Well then.... . Share the most retarded thing you' ever done. I' ll go first. days ago deriving drunk as , run a red light, ram into a cop car at 20 mph bears a
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Well then...

Share the most retarded
thing you' ever done. I' ll
go first.
days ago
deriving drunk as **** , run a red light, ram
into a ******* cop car at 20 mph
bears are not too damaged
idrink mind is scared as ****
tunable to think of a reason, stab myself
with my pocket knife before the cop comes
over
chide knife in glove box
may, ''I had been stabbed officer"
scop gives me a ride to the nearest
hospital
mm crisis avoided
138 KB PNG
...
+1093
Views: 37412
Favorited: 62
Submitted: 06/27/2014
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#1 - rogernice (06/27/2014) [-]
Drunk logic is best logic.
User avatar #2 - ishallsmiteyou (06/27/2014) [+] (9 replies)
>playing soccer with cousin
>go to kick ball but kick lands right in cousin's nuts, just skims the ball enough to knock it into a nearby bush
>he screams and random guy runs over to help
>cousin is screaming and crying
>kick broke stitches on his nuts
>random guy asks what happened
>for no reason in particular I said "he tried to mug me so I kicked him in the nuts"
> ******************** .jpeg
>cousin now unconscious and bleeding profusely from nutsack
>ambulance takes him away and police are called
>explain to police that I lied for no reason at all
>spend night in slammer
>not my proudest moment
User avatar #12 - pepemex ONLINE (06/28/2014) [+] (9 replies)
Yeah but how do we know he didn't die because of the wound?
User avatar #18 to #16 - sinonyx (06/28/2014) [-]
be me
23 days ago

stabbed myself




apparently this is rocket science
#11 - miia ONLINE (06/28/2014) [+] (12 replies)
>cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital
****** thats the worst place to ****** be what with their tox screens n **** ****** moron
#26 - grimmwaters (06/28/2014) [+] (7 replies)
>Drunk driving
>Drunk driving
User avatar #22 - tyrson (06/28/2014) [-]
Hmm...Friend invited me to a house party. I was lookin' to get laid. Get there, find out that EVERYONE but me and my friend were of a sexual orientation incompatible with my own. **** .
What to do, what to do...Ah, I'll get drunk instead. Friend insisted on driving (my car) anyway, so they were the DD.
Shot. Shot again. Mixed drink (w/ vodka, maybe). hot. Shot. Something that may have been a shot. Start exploring house.
Woman that owns the place has a REALLY NICE house, we're talking old school big house. She has a room for costumes. Because at these monthly parties, people like to dress up. As like, victorian aristocrats and burlesque dancers and **** . I knock over some painting. Broke, feel bad but too drunk to make it right. Continue my moseying.
Pool has some kind of sex-safe saline solution instead of chlorine. People getting freaky. Get mostly naked, hop on in. I'm drunk. Ergo, I'm an acrobat. "Hey guys, watch me do a backflip." Never tried a backflip before. Hell, not even a front-flip. 99% of trampoline use was sitting an looking at stars. Try backflip. Smash head into pool bottom. Blood everywhere. Drunk and lightheaded.
Soon, it's time to go.
"Where's Chris?" (one of the 3 other friends we'd brought) Find Chris. Chris is busy. Stand around for about half an hour waiting for Chris. After about 20 minutes, realize I've been standing there watching Chris give someone a blowjob for almost half an hour. **** . I'm drunk. Leave Chris to the blowjob and wander for a bit.
Find old dude dressed like Queen Victoria. Beard like ZZ Top. His dick's hanging out, but I don't mind. Strike up conversation. He works with deaf people, as a translator. Shows me some sign language. Cool. I can now sign the phrase, "I'm drunk... really drunk" Continue talking. Chris finally done with the blowjob. We all drive home.

Weirdest thing I've ever done. Still can't believe I let someone else drive my new car.
User avatar #5 - Temperance (06/28/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Maybe not most retarded of all time, but definitely most retarded in recent history.

>be me
>early last month
>at cookout with wife and her family
>in-laws live on a farm in the country
>have grand old time shooting guns and practicing archery
>sun starts going down
> ******* of mosquitoes show up
> ******* hate mosquitoes
>one lands in the middle of wife's back
> ******************** .jpg
>panic
>smack wife in the back with the force of a hundred spatulas
>leaves bright red and clearly visible handprint
>wife's family speechlessly stares at me
>wife pissed
>still killed the mosquito

In-laws still bring it up everytime I see them.
#25 - nightlynutria ONLINE (06/28/2014) [+] (4 replies)
Where would you stab yourself if you were to do this?
Where would you stab yourself if you were to do this?
#3 - xcoreyx ONLINE (06/28/2014) [-]
"driving drunk"
That was already the stupidest thing you could possibly do.
#21 - hybridxproject (06/28/2014) [+] (1 reply)
that's 						*******					 brilliant
that's ******* brilliant
#32 to #21 - blesstheinternet (06/28/2014) [-]
****					 that gif....
**** that gif....
#53 - tommytwobyfour (06/28/2014) [-]
Hmmm...
#41 - ashedust ONLINE (06/28/2014) [+] (6 replies)
Comment Picture
#40 - spenda (06/28/2014) [-]
This was posted what, 5 days ago?
#72 - anonymous (07/06/2014) [-]
>tfw a drunk man is more clever than most people in this ********
User avatar #10 - dehfurk (06/28/2014) [-]
I mean... when I got drunk I let a note for myself in a jacket I wear during winter. It had $50 and had my girlfriends birthday written on it.

That's about the smartest thing my drunk self has ever done. On the flip side, I also remember being drunk, half naked, forgot I don't live with my family but proceeded to enter my mom's house and pass out on my old bed. The alarms were on...
User avatar #4 - grimsho (06/28/2014) [+] (4 replies)
Why didn't the cop ask you questions? Even after taking you to the hospital and getting you treated, isn't it his job to stay around and find out what the hell happened?
fake/10
User avatar #70 - ninjahitman (06/29/2014) [-]
>be 16
>going to a house party with my girlfriend
>get really drunk for the first time
>see guy hitting on my girlfriend
>not having that ****
>throw a punch at the guy hitting on her
>miss and punch a mirror
>say "well I don't need you anymore!" drunken English
>make out with girlfriend's ex to get back at her
>the guy hitting on her was her cousin
>girlfriend's ex stalked me for months
#58 - SirMartin ONLINE (06/28/2014) [-]
Stabbed himself. Anon could atleast cut his gut
#67 - theoatmealiscool (06/28/2014) [-]
how can cops be real if our eyes are not real?
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