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Latest users (3): ilikethisusername, magicjesuscf, youngneil, anonymous(20).
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User avatar #182601 - ilikethisusername ONLINE (25 minutes ago) [-]
I need advice on a story I'm writing.

How can I improve my grammar?

“Error: connection lost to system interface.” That’s all it said for Alex as he tried his best to get back control of his vessel as it started to dive into the atmosphere of Thrace.

The planet, Thrace, was ten times bigger than Earth itself. Earth was the mother planet that gave birth to humanity a long time ago, but we abandoned her as she turned on her own children. But Thrace wasn’t inhabitable as Earth was. Thrace was just another exoplanet in a different solar system than Earth. Thrace was covered gray raging skies with a devious storm blanketing the atmosphere. Thrace has a hole in it. Like an eye, watching out for the empty dark space. The eye swirled, snatching the clouds and twirling them into a circle.

Alex knew there was no point in communicating with the radio, since the radio frequencies to the mother ship, Gaius would be interrupted by the thunderous skies.

Alex desperately tried holding on to the steering handle that would not stop shaking vigorously. As he tried to take over control of the stubborn vessel, it acknowledged his commands by showing off a spark between the handle and the joint. The vessel shook and threw Alex violently across the platform on his side.

The vessel cracked through the roaring clouds with flames blazing all over it.
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#182600 - ilikethisusername has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #182594 - hoponthefeelstrain (55 minutes ago) [-]
My boyfriend has been extremely stressed lately, it's like his life is falling apart and I feel helpless in helping him. Any ideas on how I can just help him relax? We have guaranteed free time tomorrow and I just want to make it mean something. Please don't suggest sex/oral since that's already a given.
User avatar #182591 - iceguy (2 hours ago) [-]
hey guys, whats a good torrenting program for free?
#182582 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
So... theoretically if you had had sex with your sister and it was the most amazing sex you've ever had... how would you go about other women not being nearly as good after that?
User avatar #182586 to #182582 - alstorp (2 hours ago) [-]
Tell them all that your sister was better, that'll teach them.
#182589 to #182586 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
lol
#182590 to #182584 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
I had sex with my sister and now I realise that I don't want any other woman. That's bad because duh.
User avatar #182593 to #182590 - nigalthornberry (1 hour ago) [-]
Its just because you haven't had any other
#182597 to #182593 - fefe (48 minutes ago) [-]
But I have.
#182571 - fefe (3 hours ago) [-]
I have a "choice" between two girls.

Girl number one
Pros:
Very hot body
Known her for 6 years
Fucking 10/10 personality
Identical interests
Can definitely make her interested
Cons:
Not 100% into me
Kind of asexual
Not even 50% into me

Girl number two
Pros:
Really naughty
Cute as fuck
Adorable as fuck
100% into me
Cons:
Pretty awkward
Average body
Extremely small tits
Pretty creepy with the sexual stuff occasionally
Basically no friends, her family doesn't even like her
Pretty boring

Which one?
User avatar #182583 to #182571 - womanexplain (2 hours ago) [-]
Neither girl sound right to be honest. If she's not interested, she's not right for obvious reasons, and the traits of girl two will lead to later issues.
#182585 to #182583 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
Well the thing is that the interest is there, she said it herself, it's just not like, nailed, you know? What issues do you think will ensue with girl two?
User avatar #182588 to #182585 - womanexplain (2 hours ago) [-]
Over attachment, you'll want girl one and think of girl one, girl two will notice and get mega jealous, it will get very messy and you'll never get with girl one or two because girl one will see you chose another girl and that you were chasing her whilst with her which is a poor quality. Girl one may be a little interested but if the interest isn't equal it won't go well, if she's kinda interested which she seems to be which in turn has excited you enough to have this confliction it won't be enough she will leave pretty quickly or you'll become distant Etc
Try and move forward with girl one but if the interest isn't there it isn't there I say this because you are compatible not because she's supposedly hotter
I can't be bothered with punctuation and all that good shit as it is 5am sorry
#182592 to #182588 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
Yeah that sounds pretty good. I think I'll do that. I'll undoubtedly go for two if all else fails. I might be desperate at this point, I don't know.
User avatar #182576 to #182571 - alstorp (2 hours ago) [-]
Number one. Don't be desperate.
#182579 to #182576 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
how would two be desperate?
User avatar #182580 to #182579 - alstorp (2 hours ago) [-]
Because those pros suck, looks like you only consider her an option because she likes you. I don't know how you're not seeing this.
User avatar #182575 to #182571 - confusedasian (2 hours ago) [-]
Girl number two. I prefer cute girls, plus she really likes you. Would feel kind of crappy if you went with the other girl since she is pretty loner status. You do think she's cute, so there's something there and it's not really a pity type of thing.
#182578 to #182575 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
yeah that's a big thing. number two has a veeery jealous nature and she'd just be destroyed if I went with someone else at this point. Not that we're like borderline married or anything she's just like that. So it would kinda be a pity thing I suppose. Which isn't good obviously.
User avatar #182587 to #182578 - confusedasian (2 hours ago) [-]
Don't do it if it's a pity thing.
#182568 - confusedasian (3 hours ago) [-]
Anyone have that one gif of the Tina Belcher cosplay doing the dance? Or do you have any dancing gifs in general? I have like 35 and want more.
Anyone have that one gif of the Tina Belcher cosplay doing the dance? Or do you have any dancing gifs in general? I have like 35 and want more.
#182595 to #182568 - hoponthefeelstrain (50 minutes ago) [-]
seriously typed in "tina cosplay dance"
seriously typed in "tina cosplay dance"
User avatar #182563 - guidedhand (3 hours ago) [-]
Anyone feel like giving me travel tips? Heres a lonk to a onenote doc with a map of where im going
User avatar #182553 - WATCHAGUNADOBOUTIT (4 hours ago) [-]
Anyone know why my allergies are acting up right now (I live in indiana). They're the worst they've ever been and honestly I feel awful. THere's not even a lot of pollen out there, I don't know what's causing this, I know that I'm allergic to mold, ragweed, pollen, and cats/dogs but what's causing this?
User avatar #182555 to #182553 - pillowhumper (4 hours ago) [-]
are there any green vegetation where you live right now?
User avatar #182561 to #182560 - pillowhumper (3 hours ago) [-]
then you can bet that there is pollen in the air
User avatar #182569 to #182561 - WATCHAGUNADOBOUTIT (3 hours ago) [-]
it's like never been this bad before though, it feels like i'm dying
#182573 to #182569 - pillowhumper (3 hours ago) [-]
the allergy might have gotten worse, or you're reacting to more than one thing? my best advice is to go to the doctor if you can and see if there is any type of medication that may relieve your symptoms.
i have allergies too, i know how a swollen face and tight airways feels like, it's really unpleasant

if you can't go to the doctor, i recommend investing in an air cleaner. it might not be cheap, but if you put it in your room and change filters every so often you should have a grand old time in your room. just don't open the windows
User avatar #182552 - pillowhumper (4 hours ago) [-]
any way to get rid of those shitty ads with sound without turning on adblock? i really hate them, but i don't hate admin
User avatar #182554 to #182552 - WATCHAGUNADOBOUTIT (4 hours ago) [-]
Admin disabled those ads, i don't know why you're getting them on funnyjunk if you are. I haven't.
User avatar #182556 to #182554 - pillowhumper (4 hours ago) [-]
dude, 19/20 times i load a page i get those fucking ads with sound
User avatar #182559 to #182556 - WATCHAGUNADOBOUTIT (3 hours ago) [-]
huh, weird. I turned them on and i haven't gotten any of that
User avatar #182550 - thumbsdenied (4 hours ago) [-]
My upper jaws teeth are not closed, 4 of them are far apart and im alittle self concious about it. Can they be closed without braces?

User avatar #182596 to #182550 - hoponthefeelstrain (49 minutes ago) [-]
you could get the invisible braces if that are clear and you on;y wear them at night.
#182562 to #182550 - confusedasian (3 hours ago) [-]
Not really. Unless you want to risk making your teeth loose by pushing them together little by little everyday. I have an underbite. I'm pretty boned.
Not really. Unless you want to risk making your teeth loose by pushing them together little by little everyday. I have an underbite. I'm pretty boned.
User avatar #182572 to #182562 - thumbsdenied (3 hours ago) [-]
That sucks, how do you eat when you have a underbite? like do your fangs on the upper jaw scrape your other teeth when chewing?
User avatar #182574 to #182572 - confusedasian (3 hours ago) [-]
Just fine. It's just my bottom jaw and teeth "jut" out more. It's not even that noticeable, but it feels "unnatural".
User avatar #182577 to #182574 - thumbsdenied (2 hours ago) [-]
Thats good then, Sure everybody has that one thing that feels unnatural on them. I got my large canines and long torso.
#182549 - fefe (4 hours ago) [-]
I've been drinking a shit ton of soda and energy drinks this year. I can feel my eyes and fingers becoming slightly number and number as the months pass. Does excessive sugar fuck with a person's eye sight? I really hope I don't got diabetes.
#182598 to #182549 - fefe (44 minutes ago) [-]
Yeah and you might wanna get checked for that homie
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#182548 - spacesword has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #182534 - pesimism (7 hours ago) [-]
I just discovered you guys and I'm so glad I did. I always harbored breeding desires, I just never really explored them or discussed them with anyone. It was just my private fantasy that I would indulge in by myself.
For me, it started when I was a teenager. I would think about strange men breaking into my house and kidnapping me, and it would always turn me on. It kinda scared me because I didn't know what to make of it. Then I read a fantasy novel about a woman who ended up getting kidnapped by a crazy admirer who was dead set on impregnating her. He had used magic to restrain her for several weeks and would periodically visit her to fuck her, in hopes that she would have his baby.
And I realized the thought of a stranger forcibly cumming inside me while I was fertile made me really, really excited. After that, whenever I would masturbate, I couldn't help but imagine myself tied down by a man I didn't know, just enough so I couldn't move or drugged so I wouldn't be able to fight back. Even better if the man was someone I didn't really find attractive, so it would seem harder to enjoy. No foreplay, just right down to business. I felt the helplessness and fear as he forced himself inside me. I would cry and repeatedly tell him to stop. He would tell me to be quiet and push my face into the ground. His movements would be quick and hard, trying to finish fast so I wouldn't escape. I hear him grunting with each pump, his sweat dripping onto me. At first I would be disgusted and totally against it, but as he keeps going, it starts to feel really good. My heartbeat quickens and I can't help but feel myself starting to climax. "No, no.." I tell myself. I want to fight it, I don't want to want it, but he goes harder and faster and soon, as I feel him moan and his dick pulsing as he empties himself deep, deep inside me, fuck, I just cum so hard. I imagine my cervix as it happens, opening and contracting and just sucking in all the cum that's gushing forth. I've got my legs wrapped around him by now, and I'm pressing myself into him so I can get every last drop. I want it so bad, and at the same time, I feel dirty and ashamed.
Nothing has consistently turned me on the way this does. Just writing that made me really horny, but unfortunately, I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell my partner about it. I would feel so fucking weird and I don't want him to think I'm some kinda freak. I also don't really know if the fantasy would work for us, since I do find him attractive and having sex without BC really terrifies me because I never want children. We did it once, when I went off my pills and we were really horny. I told him to stop, but he managed to get himself in there for a bit before we came to our senses. It was pretty hot, though not as extreme as my fantasy. But I'm glad I have a place to share something like this now. If anyone has any similar fantasies, I would love to hear about them. Thanks for reading!
User avatar #182558 to #182534 - durkadurka (3 hours ago) [-]
That's actually not that weird at all. I remember hearing somewhere that it's the most common fantasy among women but I may be remember this incorrectly . Why do you think 50 Shades of Grey got so popular? All of those romance novels and such? There's definitely a biological component to the desire to be dominated.

The contradictory thing is that society is pushing the whole "She must enthusiastically say yes for every little thing" narrative. Just imagine being told that for most of your life while the reality is more like what you've divulged here. You're gonna get a ton of guys who've been completely misled and don't know otherwise.
#182581 to #182558 - fefe (2 hours ago) [-]
youre treading on really creepy ground here
#182541 to #182534 - womanexplain (7 hours ago) [-]
Well then...


Was that a sexual short story or advice? I'm so confused...
User avatar #182530 - muchname (8 hours ago) [-]
advice for learning songs on drums
stuff I like is Sabbath and Clutch, Metallica and Motorhead as well but they seem way too hard to learn right now
User avatar #182565 to #182530 - durkadurka (3 hours ago) [-]
The cliche: Practice, Practice, Practice.

But that's not saying you can't make it fun. What I used to do well still do, but not so often these days was to put in my headphones and try to play along with my music. It was basically the first thing I'd do when I got home from school and I played for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. I usually played on weekends as well, but that varied a lot. You're basically playing your favorite songs over and over again. This is like anything else in the sense that repetition will make you better.

So this adds up to around 3-6 hours of practicing a week. That might sound arduous but the thing is that it doesn't feel like practice. It's fun. And it's so much easier to do if you're enjoying it.

I don't think this is the most efficient or effective way to practice, but because it was fun for me I was able to stick with it for a long time (and still do). Sticking with it is by FAR the most important thing, however. If you came up with the most effective way to practice, but couldn't stick with it what good does it do you?

Depending on where you are skill level-wise and the difficulty of your music, this could take awhile. If you already have the basics down, I'd recommend starting with the hardest songs you can play mostly right and then slowly moving up to harder stuff.

If you have no or little experience, you need to get the basics down pat. This is going to be a tedious task and there's no way around it.
ACDC has really easy drum beats, so once you get the basics down I'd start there and move on to more difficult bands.

In terms of your music, I've only really played Metallica. It's actually not that hard to figure out. The hardest part would be learning double bass if you don't already know how.


#182525 - fefe (9 hours ago) [-]
I have a very important presentation ahead of me, but I've always had a problem with presenting and just generally public speech. The trouble is that I always end up blushing and I can't control it. It feels so awkward. Any advice on how to stop/control my face going all red?
User avatar #182536 to #182525 - lskovfoged (7 hours ago) [-]
Practice what you are going to present. If you are able to practice it with your friends.

When you have done this you have an easier time standing infront of a larger audience. That also makes you more confident in your presentation. Which will help you from stopping to bluss. Else you can practice infront of a mirror or possible family members.
User avatar #182523 - celaeneo (9 hours ago) [-]
Boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I took him back, and he just keeps being a dick, and he seems to forget that I'm giving him a second chance. I'd have fucking left already if it wasn't for the fact I give a shit about him for some reason and I can't take it. He's giving me no reason to stay.. I'm only still there because I don't have the willpower to leave and stay away. It's an emotional roller coaster, I leave and then I go back. What should I do? Help.
Don't just say "break up with him" it's not that simple. It can be a suggestion, but there needs to be more to it than that.
I'm actually crying right now, because I don't know if I can take this.
User avatar #182599 to #182523 - hoponthefeelstrain (42 minutes ago) [-]
you know you shouldn't stay so that's a start. If you have family or friends to live with pack some of your things every time her hurts you. Once your suit cases and bags are full just look at all the stuff in them and look at all the reasons he's given you to leave. He won't change, people like that never do. When you leave cut off all contact. He'll say anything to make you stay but nothing will change. Go through his phone and see how many times he's cheated on you, and how he's still doing it. He doesn't love you and you don't deserve that.
#182566 to #182523 - confusedasian (3 hours ago) [-]
Challenge him to a duel and kill him to restore your honor. Or when you have the strength you can break up with him and take comfort with your friends and family. That works too.   
   
Might hurt now, but in the long run you're better off without him.
Challenge him to a duel and kill him to restore your honor. Or when you have the strength you can break up with him and take comfort with your friends and family. That works too.

Might hurt now, but in the long run you're better off without him.
User avatar #182544 to #182523 - womanexplain (7 hours ago) [-]
Reach out to those closest to you and confide in them exactly how you are feeling. I would also recommend you going to see a professional and seeking help in overcoming this situation, as it seems to me that you are not only in a manipulative relationship, but you don't have the esteem within yourself to have the will to move on. I think you need to have a serious discussion with your partner and you need to properly voice every concern you have, if his response is to continue this behavior and not to listen or take you seriously, know you will only be delaying the inevitable.
Breaking off a relationship is never easy, sometimes it takes a long time to heal. However to stay with someone whom you are putting 75% of the effort for the relationship you have into, is not only damaging to yourself in the longer term, but it will start to affect those closest to you.
In my honest opinion, I think anyone that would cheat on a girl who is very obviously very genuinely emotionally invested and committed is not worth the time of day. Remember sweetie, he's one boy in a sea of men. My advice? Get the fuck out of there. Don't waste your precious life on someone so harmful. Reach out to loved ones and be as sad for as long as you need to be, but don't hurt yourself because of how you see yourself.
User avatar #182537 to #182523 - lskovfoged (7 hours ago) [-]
Alright, I have been with an emotional abusive girlfriend, it was a hell, she cheated on me and manipulated me and I felt helpless and no matter how much I wanted to leave I just forgave her and kept going. It ended with me trying to commit suicide and being in a psych ward for a night. The relationship lasted for a mere 5 months, but it broke me, I swear to god it broke me, and I never want to experience that again.

I am explaining this, because it feels like from what you are writing that you may end up in the same situation, just because it's a hard situation and it's emotionally difficult.
I want to say "just leave him" but that is harder said than done, as you say yourself. But trust me, out there, there are better guys and if there aren't, then fuck it, single life might be worth a shot, just until you feel emotionally stable. Relationships like that ruin your self worth. I don't know if this was a lot of help, but it was a try. Stay safe.
User avatar #182531 to #182523 - nigalthornberry (8 hours ago) [-]
Leave him. Find a hobby to keep your mind off him then find someone new
User avatar #182526 to #182523 - magicjesuscf ONLINE (9 hours ago) [-]
There are better people out there, why stay with a disloyal prick?
User avatar #182509 - charizarddad (12 hours ago) [-]
what should the budget for a first car be?
User avatar #182567 to #182509 - durkadurka (3 hours ago) [-]
Old jeeps are cheap and there's always a ton of parts around.
#182551 to #182509 - fefe (4 hours ago) [-]
First things first: I strongly recommend you stick with, Ford, Chrysler, GM, Honda, Toyota, Kia, Nissan, and their subsidiary brands. Other stuff (notably, German vehicles) will often cost out the ass to maintain and repair.

A few other observations from working at a shop for a couple years:
Many Cadillacs have high oil capacities, making for expensive oil changes. Pontiacs are a magnet for abusive owners, and I would be extra careful before buying one. 90's-early-2000's Buicks can often be found with very low mileage and a good maintenance history, if you can get cope with driving a Grandma-mobile. Some Dodge/Jeep engines are particularly bad about getting water in the oil, so pull off the oil cap and check for yellow sludge. Avoid cars with larger aftermarket wheels if you don't want to pay for expensive-as-fuark tires.

That's just a few little tidbits; look into common problems and complaints about any car you're considering.

Set aside several hundred dollars for repairs and early maintenance. Get a Chilton or Haynes manual for the car as soon as you buy it. Rockauto is good for more expensive parts; lots of times you can get OE for the price of the valueshit they have at your local auto parts store.

I can't give you a definite overall budget. That'll depend on a lot of things, including the local market. Taking a glance at the Columbus craigslist, I'd say $4K-5K, including the repair budget, sounds pretty reasonable.

Finally, get your ass to /cars/ and /o/.
User avatar #182532 to #182509 - nigalthornberry (8 hours ago) [-]
90's sedan
#182514 to #182509 - fefe (11 hours ago) [-]
Depends, are you buying new or used?
#182516 to #182514 - fefe (11 hours ago) [-]
If your buying new, I suggest no more than 10 grand.

If your buying used, get a budget of maybe 3 grand and try to get a used car for about 2 grand or under. Then use the rest of your money to fix it up.

If you buy a new car, you can just find one in any car dealership and everything should be working fine and you won't have to work on it, but you'll be paying full price. But if you buy used, you'll have to be careful and not buy a total piece of shit that can't be fixed up. It also takes longer to find a good used car than to just run out a get one new.
User avatar #182508 - larsfillmore (12 hours ago) [-]
Well im at a fucking loss now. Seems like no one wants to hire me
The places I went to didn't even seem like they were expecting to interview anyone.
#182517 to #182508 - fefe (10 hours ago) [-]
Welcome to the real world jackass
#182495 - meierme (12 hours ago) [-]
I was thinking about doing this with my jeep. It's the same color but has the hard top, and is a 2015. what do you guys think?
User avatar #182543 to #182495 - shaunata (7 hours ago) [-]
It's a handsome jeep. You are good.
#182504 to #182495 - thereasonableperso (12 hours ago) [-]
I like it.
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