Redneck EMT Story. Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck
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Redneck EMT Story

Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck B filets Redneck A with a buck knife. Redneck A isn't quite yet dead though, as he pulls out a rifle and shoots Redneck B.

Still awake. Might as well.
2 call fer shooting and stabbing semes in
2 "Well, which is WA shooting er a stabbing?"
2 "Both. We' re sending you and the . Si). is en scene and theme screaming fortwo ambulances."
2 get an scene of epic redneck family dispute gene horribly wrong
2 Rednecky is slumped against wheel of
2 a huge gash runs his right nipple almost to his right shoulder blade, exposing the lung
2 he' about dead
2 there' s a /30-/ 30 en the heed guarded by a deputy
2 Redneck B is facedown about yards away
2 well, he would be facedown if he had a face
2 Redneck B' s head has been explosively redistributed fer several feet in all directions
2 oh my god, what the fuck, barbecue
2 ignore headless cerise, help first unit en scene work Redneck A, whe predictably doesn' t make it
2 having a completely bisected lung tends to severely impact one' s survival potential
2 we still have fucking idea what transpired out there
Later that day-.
2 everybody gets to write statements forthe DA, which is typical fer homicides
2 deputy fills us in en what went down
2 Rednecky and Redneck B had a tiff ever same cute little machette
2 defending both his haner and hers, Rednecky pummels the unholy fuck out of Redneck B
2 thinking the matter settled, toward his truck
2 Redneck B picks himself up, dusts himself off and runs up behind Redneckasian a fucking huge buck knife
2 Redneck B proceeds to fillet Redneck A
2 Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed
2 thinking the matter settled, Redneck B begins to walk away
2 unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it
2 his waite his feet, retrieves his dun rams his truck and fires a single round befire collapsing
2 boom, headshot and the crowd gees wild
Rednecks fucking scare me way worse than redguards.
...
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Views: 51397
Favorited: 193
Submitted: 04/01/2014
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Comments(90):

[ 90 comments ]

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#4 - marlton (04/02/2014) [+] (1 reply)
>unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it   
>Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed   
>boom, headshot and the crowd goes wild
>unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it
>Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed
>boom, headshot and the crowd goes wild
#1 - dsgjoker (04/01/2014) [+] (6 replies)
the way this dude phrases shit   
   
my sides are damaged
the way this dude phrases shit

my sides are damaged
#21 - mattdoggy (04/02/2014) [+] (12 replies)
nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it   
   
I have read this story at least 50 times over the years and i can't make it past that part without losing my crap
nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it

I have read this story at least 50 times over the years and i can't make it past that part without losing my crap
#42 - I Am Monkey (04/02/2014) [+] (2 replies)
My town once experienced a massive snow storm extremely early in the season when all the trees still had their leaves. The leaves held much more snow than usual and the weight collapsed hundreds of trees all over town. My neighborhood was hit the worst out all of them. There were so many trees down and so much snow that the government roped off our block and declared it a no-go-zone. Just when all hope was lost we heard the sound of engines revving in the distance. A group of a dozen or so drunken rednecks came down the road with chain-saws and a plow. They just sawed each tree in half and threw each half to the side as they went. They blew right through the entire block in about an hour. When they reached the end they took down the barricades themselves and told the town to just clear the logs they had thrown to the side because they had already done their job for them.
Thank God for rednecks.
#5 - kulamia (04/02/2014) [+] (7 replies)
Hit shot at someone 75 yards away. Hit him in the head. WHILE DYING. This man is one hardcore motherfucker!
User avatar #7 - tittylovin (04/02/2014) [+] (10 replies)
I love EMT threads. Got any more OP?
#9 to #7 - theaznreclaimer (04/02/2014) [-]
Isn't really an EMT, but it's close enough right?
#46 - anaphase ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
"Collapses to the ground, as is the custom when fatally stabbed"
#50 - greenimp (04/02/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I dunno man, Redguards used to have a sword stroke that split an atom. They literally had sword masters capable of letting off an H-bomb.



Ever wonder what happened to Yokuda? Now you know. A bunch of Sword Saints basically decided the entire populace of the continent had dishonoured themselves beyond redemption.
#47 - severepwner ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
Redneck A's fw
Redneck A's fw
#17 - miwauturu (04/02/2014) [+] (6 replies)
I am not an EMT, but I know a paramedic / firefighter (they are put together here), and have heard a few of his stories, so I will rewrite a good one.

>Gets a call, from an area where "Marie-Lynn" is known to frequent
>She is a known hypochondriac, fakes illness all the time for attention
>Her number was 911 blacklisted, so she gets others to call for her now
>Is a MtF Trans
>He arrives on scene, finds girl and her boyfriend freaking out over passed out body.
>Big surprise, passed out body is Marie-Lynn
>He heads over, opens his equipment, grabs a tongue clip
>Clip used to prevent unconscious patients from having their tongue flap back and cover their trachea
>In normal conditions (i.e. used on someone unconscious) clip proves no problem. When used on unconscious person, clip triggers gag reflex.
>He takes clip, shoves roughly down Mary-Lynn's throat
>She immediately freaks, rolling over to get away, just about puking.
>Gets up and starts to run away, nobody pursues her, since they all know her already, know nothing will happen even if they did catch her.
>Friend calls to her "Leaving so soon [Mary-Lynn's male birth name]?"
>She turns around, flips them the bird and keeps running.
#64 - zwartbr (04/02/2014) [+] (1 reply)
"Redneck B's head has been explosively redistributed" hahahahaha
#63 - atomicoption (04/02/2014) [-]
"have a bisected lung tends to severely impact one's chances of survival." oh my god
"have a bisected lung tends to severely impact one's chances of survival." oh my god
User avatar #3 - iiiphoenixiii (04/02/2014) [+] (1 reply)
> Methette

Lost it. 10/10!
#71 - draeman (04/02/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I feel left out.   
   
I didn't laugh.
I feel left out.

I didn't laugh.
#81 to #71 - anonymous (04/02/2014) [-]
User avatar #52 - karson (04/02/2014) [+] (4 replies)
this past december I was riding in the back seat of a friends car, and as we were going through an intersection, I heard a horn and tires screeching. we ended up getting T-boned by another car going about 55. in that brieft second, I thought "eyup, this is it, I'm dead now." then when the car stopped moving, I realized I was fine. the window had shattered in my face, and I was yelling out a choice word when it happened, so my mouth was full of shattered glass. turns out our car had been hit right on the B pillar, and the frame of the car was remarkably strong, so I wasn't hurt at all. I started laughing my ass off when I was getting out of the car, and even when all the cops and ambulance arrived. They checked over us in the ambulance at the scene. I told them I felt great and was laughing. they thought I was on drugs, when really I was just ecstatic to be alive.
#82 - iamchicken (04/02/2014) [-]
Humans are fucking scary shit.
#67 - computeronfire (04/02/2014) [-]
**computeronfire rolled image**
**computeronfire rolled image**
User avatar #84 - oxYKellark (04/02/2014) [-]
"nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it"
This is it, the post that kills me.
Lordy.
I was on my paramedic internship a few weeks ago where i got the bear hug of my fucking life from some homeless guy who literally could have been an MMA fighter with his crazy ass kung fu grip.
#58 - underthefilth (04/02/2014) [+] (4 replies)
**underthefilth rolled image** Who it be that I get killed by only to kill him from the grave.
#60 to #58 - gtfomylawnbish (04/02/2014) [-]
**gtfomylawnbish rolled image**

What will really end up killing you.
#55 - kcwsooners (04/02/2014) [+] (3 replies)
**kcwsooners rolled image**   
Who I kill and get away with it.
**kcwsooners rolled image**
Who I kill and get away with it.
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