Why is this a thing?
Thorns In - The Glove You Can't Take Off
store.srulirecht.com/products/a-lasting-impression-is-sr341
The 2-part Galactic Cap system includes an adhesive base, which can be applied well in advance of sexy time. Not that this sounds particularly appealing, but days early even, as you can shower and pee and go about your normal non-penetration business with the base in place. The second Galactic Cap component, the cap, attaches to the base with a different high-tech adhesive, and creates a tight seal when scoring is imminent. Together, the parts still only cover the very tip of the penis, rather than the full shaft.
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Edible Anus artisan, preservative-free Belgian chocolates are handmade in the UK. The company claims its brown star mold comes from a sphincter model whose trunk is as fine as the chocolates themselves. They believe their anus range of confections can "dissolve cultural boundaries of race, gender, class, and sexual orientation." Well. They can certainly dissolve cultural boundaries of not licking an asshole in public.
edibleanus.com/
Light Up Pasties come in half a dozen different shapes and as many colors. The included batteries last over 20 hours and are replaceable when tapped. Sasswear also notes that their LEDs light up the pasties' entire surface area, and their rainbow flash of colors can be seen several blocks away. Like a Siren's song for the eyes. Pasties measure 2-1/2" in diameter.
www.amazon.com/dp/B00ILG9VYQ//ref=cm_sw_su_dp?tag=
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According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem tighty whiteys, make it simple for couples to give one another what they need. Just slip them on for both perpetual skin-to-skin contact, and instant elimination of alone time. Everyone's happy, and no one has to "talk about it" or "compromise." Fundies are recommended by 4 out of 5 therapists, and 5 out of 5 fans of the missionary position.
www.amazon.com/dp/B005288PW0//ref=cm_sw_su_dp?tag=
After the requisite 1 to 7 hours of LEGO assembly time, turn on this strip club's Foxy Blox light show, queue music, and tell those boxy bitches to lock on and get inverted. To show monetary appreciation for the LEGO ladies (and RonRonBurt) who back that azz up and drop it like it's hot, this classy establishment also comes with a few singles. And not just any singles, disproportionately large singles. Each $1 brick is at least the size of a stripper chick's leg, transparent F-me heels and all.
citizenbrick.com/products/the-citizen-brick-center-for-the-performing-arts
People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier, perhaps the most adept manipulator of Latex on the planet, crafts his newborn perversions by hand, signing and numbering each and shipping them off with a display stand. Because when you're not donning Disgusted Baby, Cry Baby, and Happy Baby on your head to offend and skeeve people out in the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot, they should be exhibited conspicuously on the fireplace mantel, where their sinister vibes will permeate your own soul as well.
www.hyperflesh.com/index.html
Dear god . . . why is this real.
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