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Anon feels Alpha

HOLY , HAPPENED
son my apartment smoking a cigarette
squirl across the way ohmes out and lights one too. but doesnt notice me
she farts loudly for about six seconds
sai'.'.' aata second
a fart loud enough for herto hear
she says hello and we chat for a second about ourselves until i finish my do
hi say well. done. but Come up to apt BED if you want to have a drink
actually ******* shows up
use have a shot and start toning
refinish up and tell her i have work super early
rooms on Esp! and brag about it
oh god i feel so alpha right new
...
+1315
Views: 35432
Favorited: 58
Submitted: 01/10/2016
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90 comments displayed.
User avatar #81 to #14 - cwilkens (01/11/2016) [-]
all I can think of is "don't worry, he knows"
User avatar #43 to #14 - Ruspanic (01/11/2016) [-]
they look like Harry Potter's dead parents
#78 to #43 - innocentbabies (01/11/2016) [-]
Woah, dude, like, spoilers.
User avatar #73 to #43 - indonesia (01/11/2016) [-]
oh I thought you mean Harry Potter's alive parents
User avatar #82 to #73 - Ruspanic (01/11/2016) [-]
I remember you. I made you one of your old profile pics
#83 to #82 - indonesia (01/11/2016) [-]
yep. this one
User avatar #84 to #83 - Ruspanic (01/11/2016) [-]
I feel special.
#85 to #84 - indonesia (01/11/2016) [-]
and this one too
User avatar #86 to #85 - Ruspanic (01/11/2016) [-]
someone appreciates me!
User avatar #2 - improbable (01/10/2016) [-]
farting loudly is a good way of showing you dont have any bowel related health problems
User avatar #3 to #2 - bionicpanda ONLINE (01/10/2016) [-]
wow that's the most retarded thing i've ever read
#4 to #3 - improbable (01/10/2016) [-]
if you use the word retarded a lot then you are retarded because you are contributing to the dumbing down of the english language
User avatar #5 to #4 - bionicpanda ONLINE (01/10/2016) [-]
wow you're retarded
User avatar #6 to #5 - improbable (01/10/2016) [-]
ad hominem. attacking a person instead of his argument.

you are on a downward spiral
User avatar #7 to #6 - bionicpanda ONLINE (01/10/2016) [-]
that's retarded
User avatar #8 to #7 - improbable (01/10/2016) [-]
saying retarded a bunch of times now doesnt add to the count because you are just trying to confirm what im saying. its how much you use the word on a regular basis that matters.

think about that.
User avatar #9 to #8 - bionicpanda ONLINE (01/10/2016) [-]
idk sounds pretty retarded
#42 to #9 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
#65 to #9 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
#46 to #8 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
You started of pretty strong but then you just couldn't stop. I know a captain is supposed to go down with his burning ship but holy **** sometimes ya just gotta take the lose and leave. ******* retard.
User avatar #57 to #8 - toosexyforyou (01/11/2016) [-]
No, no, I think might actually have a point. You actually might be retarded.
#48 to #8 - ninjatofu (01/11/2016) [-]
[FEDORA INTENSIFIES]
#20 to #6 - autumnanubis (01/10/2016) [-]
GIF
Ya know sometimes people need a little mental degradation. Sometimes people are just idiots and you can't be nice about it. You can't bother yourself trying to educate someone who is "plain stupid".
#45 to #6 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
He wasn't attacking. He was stating a fact.
#30 to #4 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
Someone referring to dumbing down the english language just used absolutely no punctuation.
User avatar #32 to #4 - pappanoodles (01/10/2016) [-]
wut?
how is the use of an correct english word dumbing down the language?
#67 to #32 - kresh (01/11/2016) [-]
Eyy tech N9ne is my ****
User avatar #27 to #4 - electronicbacon (01/10/2016) [-]
What if someone calls a person stricken with downs syndrome retarded.
He's pretty much using it correctly then.
User avatar #51 to #4 - theugandanhero (01/11/2016) [-]
Bruh
is that
is that ******* Chang'e
User avatar #15 to #3 - imthenewguy (01/10/2016) [-]
If it feels stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.
User avatar #21 to #2 - mrwillje (01/10/2016) [-]
or showing that you're not a criminal
User avatar #44 to #2 - anangrytaco (01/11/2016) [-]
My grandma use to say that when a person farts it proves they aren't zebras.
She had demntia...
#53 to #44 - Jowi (01/11/2016) [-]
Somehow that's amongst the best advice I've ever heard
#59 to #44 - gotmelikeayelmao (01/11/2016) [-]
Your grandmother and I would have gotten along just fine
#55 to #44 - notazebra (01/11/2016) [-]
Man, sorry about your grandma. She must have been pretty far gone
User avatar #19 to #2 - enlightednatzie (01/10/2016) [-]
Until you realize the skidmarks in your underwear.
User avatar #18 to #2 - dakkenly (01/10/2016) [-]
I have a chronic gastrointestinal disease and my farts rattle the ******* neighborhood. It's rare for them to be silent
#49 to #18 - tenaciouslee (01/11/2016) [-]
>Be me
>22
>Living in nice, quiet neighborhood next to a semi-odd guy
>Bros with the guy, find out he has gastrointestinal disease
>No biggie, he's a bro, don't mind.
>One night, after a long night of vidya, I lay down
>I'm woken up in the middle of the night by loud noises
>Next door, it sounds like the battle of ******* Normandy going on
>It's the flapping of asscheeks, the bro next door is producing the Wehrmact straight out of his asshole
>I think I pass out from shell shock
>Wake up in the morning, look around for damage
>Find 4 dead spiders throughout my house
>MFW this guy's nuclear butt-blasts killed my resident spiders.
User avatar #68 to #49 - protodude (01/11/2016) [-]
Gastrointestinal disease bro killed spider bros.

Who am I loyal to??
User avatar #75 to #49 - jjamesgordon ONLINE (01/11/2016) [-]
>shpiders

Giggle every time.
User avatar #52 to #49 - tenaciouslee (01/11/2016) [-]
Also, dakkenly, is only joke.
User avatar #89 to #52 - dakkenly (01/11/2016) [-]
y u haev 2 be mad?
User avatar #38 to #18 - Indoknight (01/10/2016) [-]
POST EM!
#1 - whimsicalmagnus (01/10/2016) [-]
GIF
good on you anon
#10 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
I feel like the best girls are simply males with female bodies.
User avatar #76 to #10 - assdoreponyfucker (01/11/2016) [-]
but still feminine and ********
User avatar #11 to #10 - elpsycongroo (01/10/2016) [-]
tomboys? traps? trannies?
User avatar #13 to #11 - spacehawk (01/10/2016) [-]
Traps and trannies do not have female bodies, tard
#24 to #13 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
But traps are literally guys who look like females, ***** u wut?
User avatar #25 to #24 - respawnhydra (01/10/2016) [-]
Don't have a female body because fun fact: women dont have penis'
#61 to #25 - gotmelikeayelmao (01/11/2016) [-]
Tell that to Braitlyn Juicner
#29 to #25 - iwantattention (01/10/2016) [-]
**iwantattention used "*roll picture*"**
**iwantattention rolled image**
Then how do you explain chicks with dicks
User avatar #34 to #29 - respawnhydra (01/10/2016) [-]
Fun Fact: they arent chicks
User avatar #39 to #34 - aliennova (01/10/2016) [-]
Chicks with dicks, man with tits. No matter what you call it, it still gets my dick hard.
#54 to #39 - markonj (01/11/2016) [-]
that just means you're borderline gay not that there's anything wrong with that doe I don't judge
User avatar #90 to #39 - respawnhydra (14 hours ago) [-]
Good for you. Everyone has their fetish.
User avatar #80 to #25 - tiles (01/11/2016) [-]
You have no idea how many fj users you just triggered
#72 to #13 - imjared (01/11/2016) [-]
if you use the word retarded a lot then you are retarded because you are contributing to the dumbing down of the english language
#77 to #72 - innocentbabies (01/11/2016) [-]
What about faggot, can we use that, faggot?
#88 to #77 - imjared (01/11/2016) [-]
>>#4
Sure thing, faggot
User avatar #40 to #13 - novus (01/10/2016) [-]
Well, post-op trannies have female-ish bodies.
#12 to #11 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
I didn't mean it like that, i meant that i dig girls that behave like your average male, pretty casual about drinking, farting, playing, sexual stuff, etc. In short, a relationship without all the drama that a girl usually brings in.
User avatar #17 to #12 - yunoknow (01/10/2016) [-]
brochicks are best chicks
#60 to #17 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
YEAH EMPOWERED WYMINZ NUMBRE#1
User avatar #28 to #17 - Einsty ONLINE (01/10/2016) [-]
Yeah, I have a friend like that...
#41 to #10 - JaxieConners (01/11/2016) [-]
BUCKLE UP BUCKAROO
#16 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
A loud fart is the mating call of a beautiful woman.
User avatar #47 - mondominiman (01/11/2016) [-]
What really happened
>went out for smoke
>sharted
>ran back inside crying
>lied on 4chan
0
#50 to #47 - gladiacelt has deleted their comment [-]
#23 - mannyplatano (01/10/2016) [-]
oh what? that's not even real, that's the plot of toy story 3 you liar, straight up caught part 20 starring anon
#31 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
#66 to #31 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
User avatar #56 to #31 - talldumbdork ONLINE (01/11/2016) [-]
Hehe this is totally made up nonsense. Haha no one would actually do or say that and mean it. It's probably one of those fake accounts haha. Haha.......I mean right?..........guys?
#58 to #56 - theuberzer (01/11/2016) [-]
Totally man
#37 - whiteoverblue (01/10/2016) [-]
Well, I don't believe you, anon
#26 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
How to know that you are about to be lied to.

>"This totally happend"
>image board
>"My fellow countrymen"
#36 - anon (01/10/2016) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image**
#87 to #36 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
I can't stop laughing
#35 - huntergriff ONLINE (01/10/2016) [-]
User avatar #70 to #35 - asotil (01/11/2016) [-]
Designated Lying Dance
#74 to #35 - darkii (01/11/2016) [-]
mandatory
#69 - dasbrot (01/11/2016) [-]
**dasbrot used "*roll picture*"**
**dasbrot rolled image**tfw i live in apt. 320
#71 - alpako (01/11/2016) [-]
**alpako used "*roll picture*"**
**alpako rolled image** that escalated quickly
#62 - anon (01/11/2016) [-]
I lost my ****
0
#33 - settantaventi has deleted their comment [-]
#22 - nineinchesdeep (01/10/2016) [-]
I GON GIT ME DEM GATORS

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