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Worst sex things people did as teenagers

in I
I was in a hotel room alone in
Las Vegas while my dad was in a
business meeting. I jerked off to
tit steak or some sort of meat in a,
magazine because it kind of
looked like a vagina.
...
+1272
Views: 44032
Favorited: 117
Submitted: 12/12/2015
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[ 222 comments ]
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+490
#19 - vladi (12/13/2015) [-]
Wow these really make me feel better about myself.
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0
#206 to #19 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
pretty sure that's rudi guliani
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+6
User avatar #68 to #19 - bodox (12/13/2015) [-]
Right
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+11
User avatar #140 to #19 - BROOKE (12/13/2015) [-]
Putin looks so cute in that picture

I wanna give him a hug
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+2
User avatar #173 to #153 - imdan (12/13/2015) [-]
He looks genuinely happy with that dog
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+8
#183 to #173 - vladi (12/13/2015) [-]
It gets better.
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+7
#177 to #140 - tanitakavirius (12/13/2015) [-]
Mid-air hug ;)
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0
User avatar #190 to #149 - philopsychological (12/13/2015) [-]
Holy **** how many pictures of him do you have man ?
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User avatar #191 to #190 - vladi (12/13/2015) [-]
a lot, but this time it was just google, bro
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+5
#176 to #157 - theoddanon (12/13/2015) [-]
I saw that one on TV, it was so horribly awkward. He just sort of turned up, nodded a few times, did that weird leaning hug and left.
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#184 to #150 - alstorp (12/13/2015) [-]
That guy on the left is one big ******* man
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+1
User avatar #185 to #184 - vladi (12/13/2015) [-]
For a Gaul.
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0
User avatar #192 to #184 - rarityrarityrarity (12/13/2015) [-]
To be fair putin is kinda short (around 1.7m I think).
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+2
User avatar #148 to #140 - vladi (12/13/2015) [-]
Why yes, he is the hugging type after all.
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+494
#7 - biater (12/12/2015) [-]
I lot of these ones end with "and I was able to keep my composure so no one knew." But I'm not sure I'd trust the judgement of their discretion from when they were a 14 year old hot tub masturbator
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+1
#215 to #7 - selfdenyingbeggar (12/14/2015) [-]
I was thiking the same thing. A lot of those were caught without them knowing. i bet the parents woke up to the 69ing but pretended to be asleep.
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+164
#1 - chaosraptor (12/12/2015) [-]
a kid ****** a potato?
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+5
User avatar #47 to #1 - austinrocket ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
my whole life is potato
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+21
#104 to #1 - symmiie ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
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+2
User avatar #194 to #147 - relvel (12/13/2015) [-]
Those are obviously eyeballs.
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#213 to #194 - oddygnak (12/14/2015) [-]
my bad, here you go
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User avatar #214 to #213 - relvel (12/14/2015) [-]
OH DEAR LORD JESUS WHAT THE ****
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#220 to #214 - oddygnak (12/14/2015) [-]
**oddygnak used "*roll picture*"**
**oddygnak rolled image**
I can assure you they aren't eyeballs
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+87
#2 to #1 - wimpymanatee [OP](12/12/2015) [-]
In his defense he may have been Irish.
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+70
User avatar #3 to #2 - chaosraptor (12/12/2015) [-]
okay that adds a 3rd level of stress to irish

> eat potato
> brew into alcohol
> **** it

oh the tragedy of having to pick one
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+66
User avatar #17 to #3 - fatsigurd (12/13/2015) [-]
> **** potato
>then use it to make alcohol
>use alcohol as substitute for food
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+48
User avatar #41 to #17 - thesecretbear (12/13/2015) [-]
Now you're thinking like an Irishman.
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+50
#5 - spookyblood (12/12/2015) [-]
**spookyblood used "*roll picture*"**
**spookyblood rolled image**
What I ****** when I was a teenager
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+4
User avatar #9 to #5 - theuberzer (12/12/2015) [-]
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+6
#134 to #5 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
GIF
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image** My shame.
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+119
#100 to #5 - georgefancy (12/13/2015) [-]
**georgefancy used "*roll picture*"**
**georgefancy rolled image** hot damn. i ****** this
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+2
User avatar #102 to #100 - thehandofgod (12/13/2015) [-]
Underrated roll
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+63
#46 - raken (12/13/2015) [-]
Once at a boy scout camp I know, haha, boyscouts. and they thought it was a good idea to have a girl counselor... at an all boy camp... she was beach staff. It was day 5 of our camp and i had not satisfied myself once and i had not seen a girl in 5 days. never went to the beach. Lake wasnt good for swimming so no point to go went to the beach to go sailing and she had to come with because it was my first time sailing. She was wearing a spandex suit because she cant wear a bikini at a boy scout camp. We got out of the bay and she wanted to swim. Took off he spandex suit and had nothing on underneath... Like i said, i hadnt seen a girl or been satisfied in 5 days. i jumped in after her and we swam to shore and went at it. I came in 30 seconds because it had been 5 days... i was embarrassed but was still a win. Did it with hot counscler. went to go get the boat and i dint anchor it. We had our clothes on it and it drifted to the middle of the lake. I swam out and got on the boat and realized i dint know how to sail.i was exhausted from the dirty and the swimming and the sun was hot and i was dehydrated and was freaking out about the situation i was in. They saw me from the beach tower and sent the crash boat. They got there and wanted to tow me in. Not wanting to get the counselor in trouble i tried to avoid the question but choked up. I said "Deuh" right then the wind caught the sail and i took a boom into the skull. I woke up 30 minutes later on the beach and half my troop around me. People started asking where is anon counselor... Second panic attack triggered. i got the idea to wait till night in about three hours and to steal a boat and sail out to her. i am aware of how stupid this sounds but i had heat exhaustion and just got hit in the head. I waited two and a half hours and went out to the beach swam out to a sail boat and realized again... i don't know how to sail... Panic attack number three. I freak out run to the beach director and tell him everything that happened. At the end of my confession, lady counselor is spotted sitting at a table aways from me. Apparently she walked back and sneaked back to get her clothes. I am a moron. Beach director is furious screams at lady counselor, screams at me, she gets fired, I get kicked out of camp, parents are told and i get kicked out of boy scouts. Still say it was worth it.
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#174 to #46 - fuzzysixx ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
No one ever believes my one or 2 cool and true stories on here, but I want to believe this one is true.
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+4
#181 to #46 - nightmarexnxnxnxnx ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
Bitch, you came in 30 seconds and didn't go for a second round?

What the **** is wrong with you people?
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+39
#78 to #46 - jdizzleoffthehizzl (12/13/2015) [-]
I read this like a pornhub comment
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+106
User avatar #12 - maxismahname ONLINE (12/12/2015) [-]
A few years ago, I had nothing to masturbate to on vacation, so I drew my own porn Stick figures with vaginas and boobs

I put the drawings in my shorts and my mom found them a week later. It was not a good time for me
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+5
#124 to #12 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
Pfft, get on my level. I drew a porn animation with the nintendo DS and jerked off to it. (yeah, stick figures with boobs too)
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+10
#144 to #12 - mauerman ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
drawing your own porn is great
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+4
#146 to #144 - cactusphalus (12/13/2015) [-]
Click to show spoiler
oh that's the stuff
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+64
User avatar #13 to #12 - maxismahname ONLINE (12/12/2015) [-]
Also I drew hard and veiny dicks for fun. She found those too
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+21
User avatar #72 to #13 - aerosol ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
Sounds like something out of Superbad.
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+1
User avatar #205 to #72 - maxismahname ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
Yeah every time I tell that story IRL I mention Superbad
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#39 to #13 - quantumranger has deleted their comment [-]
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+39
#11 - jaythreetee (12/12/2015) [-]
The correct term is Down syndrome.
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+29
#97 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
Lol she didnt know if he was coming or going
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+33
#87 - Monroc (12/13/2015) [-]
You jerked off to steak due to lack of vagina? In Vegas? There is truly no hope for you, boy...
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#188 to #87 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
Maybe he doesn't want to spend $450, man.
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+24
User avatar #99 - Daeiros (12/13/2015) [-]
I once tried to jerk off, but I wasn't getting anywhere.
I just kept going, but for some reason, I seemed to be completely unable to cum.
I refused to give up on it, switching hands when I got tired, erections came and went, but still I kept going at it furiously for 3 and a half hours before I finally managed to get off.
A little while later, I went to take a piss and I was terrified by what I saw
The bottom half of my dick was hard and the top half was not.
I guess I bruised it or something and it caused the blood vessels to stay full, but only the bottom half. It was weird as **** , rock hard erection that just stops halfway up, slopes inward, and goes soft and floppy and much thinner than the base.
I put some ice on it and it went back to normal, but the whole time, I was so scared that I broke it and it was going to stay that way forever.
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User avatar #187 to #99 - fuzzysixx ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
Pics?
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+22
User avatar #125 to #99 - toxicwarning ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
I guess you had the Schrödinger's Dick, it was both erect and not erect at the same time.
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+14
#50 - xzayviaaeyeres (12/13/2015) [-]
Self control is a good attribute to have...
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+34
#26 - liesbetold (12/13/2015) [-]
Should of used a grapefruit.
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+1
#103 to #26 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
have******************************************************** holy **** is everybody not aware of basic grammer
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+14
#115 to #103 - darthripklawe (12/13/2015) [-]
grammar*
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+7
#44 to #26 - newdevyx (12/13/2015) [-]
I'm not gonna let anyone bring a ******* grapefruit anywhere near my dick.
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+11
User avatar #89 to #44 - hydren ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
That's why they blindfold you
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User avatar #90 to #89 - newdevyx (12/13/2015) [-]
I imagine it's like lemon. Never really tasted it.
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User avatar #172 to #90 - fuzzysixx ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
I guess it's like between a lemon and an orange. They are okay, can mix the juice with vodka. 3/10 food. 10/10 would let someone touch my dick with it. same goes for anything not dangerous pretty much.
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User avatar #208 to #172 - relvel (12/13/2015) [-]
Cut the grapefruit in half. Cover the ****** in sugar. Take a spoon. Eat out of the two halves, using the peelings as a bowl. That's how I eat them, anyway.
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+9
#88 to #26 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
should have
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+21
#14 - anon (12/12/2015) [-]
When I was around 12, I stick my dick on a tofu. I didn't came because it's so cold since I grab it from the fridge, so I continue by giving a bukkake to my sister's barbie doll and then hide it somewhere. I repeatedly do this too, but I skip the tofu part, hell I even invited another barbie dolls, even the ******* Ken. I positioned the barbies like they are having sex while jacking off.

When I was like 10, I have no idea what ejaculating is but I realize it feels good to stroke my penis, so that gives me an idea to lay down on the floor, jerk off a little and that makes me pee on my tummy and it feels kinda good because it's warm. I did this a couple times until I get sick about having to clean up my bed and towels because I did it on my bed too.

Now here's the kinda-real deal (as a clueless kid), when I was like 7, I used to have 2 fairly-good looking female maids on their early 20s. So as an sexually innocent faggot, I asked to sleep with them for no reason, and they feel more than welcome. When they both fell asleep, for no reason I unbuttoned one of the maid's shirt and pull down her bra, which shows me the upper part of her boobs, but it doesn't reveal her nipples, which is enough to convince myself that girl's boobs don't have nipples in the first place. I believed this until my friend invites me to watch American Pie. But it doesn't stop there, next thing I did is pull down the same maid's pant down and revealed her big-sweet ass, as a kid who don't even know what sex is and not even able to have erection yet, I pull down my pant and let my ass touch hers and then fell asleep. Next morning my maids ask me why the hell did I touch her ass, I pretend to be not guilty. Lucky me they don't report it to my parents. I guess they accept it as innocence.

Lastly, an almost incest time. When I was 12 or something, me, my sister, a female cousin and her brother (I'm the oldest here) have an idea to play 'sex' on their house. We didn't do it because I ******* hate my sister so much goddamnit S.S. you annoying little **** , if only you weren't there that time I could lose my virginity on a three-way underage forbidden love. Needless to say, I'm still a virgin now and said female cousin turns out to looks like my big crush now.
**** .

Posting as anon to avoid shame.
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User avatar #209 to #14 - relvel (12/13/2015) [-]
You ******* degenerate. Got anymore stories?
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+5
#15 to #14 - anon (12/12/2015) [-]
Oh I also have to mention that I did tried jacking off lubricated with a soap when I was 12 (boy, that's the age of my wildest trial-and-error masturbatory research). I fell asleep after I came, the next morning I woke up with a messed up bed sheet, a cracked dick and my pee felt like a hot lava for the rest of the day. Traumatized for life for using soap as a lube.
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+15
User avatar #24 to #14 - hektoroftroy (12/13/2015) [-]
edyourstoryisgettingweird.jpeg
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+29
#62 to #14 - wraithguard (12/13/2015) [-]
Good lord...
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+12
#85 - damiar (12/13/2015) [-]
My sister had this extra large teddy bear my dad won at a carnival. At age 13 my retarded ass ripped the stitching in the bottom poured some lotion inside and ****** it to a paused vhs version of starship troopers shower scene with dizzys tits. I'm not proud of the things I've done
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+22
User avatar #86 - evilanakie ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-]
ive been collecting manga since i was a kid
when i was about 14ish i started collecting hardcore bara and yaoi porn (i know im trash)
mother is weeb as well
i kepts all the yuyu hakusho and DBZ near the door because she would come in grab a book flick through and put it back trying to interact with me
be 17
she comes into the actual room
leans against my harder stuff
picks up The Passion of Gengoroh Tagame
starts to flick through
closes book
puts it back on shelf
leaves
later that night
shows me her hentai collection
no mum nooo
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0
User avatar #221 to #86 - envinite (12/14/2015) [-]
*Yes mom. yes
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#222 to #221 - evilanakie has deleted their comment [-]
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+10
User avatar #29 - unlithe (12/13/2015) [-]
i jerked off in a walmart parking lot waiting for my mom to finish shopping one tiime. probably the riskiest thing ive ever done
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+9
User avatar #101 - xireactiionsx (12/13/2015) [-]
I was pretty ******* bad as a kid.

I've jerked it multiple times while getting haircuts.

One time i got in trouble in middleschool and had to stand in the office with two GORGEOUS secretaries, i jerked it under my sweater.

The worst one was when i was at a buddies house ad he had like 7 family members in his living room and i thought it would be a great idea to hide under the blanket and jerk off. His sister pulled the blanket off mid-jerk, i have never heard people laugh that hard before...
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+9
#28 - anon (12/13/2015) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll picture*"**
**anonymous rolled image**
i anal maturbated with soap later my **** felt like fire from orange juice earlyer and also from a tear in my asshole from going four fingers for first time...
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+8
User avatar #20 - jjvoodoo (12/13/2015) [-]
when i was 11 me and my cousin would feel each other up an go to second base with each other every time we saw each other for a year, were both adults now and have never talked about it
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+1
User avatar #22 to #20 - hektoroftroy (12/13/2015) [-]
are you a boy or girl though
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+1
User avatar #23 to #22 - jjvoodoo (12/13/2015) [-]
i'm a dude
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+3
User avatar #25 to #23 - hektoroftroy (12/13/2015) [-]
neat.
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+2
#79 to #20 - jdizzleoffthehizzl (12/13/2015) [-]
God damn you must be able to cut your tension with a knife
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+2
User avatar #80 to #79 - jjvoodoo (12/13/2015) [-]
not really, we just acted natural, plus i haven't seen her in half a year, she moved to Colorado
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+7
User avatar #139 - insominus (12/13/2015) [-]
Oh boy, here we go.

I went on masturbation hiatus for some time over the summer because I was travelling with my parents and brother, but when we finally got home. I needed some alone time to spank the monkey.

Of course, however, my mom insisted I came with her and my dad to an Ikea store. I didn't feel like walking around for ~30 minutes, so I stayed in the car, which was parked in one of those multi-level parking places, eventually I got really bored of browsing my phone and just decided to jack off and get ready of the extreme horniness in my body.

I went at it for at least an hour, at least my parents were delayed by something in the store so they didn't come back right away. I started by watching porn with my phone, but decided " **** it" because bad signal and just used my imagination.

As I said, I hadn't jacked off all summer, so when I came, it was like a jet, it went upwards, then arced and landed on my face. I quickly cleaned up because I saw my parents walking towards the car.

There was no jizz anywhere in the car or on my face, but when my parents got in the car and started to pull out, I looked up and realized that there had been a lady sitting in the car across from me the whole time.

She looked like she had seen things that should've never been seen by anyone.
Lady, if you're out there, I'm so sorry.

I know my brother browses FJ, and if he reads this, **** you
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