DP 02/ 08/ 13( Fri) 22: 07 No. 17620037 Replies em
ftl pl g Boy, have I got a story for you Mtl.
zshare a house with 3 bros
is scrawny as fuck, beta as hell, but genuinely nice dude
is a huge stoner, but the nicest guy you' ll ever meet, also impossible to make him mad
cooks like a mother fucker, super charismatic, and although he' s a heavier dude, he' s full bearmode, gym
everyday, arms like pythons, super nice cat but easy to make mad
ffor Flest two years, house is awesome
cooking like we at grandma' s thanksgiving every other day
always has good herb
aall sorts of fun and games and shit
tthen one day, the moon descended from orbit and smashed into the house
aoh no wait, ponybro pulled a female
Wright away chillbot and I realize Derakus here is going to be a problem
tthe Flest problem is she is one of those catgirls who just thinks shes hot as shit because she is a beta hunter
real men want Curves, the same size as Marilyn Monroe hurr hurr" the whole fucking 9
tthe way the house is set up, there are three bedrooms upstairs and a basement suite
pays the most, so he' s in the suite. Got a king sized bed down there and everything, full chill pad.
starts spending every fucking night at our place
tthe noises this girl makes while fucking are just impossible to handle
sshe sounds like a cross between a death metal singer and an elephant seal
pissed as hell but chillbot tries to just initiate live and let live
wwe tell ponybro to cool it on the noise anyway
mad because we arent supporting the fact that he finally bagged a girl
ppoor bastard is already under her spell
sshe comes downstairs
tell her to stop screaming her lungs out at night
oh do my cries of passion make you uncomfortable tee hee?"
vwhat the actual fuck
uncomfortable like an victim of the bubonic plague maybe"
sshe mad, ponybro mad, foodbro thought it was hilarious
Cl OP 0208/ 13( Fri) 22: No. 17620059 Replies ‘ 7626168 ‘ ‘
tthe next problem occurs when derakus starts fucking with foodbro
frirst incident was when we all got back from (Hi expecting to Find her devouring our winter stocks or something
ccant Md her
maybe she went for a jog hahahaha (ponybro mad)" and goes to throw his shit downstairs
VWHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT
wwe go downstairs, derakus is naked, and sleeping in his bed
sshe tries to take his expensive sheets, wrap them around herself and run upstairs
furious, forcibly takes his shit and makes her run, crying and naked as a newborn up to ponybros room
mad, but foodbro madder and ponybro apologizes quietly and chases her upstairs
wwe would Md out later this was a seduction tactic that didn' t even make it to launch because the fat bitch fell asleep (fuckin lol)
asecond incident, foodbro always leaves a lot of food resting
simmering overnight, flank steak marinating for a few days, all sorts of shit that I dont even fucking understand but is fucking delicious
astards to notice this shit disappearing
amad as hell, foodbro demands at least a little semblance of courtesy
has a roll of little red circle stickers
aif something is in the fridge with a red circle sticker, dont fucking touch it
yhe goes to make his hamburgers for dinner (foodbro hamburgers will make you believe in a kind and merciful god)
Guys, where is the groundless. I literally only bought it like three hours ago."
starts giggling like its cute or some shit
Oh I was just so hungry I couldnt help myself so I made a little snack"
That was 3 lbs of ground beef!"
it was just so good, Ijust fried it all up and ate it. Sorry" and she plasters this shitty pouty face on her mug
ships out, brings back salmon, handmaids some sushi
opiates it and brings it out
DP 02/ 08/ 13( Fri) 22: 09 No. 17620091 Replies
wonders where her plate is
loses it "Bitch, you ate 3 pounds of fucking ground beef today. Thats enough food for your fattass today. In fact, thats enough caloric intake for like 3
days. Ifl catch you in my kitchen for the next three days I will lose my fucking mind."
down next to chillbot, immediately back to good mood watching the game
hholy shit this sashimi
quietly sobbing, ponybro shamefully passing her pieces off his plate
skeep in mind, derakus pays nothing to exist in our space
ain addition, because foodbro is such a woopnazi, he practically foots the entire food bill himself so we dont his kitchen with cheap shitty food
abitch is literally a Financial drain, does nothing to contribute, and always gets super upset if someone mentions how much of our shit she eats
few days go by
Mme, chillbot, and foodbro coming home, ponybro has late lab
alights are on, loud fucking noise
zzounds like the cawing of a billion crows and the shrieks of a billion banshees
aoh my god, derakus invited the rest of the large Magellanic cloud and currently has food everywhere and everyone is screaming and laughing and making a
huge shit of my fucking house
strides through room, rips ipod out of ipod dock and screams GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE
of white whales
says "oh ponybro said I could have a few friends over"
notices all the food that is out. Ice cream, cup cakes, chicken sandwiches and shit
Youre going to pay for all this. tired of you eating my food without asking."
starts tearing up "but the food is for the house"
pipe up "youre not part of the house"
agrees with me and says "you just come in here and eat all my shit because you think you can"
stumbles over to foodbro and tries to stroke his chest (wtf amirite) "its okay, stop getting mad because ponybros girlfriend"
gets so mad he leaves
Cl OP 02/ 08/ 13( Fri) 22: 10 Replies »
Mme and chillbot kinda shake our heads and go onto the backpatch to smoke
chear ponybro come home an hour later or so
chear derakus crying her eyes out, saying that foodbro screamed at all her friends, broke the ipod dock (nope), tried to hit them (nope), and then demanded that
derakus sleep with him ()
comes back about an hour after ponybro
chear ponybro confront foodbro
we still mad that we make fun of his lady all the time
to know why foodbro demanded she sleep with him
laughs and explains the whole story
go in and conary
demands to know why ponybro said it was cool for her to throw a party
says he said she could study with a friend
vwhat a cunt
aabout a month later of derakus being fairly well behaved
sstill making shitty passes at foodbro "l know you like the way I look today, or is it everyday?"
astards making her pay for everything he sees her take
out, summer time
goes to work the summer in the kitchen of some niceness restaurant, starts dating this bartender there
lalonde, cardio bunny, yoga and pilates addict, nice boobs, nice ass, stomach you could grate cheese on, super smart, super clever and witty, coolest girl ever,
nicest girl ever
wwe' ll call her M
and foodbro date for like 2 weeks before she starts staying over all the time
whithin two weeks of her sleeping over, she demands to contribute to food and utilities
has been in our fucking lives for like 5 or 6 goddamn months now and still pays jack shit, smuggles food to ponybros room when foodbro is out
does not like m
is super aloof about derakus
DP 02/ 08/ 13( Fri) 22: 10 No. 17620120 Replies »
starts wandering around in underwear knowing that people are chilling in the living room as if shes trying to prove that shes the real hot girl
astards making masive aggresive comments to m "oh you should eat more, then youd get some curves" (lolwut)
eeven ponybro starting to get tired of her shit
astards getting mad at her when she says things to foodbro like "you' re man enough to date a real woman" and starts asking her what the fuck she means by
comments like that
Mme chillbot and m are outside smoking, she thinks its hilarious
tthe one day m and foodbro come back from late shift
Mme and chillbot are vidya like motherfuckers in the living room
and foodbro go downstairs
Mme chillbot and ponybro (who had been upstairs) come down
is in the basement suite again, trying to squeeze her fat ass into one of m' s dresses
GDAMMIT JIM A DOCTOR NOT A MIRACLE WORKER
ASHES DEAD JIM
adress is history, seams ripped, zipper torn away from fabric
so mad hes shaking
just quietly tallying the damage
Oh sorry hee hee, I just needed something to wear and thought we were close enough to the same size"
wish I could make this shit up
is at least 260 standing at a proud 5' 2"
is at most 130 at 5' 6"
turns to ponybro "get this fucking behemoth out of my room, and then we are going to have a fucking sit down, you and L"
counters "Behemoth? Says you, lard ass."
SSHIT JUST GOT
DP 02/ 08/ 13( Fri) 22: 13 No. 17620172 Replies » »
says something along the lines of "not even worth justifying your shitty attitude, goes upstairs as well
You fat fucking sow, I don' t think I' ever despised a human being more. You seesh lazy fucking cunt. Ifyou didnt provide the service of your
disgusting self to my friends penis I would have happily thrown you in a lake months ago. I hope you enjoy your life thinking you can just do what you want
because one day, youre going to wake up and realize what a shit pile you are, and then youll hopefully kill yourself" and then turns on his heel and goes upstairs
Md chillbot m and foodbro at the edge of the property, smoking in the backyard
wear ponybro from inside losing his fucking mind
ffront door slams
ssee derakus waddling down the street with her two garbage bags of possessions crying her eyes out
tthe witch is dead
we says that he told her to pay for all the food shes stolen from the house and for the dress or he would press charges
sshe eventually did
ihouse was the coolest place ever for the next two years before we Finished school and moved on
ggot the invite to foodbro and m' s wedding today
wwe never found out if she killed herself