Assgots was a story told to me by one of my friends, who was
there when it happened. This isn’ t in relation to her anime
obsessed antics, but more cringeworthy tale of social faux pas.
Myself and my Uni social group were down the pub, enjoying
the last social event of the academic year. Being a little
strapped for cash and not wanting to get a taxi back, my Best
Mate and I left early, leaving most of my mates behind, and the
Weeaboo. Who Pm going to start calling The Gob, because her
weeaboo traits are only one of the things that are really
The next morning, I was greeted by a text from my friend, who
we' ll call Alice, begging me to phone her when I got the
message. I did, and was told a story that still makes me want to
The Gob had been drinking a lot. She doesn’ t know how to
handle her drink whatsoever, despite three years at university
and much "practice". She tends to copy a lot of what I do (for
reasons Pl! never know) and that includes trying to follow me
regardless of the fact I have rather a tolerance
for booze. She' d already embarrassed herself by walking up on
stage while the new committee candidates were giving their
speeches (we do our elections at the pub, bite me) and
throwing out her arms, looking at the audience, a shit eating
grin on her face as if to say "look at me, Pm phenomenal". She
was met with deafening silence and had the good grace to look
a little embarrassed.
She was shitfaced, and when The Gob gets shitfaced, she gets
horny. It' s not a pretty sight to see.
There was a guy there, who hadn' t come to our society before
It’ s a music one). And was visiting a mate, who happens to be
Whenever this poor cunt tried to talk to his mate, or any other
female in the room, for that matter, she was rubbing up against
his hip, putting her arm round him and slithering about,
believing, I imagine, that she looked like one of those slinky
beautiful women you see in adverts. He didn' t know where to
Then she began insisting that she has a nice arse.
Grab it! Go on, have a feel, it' s amazing!” She was turning
around and grabbing handfuls of her own cheeks, woefully
dressed in too short shorts that only just managed to squeeze
her fat in. She virtually backed this lad into a corner, insisting
that he grab her bum, all the while flicking her hair about and
trying to squeeze nonresistant tits together. Apparently Alice
tried to save him by taking one for the team and grabbing the
of doom herself, but to no avail. The Gob simply
used it as a reason for a hot young man to touch her arse.
She' s done it now! Have a go!”
He made his excuses and went to the loo, most likely to throw
Eventually, the time came to catch the last train, or get a taxi.
The chap made the mistake of mentioning to Gob he was
getting a train, and she insisted that she' d wait with him.
We' not heard from him since.