File: . jpg-( 151 KB, 1024x768, Bionicle. jpg)
b/, time for sems alpha as fuck stories. I' ll start
its 22 years old
in mem, playing with Bionicles
knocks en door, tells me I need to get out ofthe house mere. Wants mete go to the grocery store to pick up sems things.
t been outside since idiot professors failed me out of engineering program at Uni
I . I ' bejelly of my superior intelligence. I don' t need to shew my work, I wasjust answer
L‘ I .. keeps yelling. Tell the bitch to STFU
barges in and threatens to take away Tahu' s Kanobi mask of power ifl don' t go. I squeal in rage.
win this round bitch
packs me up in my parka, sisn thaugh it' s July SC) I won' t get cold, all the while giving me huggles, and settling my fedora snugly en my head
slips into my (orange maney belt. (' s not a fanny pack, I got it from Skymall). She whispers what she needs at the store in my ear:
may chill runs dawn my spine, and I break out in a celt sweat, which mixes with the sweat that' s already starting to run, due to the parka.
Reemember all the spaghetti stories from khan. The Horror.
the way out, grab my cane sward from the umbrella stand, just in case. (We live in ens of peered gated communities. My dad said my trust fund may run out by the time I' m 70 ifl keep spending 30, 000 Microsoft points per day en avatar clothes.)
Pstart my epic quest to get to the supermarket E miles away from my house. Have to stop 100 yards from heme to get three Monster' s from the gas station for energy. Chug them all in the store, back to back. Like a bess
Fiinally arrive at the supermarket, drenched in sweat. Cute cashier girl checks me out as I peel off my parka, and wipe the sweat from my acne covered forehead with my cape.
wants my dick
Andjust my fedora SC) it cesars my eyes, like in anime. Bitches Iers mystery.
I make my way to spaghetti aisle, I knock ayer Mar of seine gray shit because of my fedora impaired Vision. It shatters, keep walking, cu: I' m a badass like that
Breach spaghetti aisle. I see the girl I' been in Iers with since kindergarten there.
Sup, mebrittany" I say in my manly Voice.
do yeu know my name? She asks. Tell ' been in the same class since pokeschool. (My mom keeps me heme a let, that' s probably why she never noticed me)
pulls her iphone out and starts texting, trying to impress me obviously.
immeadiately whip out my state ofthe art Galaxy S III, and start telling her hew much is than iphone. Show her all the customization options. As I flip through 14 pages of game apps. She doesn' t seem very impressed with my Space Marines theme. She must mll Chaos.
to use dominant bedy language to take centrel ofthe situation, like I learned en 'y' ' s Pickup Artist.
whey feel like bags of sand for any of yeu foreveralone virginfags whe' any)
screams. A hugsback guy semes around the cerise and asks her if she' s .
No my girlfriend and I wasjust flirting," I say
Hm not yew girlfriend! He creped mel. My girlfriend says
Heck guy starts charging me. Suddenly these 3 Munsters weren' t such a good idea. the rising tide in my esophagus.
Eel projectile demit all her. She is still screaming. I' m trying to clean the demit off hurwitz my sweat drenched cape.
s still struggling, SC) I figure it' s a good time to ask if she wants to cemo ayer and watch anime later. I inform forthat I have condems.
west then, therock slams into me, knocking all three of us into the spaghetti shelf, which collapses, sending dry spaghetti everywhere.
Eel dig her out ofthe spaghetti pile, she hasn' t answered my date proposal yet
unblock guy reaches me, starts beating.
it happens. Some ofthe spaghetti has landed in that grey stuffy knacked ayer earlier.
llt' s the grey shit from Prometheus (best melis of all time btw. If yeu didn' t like it yeu tee stupid to understand it), the spaghetti begins to mutate into these snake things.
Meutant spaghetti eels strangle dumbfuck and crawl into his eye sockets. Luckily I hays my cane sword, and I begin to carve a path through the eels. I leave my girlfriend behind, because I could tell she was thinking of cheating en me. Sluts are all the same
Go heme and tell mom I got mugged. She lets me sit en her lap while I cry and watch Naruto
Xqlpha as FUCK