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#53333
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HeavenForbid (02/09/2013) [-] So FJ, here I am again asking for some writing advice.
I'm writing a fantasy story about people with wings. I am at a point in the story, where one character moves his wings to cause a gust of wind, which knocks down another character. However, I cannot fathom a way to describe this without sounding awkward or strange.
Ex: Flapped his wings, Beat his wings etc.
Suggestions would be greatly appreciated x.x
tl;dr : Writing a story bout people with wings. How to i describe them flapping their wings without sounding retarded.
I'm writing a fantasy story about people with wings. I am at a point in the story, where one character moves his wings to cause a gust of wind, which knocks down another character. However, I cannot fathom a way to describe this without sounding awkward or strange.
Ex: Flapped his wings, Beat his wings etc.
Suggestions would be greatly appreciated x.x
tl;dr : Writing a story bout people with wings. How to i describe them flapping their wings without sounding retarded.
#53374 to #53333
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techketzer (02/09/2013) [-] "Wyl's face was warped in anger; the strongest muscles of his body thrust his wings forward on impulse.
While his teeth were bared white in wrath, his brother's parted for a scream of fear and anguish as the aether betrayed him; Navalad fell unbalanced, unprepared and painfully."
Something like that is what I'd do.
While his teeth were bared white in wrath, his brother's parted for a scream of fear and anguish as the aether betrayed him; Navalad fell unbalanced, unprepared and painfully."
Something like that is what I'd do.
#53368 to #53333
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Fgner (02/09/2013) [-] I read the context it would be and I'd recommend:
"Wyl turned to his brother who was slowly approaching him. He spread his wings, and whipped them violently forward - causing a torrent of wind to throw Navalad off his feet. He hits the ground with a loud thud, but quickly recovers."
The way that it's currently structured sounds awkward with any combination of words. It's best to spread it out like this, it's more vivid anyway. Also, the words and grammar in that sentence are much easier to play with, since they don't cause run-ons near as easily, and it sounds/feels more fluid.
Hope you finish it! I've started a couple books, but I never get around to finishing them. Only get to about page 50 (and the entire book laid out of course), then I get a new idea and jump over. Wish you the best of luck, hope I helped!
"Wyl turned to his brother who was slowly approaching him. He spread his wings, and whipped them violently forward - causing a torrent of wind to throw Navalad off his feet. He hits the ground with a loud thud, but quickly recovers."
The way that it's currently structured sounds awkward with any combination of words. It's best to spread it out like this, it's more vivid anyway. Also, the words and grammar in that sentence are much easier to play with, since they don't cause run-ons near as easily, and it sounds/feels more fluid.
Hope you finish it! I've started a couple books, but I never get around to finishing them. Only get to about page 50 (and the entire book laid out of course), then I get a new idea and jump over. Wish you the best of luck, hope I helped!
