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#36486 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
I need advice from a guy who has dating experience just to know what you guys think
I am a girl and I am an artist. I sculpt, and the last sculpture I made took me a week, and my boyfriend said it was ugly. I got really mad and brought up some stuff like the fact that he's been distant and rude for the passed few months (he's working and going to school full time, I am there for him and if he yells at me I take it and don't say anything if he doesn't apologize because I don't want him to be stressed) but I snapped and called him an asshole this time. I feel like the only way I can get him to listen is if I scream at him because he's so far away mentally. If he's not doing homework he's on WoW. If I speak regularly he doesn't respond at all. He just sits there and completely ignores my existence. I'm going nuts here, guys. Please, please, please help!
#36523 to #36486 - Metallicock
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
Well in my opinion, that time of your life Isn't really ideal for dating, simply because of all you have going on. I don't blame him for wanting to play video games in the little time he has away from school and work and all the stress.

However, that is no reason to be disrespectful towards you.
Try telling him exactly how you feel and go from there if you want to be nice about it.

I don't really care for putting up with peoples shit, so if I was having this problem with a girl, I would cut it off with her if this was a regular thing with her.
#36526 to #36523 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
Really, I just want to know if you have any insight on what's going on in his head
If you were working full time and going to school full time, and you were really stressed, how would you handle it? Would you take it out on others, would you silently boil inside until you just burst, or would you be understanding and communicative?
#36590 to #36526 - Metallicock
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
Well, everybody is a little different. I try my best to keep my (serious) problems to my self because I'm just kinda quiet by nature. There are very few people I tell my problems to, but when I do, I just tell them, not yell or be rude ( you know, unless it's them I have the problem with). Others are just a little more "expressive" about their problems. I don't know your boyfriend so I can't say one way or the other but seriously, there really is no reason to put someone down like that just because your mad (or at least apologize after words). It might be stress or it might just be how he is. You'll just have to tell for yourself. I don't know what else to say.

Just try communicating to him, tell him how you feel and try to work it out with him.
The following are all worse case scenarios, but it is important that you watch out for these behaviors in any relationship:
>He implies you are causing him stress
>He starts to progressively become more rude
>He progressively becomes controlling
>If at any point physical contact occurs out of anger
As much as you don't want to, please just end it if stuff like that starts to happen, but again, these are just worse case.

That is the best advice I can give, I wish you two the best of luck.
#36595 to #36590 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
He does all of those things except the last one
But can't they be normal in moderation? It's totally reasonable if I stress him out sometimes, because he stresses me out sometimes, but 99% of the time we're fine...he can just be a grumpy person sometimes
#36600 to #36595 - Metallicock
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
>He implies you are causing him stress

I meant if he blames you for the things he does when hes angry.
You should watch out if the things on that list become a constant thing.

If 99% of the time you guys are fine, then there's nothing to worry about. Even the healthiest relationships will have arguing. Knowing that, I would say that you guys should just work things out and you'll be fine. Just discuss feelings and all that stuff
#36602 to #36600 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
Blegh, yeah, but if he doesn't want to listen to me...
oh well
i've told him how i feel. whether he listened or not is his problem.
#36604 to #36602 - Metallicock
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
Well, communication can't be a one way street. If it is, then it's sorta both of yalls problem. . .
#36605 to #36604 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
yes, i'm aware that we're both at fault
but i can't make him listen
#36607 to #36605 - Metallicock
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
If you feel the relationship is worth it, I'm sure you can find a way
#36608 to #36607 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
Erm, well, every professional out there will tell you that if somebody doesn't want to listen then they simply won't and there's nothing you can do about it
Therefore deal with it or find somebody who does listen
#36611 to #36608 - Metallicock
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
I'm trying my best to not tell you guys to split apart, but if he doesn't want to listen, there might be a reason. . .
#36525 to #36523 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
He just started college.
I can't even bear the thought of breaking up with him. He is an amazing guy, he just has so much to do and we never get any time together. This is in no way a breaking point for me. I have lived with his cranky but for a few months now and I'll be damned if I give up on him now. He is definitely worth it. I just don't know what to say to be on good terms again.
#36503 to #36486 - tiredofannon
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
It could be that hes upset that you get to spend your time sculpting when he works and goes to school. I've been in that situation before, where I was working 30+ hours a week, and juggling multiple college classes along with normal high school classes. By the end of the day I'd be completely whipped, not to mention having to try and be a good boyfriend. I couldn't put up with any of her emotional stuff so it'd always cause me to just leave when we'd start to fight.

So I mean, it could just be resentment over how hard he has to work, especially if he thinks that you're just fucking around with art (not saying you are). If that is the case, I'm not sure how you would save the relationship; he'd have to change his view but I doubt it'd happen. He may also be trying to get you to change into someone closer to him, to giving up your art. All in all though, by his actions I think hes getting close to dumping you.
#36507 to #36503 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
No, he's not going to dump me. We've been together for two and a half years and we've gone through that bullshit before. We know we want to be together, I just don't know what to say to him to make this better really. I cook and clean as well as sculpt. Sculpting is just a hobby, and I sell my works. So I do work hard, just in a different way. When he's home I'm usually still cleaning and I have a routine every day. I don't fuck around. :P
#36495 to #36486 - wertan
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
Try being more open about how bad he's making you feel or break up with him. While he sounds like he's under a lot of stress; that's no excuse to be prick.
#36520 to #36495 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
I definitely don't want to break up. I just want something to say or do that will help him, really. I feel just awful for calling him names and yelling. I just can't help myself sometimes unfortunately. I feel like we could both be handling this better, I just wish I knew what I could say to help on my own part.
I've decided that giving him space is good for now. Since he wasn't responding, I eventually took that as "leave me alone", so I just decided to go into the other room and read to leave him alone for a bit.
#36547 to #36520 - wertan
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
I'd actually say that it could be a good idea to wait until he's got a couple days off from school/work before trying to bring up the negative with him.
#36565 to #36547 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
I didn't...I just reacted to him calling my sculpture ugly :P
I'm okay with constructive criticism, but flat out ugly?
I don't appreciate insults :\
#36541 to #36520 - wertan
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
That's probably the right idea, he might just be so taxed from work/school that he legitimately doesn't have the energy to deal with relationship issues on top of it all.
#36550 to #36541 - myrtille
Reply 0
(11/12/2012) [-]
I realized that too late. Well, we wouldn't have fought at all if he hadn't just been a straight out butt hole, but I think he's sorry. Usually when he's sorry he just starts talking softer to me and being more...reclused? He's a very smart, loving man, he just doesn't know what to say sometimes...I think I might have overwhelmed him by getting so mad. Whether I had a right to or not, I think it still scared him a little haha. However much he'd hate to admit it. Hopefully he'll think about it at work tomorrow and come back and be nicer. That's usually how it works.