Weeaboo Stories: Stalking My Best Mate. Apologies once again for my story telling skills. Additional story just because, and it involved Best Mate. After Gob ha
x
Click to expand

Weeaboo Stories: Stalking My Best Mate

Weeaboo Stories: Stalking My Best Mate. Apologies once again for my story telling skills. Additional story just because, and it involved Best Mate. After Gob ha

Apologies once again for my ****** story telling skills.

Additional story just because, and it involved Best Mate.

After Gob had been dumped by the only person to ever want to shag her (I'll tell that next, stay tuned for "Weeaboo Gets Laid") she was understandably upset, and sought to drown her sorrows. Best Mate and I were having a quiet evening in (his girlfriend had gone home, which was a shame) and we were just monging out, enjoying the peace. She comes blasting in about one in the morning, pissed as a fart. She stumbles into the front room and goes "I'm drunk, I'm going to bed." She promptly turns around and wanders off upstairs.
Fifteen minutes later, she comes down and tells us she's vomited in her bed.
Please bear in mind, this girl's bedroom was literally next door to the bathroom, and it was unoccupied at the time.
She insisted Best Mate come and help her clean it, and her up.
Despite my protestations that if she was sober enough to come downstairs and talk to us, she could have made it to the loo, Best Mate did it anyway, because he's one of the nicest blokes you'll ever meet.
I went to go help after having a fag and found him washing her hair, of all things. The look of revulsion on his face said it all; she'd come on to him again when he was trying to be a decent human being and help her out.

Links to other posts: funnyjunk.com/Weeaboo+Stories+An+Introduction/funny-pictures/5229327/
funnyjunk.com/Weeaboo+Stories+Assgate/funny-pictures/5229747/

Our dear moldybutt had a massive crush on my best friend. Considering
we (he and I) did almost everything together and were effectively
brother and sister, it made things awkward and annoying whenever she
was about. She would insist on watching whatever we were watching
with us, if we were out, she' d turn up at each of our hangouts, looking
for us, and she would try to get involved with our cooking, mainly to
snag herself some free dinner because she couldn' t be bothered to cook
for herself.
She tends to copy things I do, especially if it' s something that makes
my best mate laugh, or something we do together, like play Lego
Indianna Jones or something. If we go to the pub to escape her and the
other annoying housemates, she tries to snag herself an invite, and she
tries to coerce him into going places with her. It' s obvious, and
pathetic, and I feel very sorry for him.
If she ever caught the poor guy by himself, he was for it. She' d park her
fat arse on the sofa, and wriggle closer and closer until she was virtually
in his lap, and lean over slowly, with all the subtlety of a kick in the
nuts and try to snuggle. Now, he' s far too nice to say anything, he just
puts up with it.
I don' t. I once asked her what the hell she was playing at.
He' s just so kawaii! I' fancied him for ages and now I live with him,
this is my chance.'"
Gob, he' s got a girlfriend"
I know I know, but he' probably leave her soon, and I' ll be there to
comfort him!”
As opposed to his best mate?"
Don' t be such a baka.' He won' t be able to resist me."
Please note, Gob is overweight to the point of getting out of breath
when she walks up stairs, she has a very unfortunate face, and she has
the likeability of a rabid spider, due to her constant talking and
interrupting. My best mate' s girlfriend, on the other hand, is clever,
pretty and just the sweetest thing. They' re completely in love and are
the most amazing couple.
The first time he bought his girlfriend over, the three of us hung out in
the kitchen, alternately cooking, smoking and drinking, and generally
having a good time.
Gob wandered in every five minutes or so, barging into conversations
and trying to stand between Best Mate and his girl. He and I have
learned to be as as is humanly possible when it comes to
her so she ***** off quickly, but sadly, Girlfriend hadn' t experienced
this before, and Gob was as intrusive as you can possibly get without
physically invading a body.
Best Mate made his excuses and went out of the kitchen for a time, and
Gob took her chance. I was outside having a smoke, and she thought
she was alone with Girlfriend.
Soomo how good is he in bed?"
Pardon?"
Like does he have a big cock? Does he know how to use it?"
I can almost hear her getting turned on.
You can tell me, I' m your friend. Besides, I should know!”
Wait, what?
We dated once you know, ages ago, and we had the most amazing sex.
We even did the reverse cowgirl." I could almost hear her winking and
leering. "He professed his undying love to me, but I am an independent
woman, and I love to be single, so I broke up with him, even though he
was totally an otaku for mel"
Poor Girlfriend sounded very awkward, so I finished my cig and
wandered back into the kitchen, just as Best Mate came back too
Oh hey buddy, I didn' t know you dated Gob before Girlfriend"
WHAT" He looks utterly shocked, and a little ill
Yeah, apparently you had a lot of sex and you were madly in love with
Gob' s gone bright red by this point and looks like she' s about to pop.
Best Mate didn' t know what to do, except grab his girlfriend and leave.
Gob didn' t speak to me for weeks after that. I should have done it more
often, it was utter bliss.
...
  • Recommend tagsx
+943
Views: 68897 Favorited: 120 Submitted: 07/23/2014
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to BerryLicious submit to reddit

Comments(236):

[ 236 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#14 - dezzyman (07/23/2014) [+] (5 replies)
stickied by BerryLicious
Gob's fw your best mate comes over.
Gob's fw your best mate comes over.
User avatar #144 - BerryLicious (07/23/2014) [+] (3 replies)
stickied by BerryLicious
#10 - Bruceman (07/23/2014) [+] (4 replies)
These are class, we need a picture of Gob though. Pic is what I'm picturing for the time being
User avatar #45 - dndxplain (07/23/2014) [+] (3 replies)
"how big is his cock"
"we totally dated"
#122 - thelastelephant (07/23/2014) [+] (3 replies)
>He's so kawaii
>Don't be such a baka
>He was totally otaku for me

These sentence fragments make my brain cringe.
Please, more.
#78 - baconface (07/23/2014) [-]
"Don't be such a baka!"
"Don't be such a baka!"
#6 - yuvesh (07/23/2014) [+] (6 replies)
these stories are pretty good, im looking forward to the next one
these stories are pretty good, im looking forward to the next one
#16 - mcsalvador (07/23/2014) [+] (4 replies)
I haven't felt this disgusted and cringey since reading the epic cringe god stories.
More, please
#62 - fuckallthelobsters (07/23/2014) [+] (8 replies)
i have a similar annoyance. my associates and i call her cubby. backstory time as to why i hate her so much
>be me, 6th grade
>rarely see dad because he works in a different state
>he comes to visit for christmas
>we go on a road trip and he buys me a belt (i know it's not much but still)
>fast forward a few weeks and i wear the belt to school
>cubby is a friend of a friend who sits at my lunch table
>regularly brags about how her mom owns a yacht (yet she goes to a public school)
>also brags about her boyfriend
>brings a picture of someone's toe as "evidence" because no one believes her
>also has annoying habit of copying my manner of speaking, jokes, the whole nine yards
>but i'm nice to everyone by default, so when she asks to trade belts for the day, i agree
>at the end of the day, i give her belt back, but she refuses to give me mine, saying that she already did
>i know she's full of **** , but i don't call her out on it (i don't remember why. this was years ago. probably because i hate conflict)
>next day, i ask her again and she avoids me for the rest of the year, which at that point i couldn't give less of a **** about
>this is just the genesis of my hatred for the one known as cubby
>pic related, it's the spawn of satan herself


User avatar #82 - SuperSixONE (07/23/2014) [+] (43 replies)
I know a guy just like that, and tries to copy me too. I'll keep it short because I'm typing this on my phone. The guy is also a ham planet, and the dumbest person I know. He claims he's suicidal, but really isn't, and once to show how hardcore he is, he attempted cutting his wrists by taking a sharp rock and pushing it into the top of his hand, leaving a small white mark. He preaches far right beliefs to the extreme, and truly thinks that J.P. Morgan sunk the Titanic for insurance money. Once in school, when we read Animal Farm, he watched the ****** animated move after being told not to because it will ruin the book, and spoiled the whole book for everyone. About the copying thing, it really creeps me the **** out. At the start of the year I was nice to him to see if he would come out of his shell. He took that as me being his best friend. He gets haircuts whenever I get haircuts down to the same day, and once I got a haircut before a party from the school that he wasn't at, he doesn't go to any parties with some excuses, so yeah, I got a haircut and he didn't see me the day I got it and for a week or so after, and the day he saw me he got a haircut. That happened 5 times so far. Then he started dressing like me. I have like three blue flannel plaid jackets that I wore, it was my thing, he got a blue plaid flannel jacket and wore the same one every day. I lost my **** and confronted him about it. I could get into that idk if anyone wants to hear about it. Once he watched the Godfather, and after that he did everything related to the, like doing an accent too. All the time. He even did all his writing assignments in the Godfather font. He found an old fedora, and crappily wrapped ELECTRICAL TAPE around it. And wore that every day. He really likes war stuff to he point if every recess marching around, trying to whistle, and exhaling loudly to act like many people whistle. But this is nothing. If you wanna hear more like when he tried to beat me up, just let me know.
#23 - chimichanganom (07/23/2014) [+] (13 replies)
Gob is naaaaasty
Gob is naaaaasty
#150 - sciencexplain (07/23/2014) [-]
****		, this one had me infuriated. You might be an irritating whaleaboo, and that is potentially not the worst, but as soon as you go up to someone's girlfriend or boyfriend and talk about what you did with them before, even if it is making it up, you're the ultimate cunt that deserves having their veins torn from their body one by one. I'm 			*******		 vexed now.
**** , this one had me infuriated. You might be an irritating whaleaboo, and that is potentially not the worst, but as soon as you go up to someone's girlfriend or boyfriend and talk about what you did with them before, even if it is making it up, you're the ultimate cunt that deserves having their veins torn from their body one by one. I'm ******* vexed now.
#155 - mossycabbages (07/23/2014) [-]
>Don't be such a baka
Please help there's nowhere for my brain to hide
#135 - turdparty ONLINE (07/23/2014) [+] (2 replies)
This is so horrifying yet entertaining keep posting
This is so horrifying yet entertaining keep posting
#146 - skiskate (07/23/2014) [-]
MFW

I have not cringed this hard in months
User avatar #108 - ieatbengay (07/23/2014) [+] (2 replies)
unrelated but

does anyone have the comic when there's people on a train, and this guy asks everyone what there favourite number is and he says they're 'weak' because they're low numbers, then 1 guy has a number bigger than his and the girl goes for him instead

#51 - mrsnowballs (07/23/2014) [-]
These are almost as good as the Beta Cringe God stories. Keep 'em coming, they're great
These are almost as good as the Beta Cringe God stories. Keep 'em coming, they're great
#161 - squidamon (07/23/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I would like to personally apologize to the entirety of Japanese culture for this woman's lexicon.
#142 - Byte (07/23/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I can't read any more of these.
I can't read any more of these.
#9 - isaiahrossdaboss (07/23/2014) [-]
Best friend 's FW he hears they dated
[ 236 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)