Wut

Only one thing left to do. Commit Sudoku!

>be 10 years old
>takin a shit
>window was open in the bathroom
>im taking the fucking statue of libery of shits
>pushing with all my force
>suddenly, hear a squeak and a hissing sound
>thought I must have pulled a muscle/blew out my anus
>jump of the toilet like my name was jose and I was in front of the border
>shit gets propelled out of my ass, and hit the wall like a goddamn torpedo
>my face when the noise was just dad turming on the hose

So...

welcome to my lair? who are you? batman?

**bongoboon rolls 77**

One time, I was watching some hentai catgirl shit, not even sure what it was

And the door was directly behind me, so anyone could just walk in on me, fapping

I hear the door open, and my mom walks in. She looks at the porn, sees that my pants are down, and turns around and walks away. I never heard from her about it.

I'm... not quite sure what that means to this day

yfw

"welcome to my lair"

<-----fastest solution

> Be 16 or something.
>Washmyself with new shower gel, allergic to it.
> Dick starts itching so much I go apeshit.
>I scratch it really hard, get a boner.
>Run to the drug cabinet, stumble on mom.
>We'll it looks like you inherited something after your dad after all son.

>Mom when penis

My closest call ever:
First of all, my room is set up so I sit with my monitor and table between me and the door, for the very purpose of safe fapping.
This one time, I barely heard my brother in time, and managed to stow my dick away before my brother entered, but the monitor was frozen. He was now in the room, and there was very VERY visible porn on my monitor, which he could not yet see, because he had to walk around to the other side of the table first. I try frantically to close the browser, and I manage it a second before my brother rounds the table and gets line of sight to my monitor.
My heart did not pound this hard the first time I came within arm's reach of a pair of tits.

**realfunnybro rolled a random image posted in comment #360158 at Anime & Manga ** hfw

The key to not being caught masturbating is to use distractions, sleight of hand, to place yourself in a less suspicious position.

Picture the scene. Hand downstairs, doing it's business, I hear steps drawing towards my bedroom door. No time to do both, you either shut the laptop of withdraw the hand. I shut the latop, muting it in the process, unfortunately leaving myself slouched with my hand down my pants.

Here's where the magician skill comes into play. As the door opens I quickly swivel around on my chair and, faster than the eye can see, punch myself right in the face. My mother is shocked, and I am triumphant as my hand slips from my waist into my pocket and I lean forwards into a regular sitting position. She's none the wiser.

Smooth as fuck.

Then I tied her boobs in a balloon and fucked her.

**xfresherassassinx rolled a random image posted in comment #2111434 at MLP Friendly Board ** his moms face when

**najar rolled a random image posted in comment #35 at The balls on this guy ** HFW