason) to ensure their daughter's safety. It makes him feel better about entrusting his baby girl into the arms of this random Joe off the street. Also by this point in our society it's basically a tradition. The first time I met my ex-girlfriend's father, he pulled me aside and we had a little chat. I expect if I eventually go on to have a daughter of my own I'll likely do the same, though knowing me it'll be mostly for the potential amusement factor.
User avatar #190 to #128 - crispymcpee (11/04/2014) [-]
Well, what I mean is that even though the father doesn't have to be nice and act like good friends, there is really no reason for him to be a dick. If I go around in the public people are not expecting me to smile at everyone and saying hello. But that doesn't mean it's okay to bump into them on purpose and calling them names. It is okay for a father to be there for the girl, but when a boy shows up at the front door, don't get in his face saying "you better ******* take good care of her or I'm seriously gonna break your arm, you got that?!". If they want to talk to the boy, fine, but do it like an adult. Don't be a dick and start threatening someone that doesn't deserve it.
#138 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
**anonymous rolled image** mfw i break his daughters heart
User avatar #81 - ronyx (11/04/2014) [-]
This **** is too corny, I hate corny **** .
User avatar #116 to #81 - assrocket (11/04/2014) [-]
**** , MAN I didn't even eat any corn
User avatar #152 to #123 - toncheky (11/04/2014) [-]
You went on google and searched corny **** didn't you?
User avatar #197 to #194 - toncheky (11/04/2014) [-]
hehahehaheha
#40 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
Why he gotta be so rude? don't he know they're human too. They're going to date his daughter anyway
#115 to #40 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
That's a **** song not even palatable for the **** of ***** . Humans treat each other from the highest of mortal divinity to a cum stain from a used sock and value tends to drop when it endangers others. So, those who date others, tread carefully. Ones actions might warrant immediate and severe action.
User avatar #42 to #40 - shadowbreech (11/04/2014) [-]
It's not presented as clearly as it could be, but he's warning anyone who will hurt his daughter, not threatening anyone who'll date her.
User avatar #45 to #40 - Lintutu (11/04/2014) [-]
i understood that reference MAGIC! - Rude
#36 - nekaz (11/04/2014) [-]
is that a godamn single shot nerf gun   
gotta build that 			****		 into canes n 			****
is that a godamn single shot nerf gun
gotta build that **** into canes n ****
User avatar #41 to #36 - ManOfWonder (11/04/2014) [-]
DUde where is that gif from, it was for a music video i think but i cant remember.

and that Pop it makes in the video is great
User avatar #91 to #36 - Thundergod (11/04/2014) [-]
It's a cork gun, all of the sound effects, none of the hunting after foam darts in the pond.
#139 - lordsepulchure (11/04/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #140 to #139 - youreminenow (11/04/2014) [-]
Kek'd
User avatar #48 - zaggystirdust (11/04/2014) [-]
What're you going to do when the boy/girlfriend you shoot is a mama's boy/daddy's girl?

You don't **** with another eagle's nest if you aint ready to get hit back

then again, all dad's like this just pose empty threats
#49 - jonnythan (11/04/2014) [-]
cringeworthy
#75 - infinitereaper (11/04/2014) [-]
I plan to be this exact kind of father, and I will deliver.
Young girls often suffer from a case of "I'm grown up I know everything/I'm in love/its my decision"
And it usually ends badly. Moved around a lot growing up. You saw the same **** everywhere.
Best/worse example is probably ex. Became a total slut after getting dumped by the guy who popped her cherry, a vegan sjw feminist studying "women's studies" and she caught chlamydia. Has had issues, and has issues, I worry about her constantly since she's generally unstable. Still as stubborn as ever however. Never ******* listened.
There were also 13 year olds who got pregnant, total stuck up bitches, etc. Dear god I've seen some **** .

You know what **** it, maybe I just shouldn't have kids.
I think people forget that parents are supposed to be the wise ones who use their experience to stop their kids from making mistakes, and to whip them into shape even if they hate you for it.

Serious mistakes can change people forever, more often for the worse.
That's why we need fathers more fathers like this.
Better to care too much than care too little.
User avatar #80 to #75 - ronyx (11/04/2014) [-]
That's assuming you EVEN get close to having a woman accept your seed.
User avatar #82 to #80 - infinitereaper (11/04/2014) [-]
My dick points proudly towards the sky.
He's a dreamer.
#85 to #82 - deviousdanish (11/04/2014) [-]
I think that's worth of this gif.
I think that's worth of this gif.
User avatar #83 to #82 - ronyx (11/04/2014) [-]
***** wut
User avatar #26 - ieatbengay (11/03/2014) [-]
i hate dads who think it's ok to act crazy like this and as if their cunt daughter is perfect
#149 to #26 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
Wow the amount of whiteknights thumbing you down is insane
User avatar #65 - Schwarzenegger (11/04/2014) [-]
A D.I.'s rules for dating his daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
User avatar #192 to #65 - ieatbengay (11/04/2014) [-]
this is just psychopathic ******** , if i was a boys father and he got told this i would want to shoot the bitches dad
User avatar #67 to #65 - Schwarzenegger (11/04/2014) [-]
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
User avatar #68 to #67 - Schwarzenegger (11/04/2014) [-]
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
#78 to #65 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
**** off with your ******** , faggot. We all know you don't have the balls to follow through with any of this, let alone actually get laid to even have children.
User avatar #199 to #78 - Schwarzenegger (11/05/2014) [-]
Says the anon
#70 to #65 - jkrule [OP](11/04/2014) [-]
Yes, I like this.
Yes, I like this.
User avatar #141 - baronvonhuckle (11/04/2014) [-]
So i suppose he only had one girlfriend did he?
Girls need to learn how to deal with breakups.
Men are expected to just man up when something goes wrong but it can hurt both sides of a relationship, but if this is referring to guys who "love and leave" vulnerable girls then fair enough i say.
but i still think that it's ******** that girls are taught to go for the first guy they have a relationship with, instead of being able to play the field as men are stereo-typically able to do.
User avatar #142 to #141 - TwiztidNinja (11/04/2014) [-]
Men are over protective of their daughters because men know exactly what teenage boys want because they themselves were once teenage boys.
User avatar #147 to #142 - baronvonhuckle (11/04/2014) [-]
So shouldn't they be raising there sons to be better men, and not raising there duaghters to be over attached little bitches?
User avatar #165 to #147 - muthsera (11/04/2014) [-]
There is also the whole 'Grog will protect Grog's investment' hardwired into the back of their minds that is more apparent in some than others. And it's nice to have the security of knowing that while I may be a stronk, independent wimmin, my father still cares enough about me to want to end anyone who actually hurt me, not my feelings.
#145 - anon (11/04/2014) [-]
> Boyfriend finds the relationship isn't working for him
> Boyfriend scared to dump daughter
> They grow up with the daughter blissfully unaware the boyfriend is unhappy and blames that unhappiness on her and her family
> Get married
> Have a loveless marriage
> Daughter and now husband have a loveless marriage
> Children brought up into a loveless home
> Get divorced when dad is too old
> Daughter's life wrecked, grandchildrens' lives wrecked
gg bro
User avatar #57 - legoslayer (11/04/2014) [-]
Been with my gal almost a year now.
Her parents adore me, her mother basically adopted me my biological mother passed away in a car accident, my dad's a dick into the family. Her dad has done more to help me better myself as a person.
They do expect us to marry. I, personally, am fine with this.
This being said, I have seen shotguns, dug ditches for them, and even had goat castrators held up to me. This said, just respecting her and showing care, they respect me.
But I still know that if I hurt their little girl, I shall pay.
User avatar #51 - sinconn (11/04/2014) [-]
*roll webm*

I cringed hard.

Who embarasses their daughter like that? That's horrible.
User avatar #86 to #51 - deviousdanish (11/04/2014) [-]
Why is there no roll webm yet?

Also, hi sinconn.
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