Asshole Stories. .. >At daycare >Retarded ass little adhd 3 year old >Playing on playground >Feel building up >Ask lady to use bathroom >She says no > pants a  Four chan
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Submitted: 12/13/2012
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#3 - hueyfreeman (12/13/2012) [+] (1 reply)
This image has expired
>At daycare
>Retarded ass little adhd 3 year old
>Playing on playground
>Feel **** building up
>Ask lady to use bathroom
>She says no
> **** pants a few minutes later
>Don't know what to do, so being a 3 year old I decide it would help to put sand in my pants with the ****
>Doesn't help at all
>Sneak inside, get to bathroom
>Get naked, clean self leaving **** everywhere, leave underwear hidden behind toilet
>Proceed with day
>MFW I discovered the next day that the underwear had my name written on the tag
#35 - togekiss (12/14/2012) [+] (4 replies)
>Be in 3rd grade
>Still had baby teeth
>Fat Greek kid teases me about it
>One day throws ball in my face on purpose
>"Maybe that will get rid of your baby teeth"
Superpissedmodeactivate.jpg
>Grab my food bag (was a poorfag and used plastic bag for lunch box)
>Grab biggest ******* rock in playground and out it in the bag
>Swing that **** as hard as a i can and hit him in the face
>Face covered in blood on the ground
****** .png
>Walk over and offer hand to help him back up, didn't mean to **** him up that bad
>Grabs my whole arm and pulls me down towards him
>As falling headbutt his face
>Get up and teacher comes over
"what happened?"
"he fell over and hit his face on the concrete"
>MFW he loses both his front teeth (adult) and gets a broken nose
>MFW i get out scott free because fat ****** couldn't even talk
#33 - Squonky (12/14/2012) [+] (2 replies)
>Be in 2nd grade   
>Dickhole Swedish kid in my class named Peter   
>Peter always makes fun of me for having bad haircuts (my mom didn't believe in paying people to cut your hair or whatever)   
>Everybody loves Peter the dickhole even though he's a bully   
>Gonna enjoy the big tube slide at recess one day   
>Climb ladder, about to go down   
>Oh look, it's dickhole Peter   
>Pushes me aside, wants to go first because apparently he's the 						****					   
>Get fed up with Peter's 						********					   
>Push all my weight into Peter's back, he falls down the slide like a boulder   
>Sounds like someone banging a steel drum as he goes down   
>						******************					   
>Hide for the rest of recess    
>convinced I'm gonna get called to principal's office   
>half hour later in class, no Peter   
>Still haven't been called in   
>Turns out Peter told them he fell because he didn't want everyone to think I beat him up   
>I get off scott free while Peter has two broken arms   
>Has to get help from the teacher every time he goes to the bathroom for the next 6 weeks because of his two broken arms   
>All the kids call Peter stupid for the rest of elementary school for falling and breaking both of his arms   
>Peter's face when he can't tell anyone it wasn't his fault
>Be in 2nd grade
>Dickhole Swedish kid in my class named Peter
>Peter always makes fun of me for having bad haircuts (my mom didn't believe in paying people to cut your hair or whatever)
>Everybody loves Peter the dickhole even though he's a bully
>Gonna enjoy the big tube slide at recess one day
>Climb ladder, about to go down
>Oh look, it's dickhole Peter
>Pushes me aside, wants to go first because apparently he's the ****
>Get fed up with Peter's ********
>Push all my weight into Peter's back, he falls down the slide like a boulder
>Sounds like someone banging a steel drum as he goes down
> ******************
>Hide for the rest of recess
>convinced I'm gonna get called to principal's office
>half hour later in class, no Peter
>Still haven't been called in
>Turns out Peter told them he fell because he didn't want everyone to think I beat him up
>I get off scott free while Peter has two broken arms
>Has to get help from the teacher every time he goes to the bathroom for the next 6 weeks because of his two broken arms
>All the kids call Peter stupid for the rest of elementary school for falling and breaking both of his arms
>Peter's face when he can't tell anyone it wasn't his fault
#34 - herefortheporno (12/14/2012) [+] (5 replies)
>used to know this girl   
>Conceded as 						****					   
>2.5/10 but she thought she was a 75/10   
>Had to study 6 hours a day to make straight B's, but she was definitely smarter than anyone she knew   
>she never had any close friends so she forced herself into my group   
>we never insulted each other directly, but we did definitely insult each other   
>one day she snaps   
>come to school, hang out in the usual area we hang out in before the bell rings   
>"Hey, ____"   
>"Oh my God 						****					 off. No one likes you because you're ugly.   
>dude wat   
>she surely cannot be that stupid   
>"...Are you talking to me?"   
>"Yes, you beached whale."   
>I just stand there while insults are being thrown at me   
>everyone's looking at me and her, a circle has formed around us   
>I decide to stop her mid-sentence   
>"Well, you know what _____? At least I have a dad."   
>ONE PUNCH K.O.   
>Bitch shuts up and then throws herself on the ground to cry   
>Bell rings, go inside like nothing happened   
>mfw going inside
>used to know this girl
>Conceded as ****
>2.5/10 but she thought she was a 75/10
>Had to study 6 hours a day to make straight B's, but she was definitely smarter than anyone she knew
>she never had any close friends so she forced herself into my group
>we never insulted each other directly, but we did definitely insult each other
>one day she snaps
>come to school, hang out in the usual area we hang out in before the bell rings
>"Hey, ____"
>"Oh my God **** off. No one likes you because you're ugly.
>dude wat
>she surely cannot be that stupid
>"...Are you talking to me?"
>"Yes, you beached whale."
>I just stand there while insults are being thrown at me
>everyone's looking at me and her, a circle has formed around us
>I decide to stop her mid-sentence
>"Well, you know what _____? At least I have a dad."
>ONE PUNCH K.O.
>Bitch shuts up and then throws herself on the ground to cry
>Bell rings, go inside like nothing happened
>mfw going inside
#66 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [+] (4 replies)
>Be in 4th grade   
>Finally getting fed up with all the 						********					 spewing out of this cunts mouth. We'll call him Leo.   
>One day Leo decides to take this kids pencil and almost break it.   
>The kid got the pencil from his grandmother that lived in Oregon and had passed away a few weeks ago.   
>Watch 						****					 storm ensue while sharpening my own pencil with my pencil sharpener that had a curved edge.   
>Take pencil from Leo.   
>Leo says "Why do you care!? It's just a dumb pencil! Who would care if something happened to it!?"   
>Leo has anger issues.   
>I retort with something uncreative "Yeah, well you're a just a dumb person, who would care if something happened to you.   
>He flips 						****					 and throws my pencil sharpener on the ground then tries to step on it   
>He ends up slipping and falling on the ground, almost in tears   
>I instinctively walk over to him and slam his head into the side of a desk, returned the pencil to its owner, and sat down.   
>MFW I never got in trouble and Leo got suspended for 3 weeks for the destruction of someone elses property
>Be in 4th grade
>Finally getting fed up with all the ******** spewing out of this cunts mouth. We'll call him Leo.
>One day Leo decides to take this kids pencil and almost break it.
>The kid got the pencil from his grandmother that lived in Oregon and had passed away a few weeks ago.
>Watch **** storm ensue while sharpening my own pencil with my pencil sharpener that had a curved edge.
>Take pencil from Leo.
>Leo says "Why do you care!? It's just a dumb pencil! Who would care if something happened to it!?"
>Leo has anger issues.
>I retort with something uncreative "Yeah, well you're a just a dumb person, who would care if something happened to you.
>He flips **** and throws my pencil sharpener on the ground then tries to step on it
>He ends up slipping and falling on the ground, almost in tears
>I instinctively walk over to him and slam his head into the side of a desk, returned the pencil to its owner, and sat down.
>MFW I never got in trouble and Leo got suspended for 3 weeks for the destruction of someone elses property
#78 to #66 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [-]
Another one with the same kid.
>We all go outside for recess and decide to get a big game of kick ball going
>Leo is a sore loser and whines all the time
>He's up to kick and their team has 2 outs already
>No one else is on the bases
>He kicks it
>Ball bounces around like a mother ****** and he's almost to home base
>He's rounding 3rd
>I get the ball and whip it as hard and fast as I can
>Ball bounces and lodges right inbetween his feet
>He face plants onto the cement and starts bawling.
>All the while denying that he's out "I'M NOT OUT! I'M NOT OUT!"
>I've already jogged over to him to be a nicer person and help him up
>I offer him my hand he throws the ball at me
>I catch it
>Look down at him for a second and let him realize what I'm about to do
>Aim the ball directly at his face
>He goes to cover it
>I quickly change my aim and whip it right at his balls
>Nail him with it right in the testis
>Say "You're out now"
>Recess ends and he still isn't inside
>Leo went home because he could barely walk.
>MFW good.
#29 - TitsburghFeelers (12/14/2012) [+] (4 replies)
Here's one I'll never forget

>be 6 in kindergarten
>me and a few other kids are standing around a wall-mounted pencil sharpener
>it didn't have the metal cover on it - **** was cool
>little faggot kid is standing next to me
>his name was Gordon, still remember his face
>he puts his finger in the sharpener hole, joking around
>asshole mode activate
>start cranking the sharpener, his finger's caught
>look of horror on his face
>ohgodwhathaveidone
>pulls his finger out, bloody as ****
>like, fingering on a heavy flow bloody
>basically sharpened his ******* finger.
>starts screaming as any 6 year old would
>teacher comes over
>"HOLY **** "
>"Will did it Will did it!"
>"....nuh uh."
>get sent to timeout (it was the early 90's, **** was cool)
>see the image of his finger whenever I see a pencil sharpener
#22 - that random guy (12/13/2012) [-]
>be in 5th grade, Betafag
>have bad gas holding rectum or gas will fill room
>I loosen my asshole (mistake) have a huge fart everyone looks around room laughing
>this weird smelly kid named Doug says "everyone needs to calm down its just passing gas"
> they think Doug did it
>thank you Doug...
#15 - fukyouto (12/13/2012) [-]
>be in grade 2
>playing soccer on field at recess
>be mad at kid who always gets past me
>coming right at me with ball
>straight up clothesline the **** out of him
>starts screaming with blood coming out of his nose
>mfw
#91 - knifingninjakat (12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in grade 2
>Betafag in grade 2 chess tournament
>Facing genius kid
>After 10 moves he can beat me
>I ask him to play out a couple moves so I don't look like a *******
>He agrees
>MFW I somehow win, he starts crying.
#9 - anonymous (12/13/2012) [+] (2 replies)
>on funnyjunk
>everyone trying to green text
>no green texting
>just go to 4chan if you want this
#16 to #9 - kazorkthedork (12/13/2012) [-]
log in and say that like a man.
User avatar #19 - optimistchime (12/13/2012) [+] (4 replies)
>be in 3rd grade
>chilling on the playground
>guy tells stories
>whatsallthisthen
>he says when his grandpa died all the clocks in the world stopped
>i call him out on it
> ******** .jpg
>he cries and runs to the teacher
>something about strawberries
>i get in trouble
>what the **** was that strawberry thing about...
#2 - isuckdickformoney (12/13/2012) [+] (5 replies)
>be in year 7 ( **** you we dont have grades)
>ginger betafag
>P.E class
>everyone is in a line ready to go in
>when we go in a fight breaks out so all the teachers rush outside aswell as all the students as we were kids
>go into girls changing room
>snith girls bras (though there ******* pointless we were 11)
>girl walks in
> ****** .jpg
>get called pervert all the way through years 7 8 and 9
> eventually snap
>some tall nignog starts pushing me callingg me a ginger pervert
>get pen out of my pocket
>stab him in the dick
>sent to head masters
>excluded for 2 weeks
>thinking it will be over when i go back
>get called dick shot for the rest of the school ears
mfw

#84 - thisotherdude (12/14/2012) [+] (2 replies)
>5th grade (or maybe 4th, not entirely sure)   
>All the kids building snow forts   
>They cut bricks with plastic saw (this snow is borderline ice, none of that pussy powdery 						****					)   
>Join a fort with a few buddies in it   
>Get job as one of the guys who runs to steal other forts snow bricks while they're not there yet   
>Doing good job   
>One recess period right as I grab the brick see kid standing   
>Probably in 2/3rd grade    
>Starts yelling at me   
>Think fast   
>Toss snow brick right at his face and run   
>Get sent to principles office   
>Get in some major 						****					 with parents   
>Back at school   
>Resume the snow brick stealing
>5th grade (or maybe 4th, not entirely sure)
>All the kids building snow forts
>They cut bricks with plastic saw (this snow is borderline ice, none of that pussy powdery **** )
>Join a fort with a few buddies in it
>Get job as one of the guys who runs to steal other forts snow bricks while they're not there yet
>Doing good job
>One recess period right as I grab the brick see kid standing
>Probably in 2/3rd grade
>Starts yelling at me
>Think fast
>Toss snow brick right at his face and run
>Get sent to principles office
>Get in some major **** with parents
>Back at school
>Resume the snow brick stealing
User avatar #51 - galkawhm (12/14/2012) [+] (2 replies)
I was the kid everyone was an asshole to when I was in school =/
Most assholey thing i ever said was in... 4th grade? Memory is a bit fuzzy

>4th Grade
>art class
>Fat bitch and I get into a fight about something petty
>I respond at one point "When pigs fly"
>She goes "They do"
>I quickly respond "Yeah, up your butt! That's why you're so fat!"
>Argument ended.
#18 - Thenewguygunther (12/13/2012) [-]
>be in first grade
>week before aunts wedding
>im in the wedding as some "stand there and look cute **** "
>playing in gym
>teacher gets out the little scooters
>start riding
>racing fattest kid down room
>start to overtake him
>bitch rides up next to me
>crashes scooter into my finger
>large mass + good push from other kid= lots of force
>breaks my finger
>i collapse off scooter in pain, he finishes race and "beats" me
>says it was an accident
>i know it wasn't an accident
>go to wedding, with big broken finger
>see him there
> ************ never apologizes
#43 - psychosamm (12/14/2012) [+] (26 replies)
> 7th Grade   
>Be quiet lonely girl in class   
>Class Clown/ idiot sits at the desk next to me   
>Bugs me every single day with his stupidity   
>Pokes me, makes weird noises, and even grabbed my shoulders and shook me once   
>Hatred builds   
>One day he grabs my shoulders again   
>See science textbook   
>Grab it and swing it behind me   
>Hit him in the face with textbook   
>Blood from his nose gushes everywhere   
>Teacher asks what happened   
>He admit he harassed me, and i hit him for it   
>Whole class shocked it was me   
>Teacher tries not to smile   
>Sends him to clinic, i don't get in trouble   
>Quiet girl is now feared by all   
>Totally worth it.
> 7th Grade
>Be quiet lonely girl in class
>Class Clown/ idiot sits at the desk next to me
>Bugs me every single day with his stupidity
>Pokes me, makes weird noises, and even grabbed my shoulders and shook me once
>Hatred builds
>One day he grabs my shoulders again
>See science textbook
>Grab it and swing it behind me
>Hit him in the face with textbook
>Blood from his nose gushes everywhere
>Teacher asks what happened
>He admit he harassed me, and i hit him for it
>Whole class shocked it was me
>Teacher tries not to smile
>Sends him to clinic, i don't get in trouble
>Quiet girl is now feared by all
>Totally worth it.
#115 - gloriouschad ONLINE (12/14/2012) [-]
>Preschool   
>Very violent and imaginative child (I grew out of it)   
>Recess time   
>Just saw Terminator 2 and I thought I was a terminator   
>Hit a kid in the face with a swing   
>Falls on floor instantly and cries   
>Teacher yelling for older hall monitors to get me and bring me to her   
>I run with the speed and stamina of a god   
>Running up and down the slide eluding them   
>One kid runs in front of the slide as I go down and catches me   
>Kick him in the dick as another student tackles me   
>She's trying to stop me when I grab her boob and squeeze the 						****					 out of it   
>She lets go and I run even more   
>About 10 minutes, my mom shows up and tells me to stop running   
>Didn't stop running away from my problems   
>Get tired and hid under the slide   
>Eventually finds me and takes me to my mom where she took me home   
>Didn't go to school for a week    
>When to school where siblings were attending   
> Family's face when they find out what I did
>Preschool
>Very violent and imaginative child (I grew out of it)
>Recess time
>Just saw Terminator 2 and I thought I was a terminator
>Hit a kid in the face with a swing
>Falls on floor instantly and cries
>Teacher yelling for older hall monitors to get me and bring me to her
>I run with the speed and stamina of a god
>Running up and down the slide eluding them
>One kid runs in front of the slide as I go down and catches me
>Kick him in the dick as another student tackles me
>She's trying to stop me when I grab her boob and squeeze the **** out of it
>She lets go and I run even more
>About 10 minutes, my mom shows up and tells me to stop running
>Didn't stop running away from my problems
>Get tired and hid under the slide
>Eventually finds me and takes me to my mom where she took me home
>Didn't go to school for a week
>When to school where siblings were attending
> Family's face when they find out what I did

#56 - xascarletskyx (12/14/2012) [+] (2 replies)
>be 6th grade
>always picked on for being fat
>one girl always gave me the hardest time, and i never did anything because she was a chick
>one day she takes my water bottle and stuffs it down her shirt
>i reach for it and she moves so i touch her boob
>wat.jpg
>called to office, get in trouble, you know the drill
>next day, she tries to do the same thing
>i'm angry because my mom took away my gamecube, only thing i had because fat and no friends
>i punch her straight in the jaw, end up breaking it
>rip my water bottle from her shirt and throw it in the trash
>leave school
>known as "jawbreaker" for the rest of the year
#42 - heathledgerisagod (12/14/2012) [+] (1 reply)
>Be in 4th grade   
>Wanted to hang out with popular cool guys so I could be cool   
>They all call me a fag for wanting to hang out with guys   
>Doesn't make sense, because they are all guys hanging out with guys   
>No matter, everyone even teacher thinks I'm gay   
>Live in same neighborhood as school   
>Know that special ed teacher leaves her outside door unlocked, get into school from there   
>Take all of their crayons and markers and 						****					 and hide it in the kindergarten room   
>Switch all of their textbooks and lightly soak them in my coke   
>Monday everyone has no coloring tools and everyones books are sticky and switched up   
>Feel alpha as 						****					   
>Get A+ on coloring assignment   
>MFW
>Be in 4th grade
>Wanted to hang out with popular cool guys so I could be cool
>They all call me a fag for wanting to hang out with guys
>Doesn't make sense, because they are all guys hanging out with guys
>No matter, everyone even teacher thinks I'm gay
>Live in same neighborhood as school
>Know that special ed teacher leaves her outside door unlocked, get into school from there
>Take all of their crayons and markers and **** and hide it in the kindergarten room
>Switch all of their textbooks and lightly soak them in my coke
>Monday everyone has no coloring tools and everyones books are sticky and switched up
>Feel alpha as ****
>Get A+ on coloring assignment
>MFW
User avatar #6 - evilanakie (12/13/2012) [-]
>at primary school
>walking on the senior jungle gym like a boss
> kids swarm around me
>grabs me
> sticks me into the storm drains
>3 hours later
>teacher finds me
>gets yelled at for playing on the senior side of school and "playing" in the storm drains
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