Duke Nukem

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#4 - lickmygenitals (02/14/2013) [-]

I don't care how many times this has been reposted I fucking love it.

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#5 - lessthanjake (02/14/2013) [-]

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#115 - organicglory (02/15/2013) [+] (2 replies)

>Hey beautiful
>hey :)
>its time to talk to cute girls and chew bubblegum, and i'm all out of gum
>wow thats so corny :)
>Its time to get medieval on your ass
>...what?
>I'll rib your head off and shit down your neck
>leave me alone creep!
>Ive got balls of steel

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#152 to #115 - Squonky (02/15/2013) [-]

I think you came on a little too strong.

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#143 to #115 - mshine (02/15/2013) [-]

how the night ended

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#141 - albiwankenobi (02/15/2013) [+] (9 replies)

Me: Hey beautiful
Her: What?
Me: I'm not saying it because it's nice, I'm saying it because it's true.
Her: Um... who is this?
Me: I realized it's time to talk to beautiful girls and chew bubblegum, an I'm all outta bubblegum.
Her: Dude, I think you got the wrong number
Her: Im a guy.
Me: I've got balls of steel!
Her (now Him): And really? Duke Nukkem?
Me: Well I'm an equal opportunity ass kicker!
Him: Fuck off dude.
Me: Balls of steel!
Him: *Tries calling my number*
Me: *Doesn't answer* Hail to the king, baby.
Him: Im just gonna ignore you from here on out.
Me: Damn I'm good. *calls*
Him: What do you want now, you son of a bitch?!
Me: Do you have Battletoads?
Him: *hangs up*

This was a random number with my area code.

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#153 to #141 - raigen ONLINE (02/15/2013) [-]

I lost it at battletoads... Have my thumb...

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#157 to #141 - shamrockbandit (02/15/2013) [-]

She changed genders in the middle of the conversation? Now that's talent.

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#233 to #157 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

very good surgeon.

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#245 to #141 - blakkmagicman (02/15/2013) [-]

this deserves a friggin medal

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#328 to #141 - mrkoolman (02/17/2013) [-]

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#276 to #141 - auda (02/15/2013) [-]

You sir have won the internet.

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#275 to #141 - fiddyone (02/15/2013) [-]

You win all my Internets. Congrats

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#146 to #141 - kokanium **User deleted account** has deleted their comment. [-]

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#8 - reactderp (02/14/2013) [+] (3 replies)

Now image someone doing this to your girlfriend.

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#9 to #8 - N. Korean citizen (02/14/2013) [-]

why would someone be talking to my hand on facebook?

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#13 to #8 - prancingkid (02/14/2013) [-]

If she was won over by that and cheated on me...I don't know, that sounds like a pretty precarious relationship.

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#168 - leobreacker (02/15/2013) [+] (9 replies)

Me: Hey beautiful
Her: lol thanks? :)
Me: i'm not saying it because it's nice, i'm saying it because it's true.
Her: OMG im at funnyjunk too lmao we are at the same post haha xD
Her: You suuck maaan xD

Fuck you Alissia, I hope you see this :P

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#173 to #168 - erethilful (02/15/2013) [-]

Cockblocked by internet, how sad.

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#174 to #173 - leobreacker (02/15/2013) [-]

Don't know man, we are still laughing.

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#194 to #174 - retributionthepimp (02/15/2013) [-]

so....you're getting some then?

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#193 to #168 - retributionthepimp (02/15/2013) [-]

You shoulda kept going.

5/10 cats for trying.

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#176 to #168 - oceanus (02/15/2013) [-]

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#197 to #168 - TheBurgerKing (02/15/2013) [-]

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#187 to #168 - dragonhome (02/15/2013) [-]

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#117 - mrsteamer (02/15/2013) [-]

Me: Hey beautiful
Her: ?
Me: i'm not saying it because it's nice, i'm saying it because it's true.
Her: yeah well i'm not so sure my boyfriend would like you saying that, and i'm positive he wouldn't care for your reasoning.
Me: I've got balls of steel!
Her: thats cool. i didn'
't really ask.
Me: well i'm an equal opportunity ass kicker!
Her: what the hell is that suppose to mean?
Me: Balls of steel!
Her: yeah i don't care.
Me: Hail to the king baby.
Her: don't call me baby, ever.
Me: damn i'm good.
Her: stop messaging me.

i tried.....

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#110 - joeymroux (02/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)

Me: Hey there beautiful
Her: Haha, that's funny
Me: I'm saying it not because it's nice, I'm saying it because it's true
Her: Yeah whatever
Me: I realized it's time to talk to beautiful girls and chew bubble gum, and I just ran out of gum
Her: Look I've got to tell you something
Me: I've got balls of steal
Her: I'm a lesbian
Me: I'm an equal opportunity ass kicker
MFW I learned my crush is gay I threatened to beat her up

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#112 to #110 - joeymroux (02/15/2013) [-]

*steel*

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#3 - teranin ONLINE (02/14/2013) [+] (1 reply)

funny every time

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#263 to #3 - wintersolice (02/15/2013) [-]

Someone please put a green thumb on his hand.

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#55 - Lmaoplanes (02/15/2013) [-]

> Hey beautiful.
> STOP FUCKING CALLING ME GET OUT OF MY LIFE.

>Gosh; okay grandma.

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#2 - desacabose (02/14/2013) [-]

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#77 - jinjo (02/15/2013) [+] (14 replies)

I know it's obviously fake.. I know it's still hilarious.

But what girl uses the term 'Alpha'?

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#82 to #77 - ayevanity (02/15/2013) [-]

..me

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#93 to #82 - Afterlife (02/15/2013) [-]

you know the rules.

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#102 to #93 - DrPeppir (02/15/2013) [-]

And so do I.

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#108 to #102 - tacobadger (02/15/2013) [-]

A FULL COMMITMENT, IS WHAT I'M LOOKIN FOR.

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#111 to #108 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

you wouldn't get this from ANY OTHER GUY

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#118 to #111 - tacobadger (02/15/2013) [-]

I just wanna tell you how I'm feelin

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#149 to #118 - teufelshunde (02/15/2013) [-]

GOTTA' MAKE YOU - UNDERSTAND!

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#127 to #118 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

iraq lobster?

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#113 to #108 - buttplugmaster has deleted their comment. [-]

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#137 to #102 - lawlfailwinepic (02/15/2013) [-]

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of; you wouldn't get this from any other guy.

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#85 to #82 - jinjo (02/15/2013) [-]

Well, there we go I suppose :P

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#247 to #82 - blakkmagicman (02/15/2013) [-]

hey there beautiful

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#249 to #247 - blakkmagicman (02/15/2013) [-]

forgot my picture

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#132 to #77 - greatcornholio (02/15/2013) [-]

my sister does

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#125 - bitchpleaseshutup (02/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)

Me: Hey beautiful
Her: I have a boyfriend
Me: Sorry

Beta as fuck

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#180 to #125 - thesnarfalarker (02/15/2013) [-]

nah, just tell her you're canadian

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#116 - paelaer (02/15/2013) [+] (7 replies)

Here's my go:
Me: Hey there, beautiful.
Her: Anon, you know I think of you like a brother.

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#207 to #116 - pianoasis (02/15/2013) [-]

F-F-F-FRIEND ZONED

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#172 to #116 - dafuqman (02/15/2013) [-]

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#138 to #116 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

FJ: Oh my god u faget, there's no such thing as the friendzone, stop your whining and just ask her out geez!

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#228 to #138 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/4432274/Deepest+level+of+friend+zone/
Case in point, look at that fucking comment section.

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#151 to #138 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

I know 4 people who can't take criticism.

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#166 to #151 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

I know 6 people that know "anonymous pussy" is a fitting name...

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#226 to #166 - N. Korean citizen (02/15/2013) [-]

Nice username, since you brought it up...

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#7 - felixjarl ONLINE (02/14/2013) [-]

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#17 - vanoreo (02/14/2013) [+] (3 replies)

>Acting all alpha

Yes because a girl said that

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#22 to #17 - inomonym (02/14/2013) [-]

Having a vagina doesn't mean they don't know what it means to be alpha/beta...

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#34 to #17 - suikerpapa (02/14/2013) [-]

my girlfriend uses those terms all the time

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#36 to #17 - srskate (02/14/2013) [-]

dammit, you ruined it for me.

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#79 - catzombie (02/15/2013) [-]

Girls.. using the term alpha..

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#140 - Loststorm (02/15/2013) [-]

**Loststorm rolled user stonedapples ** Hey there beautiful.

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#103 - kodac (02/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)

Heres my go:
Me: Hey there Beautiful.
Her: Hiiiii :D who me? Nooo!
Me:I'm not saying it to be nice Im saying it because its true.
Her.Awwww your so cute(:
Me: I realized It's time to talk to beautiful girls and chew bubble gum, and I'm all outta bubble gum.
Her: lol That is the most silliest thing to say haha
Me: I've got balls of steel, baby!
Her: haha good to know

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#133 to #103 - fernospanish (02/15/2013) [-]

so.... you get laid?

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#294 - Thevaultboy (02/15/2013) [+] (15 replies)

Smooth as a baby's bottom.

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#302 to #294 - debramster (02/15/2013) [-]

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#306 to #294 - kingofunnyjunk (02/15/2013) [-]

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#303 to #294 - beerterror (02/15/2013) [-]

i fucking lost it

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#331 to #294 - pleuradispensor (02/18/2013) [-]

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#330 to #294 - iwishiwasfunny (02/17/2013) [-]

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#323 to #294 - bitchpleaseshutup (02/17/2013) [-]

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#337 to #323 - goodeater (04/22/2013) [-]

That looks hilarious, what's it from?

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#309 to #294 - tyraxio (02/15/2013) [-]

Why would you even do that?

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#311 to #309 - creosote (02/15/2013) [-]

To be fair, would you really want to get laid by somebody that's that incredibly easy? There's no sport in it!

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#313 to #311 - tyraxio (02/15/2013) [-]

Uhm... Yes... I would. Have to take what you can get, eh?

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#318 to #313 - creosote (02/15/2013) [-]

Well, if that's the case, than you should be extra safe about it. Double up on the condoms, wrap saranwrap around your cock, and squirt some anti-bacteria spray into her cooch for good measure.

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#320 to #318 - tyraxio (02/15/2013) [-]

Meanwhile in her "secret room".

RUBBER WAS NOT ENOUGH TO SAVE ME

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#334 to #320 - wholesomeburn (02/20/2013) [-]

**wholesomeburn rolled a random image posted in comment #43 at fallout wallpaper thread? **
Wut?

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#333 to #320 - wholesomeburn has deleted their comment. [-]

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#317 to #313 - creosote has deleted their comment. [-]

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Duke Nukem

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