ITT: Sex stories

Sex stories? Ok here is mine!

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>mfw

>Be father
>slutty daughter
>I am disappoint
>Catch her about to fuck two guys
>Lets them have sex, she could do worse
>Laugh my ass off when they pretend to be gay and kiss each other

13??!!!! at 13!?!?!?
I was riding bikes and getting into trouble, not to much trouble, but trouble at the age of 13. I then met this guy who asked if i wanted to play baseball with him and his friends. (I didnt know how to play but I needed new friends) So i tried to play but i sucked they all made fun of me except for the guy who asked me to play. he was super cool. we then lost the only baseball over the neighbors fence. (big fucking dog in there) Saw tits at the pool and then got good at baseball. the end.

>be 6 foot 10 linebacker for the local football team
>going out of town for vacation
>get to airport, realize I forgot passport
>get back home, see two kids in my daughters room
>begin to spout off my great niggerly rage
>daughter jumps inbetween us
>says they're gay and their parents are unsupportive
>my niggerly rage begins to calm
>introduce them to the rest of my family
>offer them cookies and Arnold Palmer
>go to kitchen
>take cookies
>rub cookies all over my big fat meaty nigger dick
>pour them Arnold Palmer
>masturbate into the cups
>bring delicious cock cookies and Arnold Semen back to them
>my fucking face when i've been feeding them cock cookies and Arnold Semen for 3 years
>my fucking face when Arnold Semen

>be 14
>quiet, cute, red head girl from science adds me on fb
>she never really said much in class, she's quiet
>we talk for over 3 hours, we have a ton in common
>she says that she likes me
>i ask her if she wants to see a movie sometime
>she says yes, i go to her house and we walk two blocks to the theatre
>horror movie, she presses her self against me every time something scares her
>stops moving away after awhile
>we make out, and she rubs my thigh
>go back to her place, no one's home
>she takes off my pants
>says "i have a condom, i only need one thing from you."
>"and what would that be?"
>"i'mma need about tree fiddy."
>realize cute girl is actually an 80 story tall dinosaur from the Cretaceous period
>god damn loch ness monster got me again
>give it tree fiddy
>receive best blowjob of life
>mfw

>Be in college
>Meet cute southern girl, named Jean
>We met in class, exchanged smiles, and eventually she added me on FB
>We chat occasionally, nothing serious
>One day, i come home to my dorm, and her and my roommate Billy are making out on my couch
> I am hurt, because cute girls rarely talk to me
>Months pass, and i have to see her making out with my roommate Billy.
>I am devastated
>One night, i come home after a long shift, and she is crying
>Apparently her grandmother died, and Billy went out to grab some beers
>I console her, she gets close and tells me she has always liked me
>Raging boner initiated
>We start kissing, she gets closer
>As soon as i start unbuttoning her shirt, her boyfriend walks in
>all i can say is
>"Billy, Jean is not my lover"

>Be 16
>Virgin, nervous as shit
>Lying on bed in bedroom with girl
>Girl is in underwear, I am too, cuddling and stroking her back
>She suggests we 'do more' and winks at me
>We start foreplay, getting really frisky
>Says she's wet
>Condoms are on floor in the pocket of my pants, she's got her ass in the air leaning over the bed for the rubbers
>I pluck up the courage to try and be sexy and I decide to be cheeky and bite her ass
>On my voyage to the holy grail, I am met by a swift wind which knocks me off course
>She farted in my eye
>It got me hard
> "Did I just lose my virginity?"

>be me, 18 years old
>still a virgin
>decent looking black chick i used to go to school with adds me on fb
>likes over 9000 of my pictures
>start conversation
>slut agrees to fuck me after 10 minutes of talking
>pick her up in my car the next day
>shits getting hot and heavy in the back seat
>start taking clothes off
>she stops, looks me in the eyes
>theres something you need to know
>what is it?
>before we do this....im gonna need about tree fiddy
>God damnit loch ness monster, I aint gonna give you no tree fiddy, get the fuck out of my car

>Be me.
>Nothing happens at all.

>be 14
>surrounded by 2/10s to 5/10s all day
>play video games all day everyday
>Iregretnothing.gif

**cameronward rolled a random image posted in comment #6540247 at FJ Pony Thread ** dads face when he walks in

!!Hold on to your pants, kids!!!

>Be me, 16 years old
>Hand looks mighty pleasing
>You know how this ends.

>Go onto funnyjunk
>Frontpage isnt bad.
>Funny posts everywhere.
>WTH funnyjunk, why are you so funny today?
okay seriously, why is funnyjunk actually funny today?

**ScottP rolled a random image posted in comment #142 at Youtube... Youtube... **
>Be 106 years old
>Wake up in a grave
>Gets boner
>Starts having sex with the worms in the casket
>Realizes that there are no tissues in the cookie jar
>MFW

STORY TIMES!!!!!!!!!

>Be Chillin' in Walmart
>Hangin' around
>Bitches walks up to me
>Gave me that look
>Fight over whose gets to have me
>Sexy bitch wins
>We go back to her crib
>AwwwShitNigga.jpg
>She goes topless
>I touch her boobs
>She wraps my arms around her
>She puts her shirt over me
>MFW i'm her bra

>Be 10
>Life sucks. Parents ignore me, leave me with bitchy babysitter
>On top of it, I'm in love with this girl
>Nothing but doom and gloom up in my room
>Get these fish
>But in reality they are my odd parents, fairly odd parents
>Can't wish for love, though
>mfw

> be 13
> do normal 13 year old shit