Orc Donkey Punch. . pplaying USE iparty' s assignment: Escape a camp Orc deosn' t like that idea as / C) rle, including Chuck, meurthe exit turns around and sne
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Orc Donkey Punch

pplaying USE
iparty' s assignment: Escape a camp
Orc deosn' t like that idea
as / C) rle, including Chuck, meurthe exit
turns around and sneaks to the Officers Tent
warty is like "what the **** "
the UM he want to awaken the Officer, and seduce him
Drolls IT
up. and is somehow seduced
MDM says: "But taking, not receiving"
Eeveryone at the table: "Ohohoo"
leeks the UM dead in the eye and says ''I roll intimidate."
he' s new the C) eberyone else is escaping
Churns to the UM and says ''I roll strength"
confused, UM asks why
Tm going to kill this a donkey punch"
Bilateral ******* twenty
Yourfaced when
Oh, and D& D Stories Thread
...
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Views: 50894
Favorited: 158
Submitted: 07/14/2014
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Comments(190):

[ 190 comments ]

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#3 - rockergamer (07/14/2014) [+] (6 replies)
D&D stories is one of the best things I've seen on FJ lately.
#30 - psychadelicsnake (07/14/2014) [+] (5 replies)
Gmod RP time   
   
>Playing Dark Rp server   
>Thief   
>Break into drug dealer's house   
>Steal as much intense bodyloveing drugs As I can   
>Go to the police station   
>Start firing rounds into the police station   
>Mayor calls SWAT to take me in   
>Lol no   
>Run to the highest point on the map   
>Shoot two SWAT officers with my shotgun   
>Kek   
>Every cop on the map ia after me now   
>Wait near edge   
>They find me   
>Tell me to drop my gun   
>Jump off the roof of the building   
>I die   
>Out comes a confetti of god damn drugs   
>Hobo's scrambling to pick up drugs   
>Police tell them to stop   
>Hobos aint gonna listen to digestive end product   
>Police gun down every Hobo   
>MFW I started the hobo holocaust
Gmod RP time

>Playing Dark Rp server
>Thief
>Break into drug dealer's house
>Steal as much intense bodyloveing drugs As I can
>Go to the police station
>Start firing rounds into the police station
>Mayor calls SWAT to take me in
>Lol no
>Run to the highest point on the map
>Shoot two SWAT officers with my shotgun
>Kek
>Every cop on the map ia after me now
>Wait near edge
>They find me
>Tell me to drop my gun
>Jump off the roof of the building
>I die
>Out comes a confetti of god damn drugs
>Hobo's scrambling to pick up drugs
>Police tell them to stop
>Hobos aint gonna listen to digestive end product
>Police gun down every Hobo
>MFW I started the hobo holocaust
#2 - stoptakingnames (07/14/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Comment Picture
#10 - soultrain (07/14/2014) [+] (7 replies)
Krod demand that you read this
#36 - yadella (07/14/2014) [+] (3 replies)
>Playing a custom campaign my friend made up
>All of us are high as intense bodylove
>Old man comes up to us and asks if we would like to go on an adventure
>Friend says "Nah ***** , I ain't fabulous and sparkly" and goes to attack him
>Old man turns out to be Merlin
>Werefukt.jpg
>Friend gets first hit on him
>Rolls three 20's in a row
>DM's face when we ruined his questline that took him three days to come up with and instant killed one of the strongest NPCs at level one
#78 - thatmetalkid (07/14/2014) [+] (9 replies)
This will always be the best D&D story
#14 - rohedje (07/14/2014) [+] (5 replies)
#4 - kakariko (07/14/2014) [+] (45 replies)
With all these DnD posts I really want to try playing it now
With all these DnD posts I really want to try playing it now
#44 - ianmcgunny (07/14/2014) [+] (2 replies)
>Bluffed into an office, trying to get info    
>Magic closet door, can't open    
>My friend puts the equivalent to 10kg of explosive shape charge on the door    
>Hide around corner, still in room    
>digestive end product bounces off the door, turning everything in front of it to wooden shrapnel, not to mention that the window next to the door gets blown out    
>Everyone is ok, but then DM starts laughing   
"I can't believe you didn't check anything else in the room."    
>Everyone starts talking digestive end product to friend that put explosives, mean while the door falls in    
>intense bodyloveing papers everywhere, so we grab a few    
>Shoot a crossbow bolt with rope to another roof    
>ofw same friend that did the explosive, ends up coating the door to the office in flames    
>We get caught, turns out the building burnt down, killing around 50 people    
>ofw we destroyed the trade center
>Bluffed into an office, trying to get info
>Magic closet door, can't open
>My friend puts the equivalent to 10kg of explosive shape charge on the door
>Hide around corner, still in room
>digestive end product bounces off the door, turning everything in front of it to wooden shrapnel, not to mention that the window next to the door gets blown out
>Everyone is ok, but then DM starts laughing
"I can't believe you didn't check anything else in the room."
>Everyone starts talking digestive end product to friend that put explosives, mean while the door falls in
>intense bodyloveing papers everywhere, so we grab a few
>Shoot a crossbow bolt with rope to another roof
>ofw same friend that did the explosive, ends up coating the door to the office in flames
>We get caught, turns out the building burnt down, killing around 50 people
>ofw we destroyed the trade center
User avatar #41 - procrasturbate ONLINE (07/14/2014) [+] (7 replies)
>Have no friends.
>Can't play D&D.

That is the end of my story.
#144 - thunderxcatsxhoooo (07/15/2014) [+] (2 replies)
I gots a good one
>Playing D&D with mi amigos
>Walking through a dungeon
>Random curtain of light out of nowhere
>DM asks if anyone will walk through it
>whytheintense bodylovenot.mpg
>Walk through and my character is suddenly naked
>wut
>Ask If I can roll my dick size
>DM allows this
>Roll a 17 for a 25 foot long penis
>2 others walk through wall of light and both roll for gigantic long penises as well
>Both successful, one friend crits and gets a 30ft long dick
>Bow to our dick lord
>4th friend pokes head through curtain
>Roll to intimidate teammate with our gigantic dicks
>Crit 20
>Friend is stricken with penis envy and losses -2 to all roles
>MFW
#130 - lolollo (07/15/2014) [-]
> Playing D&D with buddies
> Elvish illusionist
> Fighting a pack of spear wielding lizard folk
> I go to poke at one of them with my dagger of "mages need weapons to"
> roll a 1
> intense bodylove.exe
> suddenly get idea
> "...I roll to make my last roll look like a 20."
> table in an uproar
> "you can't meta, faggot!" and "that's not how you play!" all over the place.
> DM and I are bros
> MFW "I'll allow it..."
> roll a natural intense bodyloveing 20
> DM says "I am now compelled to tell you that you've decapitated the lizard soldier."
> Table speaks up again
> Person A: "So, wait, is it really dead, or fake dead?"
> Person B: "Of course it's dead, he rolled a 20!"
User avatar #25 - AbsentMinded (07/14/2014) [+] (1 reply)
It's not D&D without at least one rape.
User avatar #31 to #25 - AbsentMinded (07/14/2014) [-]
>Party of 5, Raiding some cave full of Kobolds and other lizard like monsters.
>We're low level and we need a way to sneak through a kobold town.
>Everyone gangs on guard drake.
>I get the idea to cut open the drake and put our halfling paladin inside, kinda like a big suit.
>It works as our mini pally attempts to control a drake corpse from the inside.
>He can't walk, so we have another idea.
>We get the strongest in our party (a dragonborn cleric) to throw the drake/hobbit combo over the village.
>Roll fails, the drobbit instead flies through the air and lands dead on in the middle of the village.
>On impact the drake corpse explodes.
>Roll luck. 20.
>Terrified kobolds run out of the village as a drake falls from the sky and explodes leaving a confused hobbit in the town centre.
>Walk through the village, it was pretty much empty by this time.
#20 - avocadomessiah ONLINE (07/14/2014) [+] (5 replies)
I don't do D&D, but I do WoW RP. Here's a little story.

>Be a Blackrock Orc Elemental Shaman Warrior who just roams Azeroth
>Visit a goblin settlement in Dustwallow Marsh
>Talk with the locals, DM knows what he's doing
>All is well
>Suddenly, some goblin yells over some megaphone
>"The Venture Co. has had enough of you're digestive end product, <insert goblin settlement name>!"
>ohdigestive end product.jpg
>Venture Co. rains down oil all over the town
>People gather in the main building, huddling in corners
>I'm sitting in there with them keeping watch, when a goblin shredder marches into town
>The shredder announces "Surrender now!"
>Being an orc, I don't intense bodyloveing surrender
>Walk outside main building while charging a lightning bolt
>Shredder sees me, runs at me
>Discharge lightning bolt at it, typical elemental shaman gameplay
>Shredder falls over but it ain't defeated
>I think it's defeated, so roar a mighty roar like the orc I am
>Shredder gets back up as I finish roaring

cont.
#21 to #20 - avocadomessiah ONLINE (07/14/2014) [-]
>I run away like five feet as my orc instincts tell me to grow some balls
>Turn around and fire lightning bolt at Shredder
>Shredder malfunctions and activates self-destruct sequence
>whathaveidone.gif
>Town is still covered in oil at this time
>Run out of town as the DM makes the shredder blow up the entire town
>Everyone was still huddling inside the main building

mfw I unintentionally blew up an entire town in an effort to save it.
#23 - breensbestfriend (07/14/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #28 - rangerofthesea (07/14/2014) [+] (1 reply)
the nice thing about dnd stories is that they are ussually so rediculous you cant make them up...lol
#13 - anonymous (07/14/2014) [-]
Protip: WOoden structres are highly flamable, and Gold and magical items are not harmed by mundane flame.
After three sessions of abusing this fact. when we asked what a building was made of.

DM: "...Stone, Its made of stone, in fact every god damn building in the world is now made of stone."
Derp friend: "Cool i get stone shape next level"
DM: *eye twitch*
User avatar #102 - anarchyamongants ONLINE (07/14/2014) [-]
First time playing dnd
>Be Brynolf the dwarven cleric
>Dm has sent us to investigate a town with people going missing
>Night 2 in town
>Two zombie things walk into town to be zombies or something
>Our warrior rush one of them while our mage snipes the other with a fireball while falling down from a rooftop head first
>Warrior slashes at the zombie and gets some nice hits on it, get badly wounded also
>I sprint up beside the zombie and rolls to chop it's leg off with my axe
>rolls 20
>Apparently I chopped so good I took out both the legs, one arm, one ear and the hand of the warrior
>Proceed to heal her and then pick up one of the legs
>Takes a bite out of it
>Dm "You know that might be poisonous, right?"
>I proceed to shout to the heavens above "I AM BRYNOLF! DWARVEN CLERIC AND BEAST OF DEPTHS!!!"
>Dm rolls poison damage
>Brynolf falls dead flat on his stomach

And that's how I killed my first character
#43 - Orc (07/14/2014) [-]
**Orc rolled image** MFW
#7 - ashinydoornob ONLINE (07/14/2014) [-]
I have a short story   
   
So some friends and I started a new campaign and everyone is a regular role, Except for one. Now you're DM doesn't like Home brews and our friend was told this. So he made a grappling Luchador. No damage stats, no tank stats, Just grappling. So our DM wants to kill him off immediately. We get into an encounter with 3 dire wolves and 2 giants. Our Luchador says he wants to grapple one of the giants. We're all thinking he's crazy and he's going to die. rolls pretty high and succeeds. Next turn come around and the giant roles to break the grapple. Our luchador friend counter rolls. NATURAL intense bodyloveING 20. Not only does he grapple the giant again, he also deals a intense bodylove ton of damage to him. Our faces when that digestive end product went down.
I have a short story

So some friends and I started a new campaign and everyone is a regular role, Except for one. Now you're DM doesn't like Home brews and our friend was told this. So he made a grappling Luchador. No damage stats, no tank stats, Just grappling. So our DM wants to kill him off immediately. We get into an encounter with 3 dire wolves and 2 giants. Our Luchador says he wants to grapple one of the giants. We're all thinking he's crazy and he's going to die. rolls pretty high and succeeds. Next turn come around and the giant roles to break the grapple. Our luchador friend counter rolls. NATURAL intense bodyloveING 20. Not only does he grapple the giant again, he also deals a intense bodylove ton of damage to him. Our faces when that digestive end product went down.
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