If you read one of my comments on your previous posts, you'll know that I know this feel all too well. This past weekend, I did some rational thinking about the situation, and came to the conclusion that, for me, it's best that I just quit pursuing the girl altogether, and any others, too. You need to decide what's best for you.

If she has a boyfriend and is happy with him, it's probably best to move on. I know how it feels to be obsessed with the idea of being with someone, constantly yearning for that bliss that inevitably occurs whenever you're around them, so I know how tough it is to start feeling like you don't need or want them anymore. But trust me, once you let go of the idea of being together again, it's better than the despair that you feel while holding on to any shred of hope you can find.

If she's available, you might find it better to approach her and tell her that you want to try again. If you do think this will be the best route to take, do it soon. Don't put it off anymore. Shatter any doubts you have, and just do it. The more you put it off, the longer you'll be stuck in this vicious cycle of feeling happy and confident, then crashing back into desperation and pain.

The thing about asking her for a second chance though, it just doesn't feel right. How exactly would I go about doing that?

Find a chance to talk with her one on one, in person. Sit with her, look her in the eyes and say "Ayo gurl u want sum fuk?" what you're feeling. Don't lay it on wicked thick. Tell her you miss talking to her, how things used to be, and that you would like to try being together again. Tell her you know you weren't confident enough the first time, and explain to her why. Honesty will get things off your chest and it will make her respect you more. Again, don't pour your heart out. Don't tell her about the songs or depression, just that you've been missing her for a while. Make it sincere, and once you're done, it's up to her to decide.

That just sounds like such a gamble though. If it works, then holy shit, yay, it worked, but if it doesn't then I'll probably never have a shot at her again.

If it doesn't work, you wouldn't have had a shot anyway, and you'll be sure of that, thus allowing you to move on.

Don't think about probablies. JustForTheLulz said exactly what I was trying to say. It's not a gamble to ask for a second chance, because if it doesn't work you at least KNOW you don't have one.

Dude, I didn't get a chance to talk to her today because she's in the ER. Is there anything I should do?

I hate to say this, but I'm way too nervous to do this and look confident.

Then approach her with confidence. Tell her you're not the same nervous and awkward guy you were back then, and that you intend to treat her better this time.

Was she your first girlfriend? You seem to value the relationship very highly for the length of time it lasted.

My advice to you: move on. If that means spending less time with her, then do so. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about a year ago and I was in the same state you were in for 6 months, bouncing between hope and misery.


I got a new gf two months ago. I valued the relationship with my ex a lot more than it was actually worth, and that's probably what's happening with you. Move on, rebound if you have to, and you'll be fine.


If the girl INSISTS on hanging out with you, or asks why you are avoiding her, be blunt. "Are we dating or not?". Spending all day with an ex isn't healthy.

We don't hang out. It only makes me miss her more.

Then move along. It's tough at first, but you've got to step back and look at the situation objectively, if only for a few seconds. If the girl doesn't really give a shit, its time to move on. Forget about getting her back, if the relationship lasted only 3 weeks the first time what makes you think it will be better the second time? If she was unbelievably amazing, it would have worked out better, wouldn't have it? Delete the songs, they don't help. Listen to something upbeat, something funny, or something that pisses you off. "Gives You Hell" by AAR, or something like that.

There's no point in crying over spilt milk. I will guarantee to you that you will find a better relationship out there, as long as you can leave this one behind and start looking. It's a big, wide world, and there's better places to see and things(or people) to do than to fret over a relationship that didn't work. I'm sure you'll do great.

The reason I haven't really been able to move on is because I wasn't given a proper chance with her. Yes, she was my first girlfriend, and because of that I was unbelievably nervous and awkward and new to the situation, she really liked me too, but I probably ruined it with my nervousness. It bothers me more than it should because I have no justification to feel like she just doesn't like me back, because I feel like she would, because we had a shit ton in common and had a lot of fun with each other. I just ruined it and regret the chance I was given with her as a whole.

I've also considered that the only reason I valued it so much is because she was my first, but I know this sounds fucking stupid, but I think it was love at first sight.

And I can't delete the songs, I wrote them.

Put the journal away in a deep, dark corner. Look back at them later and laugh about how obssesed with this girl.



ALPHA up, son. If she's not got a boyfriend, step it up, and ask for a second chance. If she says no, you don't lose anything. If she says yes, come back for advice board if you need help. Also, don't view it as a "chance with her", view it as a relationship. Things go wrong and girls aren't unattainable objects. If you can't move on because you feel like you fucked up, ask for a second chance. If she says no you'll be able to move on, if she says yes you'll have her back. It's that simple. If you don't want to just go up to her and ask for a second chance, do something extremely alpha(ask if she wants to come along with you and a few friends, make it so only two are there and treat her well. Ask for a second chance that way) if you wish. If you start dating her again, man up. If not, use this experience as a lesson and treat your next gf different.



Also, if you haven't kissed her. Fucking do it if you start dating her again. Or do it to your next gf within the first like 2 weeks. There's no need to be nervous as if a girls in a relationship with you, she has no reason to not want to kiss you.

Yeah never having kissed a girl was another reason it didn't go well. I didn't know I had to kiss her, I was too content just being around her.

After you kiss a girl, you won't be too content with just being around her.

I'll be honest: you have "first gf" syndrome. She was your first gf so you're putting yourself down way too much for what happened and valuing the relationship at a bit more than its worth. You don't need to write songs about it, you don't need to fret about it for two months consecutively, you need to make a choice. Gun for a second chance, and/or move on. First relationships are always a bit strange, but as you go through more relationships you'll find yourself getting better at this kind of stuff. You're probably going to look back on this mess and laugh.

Oh yeah, and out of curiosity, how old are you? It would help give context, but you don't have to answer that if you dont want to.

I'm 16, and maybe you're right, but the only reason I've never had a girlfriend before is because I never actually gave a shit about girls, I felt like there were many more important things.

I'm 16 too ;D

Believe me, you'll be fine if you can move on. Girls are important to me, but I think if your logic has been in the past(not now) "there are better things to do", isn't "meeting new girls", "making new friends", or "something productive", a better thing to do than feeling depressed over a relationship that didn't work out?

Girls are pretty important and relationships are fun, but being sad over a girl that has left isn't important at all. I was in that state for a half year and I regret every day of it as I got NOTHING done.


You seem like a pretty chill guy, so I think you'll be fine. Hide the song journal somehwere, occupy your mind with something(or someone) else, and move along. You'll be ok :D

Bu- but the songs are cool, and I wanna show my band.

Then show your band and get producing ;D
Finding something to do helps get your mind off other things.

But like, dude, would I have to get more re-aquainted with her before I start asking her if she'd like to hang out? (Also, do there have to be other friends involved?) because we only talk like once a week anymore.

I'm very sorry, most of this is me gushing.