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#53333 - HeavenForbid
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
So FJ, here I am again asking for some writing advice.

I'm writing a fantasy story about people with wings. I am at a point in the story, where one character moves his wings to cause a gust of wind, which knocks down another character. However, I cannot fathom a way to describe this without sounding awkward or strange.

Ex: Flapped his wings, Beat his wings etc.

Suggestions would be greatly appreciated x.x

tl;dr : Writing a story bout people with wings. How to i describe them flapping their wings without sounding retarded.
#53773 to #53333 - domitius
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#53414 to #53333 - advicedude
Reply -1
(02/09/2013) [-]
The gusts of wind, threw its body into the empty air.
#53374 to #53333 - techketzer
Reply -1
(02/09/2013) [-]
"Wyl's face was warped in anger; the strongest muscles of his body thrust his wings forward on impulse.
While his teeth were bared white in wrath, his brother's parted for a scream of fear and anguish as the aether betrayed him; Navalad fell unbalanced, unprepared and painfully."

Something like that is what I'd do.
#53368 to #53333 - Fgner
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
I read the context it would be and I'd recommend:

"Wyl turned to his brother who was slowly approaching him. He spread his wings, and whipped them violently forward - causing a torrent of wind to throw Navalad off his feet. He hits the ground with a loud thud, but quickly recovers."

The way that it's currently structured sounds awkward with any combination of words. It's best to spread it out like this, it's more vivid anyway. Also, the words and grammar in that sentence are much easier to play with, since they don't cause run-ons near as easily, and it sounds/feels more fluid.

Hope you finish it! I've started a couple books, but I never get around to finishing them. Only get to about page 50 (and the entire book laid out of course), then I get a new idea and jump over. Wish you the best of luck, hope I helped!
#53341 to #53333 - Zarke
Reply +5
(02/09/2013) [-]
Flopped his feathery back-boners and ejaculated a massive gust to...
#53346 to #53341 - HeavenForbid
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
thanks
#53351 to #53346 - Zarke
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
No problem.
#53342 to #53341 - acuteangles
Reply +1
(02/09/2013) [-]
This could work
#53334 to #53333 - davvi
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
"he moved his wings to cause a gust of wind"
"he spread his wings causing a gust of wind"
"he rapidly pumped his wings causing gusts of wind"
"he worked his wings to cause a gust of wind" (?)
#53335 to #53334 - HeavenForbid
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
1 and 2 could work :O

3 sounds awkward. xD
#53336 to #53335 - davvi
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
1 was exactly what you wrote up there :D

#53337 to #53336 - HeavenForbid
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
Yea. I guess it was.

You don't get credit for helping me :D
#53338 to #53337 - davvi
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
that's a bit unfair of you, i practically wrote the novel for you there just now
#53340 to #53338 - HeavenForbid
Reply 0
(02/09/2013) [-]
True. Maybe you got an honorable mention.