oh /b/. . Fwd Memeries that yen will never farms. sbe at a party, about years would stalking be this girl, having a great time people leave, I' m wasted and sup
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oh /b/

Fwd
Memeries that yen will never farms.
sbe at a party, about years would
stalking be this girl, having a great time
people leave, I' m ******* wasted and sup is she
smy friends house, his dad was gene and he lets me "crash" in guest return
ssuck the **** out pf that drunk slut, she passes out after
sstill awake, want reind two shortly after, start pulling her pants dawn
stuart ********* her while she' s half asleep
I' ll never ******* farms that. I got up and went inta a different ream.
...
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Views: 50691
Favorited: 93
Submitted: 06/23/2013
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Comments(168):

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#173 - oceanfrank (06/24/2013) [-]
Stories We'll never forget?

>Be 9 year old me
>Saw a documentary about weed
>Very liberal type of documentary, made it look very col
>Decided I wanted a joint because it looked cool
>Didn't know what they looked like entirely or where they came from
>Never really payed attention to where they came from
>Look around house, maybe mom smokes weed (she used to smoke cigarettes so I just assumed)
>In bathroom, find a used (bloodless) tampon of my mom in waste basket
>Didn't know what it was
>Thought, "This looks like one!"
>Pulled the string off and put it in me mouth and lit the part that goes in
>Looking cool and ****
>Mom walks in cuz she's gotta pee real bad after coming home from work
>HFW She sees her son smoking her used tampon on the toilet seat
User avatar #161 - parralax (06/24/2013) [-]
Memory I'd never forget
>9/11
#160 - faroeseguy (06/24/2013) [-]
Is no one concerned about, that he somewhat took advantage of a passed out girl? I know it's /b/, but come on.
#155 - texafornication (06/24/2013) [-]
Yeah theres no possible way she could've said "that"
#167 to #155 - sierramistfourteen (06/24/2013) [-]
are you sure about that?
are you sure about that?
#141 - Dap (06/24/2013) [-]
Ed your story is getting weird
User avatar #172 to #141 - deadmice (06/24/2013) [-]
I just wanna know where stuart came from...
-1
#109 - emperorervinmar **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #100 - beatmasterz (06/24/2013) [-]
"I got up and went to another room." That was really anticlimatic.
#88 - doodogger (06/24/2013) [-]
Story time FJ...
>I was only 12 years old.
> ******** in the bathroom.
>Friend was at the house.
>He likes to twist the doorknob to spook me.
>I think I locked the door, not sure, too far away to check, might get **** everywhere.
>Gigantic poop-turd coming out.
>Feelsgoodman.jpg
>plops in the toilet and water splashes my ******* .
>feelsweirdman.jpg
>Not done yet.
>There's a god forsaken cliffhangar.
> **** this **** .
>Start to cough and growl until cliffhangar falls off.
>My efforts remain futile.
>Decide to sit there and wait it out.
>30 minutes go by.
>I eventually forget about cliff hangar.
>Friend twists doorknob and the door opens.
>He's laughing his ass off as he comes towards me.
>I jump up and pull apart my ass cheeks in an attempt to ward him off.
>He instinctively grabs my toothbrush and shoves it up my ass.
>I cough and snarl some more, toothbrush and cliffhangar shoot out of my ******* like a bullet.
>Toothbrush strikes him in the face, poop goes in his mouth.
>MFW I shot a ******* toothbrush out my ass.
#157 to #88 - mvtjets (06/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #140 to #88 - Katzie (06/24/2013) [-]
That was great, you know, if you're twelve.
User avatar #103 to #88 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
you did not deserve those red thumbs
User avatar #104 to #103 - doodogger (06/24/2013) [-]
Thank you good sir.

But why?
User avatar #107 to #104 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
i thought it was a decent story
User avatar #102 to #98 - doodogger (06/24/2013) [-]
Uh what's that supposed to mean?
User avatar #106 to #102 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
(x) doubt
User avatar #108 to #106 - doodogger (06/24/2013) [-]
Oh. Well it's not choice what you believe.
User avatar #110 to #108 - doodogger (06/24/2013) [-]
Oh you're the guy that said I don't deserve red thumbs. oops
User avatar #77 - zonryu (06/24/2013) [-]
i would have kept going.

sleeping chicks and wincest are but 2 of my many ********
-7
#64 - menjimendez has deleted their comment [-]
#62 - queefersutherland (06/24/2013) [-]
The story started off well.
The story started off well.
#56 - pbeldin (06/24/2013) [-]
Mfw I'm into that kind of stuff
#55 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
Story I will never forget   
>Be 10 year old me   
>My friends and I have been going through puberty (I had started one year earlier and they had started not long ago)   
>Since where 10 year old boys we're talking about banging girls even though we have no idea how to sex well   
>My friends start talking about their dick size (when you're 10 the concept of slightly homosexual topics is meaningless)   
>"alright Sebastian, how big is yours?" they ask me. I told them I dunno.  "Dude! You gotta know your dick size! When a girl wants to have sex they ask you that right away!"   
>lolk I go home that night and look for a ruler   
>before I get myself hard I google up 'average male penis size' so I had a reference on how I was doing.  average male size is 5.5-6 inches   
>go in the bathroom and think of big tits and asses and hot girls to get it up   
>check myself with the ruler and see i'm 6.5 inches   
>flip 						****					   
>extreme fear.  I was flipping out because I was only 10 and past the adult average   
>I was super scared, thought I had a tumor in my dick   
>wait for my dad to come home later that night   
>"dad, I think there's something wrong with my wiener"  my dad is an R.N. so I feel comfortable talking to him about it   
>He asks what's wrong and I tell him what happened and my 'size' issue   
>he sighs and puts his hand on my shoulder and says to me..   
>"Son..god has blessed you with a gift.  Now in time, you will 						******					, and learn how to use this gift properly and appropriately.  For now, don't worry about it.  It'll all make sense in a few years."   
>I kinda understood what he was talking about but I was just happy nothing was wrong.   
>I never forget that day because my father teases me whenever I come home from a girls house asking, "did you give them a gift?"   
    
hfw I was 16 and came home from my girlfriends house telling him "I got her a gift."
Story I will never forget
>Be 10 year old me
>My friends and I have been going through puberty (I had started one year earlier and they had started not long ago)
>Since where 10 year old boys we're talking about banging girls even though we have no idea how to sex well
>My friends start talking about their dick size (when you're 10 the concept of slightly homosexual topics is meaningless)
>"alright Sebastian, how big is yours?" they ask me. I told them I dunno. "Dude! You gotta know your dick size! When a girl wants to have sex they ask you that right away!"
>lolk I go home that night and look for a ruler
>before I get myself hard I google up 'average male penis size' so I had a reference on how I was doing. average male size is 5.5-6 inches
>go in the bathroom and think of big tits and asses and hot girls to get it up
>check myself with the ruler and see i'm 6.5 inches
>flip ****
>extreme fear. I was flipping out because I was only 10 and past the adult average
>I was super scared, thought I had a tumor in my dick
>wait for my dad to come home later that night
>"dad, I think there's something wrong with my wiener" my dad is an R.N. so I feel comfortable talking to him about it
>He asks what's wrong and I tell him what happened and my 'size' issue
>he sighs and puts his hand on my shoulder and says to me..
>"Son..god has blessed you with a gift. Now in time, you will ****** , and learn how to use this gift properly and appropriately. For now, don't worry about it. It'll all make sense in a few years."
>I kinda understood what he was talking about but I was just happy nothing was wrong.
>I never forget that day because my father teases me whenever I come home from a girls house asking, "did you give them a gift?"

hfw I was 16 and came home from my girlfriends house telling him "I got her a gift."
User avatar #162 to #55 - neutralgray (06/24/2013) [-]
"(when you're 10 the concept of slightly homosexual topics is meaningless) "

I can relate to this 110%.
User avatar #164 to #162 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
tis true for many of us men. We all have those slightly gay conversations when we're that age because that slight homophobia hasn't been instilled into us yet hahaa
User avatar #165 to #164 - neutralgray (06/24/2013) [-]
Not just conversations, man. gay moments. Me and me stupid ******* friends back then thought it'd be hilarious to see if glow cream made an acceptable lotion so I filmed my friend jerking off in complete blackness to see if his dick would glow. And it did.

I look back on that and laugh my ass off because it's a fun story to tell but it's definitely not one I could repeat.
#166 to #165 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
****					 XD   
   
yea that's deff one not to tell in public haha
**** XD

yea that's deff one not to tell in public haha
#150 to #55 - waterbottlemanboy (06/24/2013) [-]
I hit puberty late and was honestly small, but I got bigger though, thankfully. But the most sexual thing to happen to me was getting a bj from a guy at an art supply store. Still awesome though.
I hit puberty late and was honestly small, but I got bigger though, thankfully. But the most sexual thing to happen to me was getting a bj from a guy at an art supply store. Still awesome though.
#151 to #150 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
good for you man!
good for you man!
#152 to #151 - waterbottlemanboy (06/24/2013) [-]
Thanks! And hey, at least he was hot.
Thanks! And hey, at least he was hot.
#153 to #152 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
Haha whatever floats your boat bro!
#135 to #55 - JMF (06/24/2013) [-]
10 year old > Me.
10 year old > Me.
User avatar #136 to #135 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
It happens man. But believe it or not you don't need a 'gift' to get women (or men)
User avatar #137 to #136 - JMF (06/24/2013) [-]
>Implying I don't get girls








I don't.
#138 to #137 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
yea sorry I didn't mean it like that :/ if you uh...need advice or something feel free to PM me or something I guess haha
#139 to #138 - JMF (06/24/2013) [-]
Damn, that is one adorable Pikachu.
Damn, that is one adorable Pikachu.
User avatar #134 to #55 - JMF (06/24/2013) [-]
"how to sex well"
I had to take a break right there to laugh that off.
User avatar #125 to #55 - zeroxnight (06/24/2013) [-]
so 5.5-6 is the average male size. I am an average male in general, but above average considering the fact that I am Chinese. Kind of opposite with intelligence, I am above average when compared to most people but am average compared to other Asians
User avatar #111 to #55 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
lucky bastard.
User avatar #116 to #111 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
which part?
User avatar #117 to #116 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
your gift
User avatar #119 to #117 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
well it sucked ******** in 6th and 7th grade (sometimes in 8th) when I was getting random boners. My mom refused to buy me looser pants because she said they were baggy and ghetto and I was always uncomfortable talking to my mom about 'man/boy' stuff so I didn't explain that if I got a hard on that everybody and their momma would see it. Thankfully I never had one of those moments with a hard on and had to stand up in front of the class or antyhing.
User avatar #121 to #119 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
that's also a lucky moment. i don't have an exponentially large one like you do and i still have noticably large bulges frequently.
User avatar #123 to #121 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
It happens bro. It's great for sex though, size really does matter. I'm not saying that to discourage you or anything. It's just i'm pretty sure i'm not that great at sex because i'm still fairly young so I mean...not a whole lot I could know haha I just do some different positions and speeds and maybe some different hip movements now and then to ***** it up, but I mean, **** haha not a whole lot I know in general, so i'm pretty sure if I didn't have my 'gift' then I would be pretty lame in the sack XD
User avatar #126 to #123 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
well size matters only in finding women though and having you feel more of what's going on.
User avatar #129 to #126 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
True. Plus I think my 'gift' was for a price. I'm a mediocre student haha
User avatar #131 to #129 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
*focused
User avatar #130 to #129 - garymotherfingoak (06/24/2013) [-]
possibly. keep yourself focus m8.
User avatar #132 to #130 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
Yup. Only one year of high school left too haha and thanks i'll try. Thanks for the conversation as well my friend
User avatar #91 to #55 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
Considering puberty starts at around 11~12 for boys, and not just you but all your friends as well started about a year early, I'm calling ******** .
User avatar #163 to #91 - neutralgray (06/24/2013) [-]
You're an idiot if that's the detail that makes you go "THIS IS ******** ."
User avatar #92 to #91 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
the AVERAGE is actually 10-12. I started one year early. It's not uncommon.
User avatar #94 to #93 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
You need to login to view this link too lazy to screen cap it
User avatar #95 to #94 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
There are three sources on the Wikipedia page I screencapped from to support that puberty begins at ages 11~12.

Not to mention the fact that if your site is using the current average age puberty begins at, the information is most likely not applicable to you at age 10. Why? Because that's using 2011~2013 statistics for something that happened at least 6 years ago, depending on your current age. And recently puberty has been beginning earlier because of certain things put into foods and whatnot, i.e. preservatives. So you would be far less likely to begin puberty early 6 years ago than you would now.

So I am STILL calling ******** .
#97 to #95 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
Yes, it's absolutely and totally impossible for me to have started puberty one year early. I mean there is noooo chance it could have happened. You are obviously correct due to your skilled usage of statistic averages. You're right dude, my whole story is fake because it's impossible for me to have started puberty early. You are sooooo smart to figuring out my little fib. Now what will I do that everyone's going to realize i'm a phony.
User avatar #99 to #97 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
It wasn't the fact that you started puberty early, it's the fact that your whole group of friends started puberty early.
User avatar #112 to #99 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
I think you're missing the point of what an average is and it's really aggravating me. The average age that puberty begins at for ANY child is anywhere between 9-12. Once again, this is an average for both genders. Girls TEND to hit puberty BEFORE boys. So it's not uncommon for a girl to hit puberty at 8 or 9. Boys USUALLY develop later than girls. so the AVERAGE age boys begin puberty is 10-12. Once again, this is an AVERAGE. do you understand what an AVERAGE is? Because I don't think you do. A boy starting puberty at the age of 9-10 is NOT uncommon.
User avatar #114 to #112 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
No, I'm not missing the point of an average. Did you not listen to what I said?
I said that depending on WHEN the said average was gathered would, in this case, change the results because puberty starts earlier now that it use to, or rather the frequency of early puberty has increased. While that may increase, the age you are SUPPOSED to have puberty does not.

So if you take the average of 2011~2013 and apply it to something years earlier, this would make NO sense.

Let me restate my argument - boys are supposed to have puberty at the ages of 11~12 - notice, here, I'm not saying average - meaning, yes, you had puberty a year early. However, not only did YOU, but all your friends did too. Which, 6 years ago, is highly unlikely. Whatever recent average you get does not change this - because puberty occurring early is much more frequent now, which would thereby make the average age of puberty beginning now lower than it was 6 years ago.
User avatar #115 to #114 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
that's it, i'm done. Feel victory, tell your mom to give you an extra cookie and some fresh undies for being a champ.
User avatar #118 to #115 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
Look, all I'm saying is it makes your story doubtful.

I don't know if it's true, nor do I care. Just seems unlikely, is all.
User avatar #120 to #118 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
>nor do I care
***** you just spent 45 ******* minutes arguing with me over my ' ********* story.
User avatar #122 to #120 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
It's 4 in the morning and I had nothing better to do.
#171 to #122 - chapperz (06/24/2013) [-]
He is 10, his friends may be in the same year but 11 years old, there you go they are 11 and old enough to start puberty in your stupid idea, now shut up you're making yourself look stupid.
User avatar #124 to #122 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
once again, cookie and undies man. cookie and undies.
#128 to #124 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
But I don't want either of those.
User avatar #101 to #99 - comatzdark (06/24/2013) [-]
I don't see the part where any of his friends mentioned having large penises.
User avatar #105 to #101 - roflsaucer (06/24/2013) [-]
When did I mention anything about their penises?
Or his?
Or anybodies?

I said that, while if he alone were the one to have puberty early, his story would be totally believable. However, he and his entire group of friends did. So I'm doubtful.
#74 to #55 - owmowmow (06/24/2013) [-]
No I swear I've heard this story before.
User avatar #75 to #74 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
If you have then the only way I can imagine is by word of mouth because i'v told a lot of friends that story. My dad usually tells it but I like to tell it now because I can understand the humor unlike when I was younger.
#76 to #75 - owmowmow (06/24/2013) [-]
Really? I'm scared now.
User avatar #78 to #76 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
why are you afraid?
User avatar #79 to #78 - owmowmow (06/24/2013) [-]
I... don't know.....
User avatar #80 to #79 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
Do you live in the states? and if so, what state? I'm curious now haha
User avatar #82 to #80 - owmowmow (06/24/2013) [-]
No I live in Australia it's cold and wet atm lol
User avatar #83 to #82 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
ahhh then we definitely do not know eachother. I live in Alaska
#84 to #83 - owmowmow (06/24/2013) [-]
Really? that's cool I watched Balto a few days ago I thinking "man that place must be a harsh to live"
#87 to #84 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
Oh yes, my life is quite harsh in my house on my expensive laptop drinking Arnold Palmer and eating funyuns.  I may leave the safety of my bed to go play some PS3 now in my loft, it's a harsh life man.
Oh yes, my life is quite harsh in my house on my expensive laptop drinking Arnold Palmer and eating funyuns. I may leave the safety of my bed to go play some PS3 now in my loft, it's a harsh life man.
#89 to #87 - owmowmow (06/24/2013) [-]
Wow... so much in common.   
   
random GIf.
Wow... so much in common.

random GIf.
User avatar #90 to #89 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
Yea haha Alaska isn't much different from the rest of the modern world. It's got major cities and towns, we have all the same crap technology wise. I mean, obviously if you go out into the bush it's pretty rough. The bush is where most of the stereotypes of alaska come from. Because most of Alaska still isn't modernized errr...whatever the correct word for it is haha
#159 to #90 - redstag (06/24/2013) [-]
Are you saying that movies lie about Alaska? Cause they wouldn't do that it's illegal!
Are you saying that movies lie about Alaska? Cause they wouldn't do that it's illegal!
User avatar #85 to #84 - owmowmow (06/24/2013) [-]
also, pic related.
#66 to #55 - mckinkymcormic ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
that's adorable!
that's adorable!
#67 to #66 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
May I ask how?
User avatar #68 to #67 - mckinkymcormic ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
daddy! i have a problem.
what is it?
i think i have a tumor.
its ok you just fine.
(father-son bonding hug)
story time.




IM A MAN DAMNIT!
User avatar #69 to #68 - latinotornado ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
twas a terrifying experience to me
#71 to #69 - mckinkymcormic ONLINE (06/24/2013) [-]
better explaniation made by image.
User avatar #46 - toncheky (06/24/2013) [-]
jesus christ how horrifying
#45 - Izen (06/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #181 to #45 - warzon (07/05/2013) [-]
God damn it why cant they just be nicer to homestuckies.
User avatar #182 to #181 - Izen (07/05/2013) [-]
because we can take it
because they need us
a dark fandom
User avatar #183 to #182 - warzon (07/05/2013) [-]
Then explain lil he-who-shalt-not-be-named.
User avatar #86 to #45 - schneidend (06/24/2013) [-]
Dude. **** like this is why we can't post troll pics without getting red thumbed into oblivion.
User avatar #168 to #86 - Izen (06/24/2013) [-]
see this first one is a reaction pic
the rest are reactions to said reaction
but when i post this itself
these ******* have no reasons to thumb down
but they do
because for some reason im not allowed to feel this way towards said post
whore.
User avatar #176 to #168 - schneidend (06/25/2013) [-]
How is a glittery, ectstatic Gamzee an appropriate reaction to a story of a drunken reveal of incest?
User avatar #177 to #176 - Izen (06/25/2013) [-]
dont judge other people's ******** .........
#179 to #178 - Izen (06/26/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#180 to #179 - schneidend (06/26/2013) [-]
Well, fine then. I guess I'll just go.
#50 to #48 - Izen (06/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#52 to #51 - Izen (06/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#54 to #53 - Izen (06/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#42 - infinitereaper (06/24/2013) [-]
Fun for the whole family.
User avatar #40 - winsauceiswin (06/24/2013) [-]
>be 5 year old me
>talking with girl who's a friend
>her dad recently killed himself
>trying to start conversation
>ask "how's your dad" knowing he killed himself like a week ago
>she bursts in to tears
>her mom hears me ask from across the room
>her mom was also my mom's best friend
>girl's mom thinks i'm a psycho dick kid
>mom never sees best friend again feel like **** for what i did and now have a psychological disposition to feeling guilty for ANYTHING i do wrong
never forget ever
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