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User avatar #36486 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
I need advice from a guy who has dating experience just to know what you guys think
I am a girl and I am an artist. I sculpt, and the last sculpture I made took me a week, and my boyfriend said it was ugly. I got really mad and brought up some stuff like the fact that he's been distant and rude for the passed few months (he's working and going to school full time, I am there for him and if he yells at me I take it and don't say anything if he doesn't apologize because I don't want him to be stressed) but I snapped and called him an asshole this time. I feel like the only way I can get him to listen is if I scream at him because he's so far away mentally. If he's not doing homework he's on WoW. If I speak regularly he doesn't respond at all. He just sits there and completely ignores my existence. I'm going nuts here, guys. Please, please, please help!
User avatar #36523 to #36486 - Metallicock (11/12/2012) [-]
Well in my opinion, that time of your life Isn't really ideal for dating, simply because of all you have going on. I don't blame him for wanting to play video games in the little time he has away from school and work and all the stress.

However, that is no reason to be disrespectful towards you.
Try telling him exactly how you feel and go from there if you want to be nice about it.

I don't really care for putting up with peoples shit, so if I was having this problem with a girl, I would cut it off with her if this was a regular thing with her.
User avatar #36526 to #36523 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
Really, I just want to know if you have any insight on what's going on in his head
If you were working full time and going to school full time, and you were really stressed, how would you handle it? Would you take it out on others, would you silently boil inside until you just burst, or would you be understanding and communicative?
User avatar #36590 to #36526 - Metallicock (11/12/2012) [-]
Well, everybody is a little different. I try my best to keep my (serious) problems to my self because I'm just kinda quiet by nature. There are very few people I tell my problems to, but when I do, I just tell them, not yell or be rude ( you know, unless it's them I have the problem with). Others are just a little more "expressive" about their problems. I don't know your boyfriend so I can't say one way or the other but seriously, there really is no reason to put someone down like that just because your mad (or at least apologize after words). It might be stress or it might just be how he is. You'll just have to tell for yourself. I don't know what else to say.

Just try communicating to him, tell him how you feel and try to work it out with him.
The following are all worse case scenarios, but it is important that you watch out for these behaviors in any relationship:
>He implies you are causing him stress
>He starts to progressively become more rude
>He progressively becomes controlling
>If at any point physical contact occurs out of anger
As much as you don't want to, please just end it if stuff like that starts to happen, but again, these are just worse case.

That is the best advice I can give, I wish you two the best of luck.
User avatar #36595 to #36590 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
He does all of those things except the last one
But can't they be normal in moderation? It's totally reasonable if I stress him out sometimes, because he stresses me out sometimes, but 99% of the time we're fine...he can just be a grumpy person sometimes
User avatar #36600 to #36595 - Metallicock (11/12/2012) [-]
>He implies you are causing him stress

I meant if he blames you for the things he does when hes angry.
You should watch out if the things on that list become a constant thing.

If 99% of the time you guys are fine, then there's nothing to worry about. Even the healthiest relationships will have arguing. Knowing that, I would say that you guys should just work things out and you'll be fine. Just discuss feelings and all that stuff
User avatar #36602 to #36600 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
Blegh, yeah, but if he doesn't want to listen to me...
oh well
i've told him how i feel. whether he listened or not is his problem.
User avatar #36604 to #36602 - Metallicock (11/12/2012) [-]
Well, communication can't be a one way street. If it is, then it's sorta both of yalls problem. . .
User avatar #36605 to #36604 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
yes, i'm aware that we're both at fault
but i can't make him listen
User avatar #36607 to #36605 - Metallicock (11/12/2012) [-]
If you feel the relationship is worth it, I'm sure you can find a way
User avatar #36608 to #36607 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
Erm, well, every professional out there will tell you that if somebody doesn't want to listen then they simply won't and there's nothing you can do about it
Therefore deal with it or find somebody who does listen
User avatar #36611 to #36608 - Metallicock (11/12/2012) [-]
I'm trying my best to not tell you guys to split apart, but if he doesn't want to listen, there might be a reason. . .
User avatar #36525 to #36523 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
He just started college.
I can't even bear the thought of breaking up with him. He is an amazing guy, he just has so much to do and we never get any time together. This is in no way a breaking point for me. I have lived with his cranky but for a few months now and I'll be damned if I give up on him now. He is definitely worth it. I just don't know what to say to be on good terms again.
#36503 to #36486 - tiredofannon (11/12/2012) [-]
It could be that hes upset that you get to spend your time sculpting when he works and goes to school. I've been in that situation before, where I was working 30+ hours a week, and juggling multiple college classes along with normal high school classes. By the end of the day I'd be completely whipped, not to mention having to try and be a good boyfriend. I couldn't put up with any of her emotional stuff so it'd always cause me to just leave when we'd start to fight.

So I mean, it could just be resentment over how hard he has to work, especially if he thinks that you're just fucking around with art (not saying you are). If that is the case, I'm not sure how you would save the relationship; he'd have to change his view but I doubt it'd happen. He may also be trying to get you to change into someone closer to him, to giving up your art. All in all though, by his actions I think hes getting close to dumping you.
User avatar #36507 to #36503 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
No, he's not going to dump me. We've been together for two and a half years and we've gone through that bullshit before. We know we want to be together, I just don't know what to say to him to make this better really. I cook and clean as well as sculpt. Sculpting is just a hobby, and I sell my works. So I do work hard, just in a different way. When he's home I'm usually still cleaning and I have a routine every day. I don't fuck around. :P
User avatar #36495 to #36486 - wertan (11/12/2012) [-]
Try being more open about how bad he's making you feel or break up with him. While he sounds like he's under a lot of stress; that's no excuse to be prick.
User avatar #36520 to #36495 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
I definitely don't want to break up. I just want something to say or do that will help him, really. I feel just awful for calling him names and yelling. I just can't help myself sometimes unfortunately. I feel like we could both be handling this better, I just wish I knew what I could say to help on my own part.
I've decided that giving him space is good for now. Since he wasn't responding, I eventually took that as "leave me alone", so I just decided to go into the other room and read to leave him alone for a bit.
User avatar #36547 to #36520 - wertan (11/12/2012) [-]
I'd actually say that it could be a good idea to wait until he's got a couple days off from school/work before trying to bring up the negative with him.
User avatar #36565 to #36547 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
I didn't...I just reacted to him calling my sculpture ugly :P
I'm okay with constructive criticism, but flat out ugly?
I don't appreciate insults :\
User avatar #36541 to #36520 - wertan (11/12/2012) [-]
That's probably the right idea, he might just be so taxed from work/school that he legitimately doesn't have the energy to deal with relationship issues on top of it all.
User avatar #36550 to #36541 - myrtille (11/12/2012) [-]
I realized that too late. Well, we wouldn't have fought at all if he hadn't just been a straight out butt hole, but I think he's sorry. Usually when he's sorry he just starts talking softer to me and being more...reclused? He's a very smart, loving man, he just doesn't know what to say sometimes...I think I might have overwhelmed him by getting so mad. Whether I had a right to or not, I think it still scared him a little haha. However much he'd hate to admit it. Hopefully he'll think about it at work tomorrow and come back and be nicer. That's usually how it works.
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