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User avatar #53333 - HeavenForbid (02/09/2013) [-]
So FJ, here I am again asking for some writing advice.

I'm writing a fantasy story about people with wings. I am at a point in the story, where one character moves his wings to cause a gust of wind, which knocks down another character. However, I cannot fathom a way to describe this without sounding awkward or strange.

Ex: Flapped his wings, Beat his wings etc.

Suggestions would be greatly appreciated x.x

tl;dr : Writing a story bout people with wings. How to i describe them flapping their wings without sounding retarded.
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#53773 to #53333 - domitius has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #53414 to #53333 - advicedude (02/09/2013) [-]
The gusts of wind, threw its body into the empty air.
User avatar #53374 to #53333 - techketzer (02/09/2013) [-]
"Wyl's face was warped in anger; the strongest muscles of his body thrust his wings forward on impulse.
While his teeth were bared white in wrath, his brother's parted for a scream of fear and anguish as the aether betrayed him; Navalad fell unbalanced, unprepared and painfully."

Something like that is what I'd do.
User avatar #53368 to #53333 - Fgner (02/09/2013) [-]
I read the context it would be and I'd recommend:

"Wyl turned to his brother who was slowly approaching him. He spread his wings, and whipped them violently forward - causing a torrent of wind to throw Navalad off his feet. He hits the ground with a loud thud, but quickly recovers."

The way that it's currently structured sounds awkward with any combination of words. It's best to spread it out like this, it's more vivid anyway. Also, the words and grammar in that sentence are much easier to play with, since they don't cause run-ons near as easily, and it sounds/feels more fluid.

Hope you finish it! I've started a couple books, but I never get around to finishing them. Only get to about page 50 (and the entire book laid out of course), then I get a new idea and jump over. Wish you the best of luck, hope I helped!
User avatar #53341 to #53333 - Zarke (02/09/2013) [-]
Flopped his feathery back-boners and ejaculated a massive gust to...
User avatar #53351 to #53346 - Zarke (02/09/2013) [-]
No problem.
User avatar #53342 to #53341 - acuteangles (02/09/2013) [-]
This could work
User avatar #53334 to #53333 - davvi (02/09/2013) [-]
"he moved his wings to cause a gust of wind"
"he spread his wings causing a gust of wind"
"he rapidly pumped his wings causing gusts of wind"
"he worked his wings to cause a gust of wind" (?)
User avatar #53335 to #53334 - HeavenForbid (02/09/2013) [-]
1 and 2 could work :O

3 sounds awkward. xD
User avatar #53336 to #53335 - davvi (02/09/2013) [-]
1 was exactly what you wrote up there :D

User avatar #53337 to #53336 - HeavenForbid (02/09/2013) [-]
Yea. I guess it was.

You don't get credit for helping me :D
User avatar #53338 to #53337 - davvi (02/09/2013) [-]
that's a bit unfair of you, i practically wrote the novel for you there just now
User avatar #53340 to #53338 - HeavenForbid (02/09/2013) [-]
True. Maybe you got an honorable mention.
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