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User avatar #37188 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
Advice time.
So, ever since I was a wee little babby, it's been instilled into me not to date until I'm 16. So much so that I've adopted this into my own set of principles.
However, I've recently developed a crush on a girl, the only real crush I've ever had. I turn 16 in June. So a while away. Not close enough for me to say, well, "close enough".
So I'm conflicted:
Abandon my principles and slip into hypocrisy (as I've made a point about "not dating until 16" many times before) in order to maybe get the girl,
Hold fast but potentially allow her to drift away.

What do?
User avatar #37262 to #37188 - smashingprodigy (11/15/2012) [-]
You won't really be a hypocrite if you adopt a new set of principles. Unless the no dating rule causes a drastic change in your life, you should be allowed to do whatever you want as long as you think about the consequences. Think of the no-dating-until-16 as an estimate of when you were gonna start dating, 15, 16, 17, you get the idea.

If it makes you happy while still letting you stick to your moral standards, go for it.
User avatar #37250 to #37188 - dingdongsingsong (11/15/2012) [-]
You can date her if you honestly can't deal with not dating her , or you could just be friends until June then finally make the move
User avatar #37242 to #37188 - Surfandskim (11/15/2012) [-]
Hypocrisy, now that I'm 18 everyone I know has gone back on their no-sex, no-alcohol, no-drug, and other policies. Just do what makes you happy, that's what matters.
#37208 to #37188 - blackholee has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #37193 to #37188 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
The principal you're conflicted about has no real moral foundation. It's comparable to your parents telling you what your favorite color is. It might be ingrained into you that red is the right choice, when in reality you really like blue. Same goes for dating; your parents might not think you're ready to date until 16, but you know deep down that you are and that you're interested in someone now. Go for it.
User avatar #37198 to #37193 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
See, I think even my parents re urging me (slightly) to get the girl too, but I face a meta-problem on top of the existing one.
If I abandon my principals now, how do I know I won't in the future?
On top of that, I serve as a sort of role-model to a lot of people, people I have personally given the whole "16" shpeel to. While they're not on board, I don't want them to see me as a hypocrite, seeing as I'm really the only one of true moral standing in the group. I have the curse of leadership, that I must demonstrate perfect moral prowess.
User avatar #37201 to #37198 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
A good leader admits when he's wrong. What you're abandoning is a misconception, not a principal.
User avatar #37203 to #37201 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
What I'm abandoning, while it may be a misconception, is a principle around which I've based part of my social life. To remove it is to destroy a foundation and, far more importantly, to abandon a principle. I guess I don't know how to explain it well but I just feel like it's something I can't abandon.
User avatar #37206 to #37203 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
You don't have to explain it, because I understand exactly what you're dealing with, because I'm dealing with it too. Substitute a few words and mess with the situation just a little, and we're in the same boat.

What you need to understand is that you did not create the foundation of this idea. In reality, it isn't even your principal. It's your parents' idea which you've adopted as your own through years of having it instilled in you.

You're not choosing between something that you affect your moral image either. It's not like you're vacillating between cheating on your girlfriend or not. You're choosing between potential mutual happiness and regret. You've said yourself your friends disagree with your decision. Tell them you've realized that it wasn't a matter of age, it was a matter of waiting until you found someone you care about. To me, that's a better lesson to teach anyway.
User avatar #37213 to #37206 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
As St. Augustine once put it: "Right is right even if nobody is doing it. Wrong is wrong even if everybody is doing it." See, while it's been instilled into me, it makes sense to me. It's a good principle to me. Even if it isn't to everyone else.

I wonder if this is what it feels like to be losing religion? Have something instilled into you since childhood to the point where you believe it and base your life around it. I'll never know that feeling. I'm an atheist. Still, I wonder if this is what it's like.
User avatar #37214 to #37213 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
What about the age of 16 seems right to you?

As for losing religion, I can say, from personal experience, it was a much easier and much, much more liberating feeling than this. It was just a moment of pure enlightenment, like, "Oh shit. There is no god." From there, numerous other revelations occurred, and most of them felt pretty good. Admittedly though, I was never too religious in the first place. I believed in what my parents and grandparents told me, but I'm not sure I ever attended church, except for weddings.
User avatar #37217 to #37214 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
Well, the first and most immediate of this is the fact the other things that happen when 16. Driving and a job.
Also, I feel like 15 is a rather immature age and/or time, when hormones really ebgin to kick in. I feel that as 16 and seventeen roll around, there's more control over them. At least you're somewhat more used to them.
There's also the fact that I fear a slippery-slope back to Elizabithian England, where courting at 11 or 12 is okay and marriage at thirteen is alright.
I think there's also a cultural influence. I feel like there's a connection between the younger dating ages and the yolo/swagfags and "hip" fools and "cool cats" and all that.
User avatar #37222 to #37217 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
Consider each of the following:

- The driving and getting a job thing is good. However, you're still pretty far away from either one of those. It isn't worth the wait.
- I can say from experience that at the age of 16 and 17, your hormones are, if anything, in more control than at the age of 15.
- Culture doesn't dictate what happens during your relationships, you do. If every single one of your classmates is having sex and being swagfags at 15, you and your potential girlfriend can be the one couple that's been doing it right since the start.
User avatar #37227 to #37222 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
Wait a minute. I just realized something.
In one thread, I'm [trying to] help you with your psyche issues. In this thread, you're helping me with my own problems. That's funny.
User avatar #37231 to #37227 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
I feel like I'm stuck in some anime or something. If it wasn't so cliche and corny, I'd tell you that you've touched base with two of those forces that are currently tugging at my mind.

Man, that sounded corny even after I pointed out that it would.
User avatar #37234 to #37231 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
By "30 forces" do you mean like multiple personalities, or...? Before I offer further advice I'd like to know what you're up against.
User avatar #37238 to #37234 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
No no, nothing like that. It's like I'm trying to decide what I think is the right thing to do, or what my actual opinion is about so many things that I've lost count of them. Some are more serious than others. I'm basically trying to figure out who I am, and what I should do based on what I perceive reality to be.
User avatar #37246 to #37238 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
Maybe it will help you if I tell you how I face the world.
I face it with a stark realism. I've learned about the world, the elements, the Big Bang, evolution, all of that, to the point where I have an understanding that even rivals my teachers' knowledge. I've learned, more or less, how the universe ticks.
I've also begun studying psychology in what little freetime the internet allows me to have. I've also made my own observations about society from my own experience. I've learned how people think.
This knowledge is a gift and a curse. It allows me the joy of knowing what's going on, why, and how I can deal with it. In most cases. However, it also allows for the crushing feeling of insignificance and the realization that in the end, nothing matters.
With this, I was bummed out for a while. No purpose, right?
But then I had an epiphany.
The purpose of life is not to praise god. It's not to be alone. It's not to not matter, not the strength of mankind, the magic of friendship or any of that. However, it's all of that. I've come to realize that the purpose of life is truly whatever you want it be.
With this knowledge, I began to reshape my psyche. I've decided that for myself, the purpose of life is not only to enjoy yourself, but to help others enjoy their lives. So I've adopted pacifism for one, and I've also become far more altruistic. To live up to my self-set meaning of life, I've begun donating to charity, giving stuff out for free, paying for friends' own problems (like paying for ones' social security card so he could get a job to support his family). And of course, I've begun to have a legitimate concern for those who are unhappy with their lives. That's why I come on this board from time to time.
What I did was I reshaped my psyche and outlook based on my own idea of what life is about and what should be achieved. You need to come up with your own meaning for life, and THEN base yourself around that. Find a reason, then a rhyme.
User avatar #37249 to #37246 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
So in a way, I face the world practically but optimistically; with realism, but with altruism.
User avatar #37264 to #37249 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
This topic is so bittersweet for me. I live my life with a realistic outlook. However, when I realistically look at myself, it becomes extremely clear how much I do not like myself.
User avatar #37226 to #37222 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
Your second point, is that agreeing with me? It seems like you're saying that hormones are more in control, more managed.
Or do you mean more in control, as in they have more control?
User avatar #37228 to #37226 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
In more control, as in, in more control of you and your decisions. As a male teenager your hormones are always going to be present, paying extra special attention to that girl who wears short skirts and low cut shirts. It's up to you to suppress that urge and find a girl you care about for more than her body. Because you've shown interest in doing that, I'd definitely say you have the right mindset despite not being 16 yet. Yeah, going to parties and getting wasted then having sex at 15 is wrong. But taking a girl you have a crush on to the movies and kissing her goodnight isn't exactly heinous.
User avatar #37235 to #37228 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
There's another barrier:
I don't want to face the awkward situation and feeling of not being good enough when I'm not able to drive her and have to rely on family and friends for that.
User avatar #37237 to #37235 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
How old is she?
User avatar #37252 to #37247 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
Great. Keep in mind that you don't have to be a "man" at 15. If this girl is reasonable, she isn't going to expect that her 15 year old boyfriend is going to roll up in a new car and buy her tons of stuff with his 6 figure salary.

If you're really uncomfortable with the whole getting rides thing, have people drop you both off at your destinations. Like, if you're going to a movie together, her parents drop her off at the theater, yours drop you off, and the two of you meet there. Worry about "providing" for her when you actually reach an age where you can do it.

Make some money so you can treat her when out on dates though. Do whatever little odd jobs you can either around the house or your neighborhood. Cut lawns, shovel snow, whatever it takes to have 30 bucks to spend on a date. Also realize that not every date has to be an expense. Invite her to your house, or go to her's, whatever, and just spend time together. Watch movies on the couch or something.
User avatar #37255 to #37252 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
The money part I know. I've already started saving up for what I call a "girlfriend fund" for whenever I do get one. I understand not every date has to be an expense.

I don
t know. Not picking her up and not driving just make me feel inadequate.
User avatar #37261 to #37255 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
You're only 15. You're not supposed to be able to drive yet, so no one expects you to, and you shouldn't either.
User avatar #37232 to #37228 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
I can see that, but I have a hard time seeing me doing that without hating myself just a little.

I would also like to point out that while it's not the reason why I'm into her, this girl having an amazing body isn't exactly causing her harm.
User avatar #37236 to #37232 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
How much different do you expect to feel on your 16th birthday? I can honestly say you will not feel even slightly different, given that life progresses normally from now until then. When you're out with this girl, or when you're holding her, the good feeling you'll get just from being with her will make you realize that your previous guideline for dating wasn't right for you.
User avatar #37248 to #37236 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
I expect to feel essentially a passage from childhood into adulthood. I know I won't feel physically different, or even at the time mentally, but I know I will feel and be different at one point.
User avatar #37253 to #37248 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
That whole passage from child to adult isn't something that happens suddenly. It seems to me you're well on your way to adulthood just from the way you post, at least in terms of morality, maturity, and intelligence.
User avatar #37257 to #37253 - warrenzthehero (11/15/2012) [-]
Well, thank you, first of all.
But I mean I'll be different just in the way that I'll allow myself to behave.
For example, I very seldom curse. Once I turn 16, I'll allow myself to do so more often. Not for any particular reason, I just like 16 as a good age for that.
Essentially, 16 is when I feel I can begin to act more like an adult. For whatever reason, 15 seems childish.
User avatar #37263 to #37257 - JustForTheLulz (11/15/2012) [-]
Have you thought about the fact that if you start the relationship now, you can get the early stages of it out of the way? That way, when you're 16, you'll already have a strong connection with this girl and you'll reach your age destination, thus allowing you to be the person you want to be. It'll also look good for you, because you'll be maturing as the relationship matures.
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