Anon can't masturbate

ohemgeezus

Channel: 4chan

I Anonymous (/ 16( Fri) . 28: 45 No. 660568214 k
FIT: weird things your family does
mmom doesn' t let me leave the house because she
fears i may get a disease
sshe' s also very anti masturbation and will punch
me if i do. haven' t masturbates in 8 months
because ofthis.
Cl Anonymous (( Fri) :
File: bowie_ gif (1. 51 MB, 300x241)
E! may
How the **** does
she know when
you masturbate?
Do you announce
to her not to enter
your mom for 30
sec ands?
Cl Anonymous (( Fri) : 26 No. 660568946 - smog 33550559241 3; -
3:: -? 1154 ? 3355552935
She checks my clothes and tissues
File: (31 KB, 615x456)
Then hide your **** faggot.
I Anonymous ( Fri) 11: ! s
33555555545
Why not flush them down the bog? Don' t tell me she keeps your ****** bog roll too?
3:: -? E 33555555519 33555555555 ::
33555555241
She takes away tissues and the toilet doesn' t work if you flush paper down.
33555 559355
what the **** is wrong with your mother

...

+1154

Views:	40794
Favorited:	42
Submitted:	01/01/2016

Share On Facebook

+Favorite Subscribe to ohemgeezus Subscribe to 4chan

Comments(118):

Leave a comment Refresh Comments Show GIFs

1 2 >

[ 118 comments ]

Anonymous comments allowed.

82 comments displayed.

+403

#3 - elsenortamatoe (01/01/2016) [-]

Jack off into toilet, and flush

+88

#12 to #3 - hassoutobi (01/02/2016) [-]

Or eat it

+66

#20 to #12 - darthdingo (01/02/2016) [-]

It does have protein.

+107

#24 to #20 - talked (01/02/2016) [-]

brotein

+67

#30 to #24 - brotein (01/02/2016) [-]

Why do you call?

+57

#31 to #30 - talked (01/02/2016) [-]

Every night in my dreams. I see you. I hear you.

+40

#32 to #31 - brotein (01/02/2016) [-]

Gooooooooooooood my child.

#88 to #20 - HashMap (01/02/2016) [-]

/fit/ pls

#23 to #20 - hassoutobi (01/02/2016) [-]

exactly

#110 to #20 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]

that post kinda raises an interesting question. if given the choice between not masturbating and having to eat/drink your semen after what would you do. I think we know darthdingo's answer.

+86

#16 to #3 - fuckyouto (01/02/2016) [-]

Don't you morons take showers?!

-13

#21 to #16 - simonjiha (01/02/2016) [-]

semen will clog a shower drain

+63

#58 to #21 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]

I have jacked off in the shower. it does not clog a damn thing.
its a handful of sperm at most not a bucket of yoghurt.

-3

#108 to #58 - Tusura (01/02/2016) [-]

Jerk it first. Then wash yourself. The soap helps it clear the clog if one starts to form.

#25 to #21 - echsa (01/02/2016) [-]

how do you know?

+51

#26 to #25 - simonjiha (01/02/2016) [-]

no one will believe me

but i read some green texts on 4 chan about it. stopped jacking in the shower ever since

+143

#28 to #26 - echsa (01/02/2016) [-]

>read advice on green texts
>believed it

+55

#41 to #28 - saxong (01/02/2016) [-]

>Lived in college dorms
>All male floor
>Semen and beard/pube trimmings clogs 3-shower-1-drain drain within the first month
>Floods entire bathroom and part of the hallway outside
>Have to use bathrooms on the next floors up/down
>These signs go up in the dorms the following week

+34

#43 to #41 - echsa (01/02/2016) [-]

I hope things came out alright for them.

+24

#45 to #43 - saxong (01/02/2016) [-]

+35

#49 to #45 - echsa (01/02/2016) [-]

Hear me, in college, i was a great sportsman: I finished 18 holes in one day and i still found time for golf

#87 to #41 - stalkerexplain ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

It's a joke made by the students.

#113 to #41 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]

>formal request
>printed on blue paper in comic sans

+16

#40 to #28 - theshadowed (01/02/2016) [-]

Its true. Warm water denatures semen, makes it all clumpy

+49

#42 to #40 - echsa (01/02/2016) [-]

sure thing Dr. Summer

#77 to #42 - wrpen (01/02/2016) [-]

It's true, actually, really ***** with body hair if you try to wash it off. If you have anything close to a viable drain, you aren't going to clog anything jacking it every once in a while, but still be on edge for that **** .

#71 to #42 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]

jizz on yourself and take a shower if you don't believe him, faggot

#103 to #40 - kapkap ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

jacked off while taking a tub bath once, **** turned to ******* glue

+416

#1 - thekeeperofthumbs ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]

"weird"
You mean straight up abusive?

+141

#4 to #1 - captainprincess ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]

The context is 4chan users
they see the world differently to the rest of us

+100

#2 - swirlytwirl (01/01/2016) [-]

why
why would she not let him jack off?
he's not raping
he's not fornicating
and im sure as hell that she doesn't gain anything from him not masturbating
does she want grandchildren?
i highly doubt that masturbating would weaken his chances at impregnating his future wife
infact
his chances at marrying are way lower cause who the **** would want to have her as a mother in law

+14

#34 to #2 - akkere (01/02/2016) [-]

You're wondering why the person who detains OP because they're maximum germaphobe isn't thinking logically?

+17

#7 to #2 - arandomanon ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]

Because sinful ways

+38

#27 to #7 - echsa (01/02/2016) [-]

**** sin, literally

#86 to #27 - gladiacelt (01/02/2016) [-]

oh my...

+19

#8 to #2 - kalimah ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]

A lot of people are extremely prudish with that sort of thing
its not about logic its about being mentally unstable about controlling your children and thinking you are doing a good thing by repressing the natural occurances of growth

+30

#5 - spagete (01/01/2016) [-]

jack off in public then just kidding don't

+86

#6 to #5 - benadryl (01/01/2016) [-]

Click to show spoiler

+31

#13 - funpunk (01/02/2016) [-]

Now I don't normally advocate murder...
That was a complete lie.

+26

#11 - createdjustnow (01/01/2016) [-]

how does he wipe his ass if the toilet dosnt flush paper?

-2

#74 to #11 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]

in my country we have some toilet-like things that throws a squint of water up your asshole, it is more cleaner than toilet paper

+15

#92 to #74 - arreatface (01/02/2016) [-]

GIF

' more cleaner '

#80 to #11 - ilikechoclatemilk ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

There's countries where the plumbing/sewer system cannot take the stress of paper down the toilet. The paper clogs up the toilet. That's why people dispose of the paper in the bin and not in the toilet bowl. It's not because they're disgusting.

#15 to #11 - lehberga (01/02/2016) [-]

Ditch the ****** paper in the bin, obviously.

#18 to #11 - huszti (01/02/2016) [-]

actually, there's some countries where its customary to put your ****** toilet paper into a disposal bin next to the toilet instead of flushing it. maybe OP is from a country like that.

#101 to #18 - meganinja (01/02/2016) [-]

Why? That has to be a biohazard.

#106 to #101 - heydany (01/02/2016) [-]

Because our piping isn't as good as american piping.

#57 to #11 - hairysmellyanus (01/02/2016) [-]

Beaners throw their ******** in the trashcan for some reason. I live in Texas so I can confirm.

#70 to #57 - Lintutu (01/02/2016) [-]

i'm also from texas, i can confirm this

#91 to #70 - jakotad (01/02/2016) [-]

Oklahoma here, can also confirm.

+20

#19 to #11 - fiero (01/02/2016) [-]

DESIGNATED

#112 to #19 - hurdurmur (01/02/2016) [-]

SUPERPOWER BY 2030

+24

#10 - mentlgen ONLINE (01/01/2016) [-]

Cum out the window.

#54 to #10 - DeathclawRulez (01/02/2016) [-]

what if your dick gets slammed from the window?

#55 to #54 - seferofe (01/02/2016) [-]

Have something to keep it open. Then again I've got weird windows that open side ways.

#90 to #55 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]

Yeah, these are very rare.

+22

#83 - onionsam (01/02/2016) [-]

>current year, the year of our lord, 2016.

>not gargling your own cum like a fag

+15

#60 - samoaspider (01/02/2016) [-]

OP clearly has enough time to ******** on 4chan and guessing there are lots of times he could rub one out in toilet paper and possibly put the "results" in backpack / gym bag and dispose at school or something

his own non-creativity is busting his balls.
even Eminem jokingly said on his facebook page that his fav spot to jack off was McDonalds toilet

#67 to #60 - huntergriff ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

+13

#72 to #60 - dankmemepepe (01/02/2016) [-]

"Jokingly"

+13

#82 - lordsaucy (01/02/2016) [-]

My first thought was "Just jerk off in a public bathroom."
My second thought was "Right. He can't leave the house"
My third thought was "Call the ******* police!"

#84 to #82 - Einsty ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

OPOP = original post original poster, for the sake of brevity

>OPOP calls the police
>puts the phne to his ear
>female operator on the line
"What is your emergency?"
>OPOP hasn't seen or heard another woman in a year
>comes buckets instantly
>everywhere is jizz now
>the phone has crashed with no survivors
>cue mother enter
>OPOP is ****** , and not in the nice way

#109 to #84 - kibbleking (01/02/2016) [-]

why not just say Anon?

#116 to #109 - Einsty ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

Because it's the ~~next~~ current year

+13

#65 - crimsonsunshine (01/02/2016) [-]

Cum in her mouth. Go full alpha and make her suck you off.

#95 to #65 - thesoulseeker ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

Dude... what the **** is wrong with you?!
NEVER put your dick in crazy.

+10

#94 - lastgentleman (01/02/2016) [-]

''Toilet doesn't work if you flush paper''
Then how wipe ass?

#17 - newdevyx (01/02/2016) [-]

Kill her.

#66 - nudybooty (01/02/2016) [-]

I never understood why guys with retarded mothers don't just use the shower. Do your mothers shower with you or something to make sure you aren't wanking?

#78 to #66 - heartlessrobot (01/02/2016) [-]

Clogs the drain, boyo.

#85 to #78 - nudybooty (01/02/2016) [-]

What kind of crystallized jizz do you have mate?

#89 to #85 - anon (01/02/2016) [-]

semen isn't soluble in water
fap in the shower too much and problems start occurring

#115 to #89 - hurdurmur (01/02/2016) [-]

Good thing my mum pours chemicals in all of our drains that dissolve everything every Sunday then.

#73 to #66 - datsheriff (01/02/2016) [-]

Fapping in the shower sucks.

#61 - sedativechunk (01/02/2016) [-]

**sedativechunk used "*roll picture*"**
**sedativechunk rolled image** He should cum on her face when sleeping for making such stupid rules.

#75 - centurionprime (01/02/2016) [-]

shower fap. cant figure that **** out for eight months then it's your problem

#22 - pleuradispensor ONLINE (01/02/2016) [-]

jizz in her clothes at the bottom of the pile when she's not home. It's the last place she'll look

#104 - silentark (01/02/2016) [-]

**silentark used "*roll picture*"**
**silentark rolled image**Seriously?
Not in the shower?
Not at school?
Not waiting 'till she falls asleep?
Not hiding it in a shampoo bottle?
Not finding some excuse to duck out into the backyard for the 10 seconds he'd need for his blue balls to rub one out?
Not offering to cook dinner to the point where you are left alone to do so, then ninja fapping into the mash potato before adding cheese, milk and butter to cover the taste and consistency?
Seriously though, the real problem here is his lack of creativity.